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  • New Here! So Glad I Found You!

    Hi everybody, after a long search on the net for some kind of help, I have finally found you. I have already read some of the other stories, and they are so depressingly familiar.



    Gosh, well I have lived in this cul-de-sac for 6 years, and for the first 4 years everything was hunky dory...then last summer it all started. I feel very silly now writing it down, as in the grand scheme of things its actually quite trivial, but how comes it has affected me so badly???? Our house is now on the market, we are being forced to move after spending probably about 30k getting this house to be the little palace we wanted.



    Why? Because of bl**dy kids. Nuisances who play out day in day out (come rain or shine, so no use praying for rain).



    All was well until last summer, even my daughter used to play out. Then one of the little girls she used to play with started to pick on her and push her, scratch her, take her toys...I wasnt happy about it but I tried to keep it in perspective, all part of kids having to get on with each other and fight their own battles (to an extent). I started to get fed up however, when this girl kept coming in our house to play, making a godawful mess, scrounging sweets off my girl (when my back was turned), but this was never, ever reciprocated. My daughter NEVER once played in this girl's house. When I asked her 'can 'flossie' play in your house for a change? she replied' my mum says we dont know you well enough'!!!!! but its ok however for ME to be a bl**dy babysitter day in day out for a kid who I hardly know. This girl used to knock on our door at 7a.m. asking for my daughter to play out. I still tolerated it, until one day, the girls were playing out and my girl came running in in tears, great big red handmark on her face, with a load of the other kids around, following behind, all saying that 'ruby' had slapped her really hard for no reason. I went outside to find 'ruby' hanging around looking very guilty, and I asked her why she was being spiteful...not long after the mother turns up on my doorstep, 'dont you tell my kids off, only i can tell my kids off' again like a fool i backed down, and said ok its all a misunderstanding lets not fall out over it...however things didnt improve, they got worse as this girl seemed to take this to mean she could do whatever she liked because she knew her mum would not do anything.



    the upshot is that in the end I had to stop my daughter playing out because I just couldnt take the stress of wondering if she was getting bashed up or what was going on.



    on top of all of this, the boys of the neighbourhood relentlessly play football. like i say, come rain or shine on the patch of green (i know this is SUCH a familiar story!) in front of our house, and because of the way the land lies, the balls ALWAYS roll towards my house, and my neighbours on either side, and our cars are routinely bashed, alarms go off, we all used to go out and ask them to play somewhere else, but they take no notice.



    during the week, they play out after school until 8.30, i wonder when they ever eat or do their homework, or if their parents ever take them our shopping or to do anything, it seems they just dont. on the weekends, they are outside from 7a.m. sometimes and its just too too much. i know that this will only get worse as they are all about ten years old and this is only the beginning of all the stupidity.



    i know i have to keep my cool, i dont care that they stare at me insolently or make gestures, but when they shout rude things about my 7 yr old, i cannot take it and i have spoken to parents but they either just bulls**t 'oh im so sorry i will have a word with him' or they tell you to F.O.



    I would really apprecaite some advice on how to keep my sanity whilst my house sells. i just dont want to be here, i dread coming home form work. i hate weekends, i do allsorts to stay out of my house for hours on end to avoid them. my next door neighbour has just sold his house, he is now over the moon, i am so happy for him, but jealous as well.



    in a way i know this is my problem because i cant tolerate it, i just dont like seeing kids rampaging around, i think its so dodgy. i was brought up in a rough area of london where it was too dangerous for under tens to be outside, i just understand how come parents can open their front doors and let these kids out like they were dogs or cats...and i get really upset when its very hot and some of the parents let their little ones runs around in swimming costumes. maybe i am just oversensitive, but i think that we have back gardens for a purpose and we shouldnt be living out lives 'out on show' for everyone to see what we are doing. maybe i just like my privacy a bit more than they do.



    although i actually live on a private road (for which we pay a yrly maintenance fee) the residents assocaition has no powers to help at all, it seems to me i would be better off living on a council estate at least i could complain to the council and something could be done. i am powerless to do anything as a homeowner unless i want to apy a fortune in legal fees and maybe still get nowhere, AND render my house unsaleable in the process.



