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  • Hi there

    We moved into our first house together some 7 years ago with our young son, all the neighbours were friendly and we got on well with them all, first name terms, Christmas cards and that sort of thing. A couple of years passed and my wife then became pregnant with our second child, and that seemed to be the catalyst of creating our NFH.

    Some of the things they have subjected us to since then:

    - Damaging new fence panels that I have erected

    - Constant throwing of garden refuse and general rubbish over into our garden

    - Appearence of broken glass on our lawn

    - Pouring substances over our plants

    - Banging on the walls in the early hours

    - "bumping" into our car

    - water damage from overflow pipes routed to cause damage

    - throwing water over the fence when we had a barbeque

    - Pulling faces at my children

    - Abusive behaviour to my wife and myself

    - throwing stones at my windows

    - Phoning my employer with certain allegations

    Also during this time she attacked my wife to which she was arrested and received a caution. You would have thought this would have put an end to it, but no. Instances still continue, logged and reported, but the Police still will not take further action. I have on video a number of these events, but still the police do not want to get involved.

    Whilst I also understand about mediation, the thought of sitting down with a woman who has made our lives hell, and with a total disregard of others, is too much.

    As these are also both non-council houses the local authority do not want to get involved.

    Each day, when we return home, we wonder what suprise our NFH has left us, and it is not a nice feeling. My children do not want to walk by her house and we feel so uncomfortable in everyday living.

    How do we put a stop once and for all to this nightmare?

  • #2
    Hello there Ho Lee Smoke.

    From reading your story it seems to me the woman is very jealous of you and your family, probably because you are happy and she, for whatever reason, is not. Keep this at the forefront of your mind, if possible, as NFH are supremely skilled in browbeating people and the thing they like best is to know they are succeeding in making you miserable.

    The behaviour she is showing towards you is very common, as far as other members of this forum are concerned. and i am sure you will get a lot of helpful advice from them, and support as well, to help you cope a bit better with her ridiculous behaviour.

    the one thing i would mention is the Protection from Harrasment Act, she has already had one caution, and I think if the police have to act on one more incident from her, they can serve her with an order. of course, you have to get the police to act, which may take some perseverance from you....if she has phoned your employer, can your employer report this to the police on our behalf?

    anyway, welcome to the forum, and i hope others will be along shortly with their words of advice!

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    • #3
      On the contacting your employer and making allegations, I have come across this several times in my work where it was my task to deal with such allegations. Most good employers will take the view that a personal dispute is none of their business and tell the person making the allegations that they do not propose to take any action. It becomes more complicated if the allegation is something which is a disciplinary offense within their workplace or would bring the employer into disrepute - or if it relates to criminal activity.

      In my experience such allegations are usually wild, incoherent and unsubstantiated - I think it takes a particular type of mentality to make allegations in this way - a mentality not usually associated with rational behaviour.

      I doubt if your employer would contact the police on your behalf but you should ask them to give you details of the allegations which you then may be able to use in the process of demonstrating harassment


      • #4
        Hi Ho Lee and welcome

        What a strange NFH you have The birth of a child is usually welcomed with happiness and goodwill but not so by your NFH. I have to agree with the others, seems to be some sort of jealousy working here

        I'm disappointed that the police will not act. She has already received a caution I would have thought that it was given on the understanding that she would change her behaviour towards you. I'm not sure but I think that if she is arrested and charged again the original offence can be brought up in court.

        I think you should contact the police again. Ask to speak to your local neighbourhood officer and demand that something is done. If you are not satisfied with their response you have the right to make an official complaint to the Independent Police Complaints Commission Also ask him/her about serving your NFH with a Protection from Harassment Order (PFHA 1997).

        Make sure you log every incident. Do you have friends among the other neighbours? If so ask them if they have witnessed anything and would they be prepared to make a statement.

        Good luck, come back as often as you need

        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


        • #5
          Hi Ho Lee and welcome to the forum.

          Sorry to hear about your problems but it sounds fairly typical.

          That's quite a list.

          - Damaging new fence panels that I have erected

          - Constant throwing of garden refuse and general rubbish over into our garden

          - Appearence of broken glass on our lawn

          - Pouring substances over our plants

          - Banging on the walls in the early hours

          - "bumping" into our car

          - water damage from overflow pipes routed to cause damage

          - throwing water over the fence when we had a barbeque

          - Pulling faces at my children

          - Abusive behaviour to my wife and myself

          - throwing stones at my windows

          - Phoning my employer with certain allegations

          Now let me guess, all these were either done when you were out, or when she was sure there were no other witnesses about. And as for phoning your employer, I also assume she didn't leave a name.

          Typical NFH behaviour. All done furtively and in the most cowardly way possible which is the way these people operate.

          Rest assured, however, you are not alone.

