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My nfh experience so far ... (I'm new too!)

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  • My nfh experience so far ... (I'm new too!)

    Hi everyone,

    I was so pleased to find this site. I feel that I need all the support I can get.

    This is more or less what has been happening:

    I have had ongoing problems with my neighbour from the day she moved in almost 14 years ago. She has always played her music/TV as loudly as possible (with the bass on maximum) at all hours of the day and night. She even talks at high volume! She used to have a boyfriend living with her and they argued constantly on a daily basis. Thankfully he left her. She has admitted to some people that she has been a prostitute and to others that she has been a clipper. I believe she has served a prison sentence but I don't know what for. She has also been known to take cocaine, heroin and crack.

    I live in a first floor maisonette, she lives below me. She built a yard on her drive to contain her rottweiler so that she no longer has to walk it. The side wall of the yard is on my drive (she dug up one of my paving slabs in order to erect it) yet she insists the disputed area belongs to her. According to my leasehold agreement (I am a leaseholder she is a tenant) we are supposed to keep the drives open-plan, the council has also told me this verbally. A few years ago, she and her visiting family/friends would park on my drive as I do not own a car. Eventually over time and with a few calls to the police this stopped.

    She then started to verbally abuse me every time she saw me. Over the last four and a half years she has threatened to kill me, beat me up, "get me" and break my legs. She has sworn at me, calling me all the names under the sun and has even sung songs about me over and over again. She constantly says I have no friends or family and that she has a big family and lots of friends. My family and friends are scattered all over the country and the only reason she doesn't see them is because they are not that keen to visit my home because of her and fear of the dog!

    She has now put broken paving slabs on my drive to level it with her pathway so that she can park her two cars side by side. My last visitor could not even park on my drive because it was too tight due to the positioning of her cars and another neighbour's car on the pavement. I actually removed these slabs a few weeks ago and her response was to kick my front door several times, shout abuse through my letter box, call me a neighbour from hell and tell me that everyone in the street loves her and hates me. When I went to speak to her she put her foot in my doorway as if to gain access, spat in my face, shouted more abuse, called me a c**t, threatened to "dash" my face in with one of the slabs and also picked up a loose brick as if to throw it at me. This all went on for over an hour and a half.

    I have been wanting to move in order to get away from her for some time but have felt that I have been caught in a Catch 22 situation. However, after this incident I decided that I really must make a stand as she has got away with too much for too long already. I made a formal complaint in writing (including one years worth of diaries - I'd kept diaries previously but just having to focus on the events all the time upset me so much I threw them away) to the council who have not bothered to reply in writing but did eventually speak to me on the phone when I said I would go to my local MP and the newspapers if they preferred. Apparently the housing officer and a colleague went to look at the boundary area at which point the nfh returned. She spoke with them and seems to think that this is all about the missing paving slab (the one she dug up) ... doh! as if! Anyway, when I got home that same evening the nfh had placed a paving slab next to my existing two. I telephoned the council the next day to discuss events. They asked me if I would be happy if the slabs were removed and she stopped encroaching on my drive. I had to say I was not happy with that at all. What with all the harassment I have suffered at her hands I am going the whole hog and want this completely rectified. In the meantime I had cc'd the letter to the police and my local community officer phoned me to say that she and the council would be having a joint meeting with the nfh with regards to the harassment. Apparently this will have one of two effects on her ..... quieten her down as she will be scared of being evicted or get even worse in which case she will be evicted.

    If all goes well I should be in a win-win situation. I will then be able to move and say to my buyer I did have a dispute but it has been resolved. I can't wait!

  • #2
    Hi Becca,

    sorry to hear that you have had to put up with this for such a long time,

    it sounds as if you are doing all the right things, recording, writing letters etc.

    I hope you get the help you need from both here and the local authority!

    please come and let off steam whenever you want, it does help....

    ...we are having a chat session on sunday 8pm if you or any other newer member would like to join us you will be made very welcome!!

    good luck and please keep us updated.


    • #3
      Hi Becca

      Welcome to the board, good to have you with us. Your neighbour sounds horrendous, not only is she harassing you, bullying you, being intimidating, threatening and abusive, you have the boundary problems to put up with too.

