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Self pitying rant

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  • Self pitying rant

    I just had to write this.

    Look at the time! I just can’t sleep and this time it’s not the NFH who are keeping me awake. Actually, indirectly I suppose it is. I heard tonight that my friend who lives opposite me has decided to move. She and her family have had enough, they can’t take any more from the yobs. Of all the things that have happened over the years, this is the one that has depressed me almost to the point of suicide. No, it’s ok, I won’t do it, I’ll just think about it. But I wouldn’t complain if I go to sleep tonight (this morning) and never wake up. (Do they have a complaints department in the after-life?)

    We’ve been friends for about 20 years. Not the sort of friends that do things together, or share family occasions, but we know if one of us needs a shoulder to cry on, or if we need anything, the other will be there. One of the reasons we’re not in and out of each other’s houses very much is that we both hate to cross the green while the ‘Midwitch cuckoos’ stare at us. We like each other, respect each other and share the same set of values. You know, the old fashioned ones,. She’s saved my sanity on countless occasions when the yobs have been at their worse.

    Over the last 20 years some families have left and usually when you ask why, you get the same reply, ‘We just can’t take any more’. And who moves in to take the place of these good, decent, considerate families? You’ve got it! NFH! It’s not just any old NFH, oh no. We get colonised by related NFH. Once they move in, they think they own the place. Their kids run rampant through gardens, take over the green area bring all their little pals and cousins in too. This is their little domain and everybody must bow to their wishes. Of course the ones who have moved have been tenants; home owners are trapped! Nobody wants to buy houses in these greens and closes except private landlords who buy them for rock bottom prices and then fill them with unsuspecting tenants or tenants with a lot in common with the sitting NFH. Or maybe they’ll lease them out to private care homes for young delinquents. (Now there’s a nice little earner if you can get it) The house next door to me went up for auction about three years ago, it went for £7,500! The same house in a different part of the estate would fetch at least £30,000

    You could walk into our green most days, (such as today) and you would think it was a quiet place. Maybe one or two kids kicking a ball around. But come back in the evening, when the sun is setting and just like vampires they emerge. They come from all over, they come in all shapes, sizes , sexes and ages.

    Want to watch tv? You’ll have to close the windows because you won’t hear a thing over their noise. Want to go for a walk? Be prepared to walk the gauntlet of hate. There’s only one way in and out of the green and that’s where they congregate. You’ll have to walk past them, an intimidating thing, even for an adult. And don’t dare say anything to them if you value your windows. Or maybe they’ll run home and tell mummy, that fishwife, who will come out screaming like a banshee and accuse you of paedophilia. Of course her little darling NEVER does anything wrong. Or you might be lucky enough to have an NFH living right next door to you. Oh the joy of slammed doors at all hours of the night, the sound of young footsteps thundering up and down the stairs as NFH son brings all the yobs in for a party.

    The police might come out if called. They’ll stay in the safety of their little cars, do a circuit of the green and speed off to another call from a frustrated citizen. Of, they might get out of their cars and join in a game of footy with the kids. The HA have a strategy to deal with NFH and their antisocial kids. From what I can gather is consists of endless warnings. I’ve been told that they’ve evicted some tenants, but because of ‘confidentiality’ they won’t tell you who or how many. Convenient, this ‘confidentiality’, don’t you think? Yes, I do know they said they were seeking to evict one troublesome tenant in the green, but the judge decided he would give the miscreant another chance. He actually mended his ways…….for all of a few weeks. Well, no, actually, a few days after his court case he decided to take some furniture out into the middle of the green and have a bonfire - oh, that delighted the little yobs no end. He also decided to redecorate his home, so he stripped the wallpaper off the walls and guess where it ended up? Right, floating around on the wind, all over the green.

    So, here I am, almost 3am, trapped in a web of antisocial behaviour and rock bottom property prices! Unable to sleep, but desperate to get up early in the morning to phone the HA man before he goes out on his calls to see if he’s going to help me. Doesn’t the European Convention on Human Rights ban all forms of torture? Isn’t prolonged mental anguish, caused by yobs, torture? Doesn’t it say I have a right to enjoy my home and property? Oh, of course it does, but then for me to do that I’d have to make the NFH behave and they would get legal aid and sue me because I was spoiling their fun and violating their right to behave exactly as they please. Unlike them, my husband works and pays taxes so they can get legal aid and we can’t. Unlike them my husband observes the law of the land and doesn’t deal in drugs or commit crimes and neither do any of my children.

    It’s a funny old world, innit?

    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

  • #2
    Hiya Misty,

    Sorry you had a bad night with even worse news. I haven't read up about your personal situation, but is letting your house an option? You could get a lettings management company to manage everything, you needn't have any involvement once you're out of there.

    If you're working, might it be possible to part-ex your house with a builder and a new home? I know several members of the forum did this (Badger bought one), and I know its horrible for the folk buying it in the future, but it sounds as though your support base is rapidly diminishing and it feels as though you've hit a low point. In this case, its self-preservation i think.



    • #3
      Misty, I concur with Gordy. Reading your post and the feeling of despair was upsetting, and this is before your good neighbour/friend has moved. I dread to think of what will happen when she finally goes.

      I think every effort should be made to get out. Try ringing some housing associations in the area and see if they would be interested in buying your property. Or discuss the situation with the HA guy you're already in contact with. There has to be a way out of this for you. Your situation is appalling and for the sake of your health you MUST get out. Your opening few paragraphs of your post say it all. If you've got to thinking like that ......


      • #4
        [/I]Misty, I get so angry reading your posts, I want to go out and do something, I want to tell the world what the ****** hell is happening and how people like us are brickwalled. The frustration I feel sometimes drives me to insanity. If this isn't a prime example of the 'proper channels' not working I don't know what is.

        I've often had that feeling of not wanting to wake up also, you just want it all to go away and not have to physically and mentally [I]deal[I] with it anymore. It's a constant battle and struggle and I like you are sick of having to deal with it.

        Mistey, now that you're friend is moving, how feasible is it for you to look at getting out? You need to look at your options and put them against your quality of life. Losing money on a house sale I know is (or rather the yobs and the LA is) cheating you out of what you've worked hard for - but you only get one life Misty, you'll never have this time again. This time of fret and worry and anger, is YOUR LIFE at the moment and is losing money on a house sale worth a big chunk of your life being ruined? I like you have mild agoraphobia - and when you said a few days ago you couldn't get out of the house to get some milk for your tea - boy did I understand that. But time is precious Mistey, it's going, second by second as I write this. If there are any possibilities of getting out, any at all, please look at them. Don't turn your life over to these thugs and an ineffectual LA, who will serve the local thuggery but not you and your family, who do work and do abide by the rules of common decency.

        I would say enough is enough. Is it time maybe to cut your losses for the sake of the rest of your life? Imagine being there ten years hence. I don't know enough about these matters to advise but how about selling (okay at a massive loss, but the alternative is living amidst the uncontrolled yobs) and going into private rented accomodation? It's a leap I know, and a leap you don't want to do for many reasons, but sometimes you just have to take that leap.

        Mistey, that place isn't going to get any better...

        If I was nearer (and not ill) I'd get on a train.




        • #5
          aww im sorry that u had a bad night sleep, i know exactly how u feel.

          its gonna be sad if your nice neighbour moves, mine did move too, but we keep in touch and im going to hers today for lunch with the kids, even it she moves it doesnt mean that you cant keep in touch the phone is always there.

          take care and i hope you are feeling better soon, i know its hard.



          • #6
            Thanks Gordytig, Jeannie and Spinky

            Sheesh, I'm crying now Spinky, what you said is right, I've wasted enough of my life trying to fight this. Tonight I am going to sit down with Hubby and family and work out a plan to get out of this hell-hole!!

            Hubby is the kind who is TERRIFIED of getting into financial hassle. Heck, something happened a few years ago that meant we had to re-mortgage and that really was the noose around our necks!. But it will also mean upheaval for my daughter, next door. I couldn't leave her to face all the consequences alone.

            I'm just terrified of finding ourselves homeless, we haven't got a huge mortgage but then hubby hasn't got a huge wage. It's all relative, isn't it? I suppose I've been so busy all these years trying to live with all this that I've lost the mental capacity to work out a way to escape it. I've been so busy trying to hide away from it that I've become a prisoner of my own mind. I've allowed myself to become afraid!

            I've talked myself into thinking there is no escape, when really, I could just walk out anytime, with a millstone of debt around my neck, granted. But it's not going to get any better, it's just going to get worse! Even when it looks like things are getting better the HA move in yet another yob family. It's not their fault, they are obliged to house people but I wish they'd vet them a bit better. Maybe they've decided our green is now going to be the dumping ground.

            Funny thing happened this morning. I went out to get the bin in after the binmen had emptied it. There was a group of kids on the green playing football. I saw them watching me. Then I went inside, around the back through my daughter's back gate to get her bin in. By the time I did that, they'd all disappeared. I wonder if I scared them? I doubt it

            Thanks for all your wonderful moral support, it's so much appreciated, you wouldn't believe.

            "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


            • #7
              Thanks SallyAnn,

              Yes, there is always the phone, but it's not the same. I suppose I've been using M as a security blanket, she's always been there when I've needed a shoulder to cry on and just knowing I can run over to her's if something happens has been like a life line to me.

              My sister just phoned, she lives in another part of the estate in a close that has had a terrible reputation in the past, but the thing is, almost all the problem families have gone from there and the neighbours that are left are the salt of the earth. If I was a tenant I'd be putting in for a transfer there.

              Oh, well, back to the grind.