          Use the log sheets provided on this site to record each and every incident. It may be worth checking your lhome insurance as well to see if you have legal cover. The fact that this NFH has been cautioned already is a huge plus in your favour.

          Don't discount the mediation option whatever you do. This is vital. If it ends up in court they will want to see evidence that mediation has been suggested. Even if your NFH accepted (though that seems unlikely in this case) you don't have to both meet the mediator at the same time. If you have offered it and your NFH has rejected it, it is all in your favour.

          In the meantime, don't retaliate and don't respond. NFHs thrive (like maggots) on getting a reaction from their victims and this only feeds their desire for more. Ignore them and they usually become frustrated and reduce their harassment.

          Also, I don't know the layout of your garden but have you got a 6 foot fence between you and your NFH? Several of us here, including me, have replaced our fences with these and concreted in posts. Where the fence doesn't belong to us, a fence has been erected entirely on our own land leaving the original in place.

          Of all the issues surrounding my NFH my biggest single regret is not having put up a 6 foot fence years ago. Since we did, it has transformed our garden so we aren't harassed or intimidated anymore.

          Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.

          We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.

          So what's the plan?

          Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.


          • #6
            Hello Ho Lee Smoke,

            Go to Mediation for 4 reasons.

            1/ It shows the police and the courts, that you have tried to settle things with them.

            2/ If they bother to turn up, hear what they have to say. If it's complete lies, they cannot take it back. Because the mediators are there.

            3/ Maybe, just maybe they will welcome the chance to sort it out.

            4/ NFH costs can be high, both in money and to your health. We are on our 3ard year, other people have suffered 10 yrs or more on here.



            • #7
              welcome Ho lee smoke!

              wow you have a first class NFH there, pretty much every trick in the book!

              you have been given oodles of advice already, check out the self help articles

              self help here

              and the blank logs are here you can use these to recors all the problems you are having as RB has already said.

              you can I believe have mediation with out the other party being there, some of the other members who been there will be able to help you with that, GG is right, mediation makes you look good! so go for it if you can.

              congratulaions BTW on your new baby!

              try and ignore them as much as possible, dont get into discussions with them if you think its going to be used against you later, and take photos of your damaged property where ever possible and the rubbish in your garden etc.

              have you thought of cctv for you garden? if you could get your NFH chucking rubbish over the fence that would be great for you, proof is what everyone tries so hard to get!!

              theres an article on cctv here (cctv)

              I hope you get a bit of help from this, come back often and let us know how its going

              goodluck :ban:


              • #8
                Thank you to all for your kind help,

                It is very true about the saying about a problem shared....just reading some of the other stories made me feel better with renewed energy, as this nfh is so strength sapping.

                One of most frustrating issues with my problem is that I do have cctv 24/7 and have captured a number of events my nfh has done, but the police seem so dis-interested. Always the response.."it is a civil issue"

                Having looked into the mediation service and now phoned them I will certainly progress this, but there is no chance of sitting round a table!

                "Once struggle is grasped, miracles are possible" - Mao Zedong


                • #9
                  Hi Ho Lee and welcome

                  Regarding mediation, it's already been mentioned, but you don't have to be in the same room as your NFH, so don't let that put you off.

                  From what I read in your original post, there's been criminal damage, so it isn't just a civil matter. The Police need to be doing something. I think Misty mentioned speaking to your local Community Police Officer. Do raise the issue of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.

                  Good Luck and please keep us posted with how you're getting on.



                  • #10
                    Hi Ho Lee Smoke

                    Welcome to the Forum

                    You've already had great advice :thumbs: , I hope you feel a bit stronger now you are here .

                    I am disgusted with your NFH, what a savage, twisted and bitter individual she must be. She deserves to have an order slapped on her :angry: .

                    The laws are there to protect us all, but the police seem to try and duck out of their obligations all the time where harassment is concerned. I would definitley get back onto the police and don't waste your time with the pleb in the front office. Ask to see a much senior officer and don't let them fob you off with this ''civil matter'' codswallop. :angry:

                    Demand that something is done - the NFH has already had a caution so surely they have to give your claims against her some credence.

                    There is the Protection fom Harassment Act which they can use and also the new measures recently announced by The Home Secretary regaring Anti-Social behaviour. There must be an officer somewhere in your Local Nick who is responsible for all this. Find out who it is and get them to help you. What I am trying to say is that there IS something the police can and ought to do about this. :frown:

                    Can I ask, could there be any racial issues involved here? If so, be sure to get that mentioned too.

                    Well, please visit us often and let us know how you are getting on. Don't forget there is usually someone hanging about if you need to off-load somewhere .


                    :ban: :nfh1:


                    • #11
                      Hi Ho Lee Smoke and a warm welcome to NFHiB

                      What gut-wrenching feelings this sort of harassing behaviour brings on, and until you feel you have begun to regain some control here, it's not nice. You've already had some good advice here, so I'm not going to repeat it If you haven't seen it already, do check out info on the PHA(1997) here


                      I hope you find the site useful and supportive. Do log everything, get as much evidence as you can, and pursue this armed with as much info as possible. You may be in for the long haul, but stick with it .

                      One further thought...are any other neighbours having any problems with your nfh, could they add anything to what you have, as back-up?

                      best of luck, and do keep us posted on how you go


                      Sapph :nfh1:


                      • #12
                        Hi Ho Lee Smoke,

                        Sorry to hear about the appalling behaviour you're having :rant:

                        Loads of good advice at this site - hope it helps with this horrible situation.

                        I think many here will know that stomach-churning feeling, 'what's waiting for me when I get home' and I hope it helps to know you're not alone.

                        Re, checking with other neighbours that has been mentioned here - good idea that - the police may be more helpful if a few people complain (which isn't fair, I know, one person's misery should be enough to act)

                        Good luck to you and your family and remember - 'don't let the ******* grind you down'!

                        Mrs B
                        BE BOLSHY - RECLAIM YOUR GARDEN!


                        • #13
                          I haven't had time to read what the others have put in their replies so I may be going over old ground and even repeating what others have suggested, so if I have apologies.

                          Instances still continue, logged and reported, but the Police still will not take further action. I have on video a number of these events, but still the police do not want to get involved.

                          This is pretty standard stuff as far as the police attitude to neighbour disputes goes. I don't think I would suprise you here by telling you that having had a chat with a senior officer from a different force area to mine I was told that more or less every officer hates dealing with neighbour disputes. So no surprise there then. However, that does not exonerate the police of their duties to administer the law - although going from most experiences on this board the police do like the 'Ducking and Diving' method of police practice when having to deal with neighbour disputes of this kind.

                          I would be tempted to ring your local police station and speak to a senior officer - Inpsector or above - with the view of making an appointment with him/her and having a direct face to face meeting. This they cannot deny you. As a tax payer you contribute to the costs of running the police and as such the police ARE accountable to the general public alike regardless.

                          If you don't get anywhere via this method - then I can come up with all sorts of alternatives - tried and tested by one or two other members who have had success with it, me included. I think you WILL get some response though ! I will be very, very shocked if you don't.

                          Collate all your evidence together and also take pre-prepared notes with you as pointers and reminders as this will help you throughout the meeting and stop you from forgetting and getting side-tracked.

                          Finally, I noted that your neighbour is female and you mention nothing of any male living there - so my assumption would be that she lives on her own. If that is the case I think the green eyed monster plays a significant part in all this as you state in the begining it all started after your wifes second pregnancy !


                          • #14

                            Hi there to you all.

                            Just an update from my original posting.

                            The NFH continues to live up to her billing. The customary autumn leaves collected and emptied over our garden, abusive gestures and language still aimed at myself and 5+10 yr old children.

                            More worrying now, she has started following my wife around. She was sitting in her car in my wifes works car park, and also constantly drove around the local super market car park a number of times leering at us because we were loading our shopping. (Even though she had already been into the store). This is surely bordering on stalking?

                            The advice given by the forum into going to Mediation was followed, and I guess these people are facing an ever increasing workload as things seem to progress very slowly. Mediation send two letters to the NFH offering Mediation, but they "did not get the letters". Even though, we have spent time with Mediation and it was quite satifying to hear them say "she seeems mentally ill"

                            The other day while the NFH was out I called on her door to speak with her husband. I said that I would speak with him until his wife returned, and then i would leave as all I would get would be abuse and sarcasm. After trying to convince him that things are not any better and his wife becoming more out of control, she turns up. She physically would not let me leave her property and got abusive. In front of her husbands eyes, she behaved the way he denied she does.

                            After totally ignoring her, her husband managed to get her in the house and I made my quick exit.

                            Again, I await contact from the local neighbourhood bobby to find out how we can sort this out. Big plus in all this was the importance of me approaching and instiagating mediation.


                            • #15
                              She sounds dangerous .. avoid at all costs please

                              Howard:"You wanna be careful, before you know it you'll wake up in a bush singing songs about brooms"

                              Vince:"You don't know anything about me. Do you know anything about me?"

                              Howard:"I know...of you"

                              Vince:"Yeah, well, if you knew me you'd know that I don't sing songs about brooms...I sing songs about love...

                              Lovely lady with the eye

                              Lovely lady with the eye

                              You've only got one but it's a good one

                              Lovely lady with the eye, the eye, the eye, the eye, the eye

                              coming forward on a string, thats not normal, urgh

                              Yeah! I'm in a band..."