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My Dilema

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  • My Dilema

    Well here goes

    My husband and I bought a new house (our first house) this time last year it is only a two bedroom but we fell in love with it and its not bad for a first home. it is mid terraced and either side is a housing association house. One side is lovely the other side is awful. The side that is bad has two children and he is a single father his kids are both under 13 he goes out to work and leaves them on their own in the late afternoon till about 7pm and at this time every single child in the neighbourhood congregates outside our house to talk to his children (we share a path way and our front doors face each other) the noise is un beliveable they shout, swear, scream, play ring tones, throw rocks and eggs, lean on our door and fencing and have hit our back door with sticks. Last thursday we went to the pub for a drink and came home at 11.30pm (we left the house at 7pm) to find a note put through our door saying Kids can't sleep dog barking. well two of our friends had taken a taxi back to our house because one of them has their leg in plaster they said that they got back to ours at 11.20pm the note was in the door then, the dog was quiet and next door had let his dog out of his front door to run riot on the green nearly knocking my friend over at the top of the path. Any way I got home (I walked) at 11.40 with my husband and found the note I shut my front door read the not and stood there in total shock at how rude his note was when his dog was loose at this time on a public green. I said to my husband that I thougt he was an */%$(*&^ ^%$&*(&^ he was earwigging at my front door. He knocked and I opened the door and lent in and said "say it to my face" so I stood their and said basicly that I thought he was out of order being so rude in his note etc and mentioned about the screaming kids (I have to say I did not swear at him even though he was trying to goad me. anyway he got the raving stropps and walked off. On Monday I decided that this was ridiculous and my husband and I wrote him a letter to appolagise for the dog barking and for what ever he may have heard us say in our own home. We did however mention about the children that come to vist his kids causing problems while he is out and about his dog running riot etc and said that we didn't want to fall out with him and that we would very much like to sort this out and put it all behind us. He wrote back on the letter we originally sent him saying that he was gutted that we thought that about him and that the kids wern't his responsability and did not mention his dog at all. This man has sworn at us over the fence, broken our lawn mower when we lent it to him, got drunk and hit his wall outside the house with a sledge hammer has been done for assulting someone else we have watched him have a punch up outside our front door where he went and got a lump of wood and hit the other bloke with it because the bloke threatened to report him for his kids trying to set their dog on his son. I just don't know what to expect next or what to do about him!

  • #2
    Hi Bluebell and welcome to the forum

    You are in a similar position to me, a home owner with HA property next door (all around actually ). So you should approach your local HA. Ask to deal with whoever is in charge of your road and tell them what is happening.

    Janee has given you a good deal of good advice already about keeping logs etc. One thing I should warn you about is that if you are seen taking photographs you may be accused of paedophilia. It seems that up and down the country, people who are trying only to protect their own property are having this accusation hurled at them. It's just another bullying tactic by NFH.

    As for leaving his children alone after school, well, he obviously doesn't know, or doesn't want to know what they're getting up to. I just read this:

    Parents are often left wondering when it is safe to leave a child at home unsupervised, or at what age an older child can baby-sit a younger one. The English law is not clear as to what age a child should be when he or she is left unsupervised. It is not based on a specific age. However, parents can be prosecuted for wilful neglect if they leave a child alone "in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health" (Children and Young Persons Act 1933).

    The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) advises that no child should be left overnight under the age of sixteen or left alone under the age of twelve. Even a short stint without an adult or parent around can be upsetting and lonely for a young child. Most eight to thirteen year olds, even if they feel happy about being left alone, may not be ready to cope in an emergency.[/b]

    You might want to show it to the police when you contact them. The rest of the article can be found at:

    Good luck, I hope you will find the police and HA sympathetic to your problem.

    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


    • #3

      All good advice already given! May I suggest a phone call to the boss/estate officer at the Housing Association to immediately arrange a meetin.....and then you can update them with logs of incidents that follow. They are indeed in breach of their tenancy agreement if they allow invited guests to cause noise nuisance/harassment to yourslves! Keep us posted!



      • #4
        Hi Guys

        That artucal was really interesting thanks for that. We have already complained to the housing association and have been sent a diary to keep which we are doing and I know that all the tenants have been sent a letter concerning anti-social behaviour. We bought a dictaphone the other day and have already recoreded the noise the children make on the green as well as capturing the man next door calling his 9yr old daughter in at 7.30 last night. We have been keeping a camera by the front door as well so that it is close to hand. I must admit that we do have the odd BBQ around our house but we are always in the house by 11pm and keep the noise to a minimum and I make a big point of always telling anyone that is round our house to keep the noise down and to be quiet and show curtosey to others when they arrive and leave and we never play loud booming music. But of course as soon as I said about the children visiting his kids standing outside our house making tons of noise he threw the little gem at us about "I don't complain about you having your mates over" and I though yea but my friends don't cause damage and shreak outside your front door. Yesterday he opened his front door as we were walking up the path to go to work he opened his front door then slammed it again like an intimidation thing so we just ignored him. I think some of the problem is that he tried to buy his house and shouted his mouth off to us about it but we both know that as a single man on benifits as well as some work that he does no bank will touch him let alone lend him that kind of money to buy a house so I think there is some jelously there too. My husband has said don't write and complain about him untill he does something else you never know our letter may have had some impact so we are going to hang on for a few weeks and just observe what happens since the disgreement last friday we have had no screaming kids on our doorstep. He just hides behind his children all the time and says things like "there is only the three of us we have no familly and friends I am all the kids have" and "we have been through so much what with their mother going we don't deserve this" and then he will turn round and hit someone he is a loon.


