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  • football pitch

    This is my first time posting a message so I hope all is o.k.

    We have lived in our present house for 15 years. Both of us are professionals and we have a good sized comfortable home in a supposedly quiet cul de sac. The problem is that the road at the front and side of our house is wide, flat and perfect for playing football. Children come from far away to play here. Not much of a problem apart from two boys both aged 15 who have set about intimidating and harassing us. I shall refer to them as Liam and Lee. Liam started to cause problems six years ago when he bullied my son to try to prevent him playing with our neighbours' boys. Liam is the cousin of the neighbours' children but he does not live on our street.

    Problems with Liam escalated when one evening he threw ice balls at our house. His body language said "I hate you" although we had never said a word to him before then. We remonstrated with him then and every time since then, when he has thrown apples or eggs at our house or car.

    Lee came into the area two years ago . He does not live on our street but is friendly with our neighbours' sons. He plays football in the road outside our house and just walks in to our garden to get his ball when it (frequently) comes in. One evening last week the ball hit our kitchen window very hard but fortunately did not break the glass. We went outside to retrieve the ball and to ask the boys to take more care.The verbal abuse which we recieved was astonishing. Lee called my husband and me "losers" many times.

    Today when I was outside our garden sweeping up leaves the football hit me and I picked it up and held on to it. My husband came out to defend me as the boys became menacing and repeatedly tried to wrest the ball from me, eventually succeding, touching my body in the process. Both Liam and Lee verbally abused me and loomed over me in a menacing way . Over and over they called me a loser , told me that my pants did not fit (not the first time they have said this) and poured scorn on me for removing leaves from the road.

    This all distresses me very much but the worst thing is that they abuse my children, a boy of 12 and a girl who is 11. Both have been spat at on their way from school , called losers and other insults. My children are afraid to play out. They have not gone outside the garden to play for the last two years.

    On top of all this Liam and Lee have established themselves as pack leaders and have indoctrinated all the other children against us. One or two of the others have begun to abuse us because it is now part of the culture of the place to do so-these are children who have been guests in our home , received our hospitality , never had a cross word from us.

    Our friends have advised us to move but we do not want to have to leave our home . We have a lovely house which we bought as it was being built. It is in a prosperous middle class area with only trees overlooking it and lots of wildlife visiting our garden to be fed. Our pleasure in it is being stripped away by two fifteen year old boys who do not even live here.

  • #2
    Hi Susan,

    Sorry to hear of this problem. We had this some years ago with a patch of grass outside our house, it got so bad because we didn't have any front garden. Thankfully we were able to buy a piece of the land as a garden and fenced it in with wire and planted the dreaded lellandi, it is now 2m high so they can't see in plus 5 feet gates. This gave us a barrier which has worked wonders, so if you could plant a hedge, you are allowed 2m that will give you the barrier. The children part is a bit more difficult, try and ignore them, they have been getting the response they want each time. Why not try and approach the parents of the children you say you have been friendly with in the past and have a word with them. These two young men, and that's what they are, men, are bullies who seek adulation. I wish you lots of luck because i understand exactly what you are going through. You just have to hope they will eventualy grow up, leave school and find work which will lead to different activities.



    • #3
      Hi Susan and welcome to the NFHiB Forum Board

      What a nightmare it sounds like it never ceases to amaze me how children/youths can behave so badly. Didn't their parents teach them manners or consideration for others? :huh:

      Other members will be along shortly to offer advice and support. I haven't had much experience of this kind of behaviour so don't really know what to suggest. Antique has made a good point about speaking to other parents.

      Have you thought about talking to the school (I presume Liam and Lee do attend school?). It must be awful for your children to basicaly be trapped inside their own home and be too frightened to go outside because of these lads and their entourage.

      Personally, I think that you should also contact the Police - would the behaviour of them this afternoon constitute an assault? Their harassment of you and your family has been escalating and needs to stop now, otherwise how long will it go on for - and what kind of things might they do next?

