Locked outside

Arrange your partner to lock you outside the house from time to time to allow you to kick at the door and shout through the letterbox.

Set your hi-fi’s normal level to loud with a CD permanently inside so that everytime you switch it on it will give instant loud music so that you can then appear to care when you turn it down to an irritating level.

Because you never seem to work you can always catch your neighbour as he comes in from a hard days slog so you can greet him with some great banging tunes.

Never sleep so you can make the most of annoying your neighbour at any time of day and night……. why not when a lot of other services are going 24/7.

If you find yourself sleeping at all this can be solved by taking drugs.

Get over excited by weekends and public holidays even though you don’t work. Show your festive spirit by partying even harder.

When friends or relatives call by insist they park their cars in front of your neighbours drives and block them in. Of course your drive will be clear even though you won’t be going anywhere “cos you got visitors”!

Sometimes play loud music and then turn the TV up louder so you can hear the it above the loud music, somehow this enhances the drug experience.

Submitted by: Eckie