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  • Early days?

    hi everyone! I've been reading a few of your stories and now i feel a bit stupid. My problem seems so insignificant to a lot of the ones i've read. On the other hand, i'm worried that the trouble i have could escalate into something horrible!

    I have a neighbour whose windows overlook my back garden (towards my back door) and into all the windows at the back of my house; our houses are at right-angles. She's clearly a complainer and, recently, finds any possible excuse to come to the front door and complain. So far we've had 'i'm afraid you've got gypsies' (we now have a small caravan beside the house) followed by a few 'how long will the caravan be there/why is it there etc'. Then complaints about our rubbish (which she can't see unless she comes out of her house and along the pavement) and lately complaining about my sister's alsatian (who doesn't bark at all) staying in the garden when it's raining (she feels sorry for the dog even though the dog has a huge dog house with food and duvet to go inside!) I understand from what she says that she's been watching the back of the house (into my dining room window, bedroom window, bathroom and toilet windows!) almost constantly to have gained all this information! I'm fed up of all this now and, until today, have been very polite (today i said it's none of her business and i've had enough).

    I am woried that this will escalate but feel that, if it does, i won't feel able to report it to anyone as i'll have to disclose the dispute if i ever want to sell the house!

    Does anyone have any advice? xxx

  • #2
    Hi Amanda and welcome to the forum

    Firstly, no problem if it is upsetting you is a small one. I suffered from snooping neighbours for years (and yes they also moaned about everything!) and it finally reached a point where I became completely introverted and intimidated by the whole situation..

    You have said that you can see this escalating into a serious situation if it's not resolved soon, and I would be inclined to agree. I would urge you to try and reach some understanding with your neighbour before anything gets too out of hand, as it is really the last thing you want.

    Caravans can be an issue for some as they can look a bit of an eyesore. I assume that you don't have anyone living in there? If the caravan is a permanent feature, then let her know. At least you can put her out of her misery about that!

    With regard to the rubbish, from her perspective, is the rubbish a nuisance seriously? Is there a lot of it? Is it sitting on the street for days on end? Or is she really just being pedantic and nosey?

    Okay - so you snapped at her a bit today, but do you think that you could still have a conversation with her about it all? I'm not talking about a full on confrontation (please not that!), but maybe something along the lines of how uncomfortable you feel that she's obviously been looking into your house, and how you would like your privacy respected in the same way that you respect hers.

    BTW, do look at HN's trellis idea if that will prevent some of the snooping.

    Please try and keep it pleasant, but also make it clear that you are putting your foot down, and that you're not going to let her "pick" on you. Maybe the warning shot that you fired today will have frightened her off a little? (Here's hoping :unsure: ), but please try not to loose it with her at all, as it could work against you in the future.

    I hope that everything works out, and please let us know how you get on.

    Blue Cow


    • #3
      I'd agree with putting up a 6 foot fence or using trellis fencing and net curtains. Its a bit difficult to be precise without knowing the layout of your properties.

      Its my biggest regret with my own NFH that I didn't do this when the trouble first started.

      And it does work, believe me. Once they can't see you or intimidate you, the problem just miraculously evaporates. That's not saying my own NFH hasn't thought of other ways to harass us but not having to deal with it on a day to day basis has made a huge difference.
      Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.

      We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.

      So what's the plan?

      Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.


      • #4

        Hi amanda, I can imagine how you feel. a nosey old biddy with not much to occupy her has decided to make spying on you her hobby. :angry:

        i think the key here is to not let this escalate, as you say. i always think of these kind of NFH as having long invisible tentacles that snake into your brain, grab on and then start draining your life force. :blink: try not to let this happen.

        as you have already asked her to mind her own business i think you should leave it at that and just ignore any further nonsense from her. do not respond to any of her complaints. if she comes to your door, either dont open it, or if you do, say to her 'thank you for the information, goodbye'. :P

        putting up nets if you dont have any is a very good idea or if you hate them, get some blinds,also trellis for your garden or some of those conifers to grow a screen... i know its an expense but your privacy is precious. this will stop most of her activity in its tracks methinks.

        also dont give her an excuse to complain to you, so if you have got rubbish out on the pavement, get a bin to put it in. if you do leave rubbish out and it the bags get torn i bet she will be on to the council about it, so dont give her any ammunition.

        dont worry about selling your house, this doesnt sound like it will affect you if you do decide to sell. but if for any reason any official body, like the police or the council or the EHO get involved you would have to declare it, so you should try to keep your problem under control. these OAP NFH;s are very adept at playing on the sympathies of 'the powers that be', so you need to be more clever and astute than she is.

        best of luck

        :ban: :nfh1:

        I decree today that life

        Is simply taking and not giving

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        Carpe Diem

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        • #5
          Hi Amanda and welcome to the forum

          Don't ever think your problem is trivial. If it is affecting you then it is NOT trivial.

          Other members have given you some good advice so there's nothing I can add except give my sympathy Some people like your NFH have such empty lives that they live vicariously through others but they still want a bit of control :angry:

          You have tried being polite and it obviously isn't working but then some people have hides thicker than a rhino's. If I were you I'd still try to keep it polite but suggest to her that you make no comment on her life so you would appreciate the same courtesy from her.

          I think the suggestions about hedges and fences might be the way to go. There's an old saying 'good fences make good neighbours' and there's some truth in it.

          Good luck, hope things don't escalate.

          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


          • #6
            Hi Amanda.

            No. This busy body is affecting how you live. If you are going about your business and life and she feels she has to intrude upon it, it is not trivial at all.

            I only came to this site a month ago and was amazed to see just how the NFH's do affect our everyday life. No matter what the situation. I agree with the suggestion of net curtains, I hate them, however at least now I can sit in my lounge without my NFH so obviously glaring in, now he only appears to give a passing glance because he cannot see if I am sitting in there or not.

            You have a right to Peace of Mind.

            Also, guess what, you will be surprised at how many NFH's are, shall we say are in their more mature, respectable years!!!!

            Stand up to the owd bag (whoops sorry) elderly lady neighbour.

            Amanda, she has no life and nothing better to do, you have.

            Think of you



            • #7
              Hi. Welcome to the World of the Weird Neighbours! :crazy:

              What I would do is this. Buy -or borrow- a very large mirror. A full-lengthvertical one.

              Then place it in such a way that, when she stares at your house, she will see herself staring back. Hopefully that might stop her.

              Well, it is worth a try...


              • #8
                Thank you Janee :P

                Voile panels sooooooooooooo much better :thumbs:

                (you sussed I'm a snob then? :yes :lol:

                Since I took the advice of this forum and put up my voile panels :thumbs: my NFH only seems to give a passing glance now when walking by. :lol:

                Net curtains always makes me think if nottm lace and all those busy patterns going on :blink:

                The wood venetian blinds, i do agree are very nice and look good too. How about (not sure if this is extreme tho) the little holes down the seams where the string goes, could always attach some of that sortr of hemming fabric (me not into dress making as you may well guess) but i think you may get the gist of what I mean.



                • #9
                  strangly enough.....I was going to do an article on this in this months news letter, being watched being stalked etc

                  please can I have your permission to use it all!! :lol:


                  • #10
                    Here's a tip. Do not get yellow or ivory nets. Get white, only. Why? Yellow or ivory always seem to look dirty, even though they are clean.


                    • #11
                      Hi Amanda

                      Welcome to the Forum

                      Sorry to hear about your Nosey neighbour - She must be well bored to be saying such trivial nonsense to she an OAP by any chance?

                      I do agree that you should try to sort this out quickly - these types tend to get out of hand unless they are reigned in pretty quick :unsure: . As soon as they think they can get you to do one thing their way, they'll have you doing everything else their way too :frown:.

                      If curtains (yes, not cream ones :lol: ), conifers, trellis or fences are a possibility, then I'd go for it. That way you are doing something pro-active for yourself to get in charge of your situation - but please check before putting fences up in case you need consents etc to do this on a boundary...

                      Keep us posted