      It seems your local authority were previously trying (albeit rather pathetically from what you've said) to take some action, but they seem to be focusing on the boundary problems (e.g. drive/paving slabs). To keep one year's worth of diaries is more than enough and at least through this soon-to-happen meeting with your NFH, it looks like things could be on the up pretty soon!

      When is the meeting due to happen? Good luck with it, keep yourself safe and come back often to let us know how you are and whats happening


      • #4
        Thanks for the invite Beth, unfortunately I only get to use a computer at work so will not be able to join in your chat. Hope it goes well though.


        • #5
          Hi Matthew,

          Thanks for your comments, I just want to say, again, how brilliant it is to have this site!

          My nfh truly is horrible. I think because I have put up with her for so long and generally she has "behaved" herself when I have had guests visit, my friends have not realised how bad the situation really is. People used to tell me to just ignore her which was nigh on impossible! I've since been told that I should try and tape her but that appears to be easier said than done.

          This might seem really weird but I feel as if I have gone through a few stages with this .... when all this first started I used to get into a right state, adrenaline pumping etc. (mind you I did feel like that again when I moved the slabs .. thought I was going to be sick! ), then I sort of got used to it, now I have made the decision to stand up for my rights I feel really positive for the first time in years. I just hope that the council will do the right thing.

          I am not sure when the meeting is to take place. I thought maybe it would be sometime this week but I have heard nothing further from the police or the council. If I don't hear anything by mid-next week I will chase them up to see what they propose.

          I'll certainly let you know how I get on.


          • #6
            hi Becca and welcome

            sorry to hear all the problems you have had the last few years due to your mad NFH, i hope things get sorted out one way or another.

            best of luck for the future



            • #7
              Hi Becca,

              You have my deepest sympathy over your problems with your neighbour. I think you've been so brave putting up with it for all that time. Do you know if any of the other neighbours have problems with her as well? You sound a bit like me, keep yourself to yourself and NFH don't like that! It is so easy to feel isolated and alone when you have to put up with such antisocial behaviour, especially if your friends and family don't live in the immediate area.

              I'd agree that a year's worth of diaries should give the council a very good picture of what she is like and hopefully they will take some action against her. If she does get evicted she might get nasty, but I'd assume that the council will give her a warning first in which case she might tone down her behaviour and if they do evict and she get's nasty then she'll have a hard job finding another home.

              I know that feeling of the adrenaline pumping only too well! We've had so much trouble with the yobs (large and small) around here that I still feel my stomach lurch at the mere sound of a kid outside the house.

              Hopefully the meeting will be soon but as you say if you don't hear anything soon chase them up. I've been told by my neighbourhood officer that although things don't seem t be happening a lot is going on 'behind the scenes' so don't worry if this seems to be happening with you. But don't let them lose the momentum.

              Good luck and lets hope your next post is good news

              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


              • #8
                Hi Becca,

                Nice to meet you,

                Not really much I can add that the others havent already mentioned.

                It goes without saying that your NFH is an idiot and I would suggest that now you have the first tentative signs of action that you absolutely keep the momentum going!!

                Dont give up girl!!

                keep us posted

                The Horsefans

                "Take off and nuke the site from orbit- it's the only way to be sure!"

                apologies if you are an "Aliens" fan

                Posh Noodle - NOT for the likes of YOU!!


                • #9
                  Thank you all so much for your responses. They really do make me feel a whole lot better about the situation and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

                  You are right that I should not have to put up with this, indeed nobody should. I just don't understand why some people are so ignorant and spiteful.

                  I really understand where Aquarius is coming from about being "sensitised" to sound. Because this has been going on for so long and because I have had to focus on it every time I make a diary entry I now feel that I get worked up at the slightest bit of noise. I also used to sleep incredibly deeply, but not any more.

                  I hate having to chase people up but your messages boosted me so much that I phoned the council today to be told that they had visited my nfh this very morning and told her to remove the paving slabs. She has been told that they will be returning at the end of the week to make sure that she has done so! It's a start.

                  The council concede that her wall is on my land and that they will work on this "one step at a time". Also, the meeting between the nfh, council and the police will take place some time soon.

                  So, it's fingers crossed again and I'll keep you posted.



