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  • Effects of NFH terrorism on children, teens and th

    Hi,



    I thought it would be timely to remind people that if you are in

    a no-win situation with a NFH, please consider any decision to

    tough it out may have adverse affects on family members.

    Moving after years of NFH does not automatically fix the problems

    NFH can cause with regards to the trauma caused over years

    of NFH terrorism. Trauma to the young and old can lead to

    physical problems that even experts have trouble dealing with

    as well as hypervigilance and detrimental effects to studies

    (Post traumatic stress disorders etc making it hard for students

    to study so major steps have to be taken such as deferring

    studies). Effects on old people can be caused such as fear and

    confusion and not being able to understand the NFH behaviour

    if they haven't experienced it before. Walking away from a bad

    situation earlier rather than later can be the wisest but hardest move.

    Take it from me, who fought for my home and garden of over

    18 years and who now has to watch two other affected people

    try and re-establish a semblance of a normal life (one is still suffering

    periods of hyper vigilance and depression and the other has

    to be carefully monitored). I hope NFH's like mine

    go back to hell where they came from.



    Melanie :nfh1:

  • #2
    You are very right -



    I'd never been able to put a word to it, but 'hypervigilance' is spot on - I'd just thought I was getting a bit paranoid...



    It drives me nuts that I have been driven to behave like that, but slowly it's going away.



    Hope it will for you too.



    Mazza



    :nfh1:

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Mel



      good to see you again



      you are so right, the after effects are amazing



      there are no kids involved in our situation but after over a year now of |NFH going we still jump at the slighest sound



      still cant sleep at home unless I have got the telly on quiet, we had to have the telly on at night to drown them out



      still worry that I might bump into "her" in town, and have her recognise me



      I am super sensitive to noise and found I now complain quicker than I used to, people at work think I have turned into a right old winge bag!!



      kids do heal a bit quicker than us old folk, and I hope the younger they are the quicker they forget



      its a horrible place for anyone to be in, old or young



      I hope you and yours do start the healing process soon, its a long road, but time as they say......it has got easier for us, we were lucky as we had each other and were able to be strong, it could of wrecked us if we had let it



      good luck Mel!!

      Comment


      • #4
        Yep, having lived through various NFH's I can concur that the experience stays with you and does affect you.



        We sold and upped sticks quite soon after the first NFH threatened and assaulted us. No point living in a situation where you don't feel safe - and even if the Police had taken action earlier I don't think I'd have ever felt safe there again - his behaviour had tainted my lovely home.



        I do appreciate that I am now extremely sensitive about noise/potential problems. But I am also extremely considerate towards my neighbours, I'm not rude, I don't play loud music, I give fair warning when DIY work is being done.... etc. I can't stand it that my NFH can't show me the same courtesy, but there's no way that I'll ever change him, so there's no point trying.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi All and thanks for the kind support.



          I am still amazed at the change in my own behaviour and

          that of my dependents as a result of nearly 5 years of

          terrorist NFH behaviour. Even aquiring a large guard dog

          (which helped a lot) does not seem to alleviate my youngest

          dependent's concerns. I realised this after she came in to my

          bedroom at 2am on a windy night in the new home (the

          windows were rattling) convinced someone was trying to get

          in and kill us all. She also has nightmares sometimes and

          I too am very aware of noises (more than ever before).

          I wonder if people ever recover from these nasty side effects

          of living in an abnormal situation for a long time?

          Hypervigilance is a nasty side effect of NFH terrorism.

          Perhaps survivors of NFH harassment are similar to

          survivors of war and/or domestic violence.



          I now find I get more easily upset at other people's suffering much more

          than I ever did before NFH and react swiftly to any kind of

          bullying from anyone. I believe suffering trauma causes feelings

          of increased empathy with other sufferers. The thought of the commemoration

          of September the 11th and all the images that they will replay

          is almost too much to bear. Terrorists are terrorists whatever they

          do and wherever they are and victims are victims and should be

          given the highest amount of support available. Unfortunately

          NFH survivors/victims are often seen as less worthy of

          compassion (its the old "its only a neighbourhood dispute" approach).

          This would be fine if these disputes were only arguments over fences

          or such which came and went, but we all know NFH problems often

          deteriorate into both mental and physical abuse/warfare and should be treated

          as such. Also, some people think that

          if you move, that is the end of it all but it isn't. It certainly takes the

          immediate threat away but the after effects like PTSD linger

          and suspicions it will happen again linger. One also trusts people less in

          general.



          Melanie

          Comment


          • #6
            Yes, this is all sadly true. NFH do cause mental health problems for their neighbours. In my own case my then downstair's neighbour's using a 1,000 watt sound system (with speakers mounted on the ceiling! :sad resulted in my being treated for depression.



            1,000 watt for 48 hours at a time (according to a concerned friend of his he took speed and acid at the same time, adding to a whole array of mental health issues that he was suposedly been treated for, "but they never bother helping him, his friend said.)



            A person on the radio claimed that after 2 years she got over the problems her nosiy neighbour caused her.



            After three years away form my former flat sudden loud music (especially drum and bass music) can bring me out in a cold sweat. Even thinking about it now is making me feel uncomfortable.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi Janee,



              You wrote

              [quote]I'm also wary of the "Trust me, I'm your friend" strategy which the attention-seeking bully personality seems to adopt, as they seem to "groom" their targets before switching to their abusive intent. I speak from experience, and if it wasn't for bullyonline I would never have worked out this one.



              The worst thing is the kind of obsessiveness you can get, always being on your guard and dreading seeing anyone connected with any of the NFH/bully/gossip network. When I see one of them, even if they have never bullied me directly, but I know that they are a "club member" I just think, "Oh, no. I really don't want that person to see me." Because somehow just my mere existence seems to trigger them.



              I might not have spoken to them for years, but they still target me via their gossip and slander. And I know there's nothing I can do to stop them





              ++I too have the same experience. When NFH moved in and asked a lot of questions about my daughter, I thought it was neighbour friendliness. This couldn't

              have been further from the truth. NFH also asked my mother to come over

              and bring pictures/photos family memorabilia for NFH to see. (This never

              happened thank heavens). NFH used the info I let him know about my daughter

              to make requests for me to send daughter to his house (three requests, two

              involving him coming and ringing my doorbell - he in his 50's no children, she

              15 and looked 13). This really shocked me. What has really puzzled me is

              the lack of any support from most people in the street I lived in for so long.

              They were so ready to swallow the cr*p spread about me and no-one came

              to me for my side of the story (NFH loved this). He watched us all the time

              and when things turned nasty, I ranted at him to leave us alone outside

              the front of my home. To anyone watching, this made me look bad

              (I don't care, the police would not help and someone had to tell him to

              back off - several times). Of course no-one saw all the nasty things he was doing (he was so clever at doing things when no-one was looking). He even taunted

              me to call the authorities because no-one was going to help me. He was right.

              You have to help yourself - that is the bottom line.



              NFH's antics seemed to give some young people living nearby the

              thought they could jump on board and attack my plants as well.

              (A couple of minor indents). These were

              previously good well balanced children.



              My daughter is still having problems and now the doctor says this is normal

              and to be expected because she blocked out all the unwanted attention and

              NFH attacks and now she is in a safer place and able to deal with the

              problems so they are all coming out (I never knew this would happen).

              The other day I got home and she had been crying for nearly four hours

              and couldnt eat the dinner I made her. I felt so guilty for not having gotten

              away from NFH earlier. The doctor says this is normal but I hate it and I hate

              NFH from having upset my family so much. The doctor says when you go to

              a new home there are no memories of comfort to fall back on to help you

              deal with bad thoughts (this is my recounting of what my daughter says the doctor

              said) so you can feel really awful. This is a crash course in psychology for me.

              The new home is someone elses home with someone elses memories. This

              is obviously all going to take a long time to get through.



              Melanie

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh yes, move, move and move quickly, here in my bungalow its paradise, my when people pass you just a smile and a hello,even the kids seems normal after that lot of sub-human NFH i had at the back of me who are now very quiet cos the HA tenants must have put in complaints, we were private owners, but i thank God everyday i have moved. I pray for you all, hoping that your suffering will cease.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Melanie



                  Glad I came across this. My wife and have been talking about how the past 2.5 months have affected us. We twitch at the slightest sound are constantly running to the window to look out and both of us seem to have constant headaches. We were surprised when we really thought about how the bag has affected us.



                  Far more worrying is the effect on our eldest daughter, aged 9. She is a sweet, kind girl and a worrier. We have become very, very aware that she does not sleep well and that she was forcing herself to stay awake so she could hear things and report back to us. Bless her - she did this to help us. J and I felt like sh** when we realised and for the past week have been trying to break the cycle. She now sleeps in with middle daughter (she has a laid back s*d 'em sort of attitude!) and seems more relaxed and certainly is sleeping better.



                  J and I have now resolve to try and calm down ourselves but this is so difficult when living on the edge all the time.



                  Sickening that these nfh creatures seem to seep into every aspect of your life before you really realise what is happening.. :rant:



                  Wishing you and yours all the best.



                  John
                  "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi John and all,



                    I agree it is awful to see the effects of NFH's on children.

                    If only I had known this now years back I would have moved sooner.

                    Daughter is still not with it some of the time and cries too much

                    and too often. There is physical illness too. Everyone really has to

                    understand the effects of NFH's on young people who are so much

                    more vulnerable than older people who can tough things out.

                    My daughter nearly accidentally overdosed the other day on pain

                    killers. I am still not rid of the old house yet (nearly ready to put it

                    on the market, have been having it painted by a family member etc).

                    I left my other (little) dog there to keep the family member company and for protection and NFH saw his chance and got the dog when a tradesman

                    accidentally let the dog out. This dog would not have wondered off

                    and disappeared without a trace very quickly. With quick thinking and with the help of a council ranger we got the dog back. Daughter got a headache, she heard me get the phone call the dog was missing and saw me race off in the car, and she accidentally took an extra dose of the slow release pain killer she has

                    to have now to cope with damage caused by grinding her teeth in her sleep.

                    (She should have had the top up smaller dose for emergencies).

                    She phoned the hospital when she realised she took the wrong one and

                    she was lucky because they were slow release (if they hadn't have been

                    she may have been very, very ill). I now have the little dog at the new

                    safe house. It would have been awful to have had my little dog disappear

                    and never to have known what happened to her and my daughter ill

                    as well. A thousand thankyou's

                    to my guardian angel who helped me figure out what to do and to the rangers

                    who responded to my plea for help when there was no legal necessity for

                    them to do so. I feel so lucky to have got my little dog back.



                    :ban:



                    Melanie

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi Janee and all,



                      I hope everyone is coping with their NFH problems.

                      I heard my NFH got some young children into his house

                      just by hanging out at the park.

                      It is so sad. People are so gullible to trust someone they

                      meet at the park only once. Please, anyone with children,

                      no matter how young or in their teens, be aware there are

                      people out there who could be paedophiles and who appear

                      (to some people) as caring and normal. Don't let your guard

                      down and be suspect if someone of an inappropriate age

                      (especialy someone with no children in their home) shows

                      a "friendly" interest in your children. Their thoughts can be

                      far from friendly and they can have hidden cameras in their

                      house and worse.



                      Melanie

                      Comment


                      • #12




                        Melanie, sorry to come in on this so late, I find your story so utterly disturbing, how dreadful. In fact you are not free of the NFH not solely due to the psychological effects but also because you still have the old house, I didnt realise this, its like you are still in a bit of limbo.



                        doyou think you will 'get closure' (to coin an american phrase) once you have got rid of the house?



                        May be you have been asked this before, but surely a man like your NFH has got to be under some suspicion by the police, he sounds positively dangerous, as he is actively seeking 'victims'...His behaviour has surely got to get him into very serious trouble sooner rather than later. :unsure:



                        I find in mind boggling that he can wreak this havoc upon your family and still be living blithely in his house happy as larry :angry: its an absolute disgrace and you were absolutely right to get the hell out of there, i cannot see you had any alternative.



                        I agreed with you in previous messages when you advised people to move away from their NFH if it was possible, and I did this. We have only been in our house just about a month now, and still we do not feel right. Hubby said to me only yesterday, how he feels suspicious of everyone around us, even thoughhe has spoken to all of them and he thinks they all seem very nice. At least he has spoken to them! I cannot even bring myself to look at them, because I cannot trust them...what if i get friendly with them, let them know stuff about me, and then they turn on me? I totally identify with NFH being terrorists and what you say about hypervigilance, its so soul destroying... :cry:



                        It takes a heck of a long time to move on.



                        :ban: :badmood:
                        http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



                        I decree today that life

                        Is simply taking and not giving

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                        "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



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                        Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



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                        Carpe Diem



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                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi Annabel.



                          Thanks for the comments and yes NFH's are terorrists.

                          I hope to be rid of the other property very soon.

                          I will let everyone know what the ending is to this saga (if I get a

                          good price for the other house and cover all my costs etc).

                          Younger member of the family is still having bad health problems

                          due to the years of stress and I am just hoping her health will improve

                          (I believe her immune system has crashed rather badly and there

                          is also still some hypervigilance and some depression...this should ease

                          with time and treatment). I have to be by her side to help get her through this

                          because I am the only one who knows the whole story.

                          Re the new place, like you, I was too afraid to even make eye contact

                          with anyone but my ex was there and he broke the ice and since

                          then I have waved and smiled to a few neighbours with good responses which

                          is reassuing. One nice couple have given me their phone numbers

                          in case of emergencies. Later, I hope to get one of those phones that can

                          take pictures when this is over for emergencies. NFh is still trying to put

                          the boots in when he can doing weird stuff even in front of my ex who

                          thinks NFH is a nutter.



                          M.

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