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  • please give me some info/support

    Hello Im new and have been driven here by my downstairs neighbour

    Its a sort of long story so please bear with me.

    My partner and I moved into our flat and from day one have had trouble with the older lady who lives downstairs, our awful behaviour is as follows:

    ~we parked our camper van so that we had to reverse out of our space and the fumes went into her garden (we live along a busy main road and other tennants park 'nose' in)

    ~we have been accused of working on cars for money (we sometimes have to fix OUR camper which we do after 10am and not after 8pm and making no noise)

    ~We have been 'harassing' her by doing woodwork on our balcony;during this incident she told my partner to 'go to hell~one way ticket' in front of a witness.

    ~she has taken the registration of our new car which my partner and a friend have been trying to fix so I can drive to my new job.

    Where we live everyone has one parking space, three visitors spaces and three spaces not used by residents. After a previous bout of trouble with her we were given a letter by the residents comitte saying if people have more than one car it is a first come first served basis for those with two cars, which we feel includes us...our neighbour's partner parks in one of the free spaces. We recently had to buy a second car because I am starting a new job (i need to travel around the area daily) after over a year off and where my partner works there is no bus route, trains and taxis are £15 one he is taking his test as i will no longer be able to chauffer him everyday...therefore 2 cars is essential to us. Whats worse is whenever we have visitors she is peering out her window at them, when we come and go she is often at the window and I wont even leave the building if I know her husband is coming or going. Plus Iam on medication for depression and anxiety and as you can imagine she makes me worse!!!

    everyone else in the building supports us totally but this woman seems to act like dictator of the building...any advice????

  • #2
    Hi Busgrrrl and welcome to the Forum

    Ah, parking and nfh... that was one of the reasons that brought me to this site some months ago.

    I am really sorry that your nfh problems have meant you have had to come here, but glad to have you with us. You will get a great deal of support from the many members here who have all had/ are still having a variety of neighbour problems.

    You have taken the first step in resolving your problems by coming here. It sounds like your neighbour has time on her hands and she needs to complain about something. It also sounds form your post like she has a temper and has come out with nasty comments that really aren't helpful.

    Just to clarify some points, which helps get a clearer picture:

    * You and your partner have a car and a camper van?

    * You have one designated space and the use of a space if there is one free out of six other spaces available?

    * There is a residents' committee for the flats that you live in?

    * Do you own your flat or rent? If you rent, is that from the Council/ a Housing Association (HA) or private landlord? What about your nfh?

    (If you don't want to give too many details, that's fine, but it can change the advice that we can give)

    - In terms of your designated space, that is yours to use as you want. My space also backs on the our nfh's property. I wouldn't rev the engine to cause noise/ fumes to enter his property, but that's because I'm a considerate person. And if you are like me, then the nfh downstairs can't complain about you.

    - It sounds like your nfh is nosey - what you do in terms of repairing/ re-doing your cars is for your own personal means, you are not running a business.

    - In terms of your woodwork/ DIY, then as long as it was done at a reasonable time of day, I cannot see what the problem is. Playing devils advocate here, but your nfh may have moved from a bad nfh environment before and sounds (which you feel are normal) really get on her nerves?

    It is great for you that you have the backing and support of your other neighbours in the flats, and that it is one "bad egg" that you have to cope with. That though, is bad enough, particularly if you are not feeling at your best and anxiety and depression can really zap your self esteem and confidence.

    My advice to you, would be to think about doing the following:

    - Have it out with your neighbour: ask what the REAL problem is here and what compromises can be made on both sides (make sure you take notes of what is said), or

    - You could consider contacting your local Mediation Service who will do the above on your behalf with you

    - Go to the next Residents Committee meeting and raise this as an issue, see if your other neighbours have had problems with this nfh and whether you can't have a collective response to her (safety in numbers will give you a sense of power and should make the nfh see sense)

    - If you haven't started already, you need to be keeping notes about everything the nfh tells you - dates/ times/ who said what to whom etc.

    - Make sure you do positive things for yourself, don't let the nfh get you down! (I know that's easier said than done, but try).

    Hope this helps as a starting point? Please come back often to get advice from the other members and to let us know how you're getting on.

    Good Luck


    • #3
      Hiya busgirrrl

      My sister moved into a new-ish block of retirement apartments up north 3 years ago. I have to say, most of the residents are OK, but one or two play the OAP trick. One guy above (ex military) played his TV on full blast from 2am onwards (but guess that was cos all his life he was used to getting up early) anyway, baby sis couldnt take it and sent him a letter asking him to pipe down. He bought TV headphones problem solved!

      Another one moaned about her putting down wood flooring (even tho she used the most expensive underlay, insulating noise and walks around in socks) - she told them to come and demonstrate and she would be supportive - no response.

      The flat below is owned by another OAP - when my sister's toilet flooded their bathroom, his daughter comes around DEMANDING compensation for his distress - he doesn't even live there as his daughter (money grabbing witch) moved him into her house and is selling the flat and wants a new bathroom to raise the price.

      Every time i have visited, curtains twitching, i try to park my car courteously, but still my sis says that the management committee mention this every time - she tells them to p**s off (nicely though)

      My experience of OAPs is mostly ok, though i do know one or two who moan, gripe, spy and sh** stir simply because they have nothing else to do - hope i don't end up like that.

      If you have a management committee, use it - its a good forum to put your views across in a non-confrontational way. If not, you could try one of the other residents as a mediator? How do your other neighbours feel about the NFH? Usually, if one person causes a problem, it is REALLY comforting to have the support of others in the same boat.

      If you can, more info please, I'd like to get a better pic of the situation, how long, who lived in the flat before you etc.....



      • #4
        Hello busgrrrl, and welcome.

        I think the others have given you some good advice so I can only echo that


        The flat below is owned by another OAP - when my sister's toilet flooded their bathroom, his daughter comes around DEMANDING compensation for his distress - he doesn't even live there as his daughter (money grabbing witch) moved him into her house and is selling the flat and wants a new bathroom to raise the price.[/b]

        Meaning no disrespect, gordytig, but he may have been distressed that his chances of selling the flat were reduced because of water damage. I don't really thinks it matters if he lives there or not, the fact is that his property may have been damaged and he would then have a legitimate claim for damages. I suppose it was all down to the manner in which those claims were made

        I think there will always be problems when different age groups live in close proximity. The older people are set in their ways and the younger people may have little idea of the problems of old age. It's all very sad when lines of communication break down. If only people, old and young, would try to see each other's point of view and make allowances. I know, easier said than done!

        I think we've found out that there are NFH in all walks of life and in all age groups. As always its the bad apples that spoil the whole barrel It's just one more aspect of the NFH phenomena

        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


        • #5
          Hello and welcome,

          Not more I can add Hollygolightly has pretty much summed it all up.

          Just to say we are all here to help and support you.

          Best Wishes


          • #6

            all I can say is welcome to the forum board!!

            I think Holly has pretty much said it all!!

            Hope you get what you need from the site and please visit often


            • #7
              Hiya Misty,

              yer, you're right, someitmes i do speak without thinking (fiery Sagittarian that i am!) - just checked tho with my sis, and there is a waiting list of 50 or so waiting to buy these flats, and it has already been valued (with destroyed bathroom) at 50% above last purchase value and at 25% above similar flats in the area.

              Still, I know as well as most how trying to maximise value is important when you're getting out and shipping on, and perhaps he wants to sell to avoid CGT or to provide care in old age (not sure).

              Sorry again