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Christmas Pressie For Your NFH

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  • Christmas Pressie For Your NFH

    The Festive Season is almost upon us :newyear: and the shopping is getting into full swing. I'm sure that your NFH must have at least one friend that will be buying a pressie for them ( :unsure: !!).

    So my question is, what presents would you like your NFH to receive this year.

    My ex-NFH could really do with a pooper-scooper, in the hope that she'd start using it every day and I'd like someone to buy her a new dressing gown, so she stops subjecting everyone to the green/blue flannel nightmare that she currently has.

    As for my male NFH, I'd like him to get a really interesting picture book in the hope that he'd find something else to look at (other than his poor neighbours).

  • #2
    I'd like Osama Bin Laden to send them a nice chrissy card containing a few grains of ricin or anthrax perhaps (as long as it can only be contained up their nostrils). :lol:

    Failing that, some nice plain towels and sheets to replace their horrid chintzy, washed out orangey grey articles which they are keen to have flapping in the breeze. :frown:

    Oddly enough, Mrs NFH needs a new Dressing Gown too - moth eaten old pink thing of hers needs burying... :hihi:

    Mr NFH could do with some of those blinker things that horses have to wear when they're racing.


    • #3
      Perfect Christmas Presents for the NFH:

      1. The NFH Tenant: Receives an eviction notice with a strict 24 hour period to get out, stay out and never come within a 200 mile radius of the NFH victims or vicinity ever again.

      2. The NFH Home Owner: Receives a forced-sale notice. They must move within 3 days and sell to the lowest bidder. They must then move out of the county and also stay at least 100 miles away, preferably leaving the country.

      As stocking-fillers, both NFH receive notices that they must profusely apologise and attempt to 'make good' the NFH damage they have done to their sufferers before they leave.


      Any more anyone? :hihi:


      • #4
        I think all my NFH (yes there's a few of them ) deserve a holiday. I'd like to buy them all a one way ticket to Afghanistan. I'm sure that the Afghan warlords would know how to deal with them :P

        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


        • #5
          "So my question is, what presents would you like your NFH to receive this year."

          Quite simple and old fashioned.

          Custard Pie, in the face, deliverd by me.

          and then;

          God's in his heaven and all's right with the world.

          Merry Christmas one and all.


          • #6

            I hope my NFH gets a NFH of their own (nasty and more obnoxious than

            they are).



            • #7

              Last Xmas we put up decorations with lights which really upset NFH.

              They nearly fell over themsleves. It was very funny.



              • #8
                Cordless headphones (for NFH and anyone who enters the NFH home.

                A quiet escalator which doesn't permit jumping on or off.

                Kitchen cupboard doors and drawers that gently and quietly close.

                Doors that ease shut without a sound.

                And a For Sale sign so that the NFH can move somewhere nicer and bl**dy well annoy someone else instead. :angry:


                • #9

                  id send my ex NFH a set of nets for her kitchen and bathroom so the estate would no longer be subjected to the sight of them prancing around in the buff.

                  or send in the terminator to spend the day with them...:lara:

                  I decree today that life

                  Is simply taking and not giving

                  England is mine - it owes me a living

                  But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                  Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr

                  Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno

                  I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar

                  "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson

                  The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward

                  An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter

                  Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron

                  Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb

                  There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

                  Carpe Diem

                  Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


                  • #10
                    I actually gave my NFH a present her first year here. Her kitchen window blew through and we couldn't contact them over the holidays, so I went ( with a broken elbow) across and tarped over the gaping hole to save her more storm damage. My thanks ? She accused me of breaking in and bursting her pipes in the attic.

                    Now I hope her blinking (what restraint) house falls down around her ears....

                    'And if the elevator tries to break you down..... Go Crazy..'