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  • Home Owners

    Dear NFH

    In Jan 02 we moved to our very respectable council house, where the vast majority were homeowners, we couldn’t believe our luck, we had welcome cards from the neighbours and they seemed really nice as they had a young son just a year younger than our daughter and they played together beautifully in the back gardens which were open plan more or less with only a 3ft mesh fence separating the gardens.

    That was until August of this year, I noticed that one day she had partitioned off the garden with washing and was telling her child to “stay over the right side of the garden”!!! And in the mean time she was being very rude to our daughter and telling her off for petty things which were not her place, but we bit our lip as it just went over our daughters head!! She also then started to tell one of our other neighbours details of incidents of which we had done to make her life hell, this was complete nonsense!!!! The next thing we knew is that she was getting quotes to partition off the gardens with a 6ft fence and was doing this loudly in the garden for us to hear!! In the meantime, a six ft fence was erected putting our garden in complete darkness, and the lies and fabrications we had been made aware off by a reliable source and could not make sense of why she would say such things, one morning our 6 month old puppy got through my legs on the way out for the school run, she then went on to claim that our dog had attacked her!! By this time I had had enough and confronted her about her lies, she then raised her voice, I then raised mine, I called her a fat old pig, she called me and my family “peasants” I found this amusing and replied so your house isn’t run down then”!! I then returned to my house and went in for a cup of tea!!

    The following day I had a visit from the police who wanted to talk to me because there had been a complaint of assault!!! I told the officers what was said and thankfully they said that they believed I was telling the truth, and did not poke her in the face, which was what she claimed!! A few days went on, and I got a visit from the council with a letter threatening eviction for breach of tenancy for anti social behaviour! I went and had a meeting with my estate officer and she put towards me the accusations of assault, threatening behaviour and anti social behaviour, and that I had full on assaulted her (not poked her in the face) made violent threats against her and had apparently threatened to hang her son!! I went on to explain that this was not the case at all, and told them the real story!! While doing so she was apparently canvassing round the other neighbours for support claiming that I had assaulted her and could they report me to the council!! We are in discussion with our solicitor by this time with regards to defamation and slander!!! Only the other night we heard more lies, that we had put dog faeces through their letter box, we are conspiring with neighbours opposite and have put cctv into their property so it enables us to spy on them! And that I want to kill their son!! We are looking forward to a court date and are planning a very expensive holiday with the compensation which we will be assured to be awarded!!

    Hope you never have this experience.



  • #2

    Your nfh behaviour sounds bizarre but so, so familiar. Is there any imagined slight that could have caused the change in behaviour back in August? Have you ever been aware of any strange quirk in her personality? Is she perhaps jealous of you (something gone wrong in her life that makes her envy you?).

    She has to prove any alleged assault the same as you have to prove any slander. Careful with the CCTV - am sure some more experienced members will be along to guide you here.

    Good luck.

    "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


    • #3
      Hi Becky/Dazz

      Welcome to the Forums here!

      I am very bewildered by your NFH's behaviour. Do you have any idea at all as to why this all started up? I am wondering if someone else has it in for her, but she thinks it's you (for whatever reason).

      I would suggest you try mediation first because the Court will look very favourably on this if you have at least tried to get your NFH to mediation (even if they decline, it puts you in a good light). Is this a possibility for you?

      In the meantime, I am sure you'll have been advised to do this by your solicitor, but anyway - please don't communicate in anyway with your NFH, don't even look at them. If you have to go out and you know they are out, put some dark glasses on - they won't be able to see your eyes and they'll hate it, but it also protects you from allegations of staring, intimidatory looks etc.

      I would also be making a log of all the allegations etc she has been making and any obnoxious behaviour too. Then show it to the police regularly and keep them on the ball with it all. As for your housing department, they will not be able to do anything to you without concrete proof - which they haven't got, so don't fret about their heavy-handed letters - they are just designed to get you on the phone to them (so they can have a chat with you)!

      I wouldn't like to put a dampener on you, but defamation cases are extremely expensive and very difficult to prove - so be very careful about what advice you take from your solicitor; be aware that every minute you spend with them is costing you money (and your solicitor is very aware of this) .

      Let us know how you get on




      • #4
        hi dazz sorry to hear about your problems. All i can say is keep a record and date everthing your n. f.h says about you. from experience court action is a last stand to take.


        • #5
          hi Dazz and Becky

          welcome to the group

          sorry to hear your problems, I wonder what started it all? :huh: sounds strange behaviour, although strange behaviour is nothing new with NFH!!

