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  • Going Under...


    I am new to this and desperate!

    My wif and three kids moved to this house two years ago. From the first day, the lay next door blanke us. Her husband chatted as did her teenagers.

    Within days, we realised they were so noisy and the mother was, so say the least, weird. Loud is not the word to use - you can just always hear her.

    We left wll alone. Hubby went away on holidy 2 weeks ago - with youngest daughter (15). Mother and eldest (18) stayed home. Out of the blue, mother arrived on our doorstep and launched a viscious attack on my wife and kids - three girls aged 4, 8 and 9. I am still reling from the names she called my wif and kids. Mother and daughter then proceeded to "stalk" my wife and kids, hurtling abuse at them. I have registered as a crime with Police who seem powerless or unwilling to help.

    Her husband is back and she regaled him, loudly, with her imaginery version of events and they proclaimed me a nutter!

    Things quiet for 2 days now but my wife and I can't eat or sleep and it breaks our hearts to think of what our young girls have ben called.

    we are at a loss to understand this woman. I asked her why she ignored us from day one and she replied that she "felt she wanted to". I think she is a bit mad - eyes are strange looking, sort of hazy.

    We are almost scared to go out now and take dictaphones, even into the garden. a friend thinks she is jelous as our house is far bigger then hers. Surely this can not be the reason?
    "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"

  • #2

    So sorry to hear you are on the receiving end of this dreadful behaviour..I can only reiterate the other must report to your council/Housing Association(if you are a tenant, and your neighbour is). You may do this verbally, but follow it up inwriting, then they will keep records for sure. Also, log (with date and time) ALL incidents, this is your evidence(very important as this may go on for some time). Also, if anyone else witnesses anything they may be prepared to act as a witness. If the neighbours are tenants of the council or a Housing Association, your estate officer needs to start investigating this behaviour which is a breach of their tenancy agreement. Start the ball rolling now, as action from landlords can take time....but at least this gives you the power to start taking action.

    Wishing you lots of luck!!



    • #3
      Welcome to the forum John

      Well there's not much else that I can say that hasn't already been said. The bullyonline site is a real must!!!

      Your NFH sounds as though she is a little like mine and needs to have the 'upper hand' in her fictitious life. Most NFH's are habitual liars, and she doesn't sound any different.

      Try to carry on and live your lives as normal. Don't shut yourselves away as this will make her feel as though victory is hers. That's what I did, and it made things worse.

      I absolutely hate adults who bully children, especially since my children are going/have been through it. You feel helpless, but I have learned that the more you show them how much you love and care for them, the easier it is for them to deal with the situation, and I'm sure your wife and yourself love and care for you children dearly.

      I hope that you will find the help and advice that you need to get you and your family through this. You have come to the right place


      • #4
        To all who have replied. Thanks so much. My wife Julie and I suddenly do not feel so alone.

        What we can not understand is the verbal abuse of our daughters, aged 4, 7 and 9. They have been called names I would not even expect adults to be called. The woman is only 37 and her elder daughter 18. They are so viscious. My problem is that I am fiercely protective of my wife and kids and I feel I want to harm these "women" - I use the term loosely.

        We have logged a crime with the Police under the Harasment Act but have yet to gather enough evidence. We kep the dictaphones running though!

        This did come totally out of the blue - the woman did not speak to us from day 1 but we just thought she was a bit strange. We are in private housing which makes things perhaps more difficult?

        we have kept going today but have had to force ourselves to go out in the garden. I can see the strain on my wife's face - it hurts to watch.

        Will keep coming back here - Julie and I find the comments so helpful. Tristar - you have hit the nail on the head with what you say about Your NFH sounds as though she is a little like mine and needs to have the 'upper hand' in her fictitious life. Most NFH's are habitual liars, and she doesn't sound any different.

        thanks again all.

        "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


        • #5
          Hi John and welcome to the Forum

          Sorry to hear about all the problems you and your family are having to experience from your nfh.

          You said that you owned your home, do your nfh own theirs too?

          You mentioned that they were noisy. If the level of noise is abnormally loud, then it may be a "statutory nuisance" - you can read more about this on the main nfh site (there is a new self-help article on noise issues which you may find helpful). You could contact your local Environmental Health department (EH) about the noise issues (although you would need to have record sheets of the noise - again, see the main site for a blank sheet to record noise problems - and the EH will have wanted you to raise this with your nfh first). You need to be aware thought that if you make an offical complaint that you would have to disclose this if you wanted to sell your home.

          NFH behave in very peculiar ways . You may never know why this woman behaves as she does. How has her husband been with you since his return from holiday?

          Mediation is often mentioned as a possible option in dealing with NFH, but that requires some element of compromise and dialogue between the two parties. It may be something worth considering.

          The most important thing to try and remember is to carry on living your life as normal as possible, try to ignore the nfh and their ridiculous behaviour. Record everything - any agency you contact about your nfh will want evidence, evidence and more evidence (you can never have too much of it).

          You can read more about the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 (PHA) on the main site. You should also be able to read other members' stories about how they have dealt with the Police and the PHA in the Forum board.

          Wishing you all the best - let us know how you get on.


          • #6
            Hi John, and welcome

            I think other members have already given you a lot of sound of advice so there's nothing I can add to that.

            I just hope the police will come good for you. Your NFH wife seems a little unhinged, to say the least. You say the husband and teenagers talk to you, are they friendly or is it just the usual 'hello' if they see you?

            If she's as loud as you say I'm sure her family are bit fed up with it as well Some people are just born that way, never happy unless they're making other people miserable I know it will be hard, but try to ignore her. If you hear her put on some music to drown her out.