      I really do feel for you having to live like this , but hopefully with the supportive advice of members here at NFHiB you will have some new avenues and angles to try.

      Take care and keep us posted.



      • #4
        :angry: I HATE KIDS its as simple as that, we have the same trouble here, exept the kids are not bad like that and dont give us abuse, infact their parents are the abusers, when we politely ask the kids to go and play football outside there own houses, they go, but have short memories and come back, still they are ok as kids go. We also get them from other areas, and not many live in our street, we too are in a cul-de-sac, and there is no way I would live in one again.

        If they are abusing you, there is something you can do, report them to the police, but have a word with the parents first, or bypass the parents and report them anyway. The parents obvioulsy are not bringing them up right. My heart goes out to you.


        • #5
          Thanks Antique

          we have a fence and lots of tall shrubs. They kick the ball so high and so hard that it sails over. I try to ignore the bullies but I have to go out to walk my dog several times a day and I have to go past them. They look up into my bedroom window and if I am looking out they remark upon it. My home does not seem to belong to me. I dread these boys becoming older and bigger as I can only think they will be come more aggressive and powerful. When they move on they will have left behind their desciples . They are not the first set of boys to cause problems , the nature of the terrain has ensured that one set of boys after another has come to play by our house but none have been as abusive as Lee and Liam

          We spent £3000.00 on CCTV earlier this year . It was a deterrant at first but the effect seems to have worn off.

          I can not talk to the parents of my childrens former friends as the children squabbled and as a result the parents became very cool. My son , who has an autistic spectrum disorder and poor social skills , lashed out one day at one of the boys in retaliation for months of teasing .



          • #6
            Hi Susan and welcome to the forum

            Is it me, or is fifteen a bit old to be kicking footballs at people's windows and picking on girls and twelve year old boys? Their mentality is disgusting and it's hardly surprising that you are at the end of your tether.

            If it was me, I would contact the police and explain the situation in full. Tell them that they have thrown and kicked things at your house and directly at you, they have picked on and spat at your children, they have insulted you on countless occasions and regularly trespass onto your property.

            I would insist that the police talk to these boys and to their parents and explain to them the serious consequences that they face if this harassment continues. At the age of fifteen, this needs to be pipped in the bud, before they move onto bigger things. Maybe their parents just don't understand what their kids are up to. I'm sure they could not advocate the bullying of an eleven year old girl! I would ensure that they are made aware of the full facts.

            Talking to the school is also an excellent idea and I would do it in conjunction with reporting it to the police. This sort of behaviour is something that the school should be taking very seriously. I'm sure your schools are excellent, but please do not let them anyone fob you off over this. It needs to be stopped. These boys need be made to take notice of the authorities and need to start respecting you and your home.

            Do you have a gate on your garden? If you actually gate off your garden, so that he can't stroll in, it creates a psychological barrier that he would have to cross.

            Keep up with the CCTV, and start logging every incident (no matter how little) so that you don't forget anything.

            Are you aware if any of your other neighbours are bothered by this at all? It certainly sounds like you could do with the support?

            I really do feel for you and wish that there was a quick and easy answer.

            As a footnote to the moving issue (and I'm not nagging - honest!), I completely understand your reasons for not wanting to move - but - sometimes it's really not worth it. If these boys are making you so unhappy and are terrorising your kids like this, then maybe it would be worth keeping an open mind about moving to somewhere new. You are right, you could solve the problems with this set of young thugs, only for them to be replaced by another set in a couple of years, and do you really want to have to cope like this?

            We all understand here how NFH's can eat away at your lives and how they can turn people into shells of the people that they used to be. You and your family deserve to live in a free and happy place, where you are not worried about taking the dog out for a walk, or being hassled when you look out of your windows, and where your children can play out in the summer without a care. Houses really are only bricks and mortar, if you move, you take your home with you. I won't mention it again, but I just wanted to have my say on the matter

            Good luck with this, I hope that you get some positive responses. Please come back and keep us updated with how you are doing.


