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Does the feeling ever go away

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  • Does the feeling ever go away

    Hmm, another thought occurred to me....

    If and when I finally move, what is the legacy of the NFH? Will I become ultra-sensitive to children and footballs, plant leilandii in the garden to ensure privacy and barely speak to neighbours in an attempt to minimise any issues?

    God this simply is not me, I have been considering other areas to live, but now find myself looking at properties on a main road, so that there will be no footballs, private driveways so that I never have to have problems with parking, and high fencing to potentially block out others' interaction.

    chuh, well, hope things improve, am also seriously considering laying off the housing market for 6 months, staying with friends or renting a place until I am "better" or recovered from NFH syndrome.

    slightly deranged female seeks new job, relationship and life in general

  • #2
    it takes a long time to get de-senstised!

    yesturday Matthew muted the tv because he couldnt hear anything!!

    our NFHs moved out almost a year ago!

    we are very senstive to any noise and disturbance, the new gripe for us is boom boxes in cars that drive past at high speeds.

    it is not unreasonable to want to live in the quiet, I think now we are more aware of noises around us which we then home in on.

    its not us being paranoid, just aware of of environment around us.

    It is a lot better than it was to start with, we are managing to block out some noises without over reacting to them....unfortunatly this was a bad thing when my neighbours car was broken in to last week and he had some of his tools pinched, we didn't hear a thing!!


    • #3
      I find that I have become unreasonable to some degree. My NFH has improved quite a lot since I dealt with things in my own way.She still plays music ocassionally,but to be honest if she had of been playing it at the level she plays it now at the beginning I'd have never have been bothered.Now though I still get a bit vexed when I hear it,even if it is relatively quiet.The other night,saturday night,at about 10.30pm she started playing music.It wasn't really that loud and I could still hear my telly etc etc.At 11pm she turned it down a couple of notches futher and finally turned it off at 11.15pm.Then ,as I was in the loo,I heard her calling out goodbye to her friend..I though about it and it I felt like an old moaner.She had a mate around and they played a bit of problem really.I refuse to become this intolerant,grumpy old G*T that I am in danger of becoming.I think it's just that I worry about a cycle of very loud music starting again,though there is no evedence as yet that this will happen.


      • #4
        Hi Gordy

        I don't think the feeling goes away totally, it's a massive affecting thing on our lives for all of us, over time like any major effect it will dwindle and hopefully dissapear altogether.

        I'm still a little sensitive to noise even now a year later - so it's only a natural human reaction. I don't blame you for trying to reduce the chances of nuisance etc when you move, anyone would do the same

        Good luck.


        • #5

          All I can say is try and remain positive. The feelings WILL subside and what I can say to you is this :-

          Move on, a little bruised, but always wiser knowing that you have taken with you a little more experience along your lifes pathway.

          Best Wishes


          • #6
            Hi Gordy

            After having two sets of nfh, we bought our current home. We tried to check out the neighbours first, one neighbour was lovely and we hadn't met the other (as he completed at the same time as us).

            I think you just have to hope for the best with things, do as much checking and research as you can into the areas you want. You can't really do more than that.

            The sensitivity to nfh issues: noise in particular will fade in time if your new neighbours are nice. You may find yourself wanting to check on things - to see what's going on, but those feelings should fade in time. You have one set of lovely neighbours at the moment, don't ruin your chances of finding another lovely home because of your fears and the behaviour of your nfh.

            If you find yourself in a similar situation to us (highly unlikely) then you know where we all are and you will know what procedures to go through.

            If you feel you want to take some time out from owner occupation, then do it. Spend the time scouting out different areas to see what you like, make sure you go at different times of the day.

            Good luck with whatever you decide - and make sure you come back and let us know!


            • #7
              but now find myself looking at properties on a main road, so that there will be no footballs, private driveways so that I never have to have problems with parking, and high fencing to potentially block out others' interaction.[/b]

              I moved just 4 weeks ago onto a main road after being in a corner house with a massive garden, i must say after spending 2 weeks wasting my efforts on looking out the window, i find the need diminishing and finally finding some inner peace and getting my spirit back, moving on a main road is the answer unless you have bad neighbours and luckily for me the neighbours only like doing certain strange things now and agian

              I get on well with my neighbours though and did in my last addy, life is improving at last and my music i make is improving, the kids are happy and the wife ecstatic because finally the house can be decorated to how she wants it etc, were as in the height of all that had happened to me and my family, it makes you feel in limbo and not want to stay there so we never improved our home, it was sad really, the mrs has kept in touch with old neighbours and apparently days after we moved out the kids smashed every window, got in the house and were smashing what we had left there and also set fire to the wendy house we left there, i believe upto 30 teenagers hang round in our ex big garden were all the fence had been taken and smashed, the neighbours have pleaded with us to come back

              Move on a main road Gordy you will never look back

              Good luck



              • #8
                Thanks guys, I think it might be ok, but there may be a spanner in the works already......

                Last October (prior to NFH problems), my NFH requested a tree preservation order on about 8 trees in the neighbourhood (this just to P**S people off who owned the trees) - none of them on my property, but one or two that obstruct my view of the scenery. Get this, he lied by mentioning to me that the council had done this and I might want to object on resale value. Thinking all was OK, I agreed and wrote the council asking them to take into consideration the fact they were outgrowing etc. I had no response, but I heard that they have deferred the decision.

                Now I am selling, I had to declare this letter. the NFH requested the order, I had to put it on my information sheet and I think the buyers may try to lower the price. What happens if they find out the NFH did this? I'm hoping questions won't be asked, cos although there are no disputes, they might start digging around.

                If asked, do I just shrug and say I don't know who did this and I simply wanted to preserve the view? Am I being too paranoid and if pushed should I hold out on price?

                Help - my honesty seems to be backfiring....!



                • #9
                  Can't believe when I read this post. Thought I was the only one. Only a few days ago, my wife caled me paranoid because I was looking out for noises on the street and automatically assume that nfh's kids are playing football inconsiderately. A couple of weeks ago, I even jumped out of bed from a siesta cuz I thougt I heard a ball bouncing loudly on the street, which turned out to be a neighbour's car boot being slammed shut!

                  Since a big argument with nfh last month, things has been quiet and they seem more considerate now. (Read update in my thread). However, this has not stopped me from loking out the window all the time anticipating trouble. The stress of having nfh do inded scar your psyche long term...


                  • #10
                    I think once you're sensitized to a problem it takes a while to de-sensitize. I stay in the back of my house so I won't see the kids and their footy games. But I can hear when a ball is kicked and I still get that sinking feeling in my stomach. It's all I can do not to go and look out of the window. Even in the middle of the day and the kids are at school, if I'm downstairs I'll be drawn to look out of the window. A bit sad really, because usually at that time it's so peaceful and it just reminds me of what it could be like *sigh*.

                    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                    • #11
                      Reminds me of a current ad about an old man ouncturing a bal that fell into his garden. Then mum said he didn't get enough love as a kid, or something like that. I can t really remember what this ad was selling. I really hope I dont come across like this old man, but if I do, its the nfh's fault!


                      • #12


                        • #13
                          Will take along time to desensitise yourself from these feelings.

                          I think the danger is that you can go too far in the opposite direction and become intolerant of even acceptable , normal behaviour.

                          yes, my hackles rise even at the sound of the NFH kids out playing and it shouldnt. Every time he struts past our window we just cringe!! It is difficult!

                          I can assure you that when we move house again the absolute no1 priority will be a thorough investigation about the neighbourhood. I couldnt go through this again!!

                          "Take off and nuke the site from orbit- it's the only way to be sure!"

                          apologies if you are an "Aliens" fan

                          Posh Noodle - NOT for the likes of YOU!!


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by gordytjg@May 6 2003, 10:27 AM

                            If asked, do I just shrug and say I don't know who did this and I simply wanted to preserve the view?* Am I being too paranoid and if pushed should I hold out on price?
                            If you just wrote to the LA saying that you wanted the trees to stay, then that's what I would say to your buyers. You like looking at the trees.

                            Am I right?

                            Sorry, just let me check back with you, was your nfh in dispute over this? If they were, I'm sure you could just say that you had a difference of opinion over whether the trees should stay or go. That's an open and honest answer and I would have thought that the buyer would accept that without thinking there was anything else going on.


                            • #15
                              No not that simple, the NFH actually requested that 8 or 10 trees stay on the preservation order to p**s off those people on whose land they were situated. This is because to maintain these trees you have to seek permission from the authorities first, so you cannot even prune them.

                              The NFH did this, then tried to lie to me that the council had done it (it wasnt me syndrome) and that I should write in protesting as they affect the property.

                              The reason i know this is cos when I said i would ring them and ask why they did this, he got all nervous and said "will they tell you this on the phone?" said i don't know, but would try.

                              He is a real control freak, he was seen carrying loads of books from the library regarding lay law and tree perservation stuff. Either he knew I would have problems with the sale as a result (not yet tho) or he really is a sick b*****d wanting to P**S off folk who havent even met him!