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  • Progress Report

    Hello All

    Well I went to the solicitors appointment last week and she has decided that it's about time she chased the HA up as to what they are going to do about the Bates'. She has also put me onto her colleague, who is more experienced with housing matters. Hopefully he will be able to get this sorted once and for all.

    I'm not too sure where it will go from here.

    I've also been contacted today by the local authority harrassment team, but they have said that Norma has made allegations about ME being an NFH. Where does this lying excuse of a festering pile of s**t get off?

    Oh well, I set the wheels in motion, and nobody said it was going to be easy. At least I'm not giving up!


  • #2
    Hi tristar

    Glad that you have had some joy with your Solicitor. Hopefully they will be able to take matters forward for you.

    Trying to turn the tables is typical NFH behaviour, I suppose they have to make something up just to try and justify their own behaviour, odd creatures that they are.

    Stick with it and keep us updated. Glad to hear you're not giving up!


    • #3
      Tristar, glad to hear your solicitor is going to do something for you.

      As Holly says, Norma/n are typical NFH and part of that is counter-allegations against you. I'm sure if the Harassment team look carefully they will see who the real NFH is.

      Good luck with the rest of the fight Hopefully something positive will be happening really soon

      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


      • #4
        More on trying to restore our lives to normality!

        My eldest son was in respite tonight and this meant that my youngest son was on his own and 'bored' (oh how I hate this word). He asked if he could go out to play. I was a bit dubious, but eventually let him go. I went out to the front to water the garden, so I said that he could play out and I would be out there to keep an eye on him.

        When he first went out there, the other children ignored him. After a while they came over to talk to him, but no sooner had they started to play with him, than their parents' came out and called them in as soon as they saw them with him. It seems that they are still believing the Bates' lies.

        Eventually, one of the neighbours who talks to me now and then, let her children out to play. They were so pleased to see my son out playing, at last. I felt a little uneasy as they live at the other end of the street, and all went down there, but I could see what was going on, which eased my mind a little.

        While my son was out playing, the Bates' family went out in their car and when they saw him out, their faces were a picture ( I knew I should've had the camera ready ) Boy Bates had to doulbe take out of the back window.

        My son came in to get a drink and while he was indoors, the Bates' came back. My son went back out to play. A couple of minutes later, boy Bates came out to play as well. He took one look at my son outside and turned on his heel back inside. It didn't make me feel very nice, because although boy Bates has been as awful as his parents, a real pain and has bullied my son for ages, he still has the right to play.

        Over the past couple of weeks, we have been trying to live as normal as possible, but this hasn't been easy, what with the dogs mess in the back garden and all. It doesn't make things any easier, when one of us go into the back garden or out in the street and whichever Bates family member is out, goes inside. This just makes me feel as though I am the NFH, because they seem to be starting to live the way we have been living for so long Maybe the Bates' are feeling so guilty that they can't face any of us...wishful thinking on my part more likely.

        I know it's all part of the long road to recovery...but why do I feel so rotten?



        • #5
          ah, dont feel rotton tri!

          it is a bit of a trek to recovering, we are now a year down the line but I promise you it gets better!

          try and live a normal life, the sunglasses trick is a good one, it means you can avoid eye contact with NFH.

          It must be hard on all the kids in the area, even just shows that it makes a difference on how children are bought up.

          I hope your son enjoys his respite!

          take care Beth


          • #6
            tristar, DO NOT FEEL ROTTEN! If the Bates go in when they see you it could be down to their own sense of guilt. However I find it hard to believe, after their behaviour, that they are the sort of people to feel guilt. But I'm willing to be wrong on that.

            It's great to hear your son is out playing with other kids. Hope your other son enjoys his respite After what you have been through you have no reason to feel rotten. You didn't cause the Bates to behave the way they did, they did that all by themselves. Of course they might be trying to get other people to believe that you are the NFH. But hold your head high. You are a good and decent person, that's why you feel rotten.

            Hope things stay peaceful and the doggy doo doesn't come over the fence any more. Take care

            "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


            • #7

              I have come into your posting not really knowing the full story, for this I apologies.I have read though what you have posted in this section and feel so sorry for you.From what I have experienced nfh use anything they can as a weapon against us. In your case it appears to be your children, in mine it was his trees.

              Please don't ever feel rotten for fighting to protect yourself or your family.The fact that you have posted your story in this forum and asked for help ,as far as I am concerned means you are a reasonable ,well balanced person.You are not the nfh.

              Tristar, I have three children, heaven only knows how I would react to the anybody that decided to have a go at me through my children. I hope I never find out.

              The wheels are in motion, keep them spinning and never feel guilty for protecting your family.

              Look after yourself and good luck for the future. Kevin


              • #8
                Hi tristar

                I know it's sometimes difficult, but you really must try and life your life as normal as possible. This means doing normal things: going in your garden, son playing out etc.

                The trick is to fully ignore the nfh. Use props, like Beth says, sunglasses work well as the nfh can't see where you're looking, keep repeating a mantra over and over, don't look at them when they drive past etc.

                Keep it up. Hope your son enjoyed playing out.


                • #9
                  Thanks for all your replies

                  Yes my son loved playing out again, he says it felt brilliant Thanks. My other son enjoyed his respite too, so I now have 2 happy children as we begin the weekend

                  I do use the sunglasses and it does work This morning when I got back from the school run, Norma was outside my house, talking to my other neighbour (probably getting all the latest gossip), and I just stuck my nose in the air and said 'hello' to my other neighbour, and didn't even look at Norma (I realy hope that it made her feel awkward).

                  I didn't get much sleep last night though I'm not like Norma and didn't much like upsetting her son, but then I don't suppose she cares how my boys feel. I think it may have been the fact that I felt as though I had stooped to her level

                  Never mind...It happened and the more I think about it, the more I feel that the Bates' are only getting back what they give out I feel a bit better than I did last night, although I'm not used to being the rotten one



                  • #10
                    Hello All

                    My eldest son was in respite again tonight so I let my youngest go out to play again as he enjoyed it so much last time.

                    It was completely different this time though. He was picked on and bullied by the other children in the street, and it all ended in tears.

                    They were firing a bb gun at him and he got very very upset. He didn't tell me and tried to deal with it himself...badly Another boy, who doesn't even live in the street came round and started to bully my son, the others just simply joined in. I don't know where this boy lives, but he is friends with boy Bates and the other family who give me lots of grief, (I'll call them the knowalls).

                    The knowalls have been very quiet for a few weeks, but now seem to have recharged their batteries and have started up the 'paedophile' angle again. My son took the brunt and I couldn't protect him, because I couldn't see what was happening

                    As soon as I found out what had been going on, I called my son in. He was devastated He was really looking forward to going out there and said that he didn't come in, because he didn't want the other kids to think he was scared.

                    Once inside, he broke down in tears and told me that he never wanted to go out ever again. He wouldn't even come to the front door while I was cleaning my car.

                    I called the police about the bb gun, but it had miraculously disappeared and nobody saw anything HUH!

                    My son cried himself to sleep and now I feel even worse than last week. One thing though, I will never worry about being rotten to boy Bates again.



                    • #11

                      As a former bullied child( anti-depressants at 14. no hair at 9 due to these b*******(why am I being so careful?).....I can only say listen to, and understand your child..and, whatever you can do to make them feel accepted, is paramount. And whatever, if this is not happeneing, maybe you bow to the bullies. Because your child's present and future welfare is forever. Fight all you can. But at the end of it, is winning the fight as important as your bullied child's future? This maybe controversial, and maybe I wouldn't say this if it was just adults, but I will defend it to the hilt for all the bullied children.




                      • #12
                        Hi Tristar

                        Just reading back over what I wrote early hours. Was definitely feeling a little emotional when I read about your son, I hope this sort of thing does not continue for him, and was very sad Probably thinking back to the bullying I endured made me feel too emotive and I remember how it felt as if it was yesterday! But that is no reason to give up, and I think I sounded a little like I felt this is about winning, and I know that isn't the issue. So I sincerely apologise if that's how it sounded, and wish you all nothing but luck in your situation.




                        • #13
                          Tristar, it brought tears to my eyes reading about your son. Also brought back all the awful memories of when my kids were younger and being bullied

                          Like Sapphire, I to get very emotional when I read about kids being bullied. We had a few bullies when we were young but they were nothing compared to the cruelty that kids dish out to each other nowadays

                          Tell your son how brave he is, he stayed outside and took the flak. I just wish I some parents knew the levels to which their kids sink when they gang up on another child It breaks my heart to think of him crying himself to sleep And I'm sure it's breaking your heart too. I used to feel so useless trying to protect my kids, having to stand and take abuse from the slimy little bullies who knew there was virtually nothing I could do and stay within the law

                          I hope things start to get better for you and your sons. I'd best stop now before I start ranting

                          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                          • #14
                            Thank you for your replies

                            I know exactly what you are saying and there is nothing worse than how I felt last night I couldn't sleep and ended up doing my housework to try and forget what had happened.

                            Then came a big seems that other people in the street are beginning to see my NFH for what she is and I have had people coming up to me and defending us. Even the boy with the BB gun's parents apologised for their behaviour and what their son did I'm still in disbelief and waiting for the rocks to start falling out of the sky

                            The thing is that I don't want to let my son out again until I'm sure that all is okay, these people have turned before

                            You know what they say 'the lull before the storm' and all that!



                            • #15
                              Hi Tristar,

                              Well, at least you've had a positive feedback I'd accept the apologies in the spirit in which they were given. Those people could have said nothing at all, but they took time to apologise, this has to be a positive thing

                              I can understand your reluctance to let your son out again. Although adults have apologised there is no reason to think the kids will be any less brutish Your son is the better person, he has not hurt anybody. Most bullies have problems with low self esteem and so do the the hangers on, sometimes bullying because they don't want to be the next victim. It's no excuse, they are as weak as the bully because they won't speak up. And in some ways they are worse than the bully because they are allowing themselves to do something they really don't want to.

                              Anyway, let's hope this is a sign of better things to come. Keep thinking postively and I hope things change for your son.

                              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi