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  • Why ?


    I have always been told "measure once cut twice". I have tried and tried again to follow this principle.

    I get bits of wood, measure it, not once, not twice, but b****dy hundreds of times, cut it all to size, and screw it all together. When I stand back and admire my handy work it always looks like a bag of s**t.

    No matter how many books I read, how much time I take, my handy work always ends up looking looking wonkie, not straight, uneven, basically c**p.

    Is there some magic key to it all that only a select few have privie to or am I missing something ?


  • #2




    • #3

      Flat packs, I wish. I’m actually not too bad with these. It’s anything that requires a straight line, accurate measuring or a neat finish where I fall over.

      We bought a semi derelict railway cottage and after enduring months chasing around after builders, plumbers, joiners and various other tradesmen, I thought “s*d this, it doesn’t look that hard, I’ll do it myself”.Over six years later and I'm still at it.

      The work that was required is far too extensive to list but I will try to list a few of my diy gems to give you a better picture.

      I put in a stud partition. I measured and remeasured all the bits of 4 by 2, even offering up the plaster board to them as I went. Did the plaster board fit when I was finished? No.

      I built a wall, put in all the plumb lines, used a spirit level, is it straight? No,

      I knocked though into one of the out houses to put in a new bathroom. It needed a new floor putting in, from the joists up. Is it straight and level? No. Is the bath, sink and toilet level? No. Was all the pipes water tight? No. We fitted the new bath at least half a dozen times before we could get it water tight. Are the tiles straight in this bathroom? No. Does the new window open properly? No.

      We built a new porch. I attempted to fit the roof. I must have read every single book that was ever written about roofs. Is it straight? No. We measured and measured the roof for the tiles, did we order enough? No. I fitted the door and frame in the porch, is it water tight? No.

      I laid a patio, is it level? I could go on and on but the point is that no matter how many times I measure up, no matter how many books I read on the subject I just haven’t got it. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I rush or take my time the end result is always the same. A bag of s**te

      As I write this I am watching Tommy Walsh on the discovery channel make it all look so easy.


      • #4
        hi Kev

        we have the same problem....

        guess what?

        the plaster and wood work are totally straight.............the house is not!!!!

        if you have a wonky house like me you need to adjust your lines a bit, wall paper never looks straight in my home.

        120 year old terraced house!


        • #5
          Our house is the same, relatively new (if about 30 years is new) - I don`t think any corners here are 90 degrees. And the ceiling outside the bathroom upstairs has a 3 mm gap between itself and the actual wall it`s supposed to be supported on! Holy Levitation, Batman.