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Getting over NFH

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  • Getting over NFH

    We had two different lots of neighbours from hell within six years, and have now moved, but I still panic at the slightest noise from neighbours and am anxious a lot of the time.

    We used to live in an ex local authority flat, and the flat below us was still a council flat. Our first nfh were the worst, playing bass constantly and at all hours, 2 or 3 parties a week, dealing drugs quite openly from the flat below ours, threatening us and other neighbours and it took two years of complaints to the council to get her threatened with eviction, when she eventually moved out of her own accord. It was hell, but after her we had a lovely, super quiet neighbour for two years. Then she moved out, and our second nfh moved in.

    This time there wasn't an issue with loud music, but again with drugs, and door slamming at all hours of the day and night. Our neighbour's boyfriend lived with her, despite claiming he didn't, and was a petty criminal and drug dealer, and smoked skunk all day and night. He was also extremely paranoid and would smash up the flat whilst shouting it was bugged and threatened to stab us one night when we arrived home. We had been friendly with them at first, thinking they were decent people, but the issues escalated and one night he slashed another neighbour's tyres, which I witnessed, so we no longer spoke to them. This was another round of dealing with the council for two years, and just before we were about to go to court they managed to secure a house swap, and we put our flat on the market and moved to a smaller village in the countryside.

    We live in an old terrace now and I'm still having severe issues with noise, which never would have bothered me before all this, and I don't really know what to do. If a door slams it sets me on edge, but this seems to be lessening with time. If I hear any music or tv noise from our next door neighbours I immediately start to panic, often leading to full blown panic attacks. This noise is not unreasonable at all, I'm sure we make the same amount of noise, and I rationally know this but I still freak out.

    We've lived here just over a year now, and had new neighbours on one side a couple of months ago, and I've already embarrassed myself by asking them to turn down the bass on their tv and then rambling about how they didn't have to and it was my fault for having problems with previous neighbours. Since then I've been trying to keep my panicking under control, somewhat successfully, but just now I took in a delivery for them of a wall mount for a TV. My heart sank and I felt sick and couldn't breathe. I took the parcel round to them and then asked (probably inappropriately, but I wasn't feeling in my right mind) if they were hanging it on a party wall. They are, it will be on the chimney breast in the front room, which shares the wall with our sitting room and above it is our bedroom. I tried to laugh off my panicking and made some lame apology for complaining about noise before it even happens, I am sure they think I'm a crazy lady.

    How do you get over it? Rationally I know that a tiny bit of TV noise is not going to turn into an all night party with violence and threats, but I cannot stop the feelings of dread.

    Our other next door neighbours will be moving soon, and so I am worried that my panicking is only going to get worse from here on out, and I'm already planning how quickly we can do the house up and move, but we wouldn't be able to afford anything detached so I doubt this would solve the problem anyway.

    Wow, this turned into an essay, sorry! If anyone makes it to the end, thank you for reading, and please, if you have any advice I'll take it!

  • #2
    Hi Ellen............ we all handle things differently, it sounds as if you had a really tough time and are now living on your nerves............. time does heal and hopefully in time you will lose the panic........ you have to keep in mind that you cannot blame your new neighbours for old neighbours problems, for instance........ did your old neighbours work? do your new neighbours work? it sound like your old neighbours had plenty of time on their hands to cause problems, if your new neighbours do work........... then they would not be having a TV on that late at night which would cause you problems, I don't think there would be much noise through two chimney breasts as modern TV's are specifically designed to put the noise forward.

    There are many over the counter herbal products that may help you, one of the most brilliant ones is bach flower rescue remedy, you can buy it in spray or eye dropper, you put a couple of spots on your tongue, it might help you at the times you feel you have lost your rationality .......... the good thing is if you don't feel calmer you can use it again within the hour........... it does not make you drowsy or unable to drive/work etc, please check it out (on the net) if you feel it would be of benefit to you.

    Give it time and stop apologising or explaining yourself to your new neighbour's.

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    • #3
      You could try speaking with your GP and see if you can get some counselling. Your brain probably needs a bit of reprogramming.

      What you are experiencing sounds a bit like PTSD (although I am in no way qualified to make a diagnosis). I do empathise as NFH do use noise as a weapon and similar noises away from my home sometimes put me on edge. I guess that when the NFH have gone you have to re learn what is 'normal' behaviour.
      The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

      Albert Einstein

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      • #4
        Hi Ellen

        It is not surprising it is taking a while to adjust. You obviously went through some very stressful times in your last home.

        The advice you have already been given is very good, so I hope that with time things will settle down for you. In terms of getting over it, the old adage is true that time is a great healer!

        All the best that as the months go by in your new place, your experiences at your old one will fade away ...

        Best wishes

        AJ

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        • #5
          Hi Ellen, I hope everything goes well for you. Keep your chin upa nd look to the future.

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          • #6
            Hi Ellen,

            I understand completely how you feel. I am now in a quiet semi-detached and there is no noise after 10PM from the other side (as opposed to the 3 & 4AM crap I used to have to put up with), yet I still get jumpy if I hear the neighbours TV or if they slam a door (why do even seemingly sensible people have to slam doors)?!

            I highly recommend CBT. It's something you can do yourself, but it's good to get a few sessions with a therapist first.

            http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownloads2.htm

            https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...diary&hl=en_GB

            Glad you finally found somewhere peaceful and good luck!

            This is also worth a look. I have not tried it, but am planning on doing so:
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_mo...d_reprocessing

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            • #7
              There are some really good links ukdownthepan. I too have only started living again in the last nine months after suffering the deliberate antics of the nfh. I think even once the problem is removed the victim will take a long while to adjust to normality.
              Ellen, it is inevitable that for a while after you will be overly sensitive to noise, it is hardly surprising. My way to deal with the nfh is not a method mny have tried or even talked about but can be found by clicking on my avatar and reading my description :-)
              Believers are all one. It is the unbelievers that I worry about.

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