        • #5
          hi bluebell,

          using a sob story on u is a classic NFH tactic - mine went to great lengths to tell me how he & old hag junkie girlfriends offspring was taken from them and adopted by a new family. having had six months of witnessing their behaviour i'm not surprised, but it was all so that i would FEEL SORRY FOR THEM - hence they would have an excuse to act LIKE ANIMALS.. it was their grief - their way of coping. although it happened years ago.

          at the end of the day u pay a lot of money to live in your home, and you are free to enjoy it within reason and without causing your neighbours distress. i'm sure if you had the HA would be banging down your door to let u know??

          It was my understanding that a child under 14 could not be left unsupervised or to supervise younger siblings by law?? if this guy really is struggling as he claims he should be seeking help from social services surely?

          i think u should try and get the local beat bobby round for a chat or reach out to whoever deals with teens/crime in your area, also your local councillor.. these kids might be b*ggers at 11-13 but they get bigger and braver, and more brazen as they get older. if there is a problem the professionals should be dealing with it ? its what they get paid for?

          as someone pointed out elsewhere on the board its very expensive for social housing organisations to remove anti-social tenants ---quite often they like to let private/ other householders do their job for them and bear the cost?

          also cctv can be a very effective lo-cost way of putting off vandals? u can try and get a neighbourhood watch scheme going... the more complaints the police / HA recieve the more likely they are to believe there is a troublespot rather than just a dispute between next door neighbours.

          best of luck... keep your chin up and make sure u get lots of sleep, exercise and R&R.. this NFH stuff can really drive u bonkers?????


          • #6
            well since the letter we have had a few evenings of peace so maybe it has sunk in a bit but it probably won't last long.


            • #7
              Hi bluebell,

              a big welcome to the group!

              you are doing the right thing by recording everything, yes it can turn in to a real chore for you but sadly its something that must be done to get things done.

              Have you also concidered contacting the dog warden?

              I know in some areas its illeagl to let a dog out on its own with out a lead, also illegal is dog fouling if you do not clear up the dog poop.

              I hope the letter has worked for you! and that things get better, please let us know how it goes for you


              • #8
                I have had a look but I am not really sure where to start looking for our local dog warden there is nothing on the council website only anout dogs messing on public property.


                • #9
                  the best thing to do is just ring the switch board and ask to be put through, the local dog warden was involved with our NFH as they let it wander, let it howl and bark all day and mistreated it.

                  they were surprisingly helpful I suppose. not with what they did but the advice they gave


                  • #10
                    ok thanks for that its nice to talk to people in the same situation it makes me realise i am not going mad


                    • #11
                      "a single father his kids are both under 13 he goes out to work and leaves them on their own in the late afternoon till about 7pm"

                      "but we both know that as a single man on benifits"

                      I would get in touch with the benefit fraudline anonymously.

                      As for the kids, anonymously ring up social services saying they are being

                      left alone and in charge of small children.

                      Ring up the Police anonymously, say there are drugs involved.

                      However, it may make things worse if he thinks it was you that

                      had placed the call. So keep it quiet.


                      • #12
                        you brought a smile to my face but you are right he will assume it is us he did when he had a huge fight outside our front door with a lump of wood I wanted to call the police my husband said don't get involved and someone else called the police. and then he asked me if it was us that called them. He even turned round to us and said that it was the other bloke that had the lump of wood and not him but we saw it as clear as day through the window. He also then told us that the other bloke had threatened his children during their argument outside our house we heard every word and the other bloke threatened to do their dog in if it came near his son again (our NFH's children had threatened to set their dog on the other mans son) so I can understand why he was a little up set and it was my NFH who threw the first punch and stood their being sarcastic saying to the other man "ooh your a big man arn't you" he even tryed to goad me he seems to try and winde people up and then they unleash hell on him and then he says " there is only the three of us we don't deserve this we have been through to much"


                        • #13
                          latest update

                          The friend that was nearly run over by NFH's german sheppard has just told me that when NFH put note through the door it was just before 11.30pm and there were no dogs barking and he had let his german sheppard dog out on to the green and went onto the green when he heard me and my husband come home presumably so that he could hear our reaction to his note has the man nothing better to do than cause trouble??


                          • #14


                            • #15
                              Hi Bluebell and welcome, belatedly, to the Forum

                              Sorry to hear about your neighbour. You have already been given some really good advice.

                              I think the key things for you to follow up are the Housing Association (HA), the Police and the Dog Warden.

                              We have recently discussed, at length, the issues around reporting people for fraudulent claims - be very careful before you do this. If you know, beyond any reasonable doubt that your nfh is claiming fraudulently, then ring, otherwise don't. This person could be going out to work but claiming other sorts of benefits that he is fully entitled to.

                              In my opinion, you shouln't allege drug use unless you know this is happening.

                              Your nfh sounds like he could be quite scary, so be very careful if you should ever approach him - never do it alone. It could very well be that he is trying to do the very best for his children (it's unlikely you will ever know his or their life story).

                              I think it is the HA here who need to be taking the most responsibility in this situation - chase them up.

                              For more information on how to cope with nfh, please look at the self-help articles on the main nfh website which will give you loads of useful information.

                              Take care