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  • Our Story

    I am a divorced single parent with two boys. The eldest is 14 years old and is disabled, the youngest is 12 years old and an angel (most of the time).



    We live in a cul-de-sac of 12 houses, owned by a Housing Association, and I just didn't realise what I had done to our lives when I chose to move here.



    Before I decided to move in, I checked it out by coming round here at different times of day and night, just to see what was going on and if I thought we were going to be happy here! I had been told that this was the right thing to do if you were thinking of living in the area. My impression of the place was "GREAT, this is just what we need". It seemed to be a nice quiet place to live, and on the visits that I had made here, I had seen a few of my new neighbours out talking to each other. It seemed a very friendly, civil place. I was really pleased!



    The day came and, with the help of family members, we moved in. It was a brilliant feeling!



    What I didn't know was, that when I went to collect the boys to bring them to their new home, my next door neighbour (Norma Bates, as we now call her), came out and started to question my cousin's daughter, as to who was moving in, how old we all were, where we came from etc. Whatever happened to privacy?



    One of the reasons for deciding to move here was that I had the use of the two parking bays directly outside my front door, which meant that my eldest son, who has scoliosis, didn't have to walk very far, and if I parked in the middle of the two bays, he had plenty of room to open the door as wide as he needed to get out of the car. Just what we needed!



    That evening Norma's partner (Norman as we call him now), knocked and said that they were having a barbeque that night, and that we were welcome to go. I thanked him, but we were all so tired that all we wanted to do was get the beds up so that we could sleep. We didn't even smell the barbeque, let alone hear any noise from the guests.



    The next day there was a knock on the door and there was my new neighbour (Norma Bates), "just welcoming me to the street" (and telling me the rules she wanted me to abide by). She seemed very nice at first, but then she mentioned the parking bays. There are six of them for four houses, and visitors parking across the road. I was told that there were two for the first house in the block, two for her house and two for the last house. My house wasn't mentioned. I then asked where I was supposed to park my car and was told that I had to use the visitors parking bays. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I just nodded and smiled. Once I had explained my situation to her, she said that she had no objections to me parking my car in the middle of the bays, so all was fine again! During the conversation with Norma, I mentioned that I couldn't get my washing machine to fill up, and later that day Norman came and sorted it out for me. I thought that I was so lucky to have such nice neighbours!



    After a few days, I finally got to meet my other neighbours, who keep themselves to themselves. They are the sort of neighbours we could all do with, civil, polite and mind their own business. Norma was mentioned and I was told to be very careful of her, as "not all of her lies were true". I wasn't sure what exactly was meant by the comment, but I brushed it off, as I tend to people as I find them. I was still unaware that she had questioned my cousin's daughter at this time.



    Norma's son had knocked and asked if my youngest son could go out to play. They are both roughly the same age and had been playing football with each other over the back fence. I thought it was great that my son had someone of his own age to play with. This was such a nice place!



    As time went on, I got to meet a few more of the neighbours, it was great, and they were all so nice! Then the backstabbing started, and one was running down another etc. I just said that they had done nothing wrong to me, so I had no cause to dislike anyone. This seemed to work, and I didn't get involved. One thing that I did notice was that Norma seemed to be the one always in the middle. This made me a bit wary of her. There were a few minor incidents, but I'd just let them flow over my head.



    Two months passed and all of a sudden, all hell broke loose. One of the neighbours in the next block of houses had split with her partner, and she started to let her children out to play! They were the children from hell and didn't they let us all know it.



    Then we started to get woken in the middle of the night by screeching cars up and down our quiet little cul- de-sac, screaming, shouting and fighting in the street. It turned out that this particular neighbour had started to take drugs and drink a lot, encouraging teenage boys into her house etc. It became a nightmare. Cars belonging to other residents of the street were damaged (including mine), there were police raids on a regular basis at the house, and one particular night, it was like an episode of 'The Bill' outside my front door. Oh my God! What had I done?



    Norma took it upon herself to get a petition signed by all the residents, to get this chaos stopped. The residents of the street came together, logging incidents, writing letters to the Housing Association and our local MP etc. A meeting was finally called, after about six months of hell. The Housing Manager and residents of the street got together to discuss the problems.