    i cannot believe i am moving just because of a bunch of kids. but i just cannot face any kind of future here. please, anyone, can you help with any advice on how to cope with this all...its summer holidays soon and i will go crazy for sure!!!





    thanks ever so much for letting me rant away.
    http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



    I decree today that life

    Is simply taking and not giving

    England is mine - it owes me a living

    But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

    Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




    Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



    I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



    "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



    The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



    An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



    Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



    Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



    There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



    Carpe Diem



    Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

  • #2
    Hi Annabel and welcome



    Reading your story was like reading my own. Unlike you I live on what was a council estate, it's now classed as social housing. However when my kids where younger I had all the same problems. We live in a cul-de-sac (it's called a green here). Kids playing endless games of loud raucous football. Drives you mad. I also had to deal with my kids being bullied just because their dad was a policeman. And once it starts it doesn't stop, it just gets worse. As one gang grow up (actually most of them just grow bigger rather than grow up) another younger gang were there to take their place. The council were less than useless when asked for help. Luckily the Housing Association now seems more forthcoming when it receives complaints.



    I know it must be difficult for you to put your house on the market but I think you have probably made the right decision. Once you've been targetted as somehow 'different' (because you value your privacy) you will remain targetted unless other residents can back you up.



    You could possibly get in touch with your local Neighbourhood police officer and see if he/she can offer you any advice. You say 'in the grand scheme of things its actually quite trivial'. No it is NOT trivial; it is affecting you so much you want to move away. You have a right to expect your daughter to be safe; you have a right to enjoy your home in peace. I'm wondering if these games of football you talk about are annoying any other neighbours? If so, maybe you could ask them if they would also talk to the neighbourhood officer.



    Too often today some parents believe their kids are untouchable and have a right to behave exactly as they please, no matter who they hurt. They'll make excuse after excuse for their brats! You can't win against them unless you can provide evidence to the police or local authority.



    When my kids were young I, like you would go out every day with them during school holidays. Even if it was to the local park or to visit family and friends. I couldn't stand being in the house knowing they would want to go out to play and knowing it would end in tears.



    So start keeping an incident diary so you can show it to the police. It is a pity you didn't take a photgraph of your daughter's face. But if it happens again, do so. Sorry, I sound like I'm giving you orders But the more evidence you can gather, the better.



    I think the only other thing I can say is to echo Badger's advice about keeping your head down until your house is sold. Yes, it will be difficult, but unless the police can help you I don't think you have much choice. Perhaps some of the other members will be able to give you some more solid advice.



    Oh, maybe you could try the kidscape site. http://www.kidscape.org and their bullying helpline number is 0845 1205 204. I do recall they did give me some advice when I called them (a long time ago).



    Good luck and come back often. Sometimes a really good rant helps, that's why we have a rants folder



    Take care

    Misty
    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Annabel

      a big hello to you!



      sorry to hear you are having the dreaded kids from hell problem.

      It must be dreadful for your daughter to be treated that way by some one she must of seen as a friend.



      I think in the long tern you have made the right choice to sell up, like Misty says, they grow up then a new gang takes its place. A big old circle of life



      when I visit my parents, they are still groups of kids in the same place as where older siblings used to sit, and we are talking a good 25 years ago!



      same place different kids.



      hope it goes ok for you and feel free to come and have a moan when ever you feel like it!

      Comment


      • #4
        Annabel



        I'm seeing KFH more and more on this board, and I really am sad to see this is becoming more commonplace. You're selling, I think its the right thing to do, and its not running away, its damage limitation.



        I'm selling too (not totally NFH-related, but NFH/KFH have made my life hell over the last 6 months). I cried when I decided to sell my beautiful house.



        Bet you sometimes have good days, when the KFH are behaving or even absent. Yup, you think to yourself "maybe I was over-reacting, it will be ok" - NO, IT WON'T. Yesterday, KFH were out bothering some other poor B*gger, I was enjoying my garden, a family of robins came as close as they dared and twittered at me, almost talking to me. I cried again. Dont want to leave, i love it here.



