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I'm frustrated, suicidal, angry & lost...

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  • I'm frustrated, suicidal, angry & lost...

    Sorry this will take a while.

    My partner and I have lived in cities for the past 20 years both working in Social Work, during this time I never had a problem with neighbours I only had to call the police twice, once when my house was on fire and the second time when I was assaulted by 4 men.

    Anyway these incidents and other personal problems led to severe mental health problems, depression and anxiety which led to me being agoraphobic which is an ongoing problem. We then moved out of the city to a village close to my mum since my physical health deteriorated too and I needed the extra support. I should also add that my hubbie has Aspergers Syndrome which flared when we moved but has since calmed down.

    We moved to a street with all pensioners which I thought was perfect since I'm only 38 but due to loads of meds I'm in bed by 11pm. This is where is gets ridiculous. We have dogs and the hubbie found a perfect spot to take them for a run near to me in case of emergency.

    The piece of land is owned by a farmer and a corporate company, both of whom we checked with before taking the dogs there. Suddenly my hubbie was challenged by two neighbours at this piece of land telling him he wasn't allowed to be there, they didn't even ask the question do you have permission they assumed they were right and were entitled to know everything since it hadn't been done before.

    This has been the start of a nightmare. The 2 people are those type that complain to the police about 17 year olds drinking at the top of a hill, miles away from our street thy check peoples tax discs and report them if they're not up to date - do you know the type I mean, bizzy bodies with too much time on their hands. It escalated to the women staring at me through the window for up to 8 minutes at a time. Then they started recording the hubbie the minute he left the house with the dogs, this went on for weeks until I had enough and phoned the police, this is where it gets incredible.

    The police came to our house in a big marked car but didn't talk to the neighbours until the next day when of course they all had their stories straight. The next day the PC and community warden came to report their findings and the neighbours involved all claimed the hubbie was stalking the woman involved but none had evidence and they all denied filming then when we challenged what was said the community policeman exploded and called us both liars, that he knew the man involved and that this man would never lie, he'd been friends with him for over 20 years etc at this point we both asked them to leave the house. I am still stunned that I actually had to ask the police to leave my house.

    The harassment of hubbie continues, I've written a very strongly worded complaint to the police which has been passed up the chain. Meanwhile the neighbours are trying everything to provoke hubbie, they follow him, they film him openly stare at him. I am furious, suicidal and completely at a loss of what to do. The neighbours are vile bullies but the police to be so unprofessional is astounding. Please help us. I refuse to give in to these ignorant, small minded self important idiots but who is protecting us. Plus my other concern is that that so called objective community officer has all this personal info on us and has probably told the neighbours all of it.

    Thanks for any advice, Kath xxxxx

  • #2
    Welcome to Neighbours From Hell in Britain!

    Thank you for posting on the NFHiB forum.

    We're sure you will get personalised, helpful and supportive replies from other members who know and understand what you're going through or living with. Please bookmark your topic here so you can easily get back to see any new replies or use the 'Options' (Track this Topic) button link from your topic to choose to have an e-mail sent to your address every time someone else posts on your thread.

    In the meantime while you're waiting for other members' responses, if you've not read the NFHiB Self-Help Articles (ranging from noise, to harassment, to CCTV and more), please take a look. There's also plenty more at the NFHiB site.

    You're not alone at NFHiB and we hope we can inform and support you with the help you need.


    • #3
      Hi there and welcome what an awful position to be in, when did you write to the police? Have you had any response from them yet?

      If you do not get a satisfactory response from the police I think I would be inclined to write a letter to your local MP explaining how you were treated by the community police officer and also what has and what is happening to you and your husband. In the meantime it might be a good idea to keep a diary of events, times, dates and how it is affecting you both as these could be important to refresh your memory of when these incidents occur.

      You can download a template of a diary here:

      You and your husband must feel very threatened and uncomfortable by their behaviour I wonder is there anyone who could accompany your husband on his walks?


      • #4
        Voice record the police to protect yourselves and it will also help if you need to make another complaint.

        Don't get into conversations with the neighbours.

        Try to appear to be going about your business as normal- it will annoy them and won't encourage them if they see they are not having an impact on you, however you feel inside.

        You are not doing anything wrong and so you have nothing to worry about. I know it's awful when people are trying to get you into trouble, just don't give them what they want or they will win.

        Consider CCTV- it might just put the neighbours off, it will certainly not please them.


        • #5
          Welcome and sorry you find yourself in this awful situation. If you read through some other threads you will find you are not the only people who the police don't help. You know you are doing nothing wrong so try, and I know that can be very difficult, to carry on with your life. There are a few things you could do to make you situation a little more bearable....have you got net curtains, or something similar at the windows to give you a modicum of privacy? Give CCTV some consideration, it doesn't have to be anything fancy as you can also use that as a deterrent. I really hope things improve, please keep coming back for support.


          • #6
            Hi Kath,

            Firstly, I am really sorry for what you are going through and hope you have family and friends for support. If not ask your doctor for some. You need to put cctv up if you can and one that has recording of sound. Sadly, when you go to the Police if you happen to get the one who doesnt give any support or empathy it does put you off, but keep trying to get the right officer. Please do not get into conversations with them, IGNORE them you do not have to need or seek approval from anybody on where you live. You have a right to live there harrassed free. Log everything, record anything and keep trying with the Police. Sadly there isnt alot they can do as harrassment is hard to prove until it leads to criminal damage. The harrassement Act of 1997 is there to protect you but I dont think some Police no how to find out who is the victim and who is the perpetrator.

            Old people play the old victim card when it suits them. I have found old people are one of the nastiest people as some of them have a lifetime of regrets and grudges projected at who they perceive to be a easy target, especially as you have youth on your side. Dont let them get to you I know it is hard, but if you show that they are relevant to your life they win and up the game. They are vile creatures. Ignore everything it is hard but if it ever went to court or anything you need to prove you did nothing back.

            We moved here in August 09 and our NFH are the ones with a drive attached. We lived for 22 years with fantastic neighbours who have since died either side. We bought a bungalow as we would not be moving again as we are both 50 now, They even tried to put us off buying it when we viewed it 3 times.He is 77 she is 71. She detests we are young well younger. We have had comments 'working class and vans dont belong her' 'this is a retirement village' 4 years this year of harrassment and a full A4 diary and cctv coverage but the Police can do nothing. We have learned to ignore behaviour, it wasnt easy at first as they live 8' from our house with no covers on their windows. She stalks most days. We have made them feel so irrelevant to us we believe it is working. She has resorted to rude mail to me and false drink driving accusations. We do not show any emotion to them. What will happen to you which is what happened here the longer you live there people will see it is them not you and believe me it works in your favour. Re; her staring as we have. We put vinyl covering on the windows you can get it on line probably, venetians tilted to their house and black out blinds to pull down over night. Dont stare back. hold your head up high and try and look straight ahead. Thats all my advice is really. Read alot of stories on the forum and it will make you feel so much better. Take the moral high ground.

            I wish you both your good health and happiness.

            S x


            • #7
              Hiya Everybody

              Thanks so much for the lovely replies and just for getting it. It's funny Silly you are so right about the elderly they have a sense of entitlement I have never seen in my life and the main person involved is playing on the fact that he has an ill wife, and I'm like em hello I can't walk I never leave the house why does he get the respect but I don't. It's the effect it has on my mental health they make me doubt myself even when I know I'm not mad, they're vile. I've been keeping all the curtains closed since calling the police because these people are getting into my head and I hate them for that.

              I'm keepi
              ng a wee diary of what has been happening but the police say they need evidence so I'll need to get CCTV to prove it. It amazes me that these people can so easily lie to the police and still walk past my house several times a day with their heads in the air like they're the morality police who have done nothing wrong. Their intention is definitely to get us to move out but I refuse to move because of bullies but it is so draining to keep fighting these people on top of dealing with long term health problems and of course it impacts my health so you wonder is this worth it? I don't know,

              Love to all of you, just havi
              ng other people who understand keeps me sane. I'll keep you all updated

              nks so much, Kath xxxx


              • #8
                When you are first harassed by neighbours, it really does freak you out. Unfortunately, I know only too well.

                As the others have said on here, as hard as it might seem at first, the best thing to do is ignore them and carry on with your life. It gets easier, believe me. The thing is, these sad, bored, sick vile excuses for human beings are simply trying to get a reaction off you, and your attention, so do NOT give them the satisfaction!!!

                Everytime you leave your house, or return to your house say over and over again to yourself "I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY COWARDLY BULLIES IN THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY OWN HOME!" Thats what I do, and it works!

                And yes, keep on at the police and dont back down and dont give into your NFH, and dont let them win.

                All the best.


                • #9
                  Hey MsKath, Ace here.

                  Hope you get sorted, you deserve peace and quiet. Stay strong.


                  • #10
                    I'm not sure that I'm too keen on the comments in this thread which seem to vilify the elderly.

                    I know many elderly people but none of them are as they have been described here.

                    I'm sure there are unpleasant elderly people around, just as there are unpleasant younger people but comments such as "I have found old people are one of the nastiest people" and "you are so right about the elderly they have a sense of entitlement I have never seen in my life" are totally unnecessary IMHO.


                    • #11
                      Here here Teckie, there are idiots in all walks of life, young & old, it doesn't do any good to generalize

                      And dont forget we all will be 'old' one day :huh:


                      • #12
                        ooh how i feel for you, my neighbour told a load of lies to the housing department to get away with her harrassment of us. we have now passed it to our mp and solicitors and ours was over her noise. nosey horrid people she and her visitors are.. im considering leaving my partner now .get onto your mp about the issues and keep diaries. i dont know what to suggest other than that. dont rise to them and if its possible are you able to move, but why should you, thats what my neighbour wants as shes jealous of us .good luck ,mary

                        - - - Updated - - -

                        very good advice ,thats what we get off our neighbour all day long, INTIMIDATION, sick of it and her lies to the housing dept. we are in our own house ,she is a housing tennant and its over jealousy towards us, as soon as i get in from work ,its bang bang bang ,went to eh it wont pick up the noise ,its now with our mp as housing are refusing to deal with it.


                        • #13
                          I don't think the elderly do have a sense of entitlement; they are greatful for what they have, as they lived in the UK prior to the implementation of the welfare state. It's the baby boomers who have all the wealth and expectations that come with being able to pay for stuff. Each generation is different, but there's good and bad in each.


                          • #14
                            Hiya All,

                            I apologise for the stereotyping of older people, you're right everyone in all walks of life can be a bully. It's just that personally in my situation it is a group of OAP's and I don't care about their hardships, in fact if anything that should have taught them compassion and empathy instead of bullying and lying to the police. The police phoned today to confirm they had revisited the filmer, who of course denied everything. Then I got into a debate with the PC about the behaviour of the Community Warden, she saw it as my partner getting angry and throwing them out. When I challenged that saying I was also in the process of throwing them out due to his reference to a 30 year personal relationship with one of the bullies, since having been in Social Work I would have gotten the sack for for showing such bias.

                            nce I do have evidence, but they have in fact unbelievable never asked for corroborating evidence I'm holding on to it. It's not enough to get all of them but I am getting more CCTV next week. I am so disappointed and was crying on the phone since I knew by the tone of her voice she didn't believe me, but I was crying through frustration since I've now been labelled as the mad one who is obsessed with these people when in fact they are the ones lying and all now trying to get us to move. We have both agreed we're not going anywhere, the house is perfect for my disabilities and I need to stand up to these small minded lying, nasty imbeciles.

                            nt over. Oh it's so hard to stop them getting into your head. It's also sad that some of the people who did speak to us now don't because we're the incomers and they've all lived here for 30 years so automatically believe these idiots without hesitation aaaahhhhhhhh

                            nk you all xxxxxx


                            • #15
                              I agree with what one poster said about expecting "entitlements". Having read literally hundreds of stories on this website I can conclude that that NFH are either under 25 or over 60. The worst culprits are those old folk who have never had a MORTGAGE AND STILL THEY BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT ANYTHING AND ANYONE!!! They wouldn't know know compassion if it smashed them in the face!!!!

                              - - - Updated - - -

                              "Old people play the old victim card when it suits them. I have found old people are one of the nastiest people as some of them have a lifetime of regrets and grudges projected at who they perceive to be a easy target, especially as you have youth on your side. Dont let them get to you I know it is hard, but if you show that they are relevant to your life they win and up the game. They are vile creatures. Ignore everything it is hard but if it ever went to court or anything you need to prove you did nothing back."

                              Just proves what I said above!
                              Believers are all one. It is the unbelievers that I worry about.