    The neighbour causing the problems was taken to court and an order was made against her. She then made up with her partner and everything was getting back to the way it was.



    About 3 months later I'd organised a barbeque for my eldest son's birthday, he really loves them. I invited my new friends and neighbours, and members of the family. I learned what had happened on the day that I moved in, with Norma and my cousin's daughter. I wasn't happy, but what could I say about it now? The bbq went really well and all had enjoyed themselves. I was really pleased with myself.



    Then one morning, I was leaving to take the boys to school and Norma was just coming out of her front door. I said "good Morning", but she simply stuck her nose up in the air. I hadn't a clue what was wrong.



    A couple of days later, one of the other neighbours came to see me and told me that she was running me down to them all. It seems that I had complained about her putting laminate flooring in her house. I hadn't said a word. Why should it bother me? After all, I had just had new carpet fitted throughout my house, and the fitters had made a terrible noise, which I had apologised for.



    Norma's son stopped knocking for my son and began to cause trouble for him every time he went out to play. He was being beaten up by other children in the street as well as Norma's son. I stopped him going out to play, for his own safety in the end.



    After a couple of weeks of Norma sticking her nose in the air, I decided to try and sort it out. She was on her way to work and I stopped her in the street. I asked if I had upset her, and was told "No". I then said that I know I had because she had been telling others, and she denied it. I said that if she had a problem with me or I had upset her in any way, then she should knock on my door so that it could be sorted out, before it got out of hand. She agreed and the following day we got together and discussed what had gone on. She did not apologise for the lies she had been telling others.



    Things were a bit strained between us for a while, but it got better as time went on, but my son still wasn't going out to play.



    Roughly a year later, after watching what I said to her and being careful how I looked at her and her children, a letter arrived from the Housing Association. The envelope had been hand written, as though I had been singled out. The letter said that somebody had complained about the children playing around the cars and damaging them. I was not happy at all. My children never went out to play.



    As I was leaving to take the boys to school that morning, she was at her kitchen window. She called me over and I asked her about the letter. She said that she had got one too and that it was just standard practice that all the residents got one. I explained that I thought that it was just me, and she assured me it wasn't. We said "Goodbye" and I said that I would pop in later, but I didn't.



    I hadn't seen her for about a week and an ice-cream van had pulled into the street. The boys asked if they could have one, so I went out to the go to the van. As I came out of my front door, she was walking past. I said "hello", but she just looked down her nose at me. I followed her down the street and asked if I had upset her. She just turned and started screaming and swearing at me, claiming that on the morning of the letter arriving, I had had a go at her. I couldn't believe what she was saying, and was taken by surprise. I just said "Get on with it" and walked away. I didn't know what else to say.



    For the next couple of weeks, I took the boys over to my friend's house, so that they could go out to play. They loved it over there, and were finally doing what children do best, playing at last.



    As it was my friend’s birthday, I had been invited out one Friday night. One of the friends I went out with happened to live in the same street as me. I’d made arrangements for my boys to go to a very trusted friend’s house, as I would not leave them with just anybody, and this was about 12 miles away. My friend’s husband had picked us up from the nightclub we went to and brought us home. It was about 1.40am before I got in alone, and I went straight to bed.



    A few days later, the friend that I had been out with that night popped in to see me. Norma didn’t know that I was out that night (just goes to show how much noise we make), and had told my friend that on that particular night, I had been playing my music really loudly and banging on the wall at 12.30am. When my friend told Norma that nobody was in my house at all and that I was out with her, she began to argue with her, saying that she had heard my voice. Norma then said that she could hear me shouting in the street at 3am, but nobody else had heard this, as it did not happen. I was fast asleep by then. Norma began to tell a few more lies, and was able to tell my friend times when I went out, came in, what I was wearing, who I was with etc.



    On hearing this, I began to worry about what I would be accused of next. So I made sure that we were even quieter in the house than normal, when we were there. Most nights I would stay out at one of my friends’ houses until at least 10pm. I would go to my parents’ house during the day, so there was rarely anyone home. I would sometimes bring my friend’s teenage daughter home with me to stay, just so that I wasn’t alone.



    At about 1.30am one night, when my friend’s daughter was here, I heard this incredible banging upstairs. I thought that one of the boys had fallen out of bed, so I ran upstairs in a panic. I stood in the bedroom looking at my shocked children. Norma had been the one who made the noise, by banging on the bedroom wall. This became a regular occurrence after that.



    We hadn't spoken for about a month and during this time, I had caught Norma's son threatening to damage my car with his bike, so I took a couple of photographs of him, so that I could prove it. I had also caught her daughter writing with wax crayon on my front door step and climbing the trellis outside my front door, which was now broken. These children had started to stick their fingers up at me and call my children names as they got in and out of the car. It got to the point where I had to go and buy a roller blind for my kitchen window and leave it rolled down permanently. We became prisoners in our own house.



    One evening, when I was on my way out with the boys, Norman was at his front door and asked if he could pop in to see me. I told him that I would be in later and went off to my friend's house.



    It was about 9 pm when he finally knocked on the door. He had come to 'sort things out'. He told me that that I was out of order parking my car the way I did, and that I had been nasty to Norma. I tried to explain what had been going on, but he would have none of it. I showed him the pictures of his son on his bike by my car, and he claimed that he was nowhere near it. Even the photographic evidence was not good enough. I then mentioned the banging on the wall, and he claimed that it was because Norma had told him that I had done it first. He then told me that Norma was not going to apologise for anything and that I owed her an apology. I told him that I would not apologise for something that I hadn't done, and reminded him of what had happened with the last disagreement. Norma was wrong then and I was the one that had backed down. I said that it was not going to happen again. He then said that if I wasn't going to apologise, things would get worse.



    The next morning I got up and went into the shower. I could still hear his words ringing in my ears and it began to annoy me. I went downstairs and put on a CD whilst drying my hair. The next thing I knew, Norma was banging on my front door, screaming and swearing at my son, as he answered the door. I flew down the hallway, dressed in a bathrobe and holding a hairbrush in my hand. She was still shouting and swearing, ordering that I turn the music down. The neighbours came out to see what all the shouting was. I shook the hairbrush at her telling her that I was sick and tired of her lies and stirring. I informed her that I knew that she had been stalking me and she was breaking the law. I also let her know that I knew what she had been saying to the other neighbours. At this point, Norma’s 7-year-old daughter came to her front door and began to shout abuse at me. I told her to “shut up and no her place”. What happened next was unbelievable. She said that I was definitely in on the Friday night that I had gone out, because my car was there. I told her that I do not dance around my car on the dance floor. Then she complained about the bathroom light being switched on and off and not only this but the toilet being flushed. There is no window in my bathroom and therefore the light has to be switched on when we use it. I was totally gob smacked at the things she was saying. All I could think of in retaliation was “ get a life and stop lying and stirring” to which she replied “lalalalalalala”, as a child would do, as she walked back into her front door.



    Later that day I went to all the other neighbours who had seen and heard this and apologised, as I had no right to interrupt their lives. They were all really good about it. Especially since Norma had said that I had attacked her.



    The next thing was that I had cut my hand one afternoon and my Dad had come and taken me to the hospital. As I didn’t take my car, I walked back to my house to get it, so that I could go and collect my children from my parent’s house. I walked into the street, and the children were all out playing. One of the little girls came up to me, followed by the other children and asked if it was true that I had taken photographs of them all and put them on the Internet. What on earth was I hearing? I told them that the only photographs I had taken were of Norma’s son when he was being ‘nasty’ by my car. I then carried on walking, only to be stopped again, by a couple of the smaller children asking if I take ‘naughty’ photographs of them. As I started to reply, one of the children’s mothers’ came to her door and ordered them inside. I felt dreadful! I went into my house, got my car keys and left. I was in total shock!



    Earlier that day Norma had been in the school playground telling all the mothers that I was a paedophile. Her son had gone out to play when he came home from school and told all the children, and the adults who had not heard what his mother had said in the playground. These people didn’t even know me properly, but believed every word that they were hearing.



