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  • Territorial Terrorism

    Hi.

    First I must say that unfortunately I only have access to the internet at work and so am limited in the amount of time I can spend on it. So - if I don't have time to finish this today, will do as soon as I can.

    I found this site a few weeks ago and have spent time since then browsing everything and reading others' stories.

    Firtsly, what a relief to find this. My NFH experience has been going on for a long time. It nearly destroyed me once and has done immense damage to my family. Luckily we have grown strong, and our marriage and our family have remained intact and grown stronger. The one irreperable thing is to the children's childhood, which cannot be regained....

    Anyway - one of the worst things about it has been the isolation - unless you have experienced something like this, it's impossible to understand how devastating it is - moslty people think you're just being neurotic and should pull yourself together.

    More importantly, there is very little official help. The Mediation Service are very supportive and helpful (I haven't seen them referred to anywhere here - I would recommend contacting them to anyone who hasn't tried them...)but nothing can be done if the NFHs refuse to take part, which of course is what has happened in our case.

    And of course the law is practically useless. I will address this somewhere else in the future, but I do think there is a huge case here to be made public and campaigned over...

    But anyway, what a relief to find people who are suffering in the same way. What a relief to find that I'm not the only one in the world who dreads the summer, whose heart sinks at a sunny forecast, who hates going home at the end of the day.



    To my story, as brief as I can.

    When I went to university, I developed a phobia of other people's amplified noise - radios,TVs,hifis - when it invades my space.

    So what do we have next door? (This is our dream house of course) A G*T who spends all day every day (yes, winter as well as summer) cultivating his garden with his radio on. As I said before, we've had this for many years. Ask him to behave considerately?

    'I 've got the right to do what I want in my own garden. You have no right to tell me what to do....'etc etc etc. .....you all know what he says, you've all heard it from your own NFHs.

    To make it worse, he uses it as a psychological weapon, to keep me out of my own garden. He's lived there longer than us, you see, so we don't have as much right to be there as he does, and we certainly aren't allowed to use our garden, have friends round, let the children play football......

    To save your time, I would like to assure you all that we have over the years investigated all options open to us - we are on extremely good terms with our Environmental health Officer. We haven't yet made a formal complaint for a number of reasons, but may go that route this year.

    I must stop now because I must get back to work, but before I stop want to say this -

    I have grown stronger over the years and have more or less beaten my phobia, and am now finding ways of coping with the G*T. None of these things has been easy, but I do have some thoughts I would like to share - I've run out of time now but will come back and add more as soon as I am able.

    Mary

  • #2
    Hi Mary and welcome to the forum



    What an ignorant person your NFH is. Noise unlike flower beds does not stay within the bounds of his garden. Is he too stupid or too ignorant to realise this? These people, who so love their music (and in some cases it's a crime to call it music) that they have to share it with the world are the most selfish pests you can come across You have much right to enjoy your garden as your ignorant NFH has to enjoy his. Don't let him dictate to you when you can and cannot be in your own garden.



    The one irreperable thing is to the children's childhood, which cannot be regained....[/b]


    Oh, I do so identify with that statement. In my case it was all the bullying my kids got from the local yobs just because their father was a police officer.



    I look forward to hearing what you have to share with us. That's exactly what this board is about



    Misty
    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

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    • #3
      Hi Mary and welcome to the board.



      The Mediation Service are very supportive and helpful (I haven't seen them referred to anywhere here - I would recommend contacting them to anyone who hasn't tried them...)but nothing can be done if the NFHs refuse to take part, which of course is what has happened in our case



      Well, I think in our group definition of NFH that this part is pretty high up on the list. They wouldn't be an NFH if they agreed to mediation.



      However try NOT to be intimidated by the NFH. I think my NFH is cut from the same cloth and seems to think he has the right to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. As he's slowly found out, he doesn't.



      However one common trait of NFH is that they love to see that they have riled you. With my NFH, we just 100% ignored him. Totally and utterly. Short of him jumping over the fence and beating me up there's very little an NFH can do against someone who will not respond and gives no indication that their actions are having any effect. This maddens them more than anything I know.



      Now? He'd love to get a reaction by saying something to us but he knows we won't respond.



      He's just a joke figure now and most of the neighbourhodd now have him sussed as the NFH that he is.



      However right after I've finished here I'll be putting a short update on my Stupid Neigbours thread so expect a few fireworks soon.



      Anyway you're NOT alone and the NFH intimidation can be defeated to the extent that, like us, you can actually look forward to sunny days in the garden again.
      Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.



      We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.




      So what's the plan?



      Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.

      Comment


      • #4
        Welcome, Mary. I see some of myself in that as being the person that wants to have the right to do what I want in my own garden, but would feel I would need to take your feelings into consideration.



        I would only play my radio as loud as I need to or resort to headphones, for example.



        If you've noticed my first posts, you will have noticed an excitable dog doesn't help my household's plight. But, again, you would be deserving of consideration, as you don't seem the sort that readily resorts to swearing and veiled threats over the dog's treatment as our current NFH. I would hope that appologies would be accepted as we strive to keep an excitable dog in check without resorting to cruelty.
        I'm playing all the right notes, but necessarily in the right order.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Mary and a big welcome to the Forum



          I'm really pleased that you have overcome your phobia and that you have found coping strategies that work effectively for you.



          If you have read a lot of the experiences on the Forum, hopefully you can be assured that you are most definitely not alone in having to cope with NFH in their various guises. It can be really difficult when as a family group you cope as best you can, and yet when you speak to wider family members, friends and/or colleagues they don't/can't comprehend what you are going through. The great benefit of this Forum is that we all can! (unfortunately).



          Contacting the Mediation Service is something that is recommended as an option with some NFH issues, although as you have said, that does involve co-operation and compromise on both parties. As many of us know, NFH are never the most "reasonable" people on this planet and therefore this option does sometimes not get taken up as much as it could/ought to.



          I agree completely with your comments on campaigning, publicity and legislative changes. It is something that needs to be raised and worked on. The more members we have joining the Forum, the louder a voice we will have.



          It is great to have you joining us and look forward to hearing a little more from you about your experiences and strategies.

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Mary, Welcome to The Forum. Saying that I'm sorry for your plight seems so lame but I can only think of retaliation in a case like this. Are you the sort of person who could play the opposite kind of music to his, (here I'm assuming he plays trashy so-called pop music ) i.e. you could play something from The Planet Suite, or whatever suits you, but make it "stiff upper lip stuff" and see if he turns his music up louder or starts squealing about his rights.



            Wish I could be more constructive Mary, but anyway keep us posted.

            Jim.
            Don't look a grizzly bear in the eye when you're eating fish 'n' chips.

            Comment


            • #7
              However one common trait of NFH is that they love to see that they have riled you. With my NFH, we just 100% ignored him. Totally and utterly. Short of him jumping over the fence and beating me up there's very little an NFH can do against someone who will not respond and gives no indication that their actions are having any effect. This maddens them more than anything I know.[/b]


              This is classic advice, used by behavioural psychologists to stop stalkers thinking that their victims are encouraging them to behave irrationally, I only wish that I could follow it myself but I will try.



              Jim.
              Don't look a grizzly bear in the eye when you're eating fish 'n' chips.

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