        10 mins later, KFH arrived back in force, footballs smashed against my garage, front window and plants in the front garden. 10 or so "Friends" of theirs sprawled over MY driveway, making row, screaming, shouting etc. Its like fate was reminding me of why I have to move. As Sue says, NFH of the future.



        And believe me Annabel, it won't get better - they grow into teenagers, motorbikes, cars, loud teenage music, drugs/drink blah blah. I dont begrudge anyone their normal lives, but whats normal about making someone else's a misery?



        OK, here's how to survive during the next few weeks - my NFH is waiting for an opportunity to "smash my face in":-



        1) If you don't have blinds, maybe get some cheap ones, or close the curtains when you feel swamped by this



        2) Get a pair of good mirror sunglasses, your eyes are a window to the soul and why should you let them see how hurt you are, its a good psychological barrier if they cannot see your eyes



        3) This is really important - on leaving/arriving at the house, put a smile on your face, and (if you can hold a tune) sing as loud as you dare. It makes you feel better, your kids will feel better and your NFH/KFH will simply not be able to handle this



        4) Under no circumstances respond to provocation - NFH love this response, it makes them feel powerful - don't give them this rush



        5) Finally, imagine yourself in a new environment - a new beautiful home, or one with the potential to be as beautiful as you want to make it. Visualise youself and your family laughing, enjoying gardens/play areas, occasionally talking to your fantastic new neighbours, having parties and BBQs and generally a better life. When I'm feeling down (I exchange contracts next week god willing) I imagine myself living this type of existence, and I can more than handle the NFH/KFH.



        Good luck Annabel, I've got my fingers crossed for a speedy sale, and for you and your family to be in a safe, happy environment soon.



        Let us know how you get on.



        Gordytjg

        Comment


        • #5




          THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!



          Thank you all soo much for your replies, I have been shedding tears of relief, knowing I am not alone in this and there are others out there who understand what I am going through. It is such a help to be able to talk to someone about it, other than my poor husband. Our families are lovely but they just dont know what it feels like to live in this atmosphere.



          I have been reading some of the other messages and literally crying for all of you suffering in this way, some of you have horrendous problems...





          Once again thankyou from the bottom of my hear, I feel some of the weight is lifted off me and all your suggestions on how to cope are so wise and sensible. (gordtjyg summed it all up particuarly well, esp that dilemma when the KFH arent around and you think 'its not so bad here, maybe its just me' and crying when you decide to put your house on the market...gosh that really set me off!)



          you dont know how grateful I am





          Annabel



          Annabel
          http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



          I decree today that life

          Is simply taking and not giving

          England is mine - it owes me a living

          But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

          Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




          Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



          I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



          "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



          The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



          An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



          Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



          Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



          There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



          Carpe Diem



          Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

          Comment


          • #6
            When I first found this site, I felt as though someone up there was looking after me.



            Like you say Annabel, family and friends make all the right noises, but I always get the impression they don't really understand at all and I've had commnets like "Don't let it get to you", "Ignore them, it'll get better"



            I've got one brother who has a NFH and I saw him last weekend. He was down, asked me if it was a good move to sell up and go, I said "D, you gotta do whatever you feel is right to get peace of mind, cos life is really too short to live like that", he's considering selling now too.



            Keep believing you've done nothing wrong, these folk are sc*m and will still be living their sad lives 10 years from now, whilst you will be happy, carefree and safe.



            Comment


            • #7
              Hi Annabel and welcome to the Forum



              Sorry to hear about the troubles you've had, but glad that you've made a decision on what action to take in terms of selling your home. If you're living in a "child-area", then the problems you've experienced so far are unlikely to ever go away, so selling and moving on is probably your best option.



              In terms of how to keep going till the sale, I think you've already been given some really good advice by gordy who's going through the same process as you.



              Keep your head down, try to live your life as normally as possible, ignore as much as possible and try to keep you and your family safe and happy by doing "nice" things.



              Hope that you get a buyer soon and that everything goes as smoothly as possible. Fingers crossed for you all.

              Comment

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