    My immediate reaction was to seek legal advice, so I booked an appointment to see a solicitor as soon as I could. I also telephoned my disabled son’s social worker, who, though amused by this allegation, was nearly as shocked as I was. She assured me that nothing was going to happen to my children. I had fought court battles with my ex-husband to keep them, and now all I could see was them slipping away from me. I became more and more stressed out over the whole situation.



    After finally getting to see the solicitor and telling her the whole story, she wrote a very strongly worded letter to Norma and Norman Bates. It stated that if the family continued with the harassment and very serious allegations against me, she would have no choice but to pursue the matter through the courts and claim damages against them.



    Norma then reported me to the police, saying that I had been taking pictures of the children and posting them on the Internet.



    I got home from taking my son to school one morning, to find a police car outside my house. The police were in Norma’s house. I was devastated. I rang my friend from down the street and she came up to see me. She had only been here a couple of minutes, when there was a knock on the door. The police officer asked if he could have a word with me, and I invited him in. my friend and myself listened to what he had to say, and then gave our version of events. I showed him the log sheets that I had been keeping and the photographs that I had taken of Norma’s son. He was very reasonable, and could not believe that Norma could be so vindictive, and offered to make a mediation appointment. He told me that Norma had agreed to this, but how could I agree to something like mediation, after what she had done? I finally agreed, but let it be known that I was not happy about it. He left my house and returned next door.



    Although nothing has been heard from the police about that visit, I still worry continuously about it. There has been no mediation at all.



    The Housing Association have also offered mediation, but nothing seems to be happening about it.



    Since this time, we have been victimised by nearly all the residents of the street. We’ve had our front garden wrecked, our car damaged, knocking on the front door, only to find that there is nobody there. We’ve been called names, and stones thrown at our windows. Children of the street have attacked my youngest son, on his way home from school. There are only 3 of my neighbours who actually talk to me, but rarely. Norma had continued to tell lies and make allegations against me. My children live in fear of being accused of banging on the bedroom wall. Their childhood is fast disappearing. My eldest son shuts himself away and panics every time there is a knock on the door.



    As I am writing this, Norma is in the front garden, banging so close to my house that I cannot see what she is doing. I’m scared to open the front door whilst she is out there, for fear of what she will accuse me of. I can hear that she is actually hitting the front wall of my house.

  • #2
    Geee wizz,



    I thought had heard and read it all until your posting.



    First of all take some big deep breaths. You have come to the right place and all of us here will offer you much support and help where we can.



    Your neighbour sounds a bit like all of our NFH's rolled into one. You have a noise problem, harassment, bullying, intimidation, criminal damage and breach of the peace.



    This is serious stuff, but, with a little guidance from us all here I think we might be able to give you some constructive advice.



    Firstly, you did absolutely the right thing by informing your social worker - well done and a big pat on the back.



    You need to contact your Environmental Health Officer - this is a Sue, Badger, Beth, Matthew, and Hollygolightly area and they are much more up on this sort of thing, so I will let them post after me for this.



    What you also need to do is get hold of your solicitor and look into the possibility of getting a restraining order taken out against your neighbour. If you are lucky to succeed with this, then the heat will be taken off you with the other neighbours, as once it becomes common knowledge that an order has been made against them then you can bet your last pound that things will turn for you.



    Your right of parking especially due to your son is of no right of theirs at all and they should mind their own business.



    Unfortunately, the new buzz word for people is calling them paedophiles and this is something the police are very familiar with up and down the country now as any dispute invariably ends up with the word paedophile being injected into the argument in some way. It is a shame that people are narrow minded and will believe it.



    I am going to post off for now, because I am going to have a good think about ways that we can help you further and I need to look at some of my law books to see what else I can offer you by way of support. In the meantime too, it will help when the others post along the way.



    I'll be back in a bit - by the way great names Norma and Norman Bates Corking !

    Comment


    • #3
      Just a quick question - Do Mr & Mrs Bates own their own home is is it HA ?

      Comment


      • #4
        My stomach churned when I read your posting.



        Oh my God, PEADO! The depths that some people will sink too, beggars belief.



        The Peado thing is one of the things thrown at me. I've lived with it for several years. At one point I had my windows regularly stoned. The front bay is still cracked top to bottom.



        Despite the Harassment Act being invoked, I've learned that my neighbour is still promoting this theory.



        A little while ago I started a new strand titled MURDER, no I'm not about too but I wish someone would.



        I really don't know what to say. Your story is making be bl**dy angry and I'm feeling the rot of my own position. I hope you're stronger than I. This issue has ruptured my life and I swear vengeance.



        You should get some good advice from others on the board who are more clued up then I am. I will follow your thread to see how you get on.
        THORNYSIDE



        http://homepage.ntlworld.com/thornyside

        Comment


        • #5
          Wow Tristar, i take my hat off to you



          In the fact of verbal, physical and psychological abuse, you have emerged, phoenix like above it all and are still (just by the sounds of it) keeping your sanity.



          Sounds very much to me like the NFH is well known to others in the neighbourhood, she sounds totally deranged and dare i say it, mentally ill



          I doubt i can offer much advice, but 110% sympathies and a listening ear here.



          T

          Comment


          • #6
            Okay another question - have you made contact with your Housing Association about the Bates' ? I think this is a good pathway to take. If you have can you post back and let us know what they have told you.



            I am not up on Housing Association issues but, Holly is and she knows her stuff on this one so I am not going to tread in her shadows cause her advice is too damn good for me to ever try to emulate.



            Badger will post too he is more up on specialist issues and technical advice tends to be his mainstay.



            Matthew, Beth, Sue and the others are very good with the noise situation, so between all of us we should give you something that you can get your teeth into.



            Lets see how far we can get with all of us posters and then Badger and I will try and thrash out something together on the legal line for you. I think this is a solicitors jobby but, we should between us give you something to give your solicitor to make a good case out of.



            I know its so bl**dy easy for me to say this but, try and not let them get to you. You have found us, you can rant and vent your spleen here and we will sit and give you some food for thought.



            You have two young children one in particular who is very dependent upon you and we must make sure that above all else both their wellbeing as well as yours becomes top priority.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi tristar, Ijust don't believe the lengths that some people will go to when persuing their unreal fantasies against the unfortunate person who happens to live next door to them.

              I can’t help much but some very useful advice was posted on here a few days ago to the effect that if you ignore the NFH, it riles them even more when they can’t get you to rise to the bait anymore. You have behaved admirably with unbelievable restraint, and I hope you can keep it up because I think your NFH will self-destruct if she keeps this up much longer, well let’s hope so.



              I wish that I could help more but my thoughts are with you and keep us posted and don’t give up hope.

              Jim.
              Don't look a grizzly bear in the eye when you're eating fish 'n' chips.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Tristar and welcome



                It's an unfortunate fact but some NFH really do sound as though they need some sort of psychiatric help! And yours is no exception!



                One aspect of your story that hit a nerve with me was the taking of photographs and the subesequent accusations of paedophilia. Something similar happened to my husband even though he didn't actually take any photos,and I cannot even begin to express the white hot anger I felt agains the b****h from hell who accused him! I called the police myself and was told that this sort of thing is happening all the time. 'It seems to be fashionable', one police officer told me.



                Of course as with all NFH yours is now claiming victim status! I'm glad to hear that you are keeping a log of all these incidents. Your approach to your social worker and solicitor were excellent. Have you approached your HA? If not I think you shoud do so at the earliest opportunity.



                What really got to me was the fact that your children are being bullied. Have you had a word with the parents of these bullies? I know it can be extremely difficult to approach parent because you never know what the reaction will be. It is doubly difficult for you as a lone parent , so don't feel you have to.



                The fact that other neighbours already knew about 'Norma' would suggest that they don't believe half of what she says but the fact that they've stopped talking to you suggests they are almost as bad as she is.



                So basically, for now, my advice is to contact your HA and tell them what is happening. Ask them about their antisocial behaviour policies and tell them you need help. I'm sure Scooby and the others will come up with lots more good advice for you.



                In the meantime, come back often, you will find a lot of support and understanding here. You are not alone. Take care.



                Misty
                "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Tristar,



                  Greetings from another child-abuser (if you believe what the neighbours say),



                  Gossip - blatantly untrue - is SO hard to ignore, and impossible to counter, except by some very visible public counter-attack (my fantasies are of our NFH - aka Radar O'Reilly because he hears EVERYTHING and more!! - being trucked off in an ambulance by the men in white coats). Seriously, he reports back to me conversations I've had with Mrs Tom!!! Not all of them were when we were rowing about the neighbour...



                  Returning to reality, your social worker knows you and is supporting you. And you've now found some 'virtual neighbours' who DON'T believe Norma's gossip, because we've been/still are where you are. Apparently I shout at my 21-month old son until he cries, threaten my 7-year-old with eternal damnation for disobeying me (me a staunch agnostic??!), and make him shake with fear.



                  Radar refused mediation - because he's aware his fantasies and reality have only a tiny overlap. Norma/n may have offered initially, in order to look good, but now be delaying it for the same reasons as Radar. Why don't YOU contact the HA about mediation? The first step will be just you and the mediators, and if you don't want to go any further you don't have to. And if Norma doesn't want to go any further then you can't. Also you wouldn't want her saying she'd offered mediation but you'd refused... Though she well might anyway as truth doesn't seem an important concept for her.



                  One other point, with my Parent Governor hat on: - your kids are affected, and you could well get support for you and them - discreetly & confidentially - by talking to their school - I assume they go to the same school(s) as other neighbourhood children. You and your kids have nothing to lose.



                  Good luck,





                  PS the 'tooth' emoticon was the nearest I could get to 'truth' - and I'm leaving it in because it's fun...
                  "Poor Tom shall lead thee" (King Lear)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Blimey!



                    welcome to the group tristar,

                    what a tale you have there!



                    all I think I can do for you at the minute is offer you an ear!

                    everyone has pretty much said what I would of if I had been here earlier.



                    Hold your head high for you and the kids and try your best to blank them, the sunglasses trick is a good one.

                    if you wear shades the NFH cannot get eye contact from you, it doesnt sound like much but some people have tried it here and it has given an added confidence boost.



                    come back often and let us know how its going

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I was accused today of punching someone in the face, and was presented with the evidence[/b]


                      God almightly Badger - where does it end. What ever happened to living in peace and quiet what is going wrong in society that makes people want to make up malicious allegations without any foundation to them whatsoever.



                      I'm sitting here shaking my head at the sheer stupidity of it all. No matter though that you are going through worry and no doubt Mrs Badger too.



                      You think sometimes that things are ticking along okay for someone to rock the boat and turn your world upside down.



                      Its a damn good job you know your stuff boyo !

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'd just like to thank all the people who have taken the time and replied to our story. I'm so glad that I have actually found people who I can get some sense out of.



                        I've been getting some really good advice from you all, and I know that I'll get through this now! I may go insane doing it, but I don't think so. I have my new friends to help me now



                        I've decided that it's time to kick the HA's butt, and I have an appointment with a solicitor on Thursday. I'm going to make a few notes from the advice I've been given and go into the office, knowing exactly what I want her to do. Whether I get what I want or not is a different matter. I am not going to sit silently in my prison and let the Bates' win. We are all entitled to live.



                        I can now see that there is a definite trend that these NFH's follow, and that they all have very limited intelligence



                        I will definitely be logging on to chat as soon as I get the chance. It's just a bit hard to find the time when I need to.



                        I will keep posting further developments, as many of you have asked me to do, and I can see myself spending a lot of time on this site, reading all your stories and finding out how you coped with your own NFH's. My stand alone is finally over, thanks to you all.



                        As with all of us, there is much more to the story than we have told.



                        I am turning the corner now, and through you all, I can see that I have alternative routes to take regarding my situation. Eventually I will be one of the people able to give the advice you gave to me, to others, and help them the way you are helping me.



                        My NFH won't go away overnight, but with your help, I will be able to stay strong and cope! Maybe even kick their butts too



                        The Bates' Family beware!!!