            Take care

            Blue Cow


            • #7
              hi susan

              welcome to the forum, sorry tohear youare being made a prisoner by these "yoofs" :badmood:

              you have already been given some good advice, take a look at the self help articles as well,

              self help articles

              good luck and please let us know how things go


              • #8

                Hi Susan, welcome to the forum.

                Your situation sounds very similar to my own, I too lived on a cul de sac with a lovely green right in front of the house which was ideal for kids to play on. My daughter was also bullied by the ringleaders of the bunch of brats that would play football morning noon and night outside my house, and that of my neighbours'. i feel so sorry for your children and very angry as well. :rant: :rant:

                we all had damage done to our cars and shed loads of abuse when we tried to get the kids to play outside their own houses, both from the kids and their useless excuses for parents. :angry: the green also used to attract kids from outside the street, mainly friends or cousins of the KFH lving in our street, and in the height of summer it was abysmal, tennis balls, golf balls, skateboards flying over the speed was hideous. by then we just didnt say anything anymore, there was absolutely no point and our daughter would not go outside even for a second.

                I have to tell you, I really liked my house and its aspect but in the end we decided to move as our quality of life had been eroded to such an extent that we absolutely dreaded coming home from anywhere and having to run the gauntlet of lary obnoxious brats shouting stuff at us. we even used to pray it would rain everyday so the brats wouldnt come out, but believ me it didnt stop them!!!! it was no way to live. we were totally miserable :cry: our next door neighbour also sold up and left. he was s ingle bloke on his own, you can imagine what they used to say about him, the evil pigs :rant:

                at the end of the day we just had to accept that kids would always play on the street, even when the ones hassling us grew up more would come along to take their place....and when they do get older, as you have found, they get more aggressive and intimidating. the 17 yr old lad who i used to live next door to was basically ok, but he used to have a thing for fireworks and would set them off for weeks and weeks on end at this time of year..his friend the same age next door to him had a scooter he would roar up and down the road on.....if it isnt one thing its another. :banghead: :banghead:

                do you really want your children exposed to this name calling and bullying? how long do you think you can carry on putting up with this abuse and your kids being prisoners in their own homes? if i were you i would seriously consider moving. i am sure your house is very nice, but you can make another one even better. we havent long been in our new house and still we cannot believe how good it feels to simply come and go as we please without having aggravation each time.

                please consider your options seriously. if you go down the road of logging everything, you had better be prepared for a very long hard, frustrating slog. it is not giving in to move. it is showing them you can better yourself whilst they will be stuck in their sad little lives forever.

                finally, dont ever hang onto their balls or damage them in anyway, they will immediately be able to complain to the police about it and put you in the wrong.

                anyway, once again welcome to the forum, i was at the end of my tether when i finally found this site, and it has really helped me get through things. i hope you find us helpful and supportive.


                I decree today that life

                Is simply taking and not giving

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                "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson

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                Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron

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                There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

                Carpe Diem

                Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


                • #9
                  Hi Susan and welcome

                  Oh, it's all so familiar The cul-de-sac, the footballing yobs who come from outside and cause all sorts of problems I really empathise with your plight as it's so similar to my own

                  I see other members have given you lots of good advice so all I can do is reiterate. Log every incident, if possible take photographs and/or cctv footage. You were assaulted. It was actual assault because they touched you. They are threatening you, another form of assault. Inform the police. You can call your local station and ask to speak to your local neighbourhood officer. These yobs are being antisocial and threatening and maybe the police will be able to issue ASBO's against them. Do any other neighbours have problems or are sympathetic to your problems? Maybe you could ask them to make witness statements.

                  Try not to give yobs a reaction to their pathetic taunts. Sometimes it's very difficult but they are usually so stupid they don't even recognise that THEY are in the wrong and it might also make the situation worse because they now have a target. Sorry to say, saying nothing might have the same effect as they try to elicit a response from you

                  I never ceases to amaze me that yobs, whose only raison d'etre is to make life misery for others have the pathetic idea that others are the losers!! They need to look in the mirror a bit more often - oops sorry maybe not, even mirrors have a breaking point :P

                  Good luck and come back as often as you need. We will all be here to sympathise, support and advise

                  "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                  • #10
                    Hi Susan.

                    I find the behaviour of these louts disgusting and their parents too ought to be ashamed of themselves if they are not prepared to do anything about it. :angry:

                    I really do feel for you, it makes you wonder sometimes where these neanderthols crawl from. Its neither big nor clever but hopefully when they get into the big, grown up world they'll learn a few harsh lessons themselves. We can but hope!!

                    I think having a word with the school head is a good idea. Having said that, what time in the afternoon was it that this attack took place ? Maybe if it was during school hours the truant officer of the school would be most interested to find out their whereabouts and so too would the police.

                    Just a thought, Good Luck


                    • #11
                      I have come to this somewhat late but, the fact that these boys touched you consitutes a Section 39 Assault. It might not mean much but it is in fact a Criminal Offence. Not enough to be brought before the courts I know but enough to illicit a warning from the Police.

                      Their behaviour is purely barbaric and I wonder what kind of citizens they are going to grow up into. Despite the fact that you were clearing away the leaves makes no odds whatsoever. You were going about your business legally - they were not.

                      The fact is that these boys can have a curfew put on them by the authorites namely the Police to keep away from your home and in particular your section of road unless they have a clear and concise reason for being there - and it HAS TO BE A GOOD ONE.

                      My advice to you is bite the bullet report it to the police and when you visit you station tell them that you wish to report a Section 39 Assault - that should get them sitting up and taking notice. I have always found when dealing with the Police that if I go in armed with my facts before hand I get a bit more co-operation and will not be fobbed off.

                      If they try and say oh its just boys you reply I'll see your Inspector then and make a formal complaint. These boys have no right to be there and you have the right to live without fear and constant harassment. This is also Anti Social Behaviour. I bet my last pound their parents don't know whats going on either - but a visit from the boys in blue and they sure will do.


                      • #12
                        By the way - the Police might say this is a Common Assault which it is technically but it still falls under the Section 39 category.


                        • #13
                          I can not tell you just how moved and relieved I am to receive so many good wishes and so much advice.

                          I have the camcorder on charge ready to gather evidence. I have started a log. There was another event today-I was on the lookout for my son coming home from school and when Lee (playing football outside as usual) saw him he said quite clearly"here comes that sad-a*sed doctors' kid" . I did not have the camcorder fully charged so I did not get a recording , but I will be ready next time.

                          The local school takes the attitude that once pupils have left the premises they are no longer the school's responsibility. My own children attend a private school 2 miles away and come home on the bus and walk from the stop together. They have beeen targeted on that short journey, which is why I am vigilant at home time. and often walk into the village to meet them.

                          I have taken all your kind advice very seriously. I will definitely go to the police .

                          Moving house is also under consideration but it would have to be some distance away , with consequent loss of my support system of relatives who live nearby.

                          Thank you so much , all of you who have taken the trouble to reply. I am really grateful.



                          • #14
                            hope you dont feel so alone now Susan!

                            just an after thought, unfortunatly, due to the law and stuff you can never keep a football that goes into your garden no mattewr how tempted we have all been to do that!!

                            keep strong and keep recording, did you mange to print off some logs from the main site?

                            blank logs

                            the more you can get the better, you can then show it to the police, remember to keep copies though


                            • #15
                              Hi Susan,

                              It's good to hear your update, and that the replies that you have had have helped

                              Really good luck with the police :clover: BTW it would be best to go and see them rather than phone. Section 39 - it all sounds very impressive!

                              I really feel for your boy and girl. If I ever heard someone say what they did about my little boy, I would be beside myself. Remember that these boys are systematically bullying your children, and please make sure that the police take this seriously.

                              Let us know how you get on

                              Blue Cow