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  • To the future?

    Hi folks... newby checking in

    I have read some of the posts on this board, and can relate to them... i have been through hell in the past; loud intrusive booming reverberating door frame shaking, floorboard flapping bass at all hours played by uncooperative neighbours. It paralyses your life. It destroys your soul.

    I managed to get rid of my house... i lost thousands i was that desperate to get out and start again. I moved back to my parents while i saved up for another place. I decided to buy a detached next time.

    Ahhh... now look what has happened to the housing market. I have a fair amount in savings, but the only detacheds i can afford are in dodgy areas. If i was in my 20's i may have considered it, but now i am in my mid thirties I doubt that, with the current market trends, there is enough time for such an "investment" to grow to the point where i could trade up to a detached in reasonable area within a time frame that would in turn leave enough time to pay off the mortgage. Ok, dodgy areas can change for the better – but it is such a big gamble! I would just be exchanging one problem wit another.

    So, now i am left with the reality that i will have to purchase a semi, or terraced in a reasonable area. I had my own place for eight years, and after a couple at my parents i feel kind of pathetic that i am still here at my age; it really is time i got back on the "ladder" (although all the rungs fell out of the last one i tried to climb!!!! ) – I mean it would, realistically take about another 2 years to save for a detached - provided prices stabilised.

    But now, the thought of buying a terraced or semi and being lumbered with problem neighbours again is setting off the paralysing panic attacks. So now – all because of selfish inconsiderate knuckle dragging neighbours from my past, I am caught in a dilemma

    I either stay at my parents, and feel even more pathetic than I already do (with no guarantee that my savings will ever catch up with the market to enable me to place a sufficient deposit on a detached), OR, I take the plunge and buy a terraced or semi, and hope for the best.

    I think of what I would do if it all happened all over again. Like last time, talk to them, politely. They politely agree to keep it down. Then they “forget”. Then they ignore you when you knock on the door. I did not complain to the council at the time as I decided to sell up – I knew I would have to declare the problems to any purchasers if I officially informed “the authorities”. I ended up selling to the landlords who owned the neighbouring property at a massive loss. In the aftermath, I was extremely mentally drained.

    Buying a house is already recognised as an emotionally draining event. Whether it is your first place, your first taste of real independence, or if you are trading up, it should also be a happy occasion. But with the black cloud of the possibility of again being lumbered with problem neighbours at my next place hanging over me, I am finding it hard to summon any enthusiasm for taking this next step . I have been looking at properties, and once I find “the right one”, I will put in the offer. But I am just going through the motions. I am on “autopilot”. I do not feel good, positive or optimistic about the future. I feel like I am running into the unknown. Part of my life has been blighted, and the potential for it to happen again remains, despite my taking drastic steps to remove that potential. Of course, my future neighbours may turn out to be quite as mice. But at the moment, I am angry and depressed over the fact that people from the past can still have such a negative effect on me.

    Thanks for reading

  • #2
    Hi Nemesis, welcome to the board. Great name you have, pity your NFH didn't meet their nemesis

    It must have been really bad for you to sell at a loss. It's terrible when people have to suffer financial loss because of ignorant selfish twerps! You seem to imply that by moving back to your parents you've somehow failed. I think you have made a 'strategic withdrawal', no shame in that. It seems lots of people are living with parents because they can't afford to buy a house of their own. Whether things will get better is another question. I think if you look at the bigger picture we may as a society be in for a very rough ride in the near future, financially speaking. (Sorry for the pessimism)

    You want a detatched house in a good area, a noble ambition. But I think you will find from the board that NFH can reside in all strata of society. Sad but true. Whatever you decide to do I'd suggest that you visit the area where you might buy at various times of the day and night and maybe ask exisiting neighbours about the area and if there are any problems. It won't guarantee you will find the perfect place but it might help.

    It's so sad but very understandable that you are angry and depressed right now. I wish I could tell you that everything will work out fine, but I can't. Maybe some of the other members will be able to give you some practical advice as I'm not really au fait on the buying of houses In the meantime, come back often if you need to talk or let off steam (see Rants folder). We can all be relied upon to give you some morale support.

    Take care, and remember, you are not pathetic you have been realistic.

    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


    • #3
      Hi Aquarius and Mistyeye.

      Thanks for the replies... It is good to know i am not the only one who has suffered this torment (although it unfortunately means others have had to endure nfh to confirm this).

      I will probably join in chat sometime thanks, (i am off out tonight); and i will probably post details about my specific experiences with the 2 nfh's i have suffered. They are quite long and detailed - but i think i can extract some kind of humour from the grim depressing sagas.

      Until next time...


      • #4
        Hi Nemesis,

        We're in the process of buying another house to avoid past NFH problems. We can afford a terrace or Semi. In a terrace we are looking for a house that has bedrooms either side of the house to avoid any future probs, if an NFH moves in one side we will sleep the other. In a semi we are looking for one that has a bedroom away from the party walls.

        Its all in the detail!


        • #5
          Hi Nemesis,

          Welcome to the board and sorry for my belated greetings!

          I'm sorry to hear you lost money on your house, but for what it's worth, I think that was a brave action to take - personally I'd rather lose some money than lose my humanity and be even more affected by NFH. You've hit the nail straight on the head, NFH can destroy your soul, get under your skin and get in it with you if you're not careful!

          You did what you had to do and there's no shame in living with your parents if it's a means to an end (my 28 year old brother for example has just spent the last 6 + months or so living back with my parents while he got fixed up with another property in London!).

          Good to have you here and let us know what's happening and how you get on - when we move in a couple of years or so, which we are planning, I just know I'm going to worry about everything related to buying a property where hopefully no NFH exist - so any advice, pointers or info you learn through the process, be sure to let us know!

          PS: You a Star Trek fan? You have excellent taste!


          • #6
            Hi folks

            Just checking in again to say thank you very much for the replies.

            You have all made some excellent points. There is a hell of a lot i would like to discuss on this board, but at the moment i am working stupid hours; when i make the time i will post something more substantive.

            For now i will leave with this thought (apologies if someone has already brought it up - i haven't read every post on the forums). NsFH are, as stated by Matthew i think, an increasing epidemic. I think hundreds of thousands are suffering. I predict that this site will soon have thousands of members. Once it does, it could possibly be time for those of us who have suffered NsFH to organise, network in the following way (maybe i am being too optimistic but here goes) People could get together in their respective areas, group together as some kind of semi-underground movement where one or two members buys a house in a specific area, say a terraced. Then as others in the row\area come up for sale, others in the group buy them up. A long long process i know, fraught with many impracticalities. It would take years. In the long run, the theory is that all the sc*m will end up with each other as neighbours and we can just let them get on with making each others life a misery. Ahh... i can but dream. Somehow, decent people have got to get together and shame and outnumber the knuckle dragging thugs who spoil life for others. There are a lot more of us than there are of them.


            • #7
              Hey Nemesis, thats fighting talk that is lol, but seriously, a very good idea, maybe one day a pressure group could do deals with builders to only sell terraced/shared wall houses to your new pressure group!

              And for those who have been following my story..... we had an offer on the house today but was too low, we need so much to finance the move. We have other viewers lined up. Onward and upward.


              • #8
                Hi Nemesis,

                Been away from the dance floor for a few days so apologies for the late reply.

                I applaud your action in selling up and moving on. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valour or when dealing with an NFH it really does wear you down.

                It would appear that you have been quite emotionally hurt by the "forced" sale of your house.My advice to you is that sometimes life is a gamble and you might just have to take the plunge laddie!!!!

                I can relate to where you and the others are coming from though. I can assure you our next house will definitely be a detached , but sometimes nemesis you need to speculate to accumulate!!

                I would strongly suggest that you get on the property ladder ASAP. You may also find your feeling of self esteem may improve!!


                keep in touch

                "Take off and nuke the site from orbit- it's the only way to be sure!"

                apologies if you are an "Aliens" fan

                Posh Noodle - NOT for the likes of YOU!!


                • #9
                  hi folks

                  Matthew, sorry i omitted to reply to your query as to whether i am a star trek fan given my handle; i must admit to ambivalence on that one - i don't dislike it, and occasionally find it entertaining if i ever do catch it.

