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  • Work in an office?

    This is dedicated to anyone who works in an office....here are the rules



    THE RULES





    1. Never walk without a document in your hands



    People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.



    2. Use computers to look busy



    Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.Â* You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caughtÂ* -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.



    3. Messy desk



    Top management can get away with a clean desk.Â* For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.



    4. Voice Mail



    Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.Â*



    5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed



    Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.



    6. Leave the office late



    Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.



    7. Creative Sighing for Effect



    Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.



    8. Stacking Strategy



    It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).



    9. Build Vocabulary



    Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.



    10. Have 2 Jackets



    If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere



    11. MOST IMPORTANT:Â*



    DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake




  • #2
    :lol: :hihi:



    You have me described perfectly, down to a tee!!!!!



    and i dont even care!!!!!! har har





    :P :P
    http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



    I decree today that life

    Is simply taking and not giving

    England is mine - it owes me a living

    But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

    Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




    Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



    I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



    "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



    The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



    An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



    Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



    Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



    There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



    Carpe Diem



    Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

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    • #3
      That sums it up perfectly!

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      • #4


        Is that a joke?



        Sounds like reality for me :sad: I don't even have to pretend!!! :lol:



        Nobody can get round my desk for all the piles of stuff - this year's, last years, the year before :blink: Honest!!



        Heehehehehee :lol:

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        • #5
          Great stuff



          4. Voice Mail



          Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.Â*


          Got me rumbled here :P . Amazing too that you can totally ignore some so called important messages and never hear from the peron who left the message again!



          Same goes for e-mail. I ignore some and never hear further!!!
          "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"

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          • #6
            Brilliant B.C.! :lol: :hihi:



            I do quite a few of those things with no effort at all!!! And my desk/surrounding qrea is exactly as described!



            sapph

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            • #7
              Thanks for the tips



              :lol:

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