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  • Update.

    Hi all,

    Have stayed quiet for a few weeks what with holiday and 6ft fence.

    But thought i would update you all.

    NFH are still next door and have got worse since getting back from Spain.

    To cut a long story sort i have had S*** since getting back, 10 mins after getting back to be exact.

    After phoning LA to see what has gone on in my abscence seems that they held a meeting with all concerned, LA, POLICE, SOCIAL SERVICES, and lastly NFH.

    They were told of all complaints made or should i say she as when complaints are made and Meetings held she is somehow single!

    Poor single mum bringing up 4 children on her own, never mind that i was in the same boat a few years ago.

    Well it seems that the LA have asked for ASBO orders on two of the children and the NFH has gone back and told the kids who the eldest is now taking it out far worse on me and the rest of the family.

    Everyday has seen a new act of vandalism to either our cars or our property.

    To say i am at the end of my tether is mild, i can't cope with much more.

    I am infact wondering if it is worth me suggesting with LA that they set up a meeting with me and NFH in their presence and i show her all evidence and put forward my case as to why i am complaining about her kids.

    I feel i need to confront her but i need someone sat in with us as i am afraid what i will do to her on a one to one.

    I really cannot take much more of this, the abuse we are getting from one of the kids is bad enough but when topped with all the other acts of damage and stealing it is just too much for us to handle.

    What are your thoughts on a possible meeting as suggested.

    I need some help as it is now coming up 6 years of this and i am losing my cool and my family.



  • #2
    Hi Tracy

    Sorry to hear about what's going on - a nightmare for you.

    I think that if you feel a meeting would be useful, then go for it. I don't think it can do any harm at all, and if it is an opportunity for you to put your side forward to your nfh with a neutral person present, then why not.

    It amazes me that things can get this far. Doesn't the mother realise how her children are behaving? Doesn't she see the vandalism? Is she surprised that the LA are considering an ASBO on her children?

    Our thoughts are with you. Take good care of you and yours.


    • #3
      Hello Tracy. Sorry to hear that the holiday euphoria was so short lived

      I would agree that a meeting couldn't hurt and may even help the situation. I think it's a positive thing that you want a third party present at the meeting because of your anger and what you might do. Anger is a good thing - used constructively. Whilst you are angry, you have the fight in you and your NFH should know you are NOT going to take any more of her nonsense. Stand up to her and don't pussy foot around pleading with her to control her errant kids. Let her know, in the presence of a third party, that you have had enough and that you want to live peaceably alongside her, not in her and her kids' shadows.

      I'm not saying go in screaming and yelling but with an upfront, confident manner. If you have that third person present, a third person who will be able to mediate and let each side tell their story, it will give you the confidence to really have your say and you'll say it coherently and without losing your temper. The third party won't let you do that. Always look her dead in the eye as well, always a sign of self-assurance.

      I am imagining confronting Meercat, my NFH. I know he would just spit at me if I was on my own as he would just see a "woman" and a "woman" doesn't tell him what to do. However, if I went with someone else (a man) I think he would actually have to listen since his mindless brain would be trying to figure out if he could get away with spitting in my face without getting a hefty punch. I doubt very much if he would try and alter his attitude though. Some people are born ignorant and stupid.

      Having someone else in tow isn't a sign of weakness or "ganging up". It just gives you that safety net factor of knowing you've got support there if you need it.



      • #4
        Hi Tracy,

        I feel so disappointed for you. I suppose we shouldn't be surprised that your FFH has upped the ante. Mindless morons usually do that.

        If you think a meeting will be useful, I agree with the others, go for it. Make sure you take deep breaths before you go in and remember, don't get mad, get even I have a feeling your NFH will start screaming, so you're going to have to keep the situation cool.

        Have the ASBOs been issued yet? The sooner the better. They might be a little less willing to create mayhem and cause damage if they think they'll get locked up!

        The HA have to realise that enough is enough. These people have to be sorted, and quickly. It's gone on too long. You don't want to end up like me, almost 20 years of hell and no reasonable chance of escape.

        Good luck, kick butt!!!!

        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


        • #5
          Good idea Tracy, it's the feeling of not being listened to and not being taken seriously (or seriously enough) that maybe makes you want to do this. Thing is, what we see as reasonable human behaviour, they obviously don't, so trying to instill in this woman what you're going through might just not get through - however it might just, or at least in a way that will make her rein things in a bit. I'd say definitely try and give it a go.

          Jeannie, regarding meercat, I'm sure Wing Commander ******* also sees me as a silly woman who can't judge distances and doesn't realise the RAF have to actually train. The comments I've had from him in the past - perhaps someone should tell him women now have the vote and possess a brain that can be used for things other than knitting and cooking? That feeling of being talked down to.... GRRRRRR.