            Any woman who would direct disgusting language at young girls is, in my opinion, in need of psychiatric help.

            Anyway, I hope things settle down soon. Don't hesitate about coming back here, even if it's only for a rant I enjoy a good rant

            "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


            • #7
              hi all

              Thanks for the postings. Things are still very bad. Husband came home and heard his wife's and daughter's side of story - from what he then said to me when he threatened me, he knows absolutely nothing that is true!

              The noise is absolutely dreadful now - very late night parties. We are writing it all down on EH diary who have more or less agreed to lend us monitoring equipment. The abuse continues unabated. Just so you know how low this woman and daugther sink, my 4 year old has been called a "f-----g lady of the night". Julie and I are devastated but can do nothing to hit back.

              Had our new community PC around today. He listened to Julie and I, heard some of the abuse on tape and is to visit other neighbours. All are elderly and we get on well with them. He gave us a real good pep talk and advised us to be whiter then white, no matter that our gut reaction is to lash out at them and protect our kids.

              Meanwhile, we carry on trying to act normally - going outside is a real torment, but we manage to do it with smiles on our faces! Stomachs are churning all the time though and Julie was physically sick prior to doing the school run this morning. One thing is for sure, having a nfh is a good way to lose weight!

              That's it for now. I read the other postings but don't yet feel "qualified" to offer advice as still don't understand what is happening to my family and why.

              All I can do is wish you luck and thanks once again for all your words of support.

              Hard to believe that less than 2 years ago when we bought this place that we were lucky enough to get it as it is in a sought after location - more like bl**dy Beirut, or so it feels at the moment!

              Take care all and will be back soon!

              "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


              • #8
                Hi John

                Good for you, Julie and the girls I made the mistake of hiding away from my NFH, but now I know it was the wrong thing to do, as it was twice as hard to pick my life up and carry on. I'm still not up to grade yet, but I'm getting there

                How dare they talk to any of your children like that, I can quite understand why you would want to give them what they deserve

                You have shown that you and your family are better than they will ever be and I'm sure that this is getting to them. I bet that the husband was always at work when things happened, but after hearing their side of the story, he is as bad as they are. Are you sure you don't live on the other side of my NFH ?

                Maybe this is a common pattern with these type of NFH, they all stick together, because their useless alone. Reading through the stories of others it seems to happen quite a lot.

                Well I'm willing you all on and will keep checking in for the updates. Good luck with the EH, and I hope your NFH get their just desserts



                • #9
                  Hi again

                  Julie the girls and I have just spent a gorgeous day on a beach in North Devon and forgot all about the nfh......

                  Things were quiet last night - very quiet! When we got home today there was a message on answer machine from the Policeman who visited us yesterday afternoon. He went and visited the nfh last night and officially warned them under the Public Order Act. He didn't say what the reaction was but did say that he feels confident that things will calm down now.

                  We can't believe this can be true but it is so quiet next door - still!

                  We have been out in the garen, front and back, with no "visits".

                  We don't fel confident yet but are determined not to hid ourselves away. It is so hard though. Tri - we felt exactly like you and hid ourselves away. We know we are better than them and are determined not to let them win! They should receiv nois abatement notice by mid wek so now doubt she will go off on one and start all over again. Who knows. Time will tell.

                  Take care all an I am so glad I found this web site!

                  "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


                  • #10
                    Hi John, Julie and The Girls

                    I'm glad that you have had a good day, and I hope you all enjoyed yourselves, as you all deserve to.



                    • #11
                      Hi John and family

                      Glad to hear that the Police and Environmental health (EH) are involved and doing things.

                      Are the EH actually serving a Noise Abatement Notice/ Order? Have they sent letters already to your nfh?

                      I know each area does things differently, but here, the EH send a first letter, then a warning letter, then monitor/witness the noise and only then serve an Abatement Notice.

                      Hope the peace continues for you - our nfh had their final warning letter some time ago and we've had no "unreasonably" loud noise since (frantically touching wood...).

                      Really pleased that you enjoyed a lovely day out at the beach. Perhaps you need to try doing this more often? Just getting away from the nfh can really help, can't it?


                      • #12

                        Sounds like you are havin g some reasonable support from police, etc.! I'm so glad that systems seem to be working(as they should ) in your to all the family..and keep monitoring everythin(especially after thing seeem to be going quiet for a while!)



                        • #13
                          John, that is great news Hopefully the NFH will have seen the error of their ways. They may try to reassert themselves, but it seems you have some powerful allies

                          Good luck, hope the peace carries on and on and on

                          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                          • #14
                            Oh dear, things not so good!

                            The music has stopped but they are now very loud late at night - slamming doors, shouting in the garden and putting a power hose going - as soon as they see our lights go out! What I can't understand is that they also annoy other neighbours who moan and moan but do nothing!

                            The Police warning seems to have worked - so far - as the verbal abuse has stopped. They all stare at us when thy see us but we can live with this and just tell the kids not to stare back. The mother and elder daughter, alas, can not help their gobs and often sound off in the garden - not to us but about us.

                            The EH have sent first letter - monitoring eqpt comes next week apparently.

                            We still find it hard to cope. We can't understand why they have it in for us - we have honestly done nothing wrong.

                            Will be backin a day or so. Take care all!
                            "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


                            • #15
                              Hi John

                              I hope that your NFH excel themselves whilst the monitoring equipment is there. At least you will have concrete evidence of what is going on.

                              As for the mother and daughter with big mouths, well all I can say is that their mouths must make up for the brains they lack :lol:

                              Good luck next week and best wishes :clover: