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  • Has anyone done any serious research

    If not, I wonder if it might be worthwhile seeing if a university could be encouraged to set up a research programme into the NFH phenomena?



    Why do they do it? How can they be stopped? And so on.



    I wonder if one of the TV programmes that make a good income out of featuring NFH problems would be interesting in funding this research? Even just one MA or PhD student would be a start.

  • #2
    I cant help thinking that NFH have been created from dysfunctional family life, the breakdown in the family unit,all stemming from the 60s/70s... the loss of the 'community spirit', the 'me me me' attitude which IMO was started during the 'Thatcher years'. also people are far more materialistic these days so they become more possessive of their property and homes and therefore react aggressively when they feel it is threatened (rightly or wrongly).



    also people's houses are worth a lot more than ever so this gives them a feeling of wealth and possible superiority over their neighbours. whereas people in 'social housing' seem to more and more think that the world owes them a living and they are entitled to their 'rights'. the louder you shout, the more you get seems to be their approach to things.



    basically the sense of responsibility and decency that people once had has been eroded. and it seems to have gone across all levels of society and all age groups.



    those are my theories anyway!!!!

    http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



    I decree today that life

    Is simply taking and not giving

    England is mine - it owes me a living

    But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

    Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




    Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



    I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



    "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



    The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



    An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



    Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



    Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



    There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



    Carpe Diem



    Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree. IMO this all started from about 1980 onwards. Yes, I know there were NFH before then. We lived next door to a real Barmpot of a neighbour in the mid 1960s. I felt sorry for her husband. He was a nice man. Pity about her, though! :lol:

      Comment


      • #4
        this is an interesting thread!



        two points i would like to make.



        firstly, i know two people who are religious and go to church regularly. they believe in god etc etc. For some reason, I cannot fathom, both of them (they dont know each other) are very jealous and insecure people. they both use their religion to justify anything that happens in society or to themselves by saying 'its gods will'.

        both of them have in one way or another had to face challenges in their lives, as we all do. they feel, that because what happens to them is preordained, that they must just accept their lot in life, even if it makes them unhappy.

        I cant help thinking this is a waste of life. and it allows them to justify their own bad behaviour and decisions and the effect this has had on their families and friends. i am not religious, so i wonder if it is something about the church going process that develops this way of thinking???



        secondly, back to the NFH, a lot of us started off being 'friends' with our neighbours. i dont know about anyone else, but i can count my very best friends on one hand. i think people have to be very careful who they call friends, i would say most of the people we might call friends are really only acquaintances...sorry if that sounds cynical and untrusting!
        http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



        I decree today that life

        Is simply taking and not giving

        England is mine - it owes me a living

        But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

        Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




        Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



        I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



        "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



        The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



        An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



        Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



        Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



        There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



        Carpe Diem



        Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

        Comment


        • #5
          For anybody to claim to be a Christian but to be NFH is, surely the height of hypocriscy! Christ said the two greatest commandments were 'Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart...' and 'Love thy neighbour as thyself'. So logically, a 'Christian NFH' must hate him/herself



          Misty
          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

          Comment


          • #6
            :huh:



            i think they do hate themselves, Misty, deep down inside. otherwise why else would they do the things they do? anyone who was happy with themselves wouldnt have time or inclination for the kind of crud that they dish out to us.
            http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



            I decree today that life

            Is simply taking and not giving

            England is mine - it owes me a living

            But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

            Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




            Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



            I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



            "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



            The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



            An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



            Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



            Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



            There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



            Carpe Diem



            Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

            Comment


            • #7
              Some NFH are gullible.



              They will ignore something good they hear about someone. "That Mrs Jones from No. 32, she is such a nice person. She helped out when I had a bad back" is met with: "That's nice, dear."



              But: "That Mrs Jones at No 2, she is such an evil person!" is met with: "Oh, do tell me more!"



              They, as Janee said, only seem able to relate to negative and not positive things.

              Comment


              • #8
                our one nfh is

                Paranoid: Moderate

                Schizoid: Low

                Schizotypal: High

                Antisocial: High

                Borderline: Low

                Histrionic: Very High

                Narcissistic: Very High

                Avoidant: Low

                Dependent: Moderate

                Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate



                rough n ready, but VERY sharp!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Whilst this is "only a bit of fun" I think that we can see a pattern, here! Quite clearly if they were normal (like what we are! ) then they'd behave better towards their fellow human beings! :lol:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Rockbank reckons his NFH has borderline personality disorder



                    I'd just like to qualify that. I originally thought my NFH had BPD but thanks to this site and Janee's refererences to BullyOnline, I'm convinced it is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They are similar though.



                    Its often been raised here why our respective NFHs act the way they do. What we found hard to do was rationalize it.



                    However once you have the measure of your NFHs "problem" its very empowering. I think that there are enough similar traits shown here by the NFHs behaviour that I am planning on writing an article about how to deal with them.



                    We have all the links about mediation etc which a true 100% NFH will always refuse to attend.



                    That's why I'll probably call it "Beyond Mediation"



                    RB
                    Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.



                    We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.




                    So what's the plan?



                    Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That's a clever test. I filled it out for my NFH on the basis of what I think my NFH would say. Remember being a narcissist, they think everyone in the world behaves like them but that they are never wrong so I notice that they have a lot of check questions to counter this.



                      Came out very high on narcissistic and histrionic.
                      Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.



                      We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.




                      So what's the plan?



                      Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hmm. Interesting point about medition:



                        The true nfh, as RB says, probably will not want to go to mediation. Why? Two possible reasons:-



                        1) "I am in the wrong. And I know it. So I don't need any blanking mediatior to tell me this!"



                        2) "How can I be in the wrong? I am so perfect that I dare not point my bare buttocks at anyone as the light emiting therefrom would likely blind them!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Here is male nfh No. 1:-



                          Paranoid: High

                          Schizoid: Moderate

                          Schizotypal: High

                          Antisocial: High

                          Borderline: Low

                          Histrionic: High

                          Narcissistic: Very High

                          Avoidant: Moderate

                          Dependent: Moderate

                          Obsessive-Compulsive:



                          Oh, great!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hi Janee



                            Really, they are too stupid for mediation.



                            I also think that mediation wouldn't work in your situation because of the duplicity that they have shown. How can you agree terms through mediation if you know full well that the other party is going to renege on any agreement the first moment that they feel there may be some kick-back for them.



                            Stupid they may well be, fickle and disloyal they certainly are.



                            As you say, their personal lives do speak volumes, as does the trail of broken, dispirited people that they leave behind.



                            Blue Cow

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              THanks folks.



                              I'm working on the article at present but I think Janee has hit the nail on the head.



                              My NFH create 'arguments' which they want to 'win' and be seen as 'winning', and they other side must 'lose' - that's all the understand about human interaction.
                              Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.



                              We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.




                              So what's the plan?



                              Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.

                              Comment

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