(Submitted by: Eeyores Mam)

You threw cake at my cat said a drunken old man,
“We didn’t.” “ You did” slurreth he.
Attack and throw veg and bottles of pop
Revenge is mine sayeth he .

His wife challenged us re the bottles of pop,
Rolling down their roof, then a thud,
Are they yours? Did you throw them? When will it stop?
Or the veg will be more than a spud.

For years we had veg of varying sorts,
Onions, tomatoes many or few,
My nice neighbour once asked, in a very loud voice,
For turnip and carrots for stew.

His doors they did slam and the TV turned up,
He forgot to turn it down –
In our garden my neighbour and I had a pen,
And paper to do words in Countdown.

As the years rolled on his aim became worse,
So he built a path in his lawn –
One day while with friends in my lounge there’s a thud,
And a very large onion is borne.

To the midst of the lawn – We stared and then laughed,
It sat there all large and round,
Where did it come from? We knew, yes we knew,
When his door was banged. What a sound!

My nice neighbour once told me she knew it was me,
Who had thrown some veg in her patio,
By the angle it landed, l could have thrown it,
If I’d hung from my chimney to throw.

Sometimes we’d laugh ‘cos we needed relief,
Tomatoes hitting the wall,
“Put it down” I say to dog who is eating the thing,
It’s evidence not a ball.

Alas he did die. Did we mourn? Did we not,
We sighed and hoped for the best.
The new neighbours are great, they chat and are nice,
And now we hope we can all rest.

The closing date for the NFHiB Forum Poem Competition was November 22nd 2004.

The Remit was: 1. Poems to be kept to a maximum of 250 words. 2. The competition was open to members of the NFHiB Forum Community only. 3. Poems to describe a past or current Neighbour From Hell (NFH) or the feelings, circumstances around a ‘NFH’ etc.