          Milly is right, record every inccident and time it, also every time you talk to someone, council, police etc, get names and job titles, offical types can have you going round in circles so its good to have contact names.

          I guess you are going to have to be gooder than good around your neighbour, even though you have done nothing wrong, you cant give her the slightest bit of ammo to fire at you.

          if you go down legal routes you must know, it will take a long time and you might come out either empty handed or out of pocket, I dont want to put a dampner on things but here at NFHiB we are very realistic. and we all know what hard work and cold cash can be involved in these things.

          mediation is always worth a bash as Mazza says, even if its just to show the council chaps you aremaking the effort, many councils/HA are big on mediation, a new buzz word if you like for them.

          please let us know how things go, you are always welcome to post!

          Goodluck :ban:


          • #6
            Hi Dazz/Becky and welcome to the NFHiB Forum Board

            Like the others have said, I do wonder what has triggered this change in her behaviour, is there anything you can think of? :unsure:

            Having the Police involved on harassment issues can get really complicated because NFH are particularly good at acting, lying and exaggerating everything. This is why it's really important (IMO) to be whiter than white when dealing with NFH - always have a very clear conscience about what you've done, never give them anything that could possibly be used against you or misconstrued.

            Yes, I agree too that Mediation might be something you could try before this goes any further. Find out your local service here: Mediation Services

            You might also want to have a look at the NFHiB Self Help Articles Here, which have pages of useful information.

            Good Luck



            • #7
              Hi all,

              Thanks for the advice and all the kind words.

              I guess thinking back, something that could well have upset our nfh

              My partner used to sunbathe in the garden,we had a fantastic summer and being very attractive may well have upset our neighbour,as she was also heard advising her husband to stay out of the garden,on numerous occassions !!!

              One thing we did forget to note we are now purchasing the property on the right to buy scheme,which should be completed very soon

              We will surely give you any further feedback on this situation.

              All the best,



              • #8

                Welcome to the forum. You're at the right place and thanks for being frank and honest about your story.

                We are in discussion with our solicitor by this time with regards to defamation and slander!!!

                We are looking forward to a court date and are planning a very expensive holiday with the compensation which we will be assured to be awarded!!

                Sorry to put a dampener on this but this won't happen. These cases cost literally tens of thousands of pounds and take years. You have probably heard, as we all have, of the odd case in the press where high awards are offered. The reason they're reported is that they are so rare. Your solicitor should have advised you of this.

                This won't happen with the likes of you or me.

                However I'm a bit mystified in your story as to what sparked this dispute off. Perhaps you could enlighten us?

                The others are right though. It strengthens your case enormously if you accept or suggest mediation. Even if your neighbour accepts, you don't have to meet face to face initially. If they decline, well thats all extra points for you.

                The 6 foot fence, even though it was put up by your neighbour, should help a lot. Several of us on this board have put up 6foot fences of our own and they are brilliant. Every home should have them.

                Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.

                We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.

                So what's the plan?

                Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.


                • #9
                  Hi Becky/Dazz and welcome to the forum

                  It's all very bewildering what turns some neighbours into NFH. One minute you're best of friends and the next it's all out war From what you say it seems as though the female NFH was jealous of your partner and not trusting of hers.

                  I'm afraid I have to agree with the others about the slander/defamation case. They are VERY expensive to fight and even if you win there is no guarantee that you will be awarded damages of any substantial amount But good luck in getting the malicious gossip stopped, I'm sure there must be something your solicitor can do about that.

                  In the meantime I can only re-iterate what others have said, log EVERYTHING. If possible get some allies in other neighbours and ask them to log as well.

                  Good luck, I hope everything works out for you

                  "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                  • #10
                    Hi Dazz

                    Sorry to hear you're getting lots of nonsensical trouble from your neighbour. We had a horrible situation not massively dissimilar to yours. It ended up completely pear-shape.

                    I'd agree with the others on the advice against taking yr neighbour to court. Sometimes it can still cost you even if you win. Our solicitor advised us moving would be cheaper.

                    My partner used to sunbathe in the garden,we had a fantastic summer and being very attractive may well have upset our neighbour
                    . I think this may be the essence of it here. A problem where envy manifests itself in a ridiculous barrage of accusations and slander. My family are healthy, happy and look fine, whereas we had problems with hideous neighbouring folk that most found hard to identify their gender.

                    You'll probably find that the decent folk round your way won't believe your nfh's malicious gossip. I'm sure that if you ignore, laugh it off, and live your own happy lives it'll be ol' miseryguts who moves.

                    All the Best



                    • #11
                      Hi Becky & Dazz

                      Well I must say that this sounds very much like my story :sad:

                      You have already been given some very good advice, and the dark glasses work an absolute treat B) Logging incidents is an absolute must.

                      I am one of the members who have erected a 6 ft fence, and I can tell you that it has been heaven ever since.

                      I also contacted a solicitor, who wrote a letter to my NFH. This made my NFH think about one of the allegations that they had made against me, but it did make matters worse. We were offered Mediation, which I accepted, but they declined and therefore it did not go ahead.

                      I decided to try and live my life as if they weren't even there, and it worked. It got to the point where I couldn't even go into the back garden, without my children being insulted. My stomache would churn and I would feel physically sick at the thought of having to go outside the house at all.

                      Your NFH has already targeted your daughter, by telling her off for things she didn't do. This is bullying and it seems that is exactly what your NFH is...a bully. By the sounds of things she is very jealous of your little family unit. It must be so much better than her own and she is jealous of more than one aspect of your lives.

                      As somebody has already said...avoid all confrontation if possible, this will disappoint your NFH as she will have no idea whether she is getting to you or not.

                      BE WARNED...she will try a multitude of things to get to you, but you must show no emotion at all, as she will see this as a weakness and will be so satisfied by it. Any allegations she makes against you will need to be supported with evidence, and by ignoring her completely, and her slanderous lies, and not retailiating in any way, it will be extremely hard for her to prove anything.

                      Try to think of her as a cartoon character...this is a really good way to help you ignore her and get a little giggle out of it too.

                      If I can think of anything else that helped me through my dilemma, (which by the way is now very tame, compared to how it was) I will let you know.

                      Keep your chin up and take care



                      • #12
                        Hi Becky/Dazz,

                        Sorry to hear of your plight. Please try and ignore all the

                        verbal abuse and such coming from your neighbour and

                        dont react because this is what your NFH probably wants

                        (a reaction). You would be best trying mediation first just

                        so you can say you tried it ( if she declines then it makes

                        her look bad and I believe she will decline).

                        Who knows what triggers these bullies off. I have experienced

                        most everything imaginable from my NFH and have moved.

                        Take very good care of your daughter in this saga because

                        she could end up being the worst affected (children are

                        more vulnerable). My daughter has lost the feeling of

                        safety in her own home and moving has helped a little but

                        she is still trying to get over all the bad stuff from NFH hell

                        house. If this starts to drag on for a long time, consider

                        moving and consider all the time that is going to be sucked

                        out of your life (and the energy) dealing with NFH.



                        • #13
                          Thanks for the reply you lot, you really helped us see things from a different perspective, i am really certain that it is some sort of envy towards our family, as we are very popular in the street in the short space of time we have lived here, where as the NFH only talks to very few people in the street. We was advised by several other residents that they were weird!!!! but we ignored these comments as we tried our best to get on with them and make our own judgement, thanks for the mediation advice but i could not be in the same room with someone who has said such vicious lies about me and my family, the thought makes me sick to the stomach.

                          Thanks Dazz/Becks


                          • #14
                            Hi Dazz/Becks,

                            I know you cannot be in the same room as them (i feel likewise) but in court

                            the magistrate will ask (if you get to court) "Did you seek mediation?"

                            If you say no, it makes you look bad like you wasted the courts time

                            by not seeking mediation first. It is part of the process to "seek mediation".

                            I went through this too. Knowing the NFH mentality they will laugh at any

                            suggestion of mediation and throw it out the door. But it makes you look

                            good that you were willing to mediate (if only on the face of it). You need

                            a third pary to approach them about mediation. Someone else can advise

                            you on this. The only reason for seeking mediation (even if you know it

                            wont work) is to say you did seek mediation. If by a miracle mediation happens

                            play the game (no matter how hard this feels for you). NFH will either

                            try and work things out (not likely) or bizzare suggestions will arise that

                            may help you further your case. Most NFH's are bullies. They play a game that

                            seems normal to them and outrageous to you and this is where all the bad

                            interactions start. NFH's get a thrill out of trying to destroy others lives.

                            Prolonged NFH problems are bad for your health and a waste of your life.

                            Anyway, that is the mediation thing explained.

                            Good luck



                            • #15
                              Hmm, Dazz and Becky! I guess now you know why the other neighbours thought she was weird!

                              I bet they went through the same process. Nice at first then jealous (probably their wife was after her "man", too! ) and then a vindictive monster.

                              BTW, if her behaviour gets exceptionally bad, think about asking the police to deal with her under the harrassmnet legislation.