Produce a brood

Produce a brood of snivelling, obnoxious kids. You don’t have to care about them, just throw them out into the street to annoy others.

Never tell them to be in at a certain time, instead shout their names at the top of your lungs being sure to include obscenities to describe the manner in which you wish them to return home.

Buy them the noisiest toys, mini-bikes and scooters are an excellent choice.

Be prepared for complaints so practice your filthiest language to use against complainers. You can pretend to care about your offspring at this point, declaring that little Darren or Tracy are totally innocent of any misdoing.

Never expect your brats to have an early bedtime, be prepared to scream obscenities at them when you wish them to stop annoying you (annoying other people is obviously permitted).

And don’t forget the more you breed the more Child Benefit you get to use in the local hostelries and gambling establishments.

Bring home a new ‘uncle’ at least once a month. This gives you a double benefit of screaming your personal details at him whilst arguing and keeping your annoying little brats out of the house because they can’t stand him.

Submitted by: Mistyeyeddreamer