                  And horsfans, i know what you mean about self esteem. Living at my parents means... well, no entertaining the ladies at the moment that's fersure

                  Realistically it looks like i will have to go for an end terraced. Certainly in my part of the world, detacheds are well out of my price range if i want to live somewhere reasonable. If i end up living next door to SC*M in a reasonable area, i feel i will probably have the will to fight (if they refuse to heed reasonable polite requests to keep it down). And I can fight dirty if provoked. The only reason I decided to … slink away last time was because property values in that specific area were depressed, so I just cut my loses. It would have been madness to stay and fight... it was not worth fighting for.

                  Ah well, househunting again for me this weekend. Wish me luck!


                  • #10
                    Nemesis, your story has worried me, i believe a landlord who owned next door bought yours, i think he got your neighbours to make your life a misery so you would sell at a loss.

                    Yes we are moving too, but if we would have had the NFH in 2001 then we could have bought a detached house but with it starting in 2002 we could only afford a 3 bed semi bungalow, my advice go for a semi bungalow as its mainly the over 50s who live in them, my thoughts are with you.


                    • #11
                      Dear Nemesis,

                      Sorry I didnt spot this post earlier, but it really touched a raw nerve with me so felt I had to respond....

                      I'm not sure what exactly went on with your NFH, but it was certainly bad enough to prompt you to sell up and move. POINT ONE - this is not defeat, this is actually you exerting control and managing the situation for damage limitation.

                      You say you lost thousands on the sale - POINT TWO a small price to pay for extracting yourself from a potentially worsening situation. My nice neighbours in the cul-de-sac have varying degrees of stress, mental illness (not all caused by NFH, but the majority are) and you can see when you talk to them they are seriously paranoid about NFH and his behaviour. Did you really want to end up likewise?

                      A house you loved - oh yes, been there, my house is (i think anyway) beautiful with countryside and views and in a VERY desirable postcode. POINT THREE you will find another place you will grow to love as much. Life just goes on, think of it as a chance to make a new start, wow you can be "anybody" you like, "anywhere" you like (martini syndrome). The fact is that although you have certain circumstances, even if you had a "perfect" life, lady luck can be a b*tch and you would have to face some other type of challenge to overcome.

                      You mention moving back into your parents and i get the impression its a backward step for you at that age. I am 35, I have 5 brothers and one sister, mostly professional people. At some time during their adult lives they had to move back in with my parents due to marriage problems, housing, or in my case, lost my job. POINT FOUR treat this as a retrenchment exercise, with the opportunity to spend time with your parents who may not be around for ever. It also gives you breathing space to save, make plans and decide where you really want to be and who with.

                      You think that detached houses might be a better bet - POINT FIVE so did I. My cul-de-sac with 3 and 4-bed detached properties sure, I have wall to wall and noise privacy, but opens up the likelihood of driveways, access and my NFH is an ex council estate control freak who worked his way up in the world to own a fantastic property right next door to me with his NFH kids. Not always the case that private estates with detached houses are a better bet.

                      After selling (fingers crossed) I like you will get a deposit for another property, as a "first-time buyer", but the market is rising rapidly. My (ok, limited) opinion is that the market will slow then reverse, knocking something like 20% off in the next 2-3 years. The reason I think this is cos of Bank of England changeover, IMF warnings and the EURO debate (being jobless sure educates you!! ). During this time, I hope to get a job (please!) stay with a mate for minimal rent, and try to save as much as possible to bump up my deposit. When the time is right, it will happen and you'll find yourself in a better position.

                      Nemesis I guess what I'm saying is that though this feels really tough now (and I've spent many sleepless nights and crying - allowed cos i'm a girl) at the life I've lost, I sometimes catch myself hoping at a better future, and in my more philosophical moments understanding that sometimes destiny and fate can play a part you have yet to understand (me being beardy-weirdy) and you need to sweep away the old to make room for the new.

                      Keep strong, I understand and identify with everything you said, sorry everyone else, it was good to put all that into writing - am off for a cuppa now!