              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


              • #8
                No problem Misty, here always

                Reading over a few of the postings recently, i notice many folk are deciding to sell up and go. I think what Spinky says is VERY true - for my part, I realised that I would end up as the rest of my (nice) neighbours have - paranoid, anxious and afraid - I'm only 35! and don't want this to become my life. Plus, I always one to take a risk or two, just to see what would happen

                Odd, I only had one or two erm, "exchanges" with my NFH to realise just what was about to come in the next few years, so one day, I literally woke up and thought "I'm leaving, had enough of this, time to get out into the world and be happy" - cannot guarantee that a change of location will do this, but hey, small steps in the right direction.

                Like you, my greatest fear - homelessness, and here I am intentionally doing that (when i think about this, it highlights that I am brave, confident and willing to take it onto myself to do something) - six months ago I would have lay all night, crying, tossing and turning, wondering miserably "whats to become of me?"

                WAHEYY MISTY - YOU GO GIRL!!!


                • #9
                  Misty I am so sorry your having such a bad time, I should come by more often but I sometimes can't put my feelings into words, so I sit in my bedroom alone feeling frustrated.

                  One thing I keep hearing though is, all of us good neighbours get to the point that we feel like moving, why should we have to go through all that stress and have to move, I know sometimes it the only option left but it makes me so mad (sorry I am starting to rant now)

                  I hope you get a good nights sleep soon


                  • #10
                    Sue and Dawnie, thanks

                    Dawnie, it's good to see you again, how are things going with you?

                    I tried to have a talk with hubby tonight - he says we just can't afford to rent another place, I told him, simple, we'll just have to declare bankrupcy!! Actually, its not as easy as that, is it? I once said we should just move and leave the keys with the building society but someone warned me against that.

                    The tent in the field idea is starting to look more tempting by the minute Oh, well, I'll give the HA another try in the morning, see if they can give me some hope.

                    Thanks again to everybody

                    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                    • #11
                      Poor poor Misty, i feel for you stuck in that hell hole, yes we are moving, house is also up for sale, but to move we had to spend the cash we had saved up for our old age, so we could live okay, have a car, go on holiday, but just 1 NFH made our lives horrible, i think the police has spoken to them as they are very quiet no hard footballs against the fence or even over the fence, but i can hear loads of kids playing, yelling etc and they dont bother me but when i hear the kids from NFH i feel ill, really ill, i would rather live in poverty than live well here with that SC*M at the back.


                      • #12
                        I have to think of my daughter, April. She has muscular dystrophy and although she's fiercely independent, I remember what it was like when she lived in another part of the city. Hubby would get a call late at night, she'd heard something and was scared there was someone in the house, or the local yobs would be throwing stuff at her windows (Cost her £100 one time to have the front window replaced after they smashed it). Hubby would have go over there and stay the night. It was awful.

                        So when she managed to get next door it was great. But she's gradually getting worse, physically and can't move around very fast. It takes her ten minutes to get upstairs at night, and if she has a fall, which she does frequently she's unable to get up by herself or she has to wait for her nerves to start working again (resolution time, might be up to fifteen minutes). So if we move we've got to take her needs into consideration.

                        Just one more thing sent to try us

                        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                        • #13
                          Hi Misty, my heart really goes out to you.

                          I think sometimes men (some, not all) find it hard to understand the anxiety and stress

                          that you go through, especially when they're working all somehow just doesn't affect some men, in the same way it does us.

                          Would it be possible for you to get another house with your daughter? I can understand her wanting her independence, but sharing more for financial reasons?

                          You seem to be a lovely gentle person, and maybe not getting your point across to hubby, about just how bad things are, and that its not really a case of "can't", its a case of have to.

                          He might need a gentle kick up the backside!


                          • #14
                            Sombruiel and Tina, thanks

                            I feel a bit better today I've just spoken to the nice HA man and emailed him my 'informal log'. He said he is still trying to speak to the tenant who was supposed to turn up for an appointment on Tuesday but didn't. He's issued him with an official warning and he says he is going to come round today to see if he can have a word with the tenant as well. Oh, I do hope he's here soon then he can hear the music blasting out!

                            I've got a feeling that there's some scam being pulled here. I overheard a conversation the first day they moved in - one person was saying 'He'd be on the streets if it wasn't for you'. Now I'm suspicious that the father has got the house for the son. I've not seen the father or the little son for over two weeks, maybe they never intended to live there at all. Or it could be my wildly over suspicious mind working overtime

                            Also, hubby has a day off today so I'm not alone. He's busy cutting the grass but I'll sit him down later and we'll have a good talk about finding a solution to our problems.

                            Thanks to everybody for all the support and morale boosting. It really does make a difference being able to talk here. You're the greatest group of people ever

                            "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                            • #15
                              Does your daughter own her house too.[/b]

                              No, April, that's one good thing, she rents from a private landlord so it would be a lot easier for her to move.

                              But as things are looking promising on the next door NFH, I think we might wait and see for a while.

                              They're all outside now, so hopefully there will be a few more complaints by Monday and the HA will HAVE to do something.

                              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi