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Psychopath next door

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  • Psychopath next door

    OK, i've read loads of your problems, and boy i have to say you guys are saints for putting up with noise, gangs of kids and damage to property etc.

    My problem's not so easy to define, but I'll try.

    5 years ago, I moved onto a fabulous estate. Let me put this in perspective - i was single, doing incredibly well at work, had savings from time living at parents and bought a 3-bed detached with views and private land at the back. On all sides of me were respectable, professional people with great attitudes and I thought, "this is where I'd like to start a family some day".

    I was aware that my next door neighbour had some issues with the neighbours on the other side of me, but busy with work did not bother to get involved. One Sunday morning i was enjoying coffee reading the paper when an argument broke out on my driveway between the 2 sets of neighbours (one a 30-something, the other a pensioner). It ended in throwing stuff, bad language and threats of violence from both sides. I closed the window and ignored it thinking that was the end of the problem.

    A few days later, whilst carrying some paint into my house, the pensioner started a conversation with me on the driveway. This guy is genuinely nice, asking what renovations I was doing etc. At that point, the 30-something nfh's wife drives past us on her way to her house. Again, thought nothing of it - the pensioner then explained the nature of the problem with the nfh. Since the houses had been built (over 10 years earlier) the nfh had made the pensioners' lives a misery over a spat about cable TV installation running over the land. The pensioners had had abusive telephone calls, skip deliveries, threats to poison their fish, and abuse from the 30-something's kids. That very night, a knock on my door - you guessed it, 30-something nfh standing there, fists clenched, features contorted in rage - "I want a word, Tracy". Hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and against my better judgement, asked what was wrong. He explained "his side of the story" he claimed the pensioners were nutters (hard to believe, they often ask me in for coffee and give me their leftover plant cuttings) and I ended by saying that whatever the problem, it was nothing to do with me.

    Anyway, about 18 months ago I lost my job (IT) - so had to start spending a lot more time at home. Pensioners were very supportive, giving me tea and sympathy, also job leads. One day I heard next door nfh kids playing football against my car! I asked the kids not to do this, (we all have gardens and there is land about 200m away) as i was worried about accidents. NFH was in the garage, and said they could do what they liked, it was their driveway too (we share unfortunately). I then started locking the car in the garage and the kids then played football against my garage.

    A couple of weeks later, 2 incidents (yes, my fault i grant) - a friend picking me up left his car in the access to the driveway - literally we were going out, i was on my way down the stairs. NFH arrived back from work, livid - my friend made a comment to defuse the situation "sorry, you always seem to arrive when I'm here" - NFH became furious and blocked us in. We had to wait until he moved the car. I apologised but he seemed not to hear. A few weeks later my mate called to see me and before i could ask about where she left the car, NFH again arrived (bad timing or what) and threw another wobbly.

    The weird part starts here. I have had toys and items thrown over my fence (i handed them back, they appear again the next day - i throw them out). NFH actively encourages the kids to play football against my garage until 9pm, and I decided (more to do with life makeover than anything else) it was time to sell up. Since then I have caught him standing in his back garden staring at the rear of my house for half an hour or more, standing under my front window hoping to overhear conversations in the house, and sitting on his front steps singing at the top of his voice using binoculars.

    Not a lot to worry you, you may think, but having spoken to other neighbours, none of them will speak to this guy, none of the ladies will sunbathe in their gardens and his wife appears to be terrified of him. As a single lady, I feel a little bit uncomfortable with the whole thing, and my intuition has never let me down yet.

    I think its a good move to get out (new start, perhaps my own business somewhere with the capital) and have rent-free accommodation lined up, just waiting to get a sale, but boy, apparent respectability and middle-class backgrounds are NO GUARANTEE OF A GREAT ENVIRONMENT.

    Good to hear your opinions if you can....


  • #2
    Hi Gordytjg

    Welcome to the board and thanks for writing out your story

    It certainly all seems very unsettling and the situation seems to have started through your NFH's paranoia (?!) that he thought you were discussing him with the retired couple. Obviously none of this is your fault whatsoever, he (NFH) seems like a jealous bully. How often we hear of NFH attempting to inflict 'revenge' on the neighbours by using their own children - as well as making someone a poor parent it really shows what level an NFH like that is willing to stoop to.

    So, you've decided to sell up and move before it gets worse and before making any 'official' complaints? I can't say I blame you and if you're happy doing that, then you must look after yourself. As Badger says on the board, it's 'self-preservation'.

    How are you managing in the meantime? It may take you a while to sell up and move etc (when and how long do you think it will take you to go?) - have you discussed the ongoing problems with your NFH or are you going to leave it as you are selling and don't want any 'recorded disputes'?

    He's (NFH) certainly invading your privacy and I would say 'spying' on someone constitutes harassment.

    You are so right, where you live doesn't guarantee an NFH free life - we all know so well here that whether you live in a busy city or a quiet suburbia or the middle of the countryside you are just as at risk of living with an NFH. 'Class' doesn't come into it - NFH affect people's lives in all parts of the country and from all different backgrounds.

    Let us know how you're going on and how you're managing and keep safe


    • #3
      Hi Gordytjg,

      Good grief!!! What a nightmare you have living next door!! Sounds to me as though your NFH needs some psychiatric treatment as well as lessons in parenting. He's obviously using his kids to get at you. You can just see another generation of NFH in the making, can't you? I think you've made a wise decision to move before things get to the stage of making official complaints.

      I think regular members have all realised that it doesn't matter where you live the dreaded NFH, like the domestic abuser, can raise its ugly head anywhere The fact that you say his wife seems terrified of him makes me think that he's some sort of control freak, or worse.

      Good luck in your intended move and best wishes for more peaceful neighbours.

      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


      • #4
        Phew, thanks guys, for a second caught myself thinking maybe it was me!!!

        He is a little unhinged i think - the previous owner also had problems but i'm not sure over what - she was also a single professional lady.

        His wife says hello and is generally pleasant but when he is around is silent and dismissive.

        Yes it is a shame to move, but is one of life's changes - at the moment i am living off savings and they will not last forever. The house went on the market 5 days ago, some viewers but no offers yet. Have more viewings arranged, hopefully some big karate man and solicitor wife will move in

        If I can sell quickly, i can make a profit and plan for a better future, could be that NFH did me a favour! In the meantime, am trying to visit friends at night or have them over (hopefully not blocking the driveway!)

        Its a mad world, guess the only sane ones are us!


        • #5
          Hi Gordytjg,

          Well, having read your story it is a bit worring with similar parallels to our NFH so far as the psycology stuff goes.

          Your neighbours (The pensioners) from what you say are great, but you know it is easy to itimidate old people especially when in the prime of their years, they want a quiet life. Our NFH has intimidated my mum for the past ten years - she will be seventy this year so that means since she was sixty Madhatter has been giving my mum - a widow - abuse and agro.

          Point two your NFH has now started on you and asking his brats to do the same. When I moved back to my mums I was single too. So our NFH then started having goes at me - wrong move for him I'm afraid my bark and my bite are one of the same and neither are very nice. So I dug around into his past and came up with some not very nice stuff that he had got upto complete with a Police record.

          The point I'm getting at here is this, it is easy to intimidate a woman especially if she lives on her own, in our case it's me and mum. Male NFH derive much pleasure out of intimidating women because they are (wow don't lynch me here ladies, perceived in the male psyche as being) the weaker sex. So that makes them fair game and easy prey.

          Your NFH, when they saw you talking to the pensioners really got to them and they thought that by intimidating you it would disolve the friendship that you had with the pensioners - not so. It has alienated you even further and turned the whole thing on it's head as you have now become very annoyed at their behaviour.

          It's a pity that you have had to put up with this, but you have not made any formal complaints so when you sell up this will not cause you any problems when you have to fill in the booklet for the new purchasers of your property.

          A great shame and as it stands it is not a situation that is going to go away and I feel that things can only get a whole lot worse. I hope that your new home offers you something much better.

          By the way the binoculars - this is serious stuff and although people would call him a Peeping Tom I doubt that the Police would see it that way if you reported it to them - there are laws against this kind of behaviour and I understand that it forms part of the 1997 Act of law for harrasment and stalking. If you cannot sell your home and this continues have a word with your local beat bobby and ask him what his advice is. You have a right ot privacy.

          As you quite rightly stated NFH crop up anywhere, we live in a village but our NFH is a complete madman. You just don't know where they are going to crop up.


          • #6
            Ah yes, the bit with the peeping tom binoculars. Cannot do much here, i'm afraid, as his front doorstep looks out onto a panoramic view of land, with me in the middle, so he could easily say he was "bird spotting", looking at local "beauty spots" (no puns intended)!

            Funny thing is, I'm not particularly scared as such, just a bit relieved to be putting my house up for sale and will be glad to finally put it behind me. I took Badger's advice to heart and will next time be researching far more thoroughly!!!