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  • Hellllllp

    I have lived in the same house for 18 years with my husband and 3 children.

    For 13 of those years, we have lived quietly and peaceably with our neighbours.

    Its a normal street, where children have always played ball or cycled in the street.

    The problems with my NFH started the day they moved in (about 5 years ago).

    They are a husband and wife, with 1 child. The husband took an instant dislike to my eldest son (12 yrs old at the time), and things have got worse as the years have gone on. They started with "DIY" at all times of the day and night, but we allowed for this, and made no complaint. Then he started on my son...swearing at him at first and then arguing with him over the smallest of things. If my son and his friends were playing football in the street and the ball came onto his property, he took the ball inside, and would call the police. It got so bad a few summers ago, that he ended up assulting my son.

    This man's wife is just as bad, and totally looses controll of her temper.

    last weekend, some boys were playing football in the street with a sponge ball, the ball came onto their property, and was confiscated. The boys politly asked for their ball back, but were met with swearing. The wife came out of the house, and totally lost her temper. This "family" have made our life a total misery over the last 5 years. We have tried suggesting that we both attend neighbour mediation, but they don't want to.

    My eldest son is prepared to forgive our neighbour for assulting him, but to no avail.

    Any suggestions ?

  • #2
    I am sorry to hear that you are having these problems...but welcome to the group.

    did the police attend when you nFH assulted your son?

    it is illegal for him to keep any items that land on his property by the way!

    will finish this post later as have to pop out sorry!

    please know though you will get loads of support and advice here though!


    • #3
      Hi, welcome !!!

      My NFH story is the opposite to yours whereby I feel plagued by children playing football at all hours of the day and night and deliberately kicking it against my car in order to set the alarm off, not to mention my windows and pots . also my daughter has been bullied by my NFH's daughter, so all in all, our lives are pretty miserable sometimes.

      So what I want to say to you is, is it at all possible that you could make sure your children keep well away fom this NFH's house??? He has obviously decided to keep on picking on your lad in the hope you will stop him playing out. I dont want to sound unsympathetic but I can see it from his side, are you sure your lad isnt kicking balls too near his house???. if your lad keeps well away and plays his games elsewhere then the NFH wont have anything to complain about and will just stew and fester away to himself. and you will gain the cntrol of the situation.

      tell your son to not ever retaliate but to ignore this person, especially if he has actually assaulted him. did you call the police when that happened? my daughter was bashed up my our KFH I wish I had called the police now, but I didnt and the bullying just got worse because the KFH knew her mother was backing her up.

      the NFH isnt allowed to keep your lad's balls or damage them in away, but then also if your lad goes onto his property it is trespass. If he has to retrieve his ball, go with him and dont give this silly g#t any excuse to start a pointless row.

      i am sure others will come along with their words of advice and very helpful it is too, please keep posting and let us know hw you are. I havent been on this board long and it has really helped me to cope with things round here.

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      • #4
        Hi Joanna and welcome to the forum

        Like Annabel I've been plagued with kids playing football outside my house so I do have some sympathy with your neighbour. However, I cannot condone the way he has treated your son, especially assaulting him. There is no excuse for a grown man to hit a young boy. You say your neighbour 'argued' with your son over the least little thing, can you give us some examples? Do you think your neighbour perceived your son as 'cheeky'? I'm not saying your son is like this but I've had children give mouthfuls of abuse when asked to move away from my house or to get out of my garden. It might seem like a little thing, but if it is happening time and time again then it get's very annoying and frustrating.

        I think if you read some of the comments made on this board by people who have experienced trouble from footballing youngsters, you might get an idea of how it affects them. Your neighbour is most probably suffering the same effects if his garden is constantly being invaded by youngsters retrieving their footballs. As this seems to be the central cause of the problem maybe the kids should find somewhere else to play football.

        As to the DIY, if you think your neighbours are being unreasonable about the times they do this, keep a log. You do not say if you are in council/HA property or whether you own your own home, if you are in council/HA property you can contact your local housing office. If you think the DIY noise is excessive than you can approach your Environmental Health Office and seek advice there.

        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


        • #5
          Hi joanna and welcome to the Forum

          Sorry to hear about your current problems. You have already had posts which have mentioned both sides to this. I too have been plagued (in the past) by young people playing with a ball landing in my garden. I find it really frustrating and I can imagine that some people could really get to the end of their tether with it day in, day out.

          However, that is no excuse for you neighbour assaulting your son.

          I would strongly suggest to your children that they should play football somewhere else - is there a park near you where they could go? Or at least play in their own garden and ensure that the ball does not go near your neighbour's property.

          Misty is right in terms of the DIY issue: if you feel it is unreasonable, then you must start recording the days, times, what noise etc. If you go to the main nfh site and look in the Resources section, you will find a blank sheet which you can print off to record everything on.

          Has the relationship between you broken down completely? Or is there any chance that you could say that you now appreciate that the children playing/ football in his garden may have been a nuisance, but that you will keep an eye on them from now?

          Please let us know how you get on - welcome again!


          • #6
            I have to admit that I hate children with footballs playing outside my house. I have seen a football smash the back windscreen of a car and who had to pay for the damage? The Victim!!!!

            If I did let my children out to play, there is no way I would let them play football unless they were in a park or field. I feel that it would be unfair to let my children upset other people by letting them play football in the street when I hate other children doing it outside my house. Maybe it's a bit hard, but if the roles were reversed, would you like to see children kicking a ball into your garden or at your windows or car.

            Sorry if I offend anyone, but I have known my NFH to use children with footballs as a weapon to try and intimidate me.



            • #7
              Tristar, i get it completely, it ain't right, but when it happens to you, its self-preservation. My NFH too does this purposely to annoy me, eg. when I am outside to clean the car (rare now, as i normally hide it in the garage) he sends the kids out to play football even if its clear they're not keen)

              its a tough call, and easy to see from both sides, my gut feeling is this - when you hear the ball against your property (car, home, garden plants) your gut tightens and your stress level goes up - would you inflict this on others? Not having a go, just saying, can see both sides.

              IMHO of course....


              • #8
                Again, neighbour assualting child is totally unacceptable, and police should be called in this situation!

                Also, have been subject to nuisance footballers(and noisy scooters/bikes,etc) despite living only a few hundred yards from a park with loads of room. My brothers kids have causeds a little annoyance to neighbours, so the keen footballer has joined a school team. He enjoys training and playing in a structured environment now he is used to it, and gets a lot out of teamship and loves his dad going to cheer him on(especially as parents are no longer together). A little parent participation can go a long way!! The upsuot of all this is that at 8 he has been scouted by town team to go on their training program....excellent result!. Maybe if he had only been playing on the street still he would not have channelled his talent and been scouted?! Worth a go?