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  • Swearing & Insults

    We have a problem, following arguments about bullying (I won't bore you with the whole story, but typical stuff). Following an incident with a BB Pellet gun we were finally forced to call the local police. Since then the tactic seems to be to claim that our child is doing the bullying, but what is upsetting is the regular swearing, by the parents , but also by the kids , from the car as they pass. They haven't sworn at me yet but my wife has also been on the end of it. Familiar to anyone?

  • #2
    Hi Harrassed and welcome to the forum



    It's not nice when your kids are bullied as I know from bitter experience.



    As Badger says, it would be good if you could give us a bit more detail about your problem. You mention kids and parents swearing at your family which is typical bullying behaviour. And yes, it is very familiar, sadly



    Look forward to hearing a little more from you very soon



    Misty
    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Harassed,



      I think as Badger and Misty say we need a bit more of the low down on your situation before we can give you some forward direction.



      Many people who post here do so with a fairly long history so don't worry about the boring stuff - it might give us a better insight.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Harrassed,



        welcome to the board.



        they say children can be cruel but in my eyes it is inexcusable when the parents are at it!



        I am sorry to hear you and your children are being bullied.



        stand tall and ignore them!!!



        easily said i know, we have all been there, the best way to retaliate is not to.

        it willl really get their goat if you do not react, all bullies want a reaction.



        please do post the rest of your story, the members here will be able to offer some help and support, as I said, we have all been there in some form so we know the horrible sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when the abuse starts.

        we will certainly believe your story and can relate to it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Harassed and welcome to the Forum



          Sorry to hear about your current problems. It can be really difficult trying to find out what to do about these situations.



          Hopefully, if you can tell us a little bit more about the situation some members may be able to give you more advice.



          Please don't feel pressured to reveal too much information, but a bit more about your story will help. For example, is this family actually a neighbour of yours? How long have these problems been going on for? Have you tried to discuss the issues with the parents?



          We look forward to hearing a bit more, and welcome again.

          Comment


          • #6
            OK you wanted the boring detail. This family moved in last year and the children befriended my 3 boys. It soon became apparent however that their boy liked to fight. Being a whimp I brought mine up not to fight. There were a few incidents last year where this lad hit my youngest (who is actually a year older than the other boy). When I say 'hit' I'm talking about fist in the face, make the gums bleed kind of hit. All went quiet through the winter, then the good weather came in March and children started playing out side. There were regular incidents of hitting my youngest, including one incident where my wife was called to rescue him from the local park because he was being hit and couldn't get away. To her amazement the lad's mother was there witnessing it all, and saw nothing wrong in what was going on. Unfortunately in a later incident my older two became involved (they held him down to stop him hitting their brother). Wrong!, but rather than complain the lads father took it on himself to discipline the other two. Although two wrongs don't make a right I let this rest and told my eldest two to stay out of it. Several incidents later I dropped a letter into the school and the local police officer to simply raise awareness, should matters get worse. One afternnon a few weeks ago. My youngest two returned from the local park with their friends because they were being harrassed. I did not put my head round from the side of the house so I could hear what was being shouted without the lad knowing I was there. He was taunting my second son to come and have a fight, telling him he was a coward etc. So I made my presence known and the lads played on the green opposite our house (whoops yes I know, another touchy subject). After some attempts to spoil their game and take the ball from them the bully and his mate disappeared. All quiet we thought, and left them playing. Shortly after, the BB gun incident happened and my call to the police. Since then we have adopted a policy of avoidance but this lad is now intent on chasing down my boys, taunting them to have a fight. If they react, or even if they don't he is obviously going home telling his parents that he he is being bullied by my boy. The parents keep stopping to tell my second son he is a bully and that they will report him to the police, usually accompanied with a few profanities. The 'passing car' swearing is usually done by their daughter, but obviously with parent driving the car. The boys are now under instruction to either come home or go into a friends house when either of these children appear as we cannot see any way out of it. We've invested a lot of time , love and money into our home and don't want to move, particularly as we have 'A' levels, GCSE courses looming. I grew up in a rough part of a rough town, and had forgotten what all this was like. I never thought I'd have to live with this again, but money can't buy you out of after all can it? Just a bit more background about this lad, there are six children on our part of the street and not one of them likes to play with him. Another two around the corner who used to play in our street are now banned by their parents from playing here, following a shout down with his parents last year.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi again Harassed.



              What a horrible situation for your children to be in. I'm not a parent, but dare say that they will be along shortly to share their opinions on what is happening.



              It would appear form what you have said that the parents of these children are simply letting their offspring do what they like. Other parents nearby are now obviously keeping their children away from these bullies - is that an option in your case?



              The threats from the bullies parents' that they are going to call the Police regarding your son's behaviour is a way for them to turn the tables and try to make you appear the bad party in all of this - typical bullying tactics. People who make "idle" threats like that rarely carry them out - it's the people who don't tell you their intentions who usually follow through with what they intend to do.



              What, if anything have the School and/or Police said about any of this?



              Hopefully you'll get more advice from the other members, but you and your family have my sympathies.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Harry (short for harrassed ),



                I could feel my stomach knotting as I read your story because I remember vividly the bullying that my kids suffered. But, you are NOT a wimp for not bringing up your boys to fight. You are a responsible parent unlike your NFH. Although sometimes, in the dark hours, I'd often wished I'd brough up my kids (2 girls and a boy) to fight. Fortunately, it just wasn't in them and now I'm grateful.



                As others have said your NFH is using typical NFH behaviour in trying to blame your son. NFH always portray themselves as the victim, sad G*TS!



                Am I getting this straight, your NFH father hit your two boys? How dare he!! So your children are not only being bullied but you and your wife are being threatened? I would think this was a perfect case for applying the Protection from Harrassment Act!



                I agree with the avoidance tactics but it must be really stressful for the whole family I'm not surprised the other kids don't want to play with the Bully from Hell! Do you know if other kids and parents are being bullied as well? If so it might be an idea to get together and approach your local Neighbourhood police officer. I agree with holly, the threats of reporting your son to the police are more than likely just idle threats, a way of trying to intimidate your son. You are obviously a law-abiding family and they think that you will be frightened by this tactic.



                I would advise you keep a log of all the incidents so you can show it to the police. If possible get photographs and/or record the threats. The police will already have a record of the BB gun incident.



                I wonder, how is all this affecting your children? It can't be easy for them and I know it will be torture for you.



                Good luck, I hope things settle down for you. If you need to rant, you know where we are and I'm sure I speak for everybody else when I say you'll get a very sympathetic hearing. Take care.



                Misty





                "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for everyone's comments. The bad weather over the last week has meant no incidents as we've hardly seen them. Half-term coming up though, so we're dreading it. Although we've had no problems over the last week another neighbour received prank calls on Saturday night which were traced back to this lad, and another asked for their address because of some other problem. So you're right we're not the only ones but I think we have been singled out for special treatment. Lets see how half-term goes!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Fngers crossed that it's all quiet for you. Keep us updated about what's going on.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I dread school holidays!



                      It's good (in a way) that other people are having problems with this family because now you know you have potential allies. The powers-that-be seem more likely to listen to a group rather than to individuals so maybe you could get together with these other people and present a united front.



                      The weather here is sunny but I'm once again praying for rain Hope things stay quiet for you this week. Good luck and don't let the ******** get you down.



                      Misty
                      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Fairly quiet weekend, although we were out most of the time. Only 3 incidents, eldest son tooted at and given V sign from car whilst walking dog, youngest son chased twice (once with a stick).

                        There appeared to have been some problem last night with other neighbour's kids, and I think the BB gun was out again. Going to see what I can find out. Youngest hit today with a stick, but the lad from the other neighbours stuck up for him and gave the bully a belting. So we're not alone.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi Harrassed, sorry to hear things haven't changed much But that other lad sticking up for you son is a postive sign You have potential allies there, make the most of it.



                          Misty
                          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Just to elaborate on Tuesday / Wednesday. My youngest hit with a stick, leaving a read graze the length of his torso (got photos and witnesses). That's when the other lads stuck up for him. Bully's mother stopped her car to accuse my 2nd lad of bullying again (including the odd profanity). All the kids that 2nd lad was playing with gathered round and were arguing with her. Neighbour came out and told her to move on. Bully's mother was shown the mark bully had left on my youngest and went into immediate denial. When I got home children were still congregating. 2nd son's friend was told my 2nd son would be threatened with a knife the next day. This was all in the afternoon.

                            Evening, 2nd son went to a friend's house 3 doors up from Bully's. As he left at 7:30 as he we had asked him, subjected to a tirade of swearing by Bully's father until he cleared the fence on the corner. I heard the last of it as I had realised what was going on.

                            Called local police officer yesterday just to raise awareness. She cut me short saying that 2nd son may not be as innocent as he was making out, citing a neighbour who had heard him swearing, and one time she claims he had insulted her. As you can imagine I was fuming and instructed my wife to keep him in during the afternoon. I confronted him last night and he admitted to the swearing incident, which he said was following bully winding him up. This was some weeks ago. Since then he knows he does not react or answer back in any way. He is adamant the police officer is mistaken about the other incident. This doesn't excuse the harrassment though does it? 2nd son was crying for some time last night. Feel really low, not sleeping, blood pressure is up.

                            Do I need to see a solicitor?

                            Do I need to get a camcorder and dictaphones to record what's going on. Any recommendations for type of equipment?

                            Should I call or write back to the police officer to refute the allegation and insist that she should listen?

                            I've instructed the boys to continue avoidance on the basis now that it is for their own safety. The knife quote was probably childish nonsense but I can't take that chance. I don't know how far bully's mother and father are prepared to go either. It's not right, the children are almost being made prisoners of their own home.

                            Helppppp.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The knife quote was probably childish nonsense but I can't take that chance.[/b]


                              Harrassed, absolutely do NOT take it as childish nonsense! Your son has been threatened, he has the marks of an assault on his body. It doesn't matter if he did swear, there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for the police to ignore you.



                              My daughter, then aged 11, was coming home from school, a group of older lads (bullies to the last) were harassing my elder daughter. Younger daughter stepped in and was immediately threatened with a knife. It was only a small kitchen knife. She came home distraught. We immediately called the police, who took it very seriously. This was in the Thatcher era when kids were given caution after caution. Anyway, the lads were cautioned, all except one mixed race boy who refused it because he said she called him the 'n' word, which my daughter vehemently denied. The police were prepared to take it to court but my daughter adamantly refused to go as she was so scared. Another time a particularly nasty young lad had a go at my son who was then nine. I heard him say words to the effect of 'I'm going to get a knife and stab you'. I called the police and once again they took it very seriously.



                              Yes, get a camcorder, yes take photographs, yes get a dictaphone. It will all help to back up your claims. I'm not sure of exactly which equipment to recommend, maybe some of the other members could help you on that point. When you keep a diary, see if people who witnessed the incident will also give you a written statement.



                              And yes, go back to the police. Unfortunately, where kids are concerned, the police are reluctant to do a lot. Mostly it is because of all the extra paperwork and the way they have to deal with juveniles - i.e having a responsible adult there, no aggressive questioning, etc. So if they think they can ignore a situation involving kids' fighting', they will. It's up to you to tell them that this has gone much further than a couple of lads having a tussle. If you can afford it, maybe you should also see a solicitor. At the very least you could make an initial visit, first half hour is free, just to see if there is anything they can do for you.



                              I empathise with you completely, I know exactly what you're going through because I've been there. Oh, I forgot to say, when the lad said my daughter called him the 'n' word, the policeman told me that even if she did (which she didn't), it was not an excuse for him to threaten her.



                              I hope some of your other neighbours will back you up, unfortunately there's lot of people who are reluctant to get involved for fear of retaliation. I hope your 'good' neighbours are made of sterner stuff.



                              Good luck, your kids deserve to enjoy their chilhood



                              Misty
                              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

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