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  • leave our kids alone!

    Hi all.........

    Dont know where to start really....anyway here goes. I bought my house 13 years ago and have lived here quite happily all those years. Everything was great, neighbours are lovely. We have quite a mix of young people with children to middle aged couples whose children where older and even pensioners. Everyone got along fine, kids played in street, i have 3 children by the way, who have been born round here and played in our street all thier lives. Any way about 2 years ago a woman with 2 young children moved into our street and at 1st seemed really nice, but after about 6 months she started to complain about children playing in the street, she started to complain to me 1st. i asked her what they where doing wrong and she said they where to noisy. She kept asking me to make them go and play somewhere else and when i pointed out that there where other kids there apart from mine she insisted it was my kids who brought these other children to play round here and if mine "b*ggered off" the other children would follow. May i add she never approached me politley she was screaming and shouting. i told her that the children had played here well before she moved into the area she still blamed it on my kids. Anyway my children got fed up and stopped playing out all together, but the other children remained and she didn,t seem to mind them playing which made me wonder if she just had a problem with my children. In september this year my kids started to play with the other kids that remained in the street and its all started again. She had me in the street last saturday night screaming and shouting and telling me she didn,t want my children playing in the street. I asked her where she wanted them to go and she said they can go play in another street. this was at 5.30pm by the way! I asked my kids and thier friends to go and play somewhere else so they went into the next street where one of there friends lived......Was she happy with this! NO! she now persists every night on walking round to the next street and telling all the kids ( not just mine) to move from the next street. Yesterday i was visited by the mother of the girl who lives in the next street who,d found out that nfh had been to the police and given all our kids names in to police and made accusations against them. i went to the police station to try and find out what was going on but the police wont tell me anything other than that this nfh is having a meeting with the police about the children, i asked seeing as it was about our children could we attend and was told no! She,s drove all the kids out of this street now and no children can play or even walk up the street to call for my daughter because she,s told them they have to keep out. My daughter has to meet her mates round the corner and go and play else where. She,s also threatened them with violence " what she,s gonna do to them if they dont do what they are told or who she,s gonna get to do them in if they dont do what she says." Most of our neighbours dont like her, it was so peaceful round here till she came, there has never been any bother. but if kids cant play in the street where they live, where are they meant to go! She also says the kids round here have made her life hell, but it cant be that bad as she has just purchased her property (which was council). Any way me and a couple of the mothers of the other children are gettin together, we are writing to our mp and ive visited the council who dont seem to want to get involved because we are not in council property. has any members had any trouble like this and have they any advice on what we can do to get her to let our children play in peace! :banghead:

  • #2
    Hi Debbie and welcome to NFHiB



    You said that this woman has children of her own, do you know where they play - or even if they do? :unsure:



    This woman obviously doesn't like children playing outside near her home, but do you know if anything in particular sparked this off? For example, footballs into her garden, loud noises?



    I can't stand it when children play near me, there's a perfectly good park where they could play, but they kick their footballs into our garden and then clamber over the fence to retrieve it (even without asking). I think that if left unsupervised children can cause havoc and upset to neighbours.



    I'm sure though that you'll get a very balanced set of replies from members (which is what is great about NFHiB, we don't all agree on things which means you get the opinions from all standpoints! ).



    Holly

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Debbie, and welcome to the forum



      I do think until this woman has had her meeting with the police, it sounds as if you are not going to get much clarity on the specifics of her complaints.. She has been incapable of talking to you reasonably, so you seem unsure what she is complaining about in any detail. I'm sure after the police meeting, you should be able to get more info from the police. I would also point out to the police any verbal abuse/threatening language used by this woman.



      If the kids are kicking balls at/into her property, being abusive or playing noisily all the time by her house, then she may have good cause for complaint, but again, you don't really know what she is saying yet. I wonder if it's worth suggesting mediation, so all parties can sit down and clarify the issue and try to find a resolution to the problems -with an impartial third party guiding the process? This will also demonstrate how reasonable you are, and whether she can be reasonable or not! For more info on MediationUk/ to find where your nearest service is, see

      http://www.mediationuk.org.uk/



      Do keep us posted, and good luck with getting clarification on what's going on from the police.



      Regards,



      Sapph

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Debbie and welcome to the forum



        Holly has already asked some pertinent questions. It seems strange that somebody, suddenly starts complaining about kids for no reason. Yes, kids can be noisy, in fact a few members, myself included have commented about how kids nowadays seem incapable of holding a conversation without shouting and screaming at each other.



        There seems to be more to this than meets the eye. Have the kids been abusive to your neighbour or her kids? It seems strange that the police are taking things so seriously if there is nothing in it. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing the kids of anything, just wondering what the underlying issue is with your neighbour. She obviously has an issue. Why else would she wander into the next street to carry on complaining. Most people, if they had a problem with noisy kids would breathe a sigh of relief if they moved somewhere else.



        Hopefully, after she's had her meeting with the police, they will tell you what it is that seems to be upsetting her. Then you can put your case to them.



        Good luck



        Misty
        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

        Comment


        • #5
          MMmmm, Its a difficult one is this.



          I have no children, and we have moved to what seemed to be a quite, ideal area for us to live. However we have kids from further up the road constantly playing outside our house, and Im afraid to say, its the reason why we are moving now.



          I can see it from your point of view, this kids have to play somewhere, but when they use your wall as a goal post, and scream and shout constantly, you find yourself not being able to enjoy your garden without the constant noise of kids, and its the summer time when its at its height.



          At the end of the day Kids are noisy by nature, but my argument it, that if people want to have children, then they can, but dont inflict their nuisence noise upon those of us who want piece and quiet, they should play outside their own house, not other peoples. Its not just the noise either, its the litter, the chewing gum stuck on your garden wall, and the balls that come into your garden. When I moved into this house, I politely sent the children away, and 3 days later I have 3 of their Dad's nocking on my door shouting abuse at me (and I live on my own!) next door have the same problem with them too. The kids around by us and not checky or abusive, so I dont threaten them or anything. JUST NOISY.



          When we were little my parents used to take us on days out, and make us play in the back garden, but my parents would never inflict us noisy kids on anyone else.



          Im afraid I have to agree with your NFH SORRY but they have driven us to dispair, so I know how she feels!

          Comment


          • #6
            thanks for repling to my post



            her children are a lot younger than mine and when they do play out they play in the street. My kids dont play football in the street or go onto anyone,s property without permission. Im not saying my kids are angels they are just normal kids. No other neighbours have any complaints about my children, My point is she,s drove the kids out of the street and now they play in the next street where 1 of thier friends mothers have said they can sit on her wall and hang at the front of her house but nfh has started to go round into that street telling them to move from there! (a member of her family lives in that street). Where the hell does she want them to go! There are no parks, youth clubs or any facilities at all for kids round here, and im sorry but i want my kids to play where i can see them, know what they are doing and that they are safe.... as a mother that is my duty! Sending them into someone else,s street to play is not solving any problems (whatever her problems are). ok if my kids have done anything wrong she has a right to voice her complaints. But my kids have a right to a social life in the area that they live in. there has to be an happy medium, she complained once about noise and as far as i know that is their only crime. they come home from school at 3.30 they have thier tea and are out for about 5. They have to be in for 9pm, thats 4 hours out of 24 they are playing outside, and just cos someone moves into my area and doesn,t like the sound of kids playing outside doesnt mean i have to shoo my kids away to play in another street. :sad:

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi again Debbie and thanks for the information



              I think, maybe like Sapph says, that mediation might be an option.



              Do you know what this woman actually wants to happen? It might be worth asking her (or someone else asking her) what she would like to see happen and then work on some kind of compromise with her? Just a thought... :unsure:



              So, her children play on the street too? It's very odd that she doesn't want anyone else's children but her own playing there. Do you know whether her children have been bullied at all by any of the others that play there/ used to play there?

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Debbie and welcome,



                I can't really add very much to what other members have said at present. I agree that you'd be best to wait until your neighbour has had her meeting with the police, and then maybe you'll find out exactly what she's after, and if she has any specific allegations that she's making.



                It does sound as if she is targeting your children in particular, and I agree, as a parent I would be desperate to find out why. I really don't understand where she thinks she was given the right to move your children on to another street and I can understand why you would be fuming about this.



                If she approaches you or your children about this again, I would tell her to not to talk to your children again, and if she has any problems to come to you directly and as a responsible parent, you will deal with it.



                I would also ensure in the meantime that you tell your kids to make sure that they are behaving responsibly and not doing anything that would obviously antagonise this woman. And that includes noise, balls, litter and trespass! I'm sure that it would be possible for them to still play in their own street but at the same time give this woman's house a wide berth? (I would also add that they are not to be cheeky to her either, as this will only aggravate the situation further).



                I'm not saying that you have to tread on tip-toes around this woman, but a bit of give and take may really help to ease the situation.



                Good luck and let us know how things go.



                By the way....did the police give you any idea on when she will be seeing them?



                Take care



                Blue Cow

                Comment


                • #9




                  Hi Debbie,



                  as you have seen from other messages, a lot of people on this forum have had problems with children playing outside their houses and unfortunately making a nuisance of themselves.



                  I too ended up moving house because kids would constantly play outside my house, the usual problems of footballs and petty, irritating damage being done to my car and property, as well as other neighbours. :unsure:



                  the thing was, we all tried to get the kids to play outside their own houses, or in their own gardens (which we all had, nice big ones) but they wouldnt plus the parents had the attitude ' well theyve always played out, where else are they supposed to play' , and unfortunately i have also heard 'i want to be able to see where my kids are'...which you have said. i must confess i felt quite alarmed when you said, your kids have to be in by 9 p.m. to you it might seem like they only have a few hours outside, but to someone who doesnt like kids outside their house this is a very long time to have to tolerate boisterous kids. :blink:



                  plus it is dark well before then, i dont know how old your kids are, if they are youngsters this seems like they are out quite late, and if they are teenagers, it can be quite intimidating to some people to see gangs of this age group hanging around at night time. in the summer, you might think this isnt very late, but for someone who just wants to enjoy a peaceful evening, having kids milling around until 9 p.m., each and every single day without respite really wears you down. :cry:



                  i think the woman who is complaining about your kids sounds like she is going over the top a bit, but i do understand where she is coming from. can you honestly say hand on heart that she is completely in the wrong, and everything she says is unfounded???. i dont think kids should be forced out into other roads to play, as this only makes things worse, plus its much more dangerous. the woman has obviously become very aggressive and unreasonable. if she is going to the police, then i would say, wait and see what the outcome is. maybe the police will come and talk to you about what can be done to keep the kids safe, but not making a pest of themselves to others.. Not everyone likes kids, even if they have their own, doesnt mean they will automatically like yours.



                  a balance that has to be reached here, for the good of the neighbourhood, as you said. your rights cannot outweigh hers, or vice versa. you all have the right to enjoy your own homes. so what i am saying here is compromise. just because you have lived in the road longer than she has doesnt mean you have more rights then she does. i lived in my road for 5 years before the new neighbours moved in and the problems started, please do not use this as a reason not to try to come to a solution. as others have said mediation would be a good idea, and might help clear the air.



                  keep your kids well away from her property and dont give her any excuse to make more scenes or fuss. and make sure your kids arent rude to her, and in this i also suggest they dont even look at her.



                  i have gone a bit! sorry. i hope i havent come across as unsympathetic , as i certainly dont mean to be. :thumbs:
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                  Comment


                  • #10
                    just to answer some of your questions, my children are 13, 11 and 15. i have a front garden, we live in a small cul de sac, the children used to hang out at the bottom of the cul de sac, not just my kids, all the kids that live round here. i live at the top and she lives in the middle of the cul de sac. But when she asked the kids to move she doesn,t want them to play anywhwere in the street (out of the street is what she asked). She,s won that battle the kids no longer play in the street, they play in the next street, but she doesn,t want them there either which ive already explained.



                    Anyway me and a couple of neighbours whose children are involved decided to get together and be a voice for the kids. We are trying through the council and writing to our mp to try and find the kids somewhere to go and play safely.



                    Im not disputing that people want peace and not all people like the sound of kids playing outside, but when you live in an area where children live you have to except that sometimes kids will be playing outside and yes its a two way thing kids have to respect that some people dont want them to play near thier homes. There has to be some give and take on both sides to come to an amicable solution. But to just say you dont want kids to play in the street where you live FULL STOP! is not trying to solve anything. It just gets parents backs up!



                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hello sorry to hear that this woman is being horrid. She cannot actually make a complaint about children playing in the street unless they are causing damage to her property which they probably arnt. you see I have the problem where my neighbours children (our front doors face each other) bring all their friends down the path and hang around on my property making tons and tons of noise and causing damage so my situation is a bit different. Unless the children are actually touching her property their is nothing she can do it is not illegal for children to play in the street and she can't even complain about any noise they make. I hope it is all sorted out ok for you people can be so nasty. she soulds like she has a bit of a problem and hopefully the police will tell her to go away. anyway good luck xxxxx

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        hi Debbie and welcome



                        I dont really want to talk about kids and noise as it looks like it has been covered here!



                        I would like to ask about the verbal abuse she gave you in the street.

                        not very nice....did you feel it was threatening behaviour? I think it would be wise at this point to start logging down anytime she speaks to you in such a manner.



                        what about the other residents in your street? does every house have children?

                        and do the non children families have any issues with the kids playing out?



                        its some what cheeky to ask the children to play in another street and then try and shift them from there aswell

                        Personally I think 11 is too young to be playing in another street, does this woman not know what happens to little children,?? this has worried me due to the Soham trail at the moment, my mum always said we could play out as long as she could see where we were at all times. and that was many years ago!!



                        Good for you getting on to the council trying to get a play area or something for the kids, parks are a rarity these days in some areas, and its a shame. it would solve quite a few problems all round I think!



                        even if this woman is annoyed by any noise your children, and the other children may be making theres never any need to become a bully, and to me thats how you have described her.



                        good luck and please come back often

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi again Debbie,



                          I just wanted to add good luck with the council and your MP. If you can get enough parents involved, then hopefully they will sit up and take notice. Lack of facilities for youngsters is a problem that you find in many areas.



                          Good luck, and keep your children safe and near, especially now the winter evenings are here :clover: :clover:



                          Blue Cow

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hi Debbie



                            Sorry to hear you're getting problems and good luck in reaching an agreeable settlement soon.



                            It doesn't sound as if your nfh is paticulaly reasonable or even rational. Some people can get very silly about kids. We know of one old 'lady' that used to shout at kids just for walking past her house, and would tell kids they couldn't play on the Forestry Commission land behind her house.



                            It isn't on that she should be bossing your kids out of your street, and even pursuing them once they have moved on. Sounds like she could be a bit of a bully / control freak.



                            As little seems to placate her anyway, perhaps it may be best if you and other parents were to write to her and insist she does not approach/ try to move your children on unless they are actually doing wrong. I'd suggest finding out who the senior Officer In Charge is who is meeting this woman, and drop him a line signedby all the parents concerned, making it plain that there is more than just this woman's point of view. Could be she's quite potty but it has been known for such people to get the police to toe their line, believe me.



                            Good luck

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hi debbie



                              Good on you for putting on some pressure to get somewhere for the kids to go.....there are evidently not enough play areas/youth clubs! Speak to your local councillor as well, and see if there is any funding available locally too. If you want to form a community group to try and get something done, ask your councillor if there is a "Voluntary Action" in your area, they are great at helping community groups get things off the ground and apply for the funding to do it.



                              Do think about mediation with this neighbour when you find out the full nature of the complaints she has....it can't do any harm, and might help iron some expectations out between you (and any other parents on the street)



                              Do let us know how things go.



                              Sapph

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