                  • #10
                    Hello Becca

                    Some good news there then! Great stuff, well done for keeping up with it, I know you must feel like you want to just run off and hide - but facing up to your NFH like you're doing is the worst thing that can happen for your neighbour, as it shows her you are more than capable of defending yourself and dealing with her.

                    I think many of us here didn't realise at first how common it is to become over-sensitised to noise and sounds from our neighbours, especially when recording everything (diaries, etc) that comes from next door - but when the subject has come up here, which has been often, it is an occurence that seems to happen with 99% of NFH victims. I too can relate to that - I am a good sleeper, I sleep deeply, but when we had both sets of NFH next door, they severely disrupted my sleep and I would wake at all times, never getting into 'REM' sleep or sleeping for more than an hour or two at a time, without waking with a start.

                    It's all very affecting on your health and you find yourself and your life being dictated to by your NFH (e.g. I'll get some sleep now as they'll be 'at it' later on and will wake me). You then can't even get to sleep at all sometimes, for the worry and fear that they will start up and wake you up; it's a no-win situation really as you know.

                    If it's any comfort or consolation, you will return to 'normal' - things will get better and as you see more lights at the end of the tunnel, your body and mind will adjust back again (albeit very slowly) to what is normality for you.

                    Even now, I still get the odd nasty dream about our past NFH, they have slowly reduced over many months after them going and I would say my sleep is back to normal for me.

                    Let us know what happens when the meeting has happened between your NFH, the Council and the Police.

                    Take care of yourself too.


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Mistyeyeddreamer@Jan 30 2003, 8:23 PM

                      Do you know if any of the other neighbours have problems with her as well?

                      I forgot to say that I don't believe any other neighbours have issues with abuse from the nfh. However, her next door neighbours (ground floor) have mentioned (after I asked if she bothered them) that she is very noisy. I don't mean to be rude about them but they are not exactly the sharpest tacks in the box and I can't imagine them ever complaining to anyone.

                      I do know that neighbours across the road have an issue with the dog. Apparently it went roaming onto their drive and the husband had to make his escape via the passenger side of the car .. he was absolutely petrified. They do not think the dog has much quality of life being stuck either indoors or in the yard but would not want to complain about the situation as are afraid it might be destroyed.


                      • #12
                        Thanks Aquarius. I know exactly what you mean. I actually used to talk to my nfh too even though people warned me not to because of her "occupation". I thought it would be better for me to be nice to someone like that seeings as she was my neighbour and all but obviously it didn't work out that way! I truly didn't realise just how spiteful she was until she started bringing up subjects we had talked about years ago and told me that she used to laugh at me behind my back.

                        I definitely think she is sick in the head , maybe the drugs have done it or maybe she would have turned out like this anyway. One thing I do know is that her life is a lot more empty and sadder than mine.

                        She seems to have got it into her head that I am jealous of her. I can't possibly think why and if that is the case how come she is the one that goes on and on about how I look all the time? I thought I had left this all behind in the playground!

                        She has said that I am scared of her because I have reported her to the police (when they turn up she just laughs) and will probably say it again but I really do not care any more.

                        A part of me even feels a bit embarrassed about the whole saga as it all seems so pathetic and petty. However, she may think she has won the battle but I am definitely going to win the war!


                        • #13
                          Hi Becca

                          really glad to see that you have taken positive action as a result of being on this site!

                          well done.

                          The difficult part is now to keep up the pressure!!

                          In fact you may well find that a lot of NFH seem to have a warped sense of people being "jealous" of them!

                          probably to make up for their social inadequacies I would think!!

                          keep in touch


                          "Take off and nuke the site from orbit- it's the only way to be sure!"

                          apologies if you are an "Aliens" fan

                          Posh Noodle - NOT for the likes of YOU!!


                          • #14
                            Hi everyone,

                            Some good news .... when I got home on Tuesday night the paving slabs had disappeared!

                            It's a start.



                            • #15
                              Well, that's one battle won, well done Becca.

                              It's sad about the dog. I say there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. Pity you don't know any 'animal liberationists' who might rescue it

                              Anyway, good luck for the coming battles, let's hope they are successful.

                              Take care

                              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi