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Mediation didnt work

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  • Mediation didnt work

    hi everyone, my NFH has caused me several distressing moments so its hard to know where to start. When they first moved in the dad ,kids dogs and pigeons came in my garden when ever they pleased, (still do) their children and their childrens friends have threatened and beaten up my yougest child (reported to the police) dogs howl and bark (reported to the E.H), One of the problems was balls coming over whch we would pass back but when your busy or had enough fetching they decide to either stick their heads over the fence and demand we get them or help them selves. I have tryed to speak to them, once i was pushed around and threatened by the dad he said to me "they come from big families, know a lot of people, can look after themselves, if i wasnt a women he would hit me and so on". We went to mediation and he said the same thing there (apart from the women bit). Another occassion he throw smelly liquid over me (reported to police).

    We all agreed to be nicer to each other any issuses to be discussed calmly and politely.(i thought that we would all make a fresh start). A couple of days later the dad was in my garden again, with a drill and using my fence as a ladder (fence now broke) i called the police, and they said they will not get into nieghbour disputes. I was amazed when the police turned up to collect a football! (my neighbours had called them) now i have malicious phone calls, several fast food deliveries (which we have not odered) and even now thier dogs are barking. :banghead:

  • #2
    Hi eden

    welcome to the forum, but sorry you have to be here

    your neighbour sounds like a nightmare

    are you recording all incidents? if not you must start doing it, there are logs you can print off on the main site under resources

    have you thought of sticking some trellis on top of your fence to prevent balls and people coming over?

    I would contact your local community officer and ask for a home visit to explain your problems re NFH, community police officers are getting a bit better with these things.

    if you get unwanted deliveries you need to tell the delivery person to also contact the police, they dont want to be making un wanted deliveries as much as you dont want them either

    are any of your other neighbours bothered by this person?

    we had dog howling problems, we contacted the dog warden as well as the EHO

    have you heard back from the eho?

    dont let them forget you

    if you are going to fight this problem you have to be strong and persistent

    dont ever let officals forget who you are!!

    good luck and please keep us updated!


    • #3
      Hi Eden

      How horrible this man sounds! So sorry to hear of these problems, and especially that they continued after trying to sort things out :badmood:

      I wonder if it's worth one more shot with an independent Mediation Service, which will allow you to look at behaviour which is problematic, and reasonable attempts to find a resolution. Of course, you then have a witness to anything he agrees to, and if he behaves unreasonably you also have witness to that too! You can look up a mediation service (free) in your area here

      Can I ask, are you and your nfh owner-occupiers or tenants(if tenants, who is the landlord?)

      I wonder if it would be worth investing in an inexpensive CCTV camera, pointing only at your property? This may help get evidence of what he/his household do on/to your property. This is just one of the subjects covered in the self-help articles

      Good luck, log everything, and please let us know how things go



      • #4
        Thanks Beth for taking an interest, i have been keeping a diary for nearly 2 yrs, and recordings (some are timed and dated), the E.H said that they wouldnt get envovled while we are in mediation, but then after that my nieghbour climbed over fence and damage my stuff as well as making a right mess and noise. I wouldnt of minded if they had said or even asked to come over (i would of offered him a ladder instead of him using my fence). I even passed a piece of tubeing back that he had dropped. I cant see the point of going to another imediation meeting as it seems to me they are playing games, in mediation we agreed to 1. me pass balls back (which i did) 2. to discuss any issuses calmly and politely. 3. We make sure the children dont get involved. So far my NFH have broke several of the agreements, the worst thing sofar is my youngest being bullied by thier children and childrens friends. They have been made aware of this via the police.

        Most of the athorities dont seem to want to know but i will be persistant , i just have to keep reminding myself and others that "2 WRONGS DOES NT MAKE A RIGHT".


