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Well, where else are they supposed to play?

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  • Well, where else are they supposed to play?

    7 years and no trouble. Now, not only do I have Meercat and his mad parking to contend with, a new (age-old) problem has arisen. Like many others, and I sympathise with new member Lizzie, I am now getting football trouble.

    A new family has moved in down the street (about 150 yards away in one of the big 4 bed detacheds). Without boring anyone - you know the situation - the children of the household have started playing football outside. They are playing football in the garage space next to my house. (We have a garage block of 8 garages set in a small courtrayd setting). Got home last night and all I could hear was yelling and banging and, most annoying, the thump, thump, thump as the ball repeatedly hit my wall.

    Not having any of it, I went outside and told the kids to go away and that it wasn't a play area. To give them their due, they did and didn't come back. I wanted to nip this one in the bud though to make sure it didn't happen again so took a wander down to the new family and spoke to the mum. Mum was really nice and didn't take offence at all. However, when I asked her to tell her children to stay away she just sort of looked helpless and said "but where else are they supposed to play?" I look at their large, 4 bed-detached front lawn. I look at the huge fence surrounding a huge garden. I look at the stretch of cul-de-sac road in front of their house. I then look at her and realise that I and my neighbours are set to become victims of someone else's kids. I want to say "I don't care where they play but they don't play and annoy me". Why do they feel they can put the onus on you to tell them where their kids should play?? They shouldn't need to be told.

    What really bothers me is the sheer selfish attitude of these parents sometimes. They have their nice house and plenty of space for football but, Good Lord, they don't want to have to put up with a load of rowdy behaviour and damage every evening. Not when there's a perfect little place where the kids can bang about just up the road. Let someone else take the brunt of the screams whilst they have a nice quiet time of it knowing that their kid is safe only a 100 yards away smashing a football around in an area that is obviously not a play area. Not only that, but it irks me that these new people have nothing to do with us and don't own a garage there but still think it's acceptable for their kids to run riot over someone else's property and just won't accept that the kids shouldn't be there. I mean, what would be the difference if I decided to go down and have a barbecue or a party on their front garden?

    I have sympathy for everyone who has football problems. I shall not let this one escalate into an endless premier league nightmare.

    Tired and effing fed up!

  • #2
    The answer to the question is: "They play in their own garden."

    Or the parents should take the kids for a walk to a local park/ pitch and play there.

    Sorry, these are reasonable answers aren't they?

    I have had a couple of "mild" football experiences in our home. None since I last told them to play somewhere else.

    Isn't it ridiculous that a lot of members are having to pray for rain just so kids aren't outside banging balls about?


    • #3
      Sensible answers both but sensible and respectful doesn't come into it these days.

      I purposefully bought my house because it is in a cul-de-sac and doesn't have any green space apart from the verges. The houses directly behind me front on to a piece of grass which is just a magnet for kids to hang out and play football. The noise is deafening if you go round there. The point is, it would have been easy for me to have bought there since you just wouldn't think it would turn into such a scrum after tea time.

      I just thought I'd be safe from that and it's depressing to find that, if there's the tiniest bit of land (even privately owned) going, kids will descend and use houses as goal posts.

      Oh, by the way, we have an enormous recreational park about 5 minutes walk away. Again, I imagine it's the parents not wanting their kids wandering off ......


      • #4
        Grrrr!!! Where are they supposed to play? You should have told her that she should have the answer to that, after all she is the one who brought them into the world!

        I am so sick and tired of parents who send their kids out and don't give a thought to what they may be getting up to or who they may be bothering. Parents who think the world should accommodate their little darlings and allow them to do anything they want, just so long as they don't bother dear old mum and dad.

        As you say, they have a large garden, let them play there! If they give you the answer that they don't want their beautiful garden spoiled that will tell you all you need to know. The care more about their plants than they do their kids! Then you can tell them that you don't want your peace spoiled by their brats!

        And I'm going to stop now because I seem to be lapsing into a rant

        Don't let them get the upper hand, Jeannie - maybe you could point them in the direction of the Meercat's garden Ooh, I am awful

        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


        • #5
          I could send them round to Meercat but Meercat has the upper hand - he is a bloke. I do find that teenage boys have even less respect when confronted by a female than normal.

          Anyway, I'm having my house valued tonight - decided this yesterday - and am viewing a couple of properties tomorrow. I'm not at the state where I'm dying to move - far from it - but I do feel slightly sad now. Up until three months ago it was a perfect place to live with everyone just rubbing along together nicely. Now there's a lot of tension from Meercat and the Duck and now this with the kids and it's just spoilt it somehow you know? I find myself thinking "what next?" I can't help feeling that something good has gone and it won't be the same happy little place again and I find myself feeling a bit bereaved over the whole thing. I love my little house and I've really put in a lot of money and effort into making it my own special place but it just doesn't feel totally right anymore. I feel like I'm being more and more invaded. Am I being too senstive here? Do you know what I mean? I feel a bit of a fraud since some of you here have gone - and are going through - far, far worse than me.

          So, not going to do anything rash but, you never know, there could be the perfect place out there. Am viewing a dear little two bed semi (with an attached garage) in a quiet street tomorrow. It's odd but I'm already not caring about the decor/kitchen/bathroom/windows of the place. They can always be bought. I realise you can't buy peace and quiet.


          • #6
            I know, and it's the maddening feeling of helplessness and frustration. On reading Badger's post, he has problems with his own child and perhaps it is the same with these ones. I find myself fearful that I'll get a brick through my window if I tell these kids to go away and then find myself amazed that I am cow-towing to a 12 year old!! Kids know the effect that they have on people and how scary they can be en masse. It doesn't matter that they're hardly out of primary school, some of them have just the most anti-social behavioural problems when it comes to society and adults. When I asked them to play somewhere else last night they skulked off slowly all giving me long, sullen stares that just dripped with contempt for me. Kids with this attitude remind me of a pack of hyenas.

            I can understand Badger's frustration, particularly as he is obviously a good neighbour being let down by a headstrong child. Children just challenge all sorts of authority these days and know they can get away with murder.

            I shouldn't have to fight battles with the kids I pay my Council Tax to educate.


            • #7
              so where is the contempt coming from? TV, video games, food additives, discipline in schools, parents............ I wish I knew[/b]

              Badger I think you already answered your own question earlier in your post. The boy whose father thought you over-reacted, the school who cannot deal with a handful of rabble rousers. These kids are the ones who get away with all sorts of antisocial behaviour because they are 'allowed' to. The other kids see they can get away with it and it has to have some effect on them. You know what kids are like 'how come he can do it and I can't?' 'So and so's parents let him do it/go there/wear them etc. And if you stop them from doing/going/wearing they resent you because they get it in the neck from their peers.

              Kids today know their rights and as long as schools and sometimes parents (I'm obviously not including you) fail to tell them of their responsibilities they'll do as they please.

              It's bad enough for the ordinary public but can you imagine being a police officer who knows they can't do anything to stop these kids and having to stand there and take all the abuse thrown at them? This of course reinforces the kids belief that they are untouchable. No wonder the police don't like attending reports of 'youth disturbance'.

              I'm ranting again, sorry

              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


              • #8

                I like yourself was very saddened when I made the decision to move. I too had made my house into a beautiful haven, a retreat from the rest of my troubles in the outside world. How horrifying to find that a few minority folk can turn that upside down overnight.

                I still catch myself thinking "what are you doing? stick it out! show them what you're made of" but I take up Beth's point, yer, really, it won't improve. its your decision, but don't wait until you get that sick feeling when you turn into your road, like I had for weeks before deciding to sell. That night, I slept the best i had in months!

                Had a bad one tonight, brief spell of tears, mainly cos have started packing, but I guess it will turn out ok, who knows, maybe there's an even better place out there for you!!!!


                • #9
                  Had the estate agent round who said he could shift the house in a matter of days if I wanted to which at least is a comforting thought. Got upset looking at the kitchen cupboards earlier when I remembered how an ex-boyfriend and I spent two freezing weeks ripping apart and then putting in the kitchen. We managed to build all the cupboards in the kitchen and then realised we'd built them all round us trapping us in, and we had to smash through the back of one just to crawl out into the back garden. I remember just crying through the cold and mess and not being able to cook anything, and just wandering over to ASDA like a snotty zombie-woman.

                  This house isn't just personalised but more in that so much labour and love has gone into it. The previous owners had had a bad fire so the place was pretty much gutted when I bought it. Nothing here now belonged to anyone else - not the carpets, wallpaper, windows, kitchen, bathroom suite ANYTHING. Even the kitchen ceiling has been replaced. That's why this is so tough.

                  I bought the house just after my Dad died and left me some money which was why I was able to do everything. My Dad was very good at DIY and gardening and, every step of the way, I would stop at some point and wish he was there because he would know about plumbing and coving, how to test soil acidity and how to wire in a light switch without blowing every other light in the house. I made myself learn though cos, at the end, Dad worried about me and my sis and him not being there when we got our first houses. Me fitting my own kitchen and installing my own storage heaters was done so I wouldn't in some way let my Dad down. My Dad's worst nightmare was having to employ a builder.

                  This was my first house and it holds so many memories, even after just 7 years.

                  Ooh, feel a bit tearful now ...

                  Anyway, no children tonight so nice and peaceful so sat in the back garden looking at my fuchias (another memory of Dad) and feeling horribly confused. Looking at a house tomorrow which I am told I will love to bits so, you never know, it may just be a case of "doing it for Dad" all over again and, if I remember rightly, I DID have more than a few laughs doing it.

                  And it's Friday (which is NEVER a bad thing)


                  • #10
                    Aww, Jeannie I think your dad would be extremely proud of what you have accomplished I still miss my dad after 21 years But I also think your dad would not want you to stay in a place where people are causing you unhappiness.

                    My sister wouldn't think of moving because she's spent most of her life in what was the family home. She says all her memories are there. But the sweetest memories are in our hearts and no matter where we move to they will always stay with us.

                    Thanks for reminding me to remember my dad

                    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                    • #11
                      Misty is right, the memories of your dad will follow you everywhere for as long as you're on this earth.

                      He wouldn't want you to be unsure/unhappy - I'm pretty sure of that. You seem a strong willed and capable woman. You will move on and it will be a positive step.

                      Never look back, unless that's the way you are going....

                      Move onwards, upwards and forwards - it's the only way to go. You've outgrown the location of your current home. Take all the good things from it (memories, plants etc) and transplant them in your new home.

                      And leave all the bad things behind.

                      Let us know what this house is like after you've viewed.


                      • #12

                        Your post touched a nerve with me, as I could say the following quotes too.

                        I bought the house just after my Dad died
                        [/quote]house isn't just personalised but more in that so much labour and love has gone into it

                        was my first house and it holds so many memories

                        I DID have more than a few laughs doing it.[/quote]

                        We'd planted out a lovely, large garden really thoughtfully, but we had the choice of moving or having our children learn the foulest of obscenities from a very sick neighbouring duo. Moved we did and no regrets!

                        Though I do feel wistful sentiment even now, as it's mentioned.

                        It's a real shame when it's easier/ less hassle to move house. Getting away from an nfh situation, especially when it's taking over, can often be the only way to preserve/regain sanity. Sometimes it just has to be done. Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you.

                        I'd like to echo Misty's post, and thank you for triggering lovely memories of my dad, too.

                        Please keep in touch



                        • #13
                          Sniff, you got me at it now!!

                          I even have a B&Q card now, all the work that went into mine too, it looks like a showhome, but not much point when you can't enjoy it.

                          Think might go for a very different type of house, maybe older, and have much fun making it over, think this may dull the pain somewhat, and am a firm believer in fate lending a hand to airlift you somewhere else for a reason......

                          Good luck with the sale


                          • #14
                            Thanks all. Sniff. Feel better today. House now on the market on a "low-key" basis which means that there's no board and it's not on the internet or in the paper so none of the neighbours will know until I decide to put an offer in on another property. This means that any interested buyers will have to actually go into the estate agents to find out about it and then they will be told that I am in the process of looking for a property. They express an interest and wait for me to decide what I want to do. Gets the ball rolling and serious buyers interested in case I do find that dream house but, if I don't, no-one will hopefully know and the agent just passes that on to the hopefuls. Like you say, Sue, I don't want to be here for years making myself ill. Best to go whilst my memories are still good. All the work I've done means the house will sell quicker so I'm looking at the positive points of that and, in terms of transplanting Holly, you're right. My soil is just clay so all my good plants are basically in pots and troughs. Even the Carnaby clematis we all planted in Dad's memory is in a pot so I can just take it with me. It's just a house isn't it, and someone else will come along and love it.

                            Like Gordy, I'm leaning towards the older property. This house I'm now viewing tonight is an old Victorian end terrace which are huge here. Still only two beds but a 120 foot garden (I could finally get a greenhouse if I wanted) , cellar and enormous kitchen. It's been done up by the present folk so no ground work to be done it seems. Still has the cast iron fireplaces. My little Barratt has storage heaters and a gas fire so a bit of period charm is appealing.

                            The one I'm viewing on Sunday is a modern two bed semi so will get the chance to look at both options.

                            Miserable weather here today so not the ideal way to view a house. As we know, the rain keeps the footballers inside mostly.

                            Sigh. I think a few beers are in order later


                            • #15
                              ooh you jammy thing, i'm dead jealous. I'm also thinking of Victorian, 30's etc., as I like the sizes of rooms, gardens, and WALLS!!!

                              I recently did some renovation work in a 1900 property - wow, it was great fun, original staircase, ceiling roses, just did some unobtrusive modernisations, now the property has 7 bedrooms, two attic rooms and two kitchens!! pity about the area its in, but the experience was fab

                              main road, main road, main road etc....