                        Regards



                        Tri

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Bravo, Tristar! That's the kind of talk we like to hear



                          It's so true, this forum, if you want, will become your second home. And it really does feel like home because of all the really wonderful people who post here. It's definitely saved my sanity It's also changed my attitude. Instead of sitting and seething I can 'let it all hang out', and get some really good advice and some fantastic support at the same time.



                          The latest problem in my NFH saga now seems not that big, after all. In the peaceful times I can actually relax and that makes me stronger when times aren't so peaceful. I've also learned that you can't afford to let things slip, you have to keep on at HA's, police, etc, if you want things to change. And it doesn't do any harm to mention this site



                          So, I'm sending you postive thoughts and all my best wishes for a positive outcome to all your NFH problems Come back soon (and often)



                          Misty
                          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hi Janee



                            Thank You for taking the time to read 'Our Story'. There is much more to it, but to tell it all would mean that I would still be writing it.



                            I have tried all I can to stop the Bates', including as you have suggested the nuisance/harassment complaint to the HA, but nothing has been done.



                            I got a letter from the HA yesterday telling me that there is no evidence of anti-social behaviour and that Norma/n have refused mediation (it took them long enough to refuse). I couldn't believe it, as I have been keeping a log of this situation since September 2002, which is roughly 25 pages long and includes photographs etc. So I have been keeping a log of nothing, for nothing. It seems that the Bates family are getting away with murder and have accused me of being the NFH. They seem to be allowed to do anything they please, including their latest trick of the dogs mess in my back garden, (and this is not anti-social behaviour) so I am going to have to take a very long look at the situation, before I decide what to do next. I am already looking for somewhere else to live, but I have had no luck so far. Maybe I'm too fussy, but I'm not about to move my children into what looks like another NFH situation. I may be lucky and THEY may be moving soon. Norma was standing outside my house the other day, telling my other neighbour (at the top of her voice)that they are going to look at another house. I'm not holding my breath though, because I've heard it all before.



                            As for the 'paedophile' thing, I was talking to somebody (can't remeber who) and they told me that it is the trend for the NFH to make allegations such as this, and that it happens almost immediately.



                            All I have ever wanted to know through all of this is 'what have we done wrong?' Norma's behaviour started the day I moved in, and she knew nothing about me or my boys!



                            Tri

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                            • #15
                              Tristar,



                              I read, yesterday your full, horrific story and have read you posting today with sadness. I have thought long and hard about the type of advise I could give regarding the Bates. The advice I am going to give is harsh and uncompromising. I apologies to yourself or any other members that may find my advise offensive or difficult to stomach.



                              Tristar. There is a line that must not be crossed. The second your neighbours publicly accused you of child abuse, this line was crossed. You are quite literally past the point of no return. They have set about your destruction in a cruel and public manner. Whether you want it or not, they have declared war on you.



                              In this war you are now faced with two possibilities, fight or retreat. You have said you do not wish to move, so I would like to advise you on how to fight this war.



                              You must change you perception of this women .She has set herself up as a “Queen bee” type figure who must be obeyed. Do not be intimidated by her ranting, her lies or the laws she tries to lay down. I would advise you forget any type of mediation, talking or some sort of reconciliation. It seems it is not going to happen.



                              You require and are entitled to a public apology for the lies she has spread about you. You may think this is equally unlikely to happen. To achieve this you must bring this women to her knees. You must try to expose her lies and malicious gossip. Every time she lies, state it, quite openly. Every time she flies off into a temper tantrum, dismiss her.

                              Don’t be drawn into any sort of argument with her, which would give her more aminition. If she tries to confront you, dismiss her .If she comes to your door, remove or have her removed.



                              There is nothing more dangerous than somebody who keeps coming at you, no matter how many times you put then down. This is the person you must become.



                              They have tried to make you an outcast, if by rectifying this you have to bring about their downfall, so be it. If you choose to remain and take this fight on, please remain within the law and don’t start spreading any malicious lies yourself.



                              I really hope all goes well for you and above all look after your own safety. Kevin

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