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Generational abuse?

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  • Generational abuse?

    I have just moved. I came across your website when I was searching the internet under "abuse" and joined it a few months ago. It has been so stressful that I couldn't face writing about it until now. When I saw the kinds of situations that other people were calling anti-social & nfh behaviour I suddenly realised that we had been subjected to practically (if not all) of them. To keep this story as short as possible. I lived with my husband on a housing estate property (3 together). Noisy music (took several requests to get it down to a reasonable level). No sense of boundaries. 3 very noisy children that shout all the time and also have no boundaries. 2 dogs that bark whenever people walk by (never asked to be quiet). The dogs also sh** on our front garden. The neighbours also have 2 or 3 vehicles at any one time. The oldest, 8, tends to be manipulative - to put it kindly.

    What concerned me most was the way the father would lose his temper so often at the children (I could hear through the walls as they were thin). Then the older child started to abuse the next younger sibling, then that one started to abuse the next. The mother never took any notice when one of them would say something and the father was out at work all the time. When I say abuse I'm talking about the older child punching the smaller one, pinning his arms back. The young baby fell on the grass and the next older child sat on her and wouldn't let her up until she eventually cried. These children were always careful to do it when the mother wasn't watching. Even one day my husband and I saw them with a long piece of wood with nails on. We told the mother and she nonchalantly said they need to come in for dinner now anyway.

    The last straw was when I confronted the father (usually spoke to the mother) about the children running across under our window most of the time. He became abusive in language and told us "You move then" and "they are children" and added other things about my character - which I felt was a distraction from the facts of the situation and said "It is not true that you can't control children".

    We have put information in writing to the HA but the latest we heard is that a) no-one has moved into our place yet B) the father has got permission to put 2 extensions on his place (one at the side and one at the front).

    I feel for anyone going into our place - the neighbours on the other side are lovely people.

    Feeling deeply grateful for the peace here in our new home. Except for the fact that our neighbour (a builder/DIY person) has actually come to do some work for a neighbour near to our place (we only moved about 10 miles from where we were).

    Thanks for listening.

  • #2
    Hi Catharine

    Thanks for sharing your story with us!

    What a relief it must be for you to have moved - I hope you will be really happy in your new place and above all be NFH free!

    I am sick of hearing about parents who think it's OK for children to be let loose like savages upon each other. There is simply no justification in allowing your children to grow up thinking it's ok to fight and bully and tease and generally be little savages. As soon as they get to school, their behaviour is transferred onto other children who then think it's OK for them to behave like that too and so the cycle continues - making all decent kids' lives absolute misery :angry: .

    I am very sorry for those kids; it sounds like they are ruined by now :sad: .

    You are well out of it! Don't even give any of them a second thought - leave them to all to dwell in their ignorant pit.

    I am glad you found this forum, but sorry you had to even look in the first place . But now you are here, please feel free to post again! :thumbs:




    • #3
      Hi Catherine

      Must be a relief to be away from that lot Thanks for telling your story it gives others hope that they too might one day get away from NFH

      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


      • #4
        Hi Catharine,

        Well done for managing to escape. It's such a relief to move from a nightmare neighbour, and I'm glad that you now have some peace and quiet.

        Glad to have you with us

        Blue Cow


        • #5
          Thank you for all your thoughtful messages. Much appreciated. Really good to know there are friends out there!

          I am feeling a bit of a child phobic at the moment! But a friend came by today and said that he had met some lovely reasonably quiet children so they are still about it would seem.

          As I say the only stressful thing here is that the nfh father who spoke abusively to me when I asked him about controlling his children - does building work. We only moved about 10 miles away (we wanted to at least stay in this area where we have friends) so we thought we may occasionally see our old neighbours on the road or in the local town. However, the father has just started doing some building work for one of our new neighbours next door! My husband and I could have done with some more time to heal but hopefully his job won't take too long and at least he doesn't have the children with him - so far anyway.

          Thanks again everyone.



          • #6
            Hi Catharine,

            I hope that the building work doesn't last too long, and you can start to completely forget about your old neighbours.

            You may bump into them in the future If you do, just let it remind you of how glad you are not to be living next door to them anymore We only moved a few miles from our old house too, and after 15 months, have not bumped into our old neighbours once (Although I still sometimes have a little private panic whilst walking the aisles of ASDA!)

            Blue Cow


            • #7
              Dear Catherine

              Tahnk you for telling us your story, I understand how you feel as I too had neighbours who thought their kids had the right to do as they pleased, because 'they're just kids' and 'where else can they play', etc etc. we moved in the end as well and we only moved about 6 miles away and i still work near to where i lived so i do wonder if i will see any of them again. the male NFH is a roofer and works for a local company and i do see their vans around but i havent seen him in one of them.... :unsure:

              anyway i think after a while, you will move on in your mind, as you get settled into your new home and start to forget what happened previously. at least this is what i am hoping will happen, as i have only been in my new house just under 2 months....

              anyway all the best, and i hope you will feel more at peace soon.

              I decree today that life

              Is simply taking and not giving

              England is mine - it owes me a living

              But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

              Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr

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              There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

              Carpe Diem

              Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


              • #8
                Dear Annabel and Blue Cow,

                Thanks very much for your thoughtful and supportive replies. Good to feel support out there. I really do think this website is an important service.

                Thanks again,