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Car Mechanic Fantasies

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  • Car Mechanic Fantasies

    One of the nfh problems I sufer from is them working on up to 5 cars at a time in the street immediately opposite. The council and their landlords have both said they will deal with it so I'm hopeful. Whilst I am waiting for something to be done I have been struck by the strangeness of this behaviour. Let me explain. They seem to spend hours just tinkering but it's hard to see what any of it actually achieves- they start with 5 old bangers and end up with 5 old bangers. I wonder if there is a medical conditions which involves thinking that one's a car mechanic even though you possess none of the necessary skills - and it's catching because they've all got, a mass dillusion perhaps. A typical session goes something like this:

    One nfh appears carrying a large, expensive tool box which he drops on the pavement, this must be done from a height of at lease 18 inches or the noise is disappointing. The noise this makes is a kind of low level communication because it immediately attracts at least two more nfhs.

    One starts the engine of an old banger and revs it furiously whist the others c*ck their heads towards the engine listening like robins listening for worms - quite what they are listening for is impossible to deduce, but they seem pleased with this and congratulate themselves on the mechanical expertise.

    Having done this for some time they open the bonnet and start to tinker. A cycle commences - tinker, rev - tinker, rev. Very little happens except that the engine gets progresively smokier and less smooth running. They seem pleased with this and congratulate themselves on the mechanical expertise.

    When they have tired of this they slam the bonnet shut, open it again and slam it again, rev the engine twice more for luck and turn it off. They seem pleased with this and congratulate themselves on the mechanical expertise.

    Now it's the turn of the in-car hifi - something of a misnomer in that there is absolutely nothing "hi" about the fidelity. Some remarkably irksome music is set going at shaterring volume and this attracts the nfh audio expert to join the other three. He then stick his head in the boot which houses the 1000 megawatt super-woofer - actually a large chipboard box holding a speaker the size of a dustbin lid. he tinkers with something, I know not what, and the music gets progressivly more distorted. After a while he stops. They seem pleased with this and congratulate themselves on their mechanical and electrical expertise.

    Sometimes they actually seem to learn something. Recently they removed the starter motor from and old banger. They were apparently then surprised to discover that it wouldn't start. After much heated discussion, swearing etc they returned the starter motor to its rightful place and again, apparently to their surpise, they found that the banger started. I am not sure whether they arrived at the appropriate conclusion from this little experiment but they seem pleased with this and congratulated themselves on the mechanical expertise.

    I have also discovered that they use a stange form of verbal communication. Vulger but succinct. On one occasion I asked the nfh audio expert if he woud mind reducing the volume of 1000 megawatt super woofer as it was preventing me from hearing concorde passing overhead. This triggerd what I can only assume is an nfh audio expert mantra, it goes like this:

    "It's not 11 o'clock yet, f**k off"

    This was repeated in response to every word I said and probably would have continued until it was 11 o'clock had I not tired of the game.

    I will continue to study this strange phenomenon in the hope of developing a greater understanding of the condition.

  • #2
    A very amusing description of a phenomenon which is obviously NOT amusing you, Eskander!

    Hope the council/landlords can help you out here Do they appear to be operating a business?



    • #3
      What a pity they don't make these bass boost mega-powered car speakers illegal.


      • #4
        Originally posted by Neighboured@Sep 2 2003, 12:35 AM

        What a pity they don't make these bass boost mega-powered car speakers illegal.
        I wish they would!

        Our friend Val Weedon and the UK Noise Association have some information about "boom cars" - you can see it at the UKNA from here.



        • #5
          As Sapphirelilly says not really amusing but you have to see the funny side of things occasionally. Matthew, thanks for the "boom cars" link - especially intresting since it refers to a prosecution in Gwent which is my neck of the woods.