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  • Tearful!

    :sad: Hi everyone, I'm very new here and a bit nervous, so I'll just get on with it!

    Well, I have been living in my home for nearly 2 years now, my daughter was 3 days old and my son was 6. The first time I realised that I had a NFH was about 1 week after we moved in. He decided to have the loudest and busiest party I have every seen, hense the kids were not happy. I thought oh well it must be a birthday party, I cant really complain as I have just moved in! Well to cut a very long story short, my NFH is 23, still living at home with mummy and daddy who basically don't give a stuff what he gets upto as they are away most weekends and have a fair number of holidays throughout the year. My husband and myself have asked on numerous occasions for him to turn the music down.

    Yesterday however was completley different. My nfh had various friends round (as usual) and drinking or taking drugs? I again knocked on the door and asked him to turn the music down and less of the screaming and shouting. He then called me a Nig*** Bit**! I almost fell off of the step. My husband later spoke to the NFH's parents who are basically not really bothered what he gets upto.

    This is making me ill, I dread every second his parents are out, as I know what is to come. I also feel very intimidated being next door to a number of young men who are either drunk or high.

    I really don't want to involve the poice but it is looking more and more like I will have to.

    Does anyone have any advice for me!

    Thank you so much


  • #2
    Hi Sammyd, Welcome, you have definitely come to the right place and very shortly there will be some very experienced people to give you all the help and support you need.

    I am very sorry to hear of your troubles, it sounds like a nightmare.

    What I have found generally is that, the advise is:- immediately start to keep records of EVERY incident. If possible record the sound levels and what is actually going on.

    Of course you would prefer not to involve the police but it may end up being inevitable and you really are better off being prepared.

    Most of all keep yourself and your family safe, don't put yourself at risk at any time.

    You are in good company here.


    • #3
      Hi Sammyd and welcome to the forum

      I'm really sorry to hear about your run in with NFH.

      Firstly, as Red1 says, start keeping a log. Can I ask you if you and your neighbours are home owners/council tenants/HA tenants/Private landlord tenants?

      Depending on what your answer is the advice might be a little different.

      However, you could get in touch with your local Environmental Health Department and ask them for help about the noise.

      He then called me a Nig*** Bit**!

      Do I understand this correctly, he racially abused you? In that case please get in touch with the police and tell them. In fact if the noise is going on late into the night the police will sometimes come out and speak to the perpetrator. If you call the police over the noise don't forget to tell them about the racial abuse you have received and tell them you are reluctant to deal with it yourself because you are afraid. They take that sort of thing very seriously.

      There are also some self help articles that you might like to look at:

      I'm sure other members will be along shortly who will give you more advice.

      Good luck, come back as often as you need to, we're all here for you

      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


      • #4
        Hi Sammyd,

        Welcome to the Forum

        I am glad you found us, but sorry that you had to look for us in the first place .

        Your neighbour sounds despicable, I feel sorry for you, living next to trash like that. :frown:

        Just by making that comment alone, he could be nicked, never mind all the noise issues and other anti-social behaviours. Misty is right - report it to the police. This type of conduct is inexcusable and should not be tolerated by anyone.

        As Misty already mentioned, please let us know if you are a tenant (private or Social tenancy), or an owner and also what type of tenure your NFH lives in.

        We can then give you the best and most relevant advice .

        In the meantime, keep a log of everything - time, date, nature of problem, how long it lasted, how it made you feel - however ''minor'' it may seem beacause it may be invaluable information in the future. (there are logs sheets to use elswhere on the site )

        Good luck and keep us posted




        • #5
          Hi Sammyd

          Basically I can only echo what the others have said. Get the Police and Environmental Health involved. You owe it to yourself and your family. You should not be treated like this and there are people who can sort the moron out.

          Be strong - it may take a while.

          Keep in touch.

          "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


          • #6
            I am not at all happy with this term about what he called you. THIS IS CLEARLY NOT ON.

            You have a right of redress and the police are obligated to investigate this complaint. Visit your local police station asap and report this. The police are duty bound to investigate.

            You don't have to suffer this kind of abuse just because his parents are failing in their duty to take responsible actions for their home while they are away. You need to make a stand and do what Misty has suggested with the EH.


            • #7

              You seem to have reached a point where you have to make a decision. You have two choices really, either try to change the situation, or change yourself so that the situation doesn't upset you as much (or a little of both!)

              It's not an easy choice to make, but it's important that you take a little time evaluate the problem and possible solutions before committing yourself.

              How frequent is the noise disturbance from next door? Do you feel physically endangered? Do you think your children are in danger? Do you want to move? Is it possible you are over-reacting? Could mediation help or have things gone too far?

              As a general rule it's better to try and achieve an agreement before involving official agencies. You seem to have done as much as you can, so maybe now is the time to consider mediation.
              'The only kind of courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one minute to the next.' - Mignon McLaughlin


              • #8
                Hi Sammyd and welcome

                What a complete nightmare you are living next to, and how pathetic his parents sound.

                Well you've tried asking nicely and have it thrown back in your face, and I can't really see any other options open to you other than to start fighting fire with fire and to put a stop to this disgusting behaviour, for both your own sake and your family's.

                Call the police today and tell them exactly what has been going on. They need to follow this up and have word with your neighbour, before he thinks that he can get away with this sort of thing. Don't allow your family to become victims to this bully.

                Good luck, and please come back and let us how you get on.


                Blue Cow


                • #9
                  Hi Sammyd and welcome to NFHiB

                  What a foul-mouthed little g*t you have for a neighbour! :badmood: I would personally expect the police to take very seriously this racist abuse. This is highly offensive behaviour.. If you don't report him, what is he going to do next(and believe he can get away with)? It would help if his parents would curb his behaviour, but that doesn't sound likely to happen .

                  If you were interested in trying the mediation route, there is a UK web-site


                  If you do own your home, before you take any action, you need to be aware of any disputes here needing to be declared should you decide to sell at any point. I don't at all wish to put you off any action, but believe forewarned is fore-armed . A useful article on this is linked below


                  That leads me to wonder whether the people who sold you your house had problems with the neighbours which they failed to disclose on the SPIF?

                  If your neighbours are renting, you will need to establish who the landlord is in order to make any complaints about them in terms of noise nuisance/offensive behaviour.

                  Do log every incident, whether noise or offensive behaviour. Your Environmental Health department can investigate complaints of noise nuisance whether your neighbours own or rent. Log frequency, duration and level of all noise, and perhaps send your neighbours a polite letter asking them to make sure the noise is kept down, as you would prefer to settle this amicably. There is a template letter linked below


                  Do check out the self-help articles and legislation sections indexed on the main page.

                  Good luck with this, and hoping that you find the forum useful




                  • #10
                    Thank you so much everyone, I am completely overwhelmed by all of you. The advice is great and it's so good to know that there are people out there that actually care

                    My neighbour is a racist pig, but it would be difficult going to the police about what he called me as I am actually a short 37 year old white women, which makes his abuse very confusing. I'm so sorry that I didn't make this very clear with my original letter :blush: Can I still go to the police regarding the comment he made?

                    This weekend has been fairley quiet, I bought myself some earplugs, they work pretty well!

                    Again thank you all so much for your advise, and again I'm sorry for the first letter being a bit misleading!!!!!




                    • #11
                      your NFH is obviously one sandwich short of a picnic. perhaps all those noisy parties have addled his brain...and killed off his rods and cones

                      the total doofus :blink:

                      I decree today that life

                      Is simply taking and not giving

                      England is mine - it owes me a living

                      But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                      Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr

                      Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno

                      I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar

                      "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson

                      The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward

                      An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter

                      Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron

                      Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb

                      There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

                      Carpe Diem

                      Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


                      • #12
                        All those drugs must have had an effect then!!

                        I don't really know what to say about the racist abuse. I don't know if the police would take any action over that now

                        I think the only course of action now would to go along the EHO route. But if 'fuzzy brain' is making noise after midnight, call the police.

                        Fingers crossed the EHO can get some evidence on him

                        "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                        • #13
                          Even in the stange circumstamces you descibe, the abuse he hurled at you is racially offensive, I would still report it to the police if you feel able to call them out over the noise, drugs etc. Whatever the circumstances, the police should take such racist language seriously and, in the light of recent media coverage, I would expect them to react pretty quickly.


                          • #14
                            H sammyd and welcome

                            Sorry I've come in late to this. But for what it's worth, if you've tried speaking to the parents and that's got no response, write to them explaining how the noise is affecting you and that if it were to carry on, then you will make a complaint to the Environmental Health department.


                            • #15
                              Hi Sammyd,

                              Foul-mouthed he is, but I suppose it might be worth logging it for now(God knows what's going on in his tiny mind?!), and see what he does next, in terms of the police.

                              Do log EVERY instance of noise nuisance, and it is worth contemplating a letter to your neighbours before contacting E.H. There is a template letter here


                              This may well cause an unwanted reaction from nfh, but, of course log it if so, and call the police if subjected to any further abuse. E.H. are very likely to ask you to try and speak to them about the noise nuisance before getting involved, so this will make things very clear to nfh.

                              Glad the earplugs are helping, btw!

                              Good luck sammy, and do let us know how things go

                              Regards, Sapph