        • #5
          Hi sapph, im a council tenant and my NFH are private, i dont mean to be rude but, does that surprise you? i have got a camera but it does nt show time and date also i have to record on my video, my cam corder only does an hour of recording at one time unfortunately money is holding me back (plus the fact that i feel physically, mentally and emotionally drained), THANKS for your adviced though and hope i can repay the favour sometime. Eden


          • #6
            Hi Eden Nothing surprises me very much, and nfh come in all shapes, sizes and tenure! . I can appreciate that ongoing noise nuisance is having such a draining effect, especially when you are trying all you can to resolve things

            The mediation process may not achieve a resolution of these problems, especially if your neighbour keeps breaking agreements, but it does show you in the light of being the reasonable person you hold in there a bit, to clearly demonstrate that!

            Do you mean the nfh own their house, or are they a private tenant?

            You are showing great restraint and persistance well done, you know you can hold your head up high. It may be a long haul, but you are doing lots of the right things. Try and arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can, and keep at it



            • #7
              Hi Eden

              Be persistent with the Community Beat Bobby. We were and it did help calm things down. Don't let the Police fob you off, they will if you call the general enquiry line - you'll no doubt be told that "there are people dying out there you know". Maddening.

              Go to station, ask for visit from beat bobby.

              Take care.

              "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


              • #8
                Hi Eden and welcome

                Sorry to hear about your NFH situation. Have you asked your local housing office if they can help you? My local HA said they would be prepared to prosecute home owners if they were involved in antisocial behaviour.

                There's not much I can add to what other members have already said except to extend my sympathy. I hate hearing about children being bullied :angry: I'd have another word with the neighbourhood police officer if I were you. Ask about the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.

                Good luck

                "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                • #9
                  hi there,

                  i am just wondering, perhaps others out there will be able to adviseon this.

                  if mediation has been tried and has not succeeded, surely eden has an opportunity to get a protection from harrasment order?

                  seems like you are doing as much as you can eden, to be reasonable here, but your NFH have a totally different agenda.

                  just because they own their own property doesnt make them any better than you with the right to do whatever they please because they pay a mortgage and you pay rent. :angry:

                  if the fence was broken by the nfh, this is criminal damage, but i suppose you are goint to be up against the police who will say you need witnesses blah blah. i can totally relate to the money issue you mention, it is easy to say, get cctv, but at the end of the day where do you get the money from? but having said that i think yiou can get cheap ones and i am certain there are tohers on this forum who can help you with this. once you have got that up and monitoring your fence, garden etc, you will be able to gather more powerful evidence.

                  unfortnately with NFH you have to be one step ahead of them all the time and i know this is not easy when you feel totally fed up, isolated, upset, angry, the lot!

                  I decree today that life

                  Is simply taking and not giving

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                  • #10
                    Hi Eden and welcome to the Forum

                    How frustrating for you to be in this situation - it makes me really angry to read posts like yours and hear of people living next to really inconsiderate and unreasonable people.

                    NFH can be very clever people, saying one thing to people in an authority position to make themselves seem in the right, and then just carry on as they always did.

                    You've already been given some great advice so no point repeating it .

                    Please let us all know how you get on if you follow up the suggestions made. Good luck with it.


                    • #11
                      Does mediation ever work? I mean, for mediation to work you need two reasonable parties. And exactly how many NFH are reasonable parties?


                      • #12
                        yes, we have had members who have had good things to say about it

                        there are some success'

                        sometimes it just needs a bit of talking about

                        we do try and stay positive here, it might not work for one person but it does not mean another shouldnt try it


                        • #13
                          And it does show who is the reasonable one, if one party refuses/ breaks agreements. Showing reasonableness may only be a by-product of the process maybe, but not an insignificant one sometimes


                          • #14
                            Hmm. So, let's see... in the case of someone who is hard of hearing, they might not realise that their TV is so loud it rattles teacups next door?

                            Or someone might not be aware that whilst getting rid of all carpets and floor coverings might look good on Make Over TV programmes that in real life it just makes one sound like a herd of elephants?


                            • #15

                              my NFH didnt know their dog howled for hours when they were out until we told them....after all they were out so didnt hear it

                              and our house has stone walls.....on the outside, but the internal ones are a lot thinner, I didnt realise the noise I myself made till the kid next door said he could hear me calling up the stairs!!

                              every case is different really for different reasons

                              mediation should always be an option at first, but both parties need to be willing, sometimes thats a problem, but not always