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Is it normal?

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  • Is it normal?

    I just want to ask question please.

    My NFH has two kids. One is about two years old and the other eight.

    When I was a child, my mother or father never screamed at me every morning :unsure: If I've done something wrong, there might have been occasions but never every morning before going to school.

    OK, kids - brothers would play fight and one end up crying. So this can happen every day at some point of the day.

    So I know kids cry often but is it normal or is it how it is these day(??) that mother shouts everyday and kids cry or throw tantrum every morning?

    If I had kids, I wouldn't shout to make them behaive in certain way.

    In fact, I wouldn't do lot of things my NFH'd do. I have my principals.

    But who knows, I don't have kids of my own and wouldn't know have to deal with kids

  • #2
    Dare I say perhaps it's in their genes? Mother shouts and screams, kids cry and throw tantrums ...

    I'm not sure whether this is "normal" but it's not uncommon. You see it in the streets and in the shops all the time - kids behaving badly, parents responding by shouting and screaming so that kids cry and throw tantrums so that the parents respond by shouting and screaming etc etc etc. Then you see families who are clearly happy and calm - kids still misbehave, it would be dull if they didn't, but some parents can deal with it without triggering the above cycle. I think it's something to do with a calm, loving but firm response rather than the shouting and sceaming.

    You say

    "But who knows, I don't have kids of my own and wouldn't know have to deal with kids


    • #3
      the irony is that your nfh probably really believes that he/she does know how to deal with kids

      I think so.

      Perhaps you could outline this anonymously to social services to get the ball rolling but if you strongly believe that the parents are NOT hitting the kids you must make this clear.

      You cannot contact Social Services unless you reveal your identity.

      She does hit her child really hard but that's allowed I was told.

      This is another thing, hitting children isn't the solution... me think.

      What it is, she can't cope with children. I even heard her say this to her friend.

      Ok, it might have been "at that time" but my opinion is that she just doesn't know how to handle childeren.



      • #4
        You can look at the shouting in two ways I think. Firstly you can say, well at least she is doing what she can to discipline her kids, at least she is trying to exercise some authority over them. or you could say, she has lost a grip of the situation, is totally stressed out and has resorted to yelling (and smacking) because its the only way she can bring the kids into line.

        is it mostly confined to the mornings? this might because she doesnt get up early enough and therefore is rushing around like a blue a*sed fly trying to get the older one ready for school. the younger kid, being only 2 is going to be going through a lot of changes and tantrums are very common with this age group ('the terrible twos).

        if there is yelling at other times of the day, it might be because the kids are themselves fighting, which given their age gap wouldnt surprise me. there is 4 years between me and my sister and we used to fight like mad, my mum was driven nuts and used to exercise her vocal chords quite a lot to control us, as i recall!!!

        i am no saint and i have yelled at my daughter in the mornings as she is so SLOW at getting ready for school, 'forgets' to brush her teeth, comes downstairs for breakfast without her socks and shoes on and then wont go back upstairs to get them...sigh, its very challenging being a parent. but my solution, as i was getting sick and tired of saying 'hurry up, hurryU p, will you hurryUP!' was to get up half an hour earlier...and get her up then as well. its working so far... :unsure:

        also, you have to bear in mind, we repeat the parenting skills our parents used on us, so if her parents yelled at her, she will think nothing of doing it herself, and might not even recognise what she is doing. :banghead: also some people see nothing in wrong in shouting, as long as they arent smacking... a bit odd i know.

        i personally would not want my child crying every single day. especially not an 8 yr old. or a two year old for that matter, although you would expect it to have a whinge every so often.

        i think you should just monitor the situation. if you think its really out of control then maybe try the NSPCC, they are trying to stamp out child cruelty..and social services of course.

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        • #5
          or you could say, she has lost a grip of the situation, is totally stressed out and has resorted to yelling (and smacking) because its the only way she can bring the kids into line.

          I think this is more likely. 8 years old just don't listen.

          She does get up early like 6am and kids get up at about 7.30am. (Yes I know the time because that's the time I'd get woken up!). But usually doesn't go out till like 15 mins before schools starts. (We are about 5-10 mins away from school).

          I guess she must have been brought up in a household where everybody shouted and she thinks that's norm and her kids gonna be like that and so on :blink: