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  • hello everyone

    Thought that I would never find any support for our ongoing NFH problems. Basically we are owners (well the mortgage co is!) and so are our neighbours on a small estate (was council, but most are owned now), and next to some sheltered housing with older people living there as council tenants. Our neighbour was widowed about 6 years ago. She has 3 shiftless (well, one isn't quite as shiftless as the other two) sons, who have caused varying degrees of grief over the last 10 years (can't afford to move). However, the last year has been the worst. The youngest son still lives at home (21yo), he doesn't work, doesn't make any attempt to work, still has enough money for booze and fags though!

    The other two sons: one is in and out of prison, the other is not quite so bad, and seems to be the only one who might actually make something of his life. Anyway, mum got an evening job and is away most weekends, when youngest son takes full advantage and sometimes the behaviour is downright bizarre. After not standing the noise (music, computer games, drunken behaviour outside, shouting, screaming etc) much more, I contacted our council 'Neighbour complaints unit', who told me to contact the EH office. I started keeping a diary last year, and submitted my diary. Youngest son got a visit - I was then accosted by youngest son (drunk - hey what's new!), he was all sorry and cried on my shoulder etc. Hardly spoken to me since. Put in another complaint, as things didn't improve. I don't know what they did that time. I then got a letter from the EHO, as the bloke dealing with my complaint retired and said that the complaint was 'closed'! Erm, I don't think so! So I have written again to the EHO, informing them that the complaint definitely isn't closed, and I want to know exactly what action they have taken so far. Oh,and youngest son didn't inform mumsie that he'd had a visit from the EHO. She was quite surprised when I told her! (She's quite approachable and will make him keep the noise down while she's there - even when he's being very abusive to her. Not nice).

    So other things apart from the noise:

    When the sons get together there is always a three ring circus going on. They first get drunk, they then fall out and take it in turns to lock each other out of the house, scream and shout outside the house. We phone the police, but they are wise and disappear/shut up - I think they can smell/have a sixth sense when the police are about to appear. That's not to say our police haven't been helpful - they've been very supportive, but they never seem to catch them in the act.

    one occasion when Mum threw youngest out of house resulted in youngest son shouting outside (and screaming obscenities etc) for four hours! He legged it when police came and then came back again.

    I now get snide little comments when he is outside in the garden, suddenly he starts talking about nazis, etc. Oh dear, cut to the quick I am (ha!).

    I am trying hard to be determined, and not let him beat me down, but it is very hard sometimes. I am definitely a more anxious person these days and I hate that. All my neighbours are on my side, but I'm not sure about asking them for official support as they are all elderly and more likely to suffer from retaliation - which is a real possibility if things get to court.

    So, anyone any advice, anything welcome. Should I have a solicitor? I am meeting with a mediation person next week, as apparently have to do that first. I'm doing everything they say, so hopefully something positive will come out of it. If it doesn't then I don't know what I'll do. But I am saving like mad to move - 3 years to go!

  • #2

    Welcome - Poor you, and pity the mum of these horrendous layabouts.

    I'd keep on to the EHO if I were you, noise is really a problem for you, especially in the night/early hours, and if you're logging stuff the police will be able to back up the fact that you reported each incident.

    There's loads of folk here who have this problem, and some much worse, they'll be able to help with the legalities if you wish to go down that route. If you just want somewhere to rant and moan, come back anyway, we love a good mickey take out of the NFH slime.

    Chin up, we're all here for you....



    • #3
      Hi Flossie and welcome to the forum

      You have my utmost sympathy for our plight. I'm getting something similar at the moment but my neighbours are tenants of an HA so I can get the HA to try and sort them out.

      I don't know much about mediation but from what I've heard from other members its a good way to go as it proves you're trying to negotiate a solution. Same for the EHO.

      It's a pity you can't get some of the council tenants to back you, then the council might do something. According to my local HA they will not just deal with HA tenants but with private house owners as well. Not that I've seen any evidence of that so far.

      Just keep a diary of everything that is happening and see if your Neighbourhood police officer can give you any help. Ask him about what policies the police have to deal with antisocial behaviour. If you think the police are trying to give your NFH a wide berth, write to the Chief Constable and ask him for help. It might be an idea to see your local councillors and/or MP also.

      Good luck with the mediation, come back and let us know how it goes. And if you ever feel like a rant or just a chat come here, we'll listen and you'll get lots of support

      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


      • #4
        HI Flossie,

        Welcome to the forum.

        I am hoping here that mediation might just be your saviour. Like Misty said :

        I don't know much about mediation but from what I've heard from other members its a good way to go as it proves you're trying to negotiate a solution.[/b]

        I really do honestly think that this one is your get out of jail card. You appear to be on reasonable ground as regards the owner - mother. So, I think that having digested what you have said - she knows that her sons are shall we say - a handful.

        I am wishing you all the very best on this - go into the meeting open minded and level headed. You should come out okay.

        Best Wishes


        • #5
          Hi Flossie,

          I recognise some of what you are saying, our current neighbours (we move soon) never seem to work, always have money to get drunk, new widescreeen tv etc.

          It is very frustrating to come home from a hard day at work to hear their drunken frolics.

          Hope things improve for you


          • #6
            welcome flossie!

            sorry to hear your story, it is all to common place now, what happened tpo respecting each other, sigh

            I think you should go down every road available to you, including mediation. And I wish you luck with it, I have heard both good and bad about mediation, but as I am sure you know, everything is worth a try!

            like the others have said, please keep a note of events, noise etc, times, how you were effected......and dont forget to keep names of people you have had contact with in different departments!

            very important, then they can't pass the buck so much.

            let us know how it goes


            • #7
              thanks guys - even just writing out the post made me feel better in a way.

              It was actually the local policewoman who phoned after a particularly bad weekend to suggest going for an ASBO. The information I got from the council Neighbour Complaints Unit explained that I have to gather the evidence and then the council will apply for an ASBO on my behalf - I am following their instructions, ie do EHO first, then mediation, then??? that's a good idea though, about the council tenants. The ones over the road (it's a tiny estate) are all in sheltered housing, and suffer the most anxiety I would guess. So that might be another pressure point. I am keeping well in with the mum, as I feel putting pressure on her is the only way out of this - if she kicked him out we would have peace, and she knows that. Even her boy friend (don't think he's a 'boyfriend' as such) says to kick him out. I checked with the local police about getting the evidence of police visits, and he assured me it was all there and would just need an official request (council or solicitor) to get it. The police know the sons very well, and the last time we had a chat the local bobby said 'good luck' to me - and meant it! They would be quite happy for something to happen to them.

              The mum's argument for not kicking him out is that he would just break in and sleep in the shed. So she doesn't think it's worth it. He's also (in drunken state) said he would be dead by morning if she kicked him out - he's such a loser. So in a way, I guess I am lucky and reading some of the other stories on here makes me almost thankful! Another pressure point (although this might be tricky) would be the middle son . He is trying to get custody of his 3 yo daughter - girlfriend and him are estranged but she has gone off the rails somewhat, into drugs, possible prostitution etc. Now it wouldn't do his case much good if there is some action against his brother - especially as the kid is often at the house and the youngest son sometimes looks after her. If I could plant this idea into the mum's head, she might go for it, as she desperately wants to see this grandchild (oldest son's kid hasn't seen this family for six/seven years, as the mum wouldn't let them - and don't blame her). But I am wary of this route - it seems to much like blackmail, and I wouldn't come out and say it, it would have to be done very sneakily.

              anyway, I'll certainly keep you informed, and thanks very much for your support.


              • #8
                Hi Flossie,

                no point repeating what the others have said, but just to give you a 'gentle' push to make sure you get something done.

                Dont put up with this c**p anymore!!!

                I would most definitely pursue the council a lot more vigorously on this matter. Dont let go. Keep going up the chain if need be to start getting some action.

                Be like a dog wi a burst ba'

                Mediation is definitely the first step. Keeps you on the moral high ground!

                keep us posted

                "Take off and nuke the site from orbit- it's the only way to be sure!"

                apologies if you are an "Aliens" fan

                Posh Noodle - NOT for the likes of YOU!!


                • #9
                  But I am wary of this route - it seems to much like blackmail,[/b]

                  It might SEEM like blackmail, but you do raise a very valid point. I don't think the grandmother would be very pleased if she could not see her granddaughter because of her drunken sons antics.

                  Good to hear the police are thinking about an ASBO. They aren't the be all and end all but having one slapped on him might bring the son to his senses. If he breaks it he will be liable to up to five years in prison. I don't think anybody who has broken one has actually been sentenced to that yet, not sure.

                  Anyway, good luck, you seem to be doing all the right things and hopefully your situation will improve very soon.

                  "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                  • #10
                    Hi Flossie and welcome to the Forum

                    You have already been given the advice about making sure you continue logging all the instances of noise/disturbances (there is a blank sheet under the Resources section of the main nfh website if you want to print one off).

                    Have you contacted the local Area Housing Office (Council) that manages the sheltered accommodation near you? It may be worth doing to see if they've had complaints and to see if you can team up with them.

                    Keep pushing with the EH department. Speak to your Neighbour Unit again about the ASBO - they may have a specific worker dealing with just that issue who may be able to discuss things in depth with you. The Police should also have a designated ASBO Unit/Worker/Strategy Team.

                    You could also consider speaking to your local Councillor.

                    It sounds like the owner is aware of what her sons are doing and by keeping her aware of what you may have to resort to may help her to clarify what she wants to do with her offspring. Have another chat to her if you can.

                    Welcome again and good luck with everything. You know where we all are if you want to have a rant/moan.