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My Story

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  • My Story

    I have read some of the terrible stories here of what you all have to put up with and to be honest I thought may be I'm just being silly about my neighbour trouble. It is trivial compared to a lot I have read. I was undecided if I should bother you all with the problem or not but it doesn't alter the fact he is driving me nuts.

    We have been living here for 3 years now, it's a smallholding and we have a few animals. I spend a lot of time outside doing animal chores. Our neighbour's garden runs right along our property into the field. He watches everything we do for hours on end. I don't just mean he looks occasionally whilst tending his garden, I mean he stands up the hedge and sometimes 'climbs' into the hedge to get a better view and there he is until we have finished and gone inside. So far we have planted more trees which haven't grown enough yet, fixed up a brushwood screen, which he thinks is to hide behind and peer through. He knows we don't like what he is doing but that doesn't stop him. At least now we have stopped him seeing through the hedge by our back door by building a hay store......or so I thought until the ladder appeared over the top of it! I haven't seen him up the ladder yet but I don't believe it's there for storage.

    I hate walking round with this feeling 'I'm being watched', he could well be out for the day and I'm not being watched but it's the not knowing that is as bad.

    What kind of people do this sort of thing....I've called him all sorts so far!! I don't suppose he is breaking any law by watching us?


  • #2
    Hi Fowler and welcome

    Well I think that if I was in your position, I would call that stalking and there is a law against that.

    No problem is too trivial, if it affects you enough to seek out advice and support

    The others will be along shortly to give you some idea of how to tackle this problem

    Good luck :clover:



    • #3
      Hi there,

      Do you live in the country near other farms etc, or do you live in a city. Could this weird guy be dreaming of living your life style?.

      Or does he feel the need to constantly scan your smallholding for parm hamsters {r**s].

      why not try asking him, what's wrong, and why does he watch you all the time when you are outside.


      Who lived there first you or him.

      Do you own your farm or do you rent, is it possible he has had designs on your land now or in the past.

      Looking on the darker side, does he watch everyone in your household or just certain people.

      What do the neighbours think of him.

      Is he a loner.

      Can't think of anything else, good luck.



      • #4
        Hi Fowler

        As someone has already said, no problem is too trivial. If it drive you nuts, then it is a big problem for you and it needs sorting.

        I find it all rather sinister sounding and at the very least an invasion of privacy and think I would have to, as politely as possible, approach him (but not on your own) and ask if there is a problem. Have you ever spoken to him? If so, perhaps engage him in general conversation and try and tackle the subject. Difficult, but it has to be the first step.

        Depending on his reaction, you will either get along ok or if he turns nasty, defensive or whatever, just walk away and contact the Police.

        Can you answer some of goosegirl questions first and someone here may have had a similar problem and be able to ofr you first class advice.

        Take care.

        "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


        • #5
          Hi Fowler and welcome to the Forum

          Your problem is not a trivial one if you have taken the time to seek out some help with it.

          It really would help if you could answer some of the questions posted above, we can then get a clearer picture of your circumstances.

          My first suggestion would be one made by the others, try to speak to this person to find out what's going on.

          Is it an uncomfortable feeling you have about this person or annoying? If you get what I mean?

          If it's uncomfortable, I would be tempted to speak to your local Community Police Officer to see what they suggest.


          • #6

            I'll try and give more details of the way things are.

            He lived here before us, he's 60-ish I guess and has a wife...who seems ok although I've only seen her once! There are other farms around, he has quite a bit of land. I have asked other neighbours what they think of him and the general answer was nobody has much to do with them, his wife seems ok he just nods and says hello, that's it.

            I know we should speak to him about it, it's what to say. 'Excuse me why are you watching us? I'm expecting him to answer....I'm not. My husband thinks it'll make things worse, I don't know. Our other neighbour says he'd have to have a word with him about it.

            It's mostly annoying rather than anything else, but when I stop a think WHY is he watching, it's a bit creepy! It certainly does feel like an invasion of privacy. I've often thought if we had kids I'd be seriously worried because you wouldn't know for sure what he was thinking!!! It's like an obcession almost, he has to know everything we do.....well that's how I see it, I'm not sure I'm right.

            For instance yesterday I was painting the little sheep shelter, ok if it's idiol curiosity or even darn right look and soon figure out after a couple of brushstrokes of brown on it 'she's painting that shelter'. So why does he have to watch the whole time right till I've finished? If we head in the direction of the hedge he's off like a shot. I'd like to 'meet' him at the hedge when it is obvious he is watching then he couldn't deny it???



            • #7
              Hi Fowler

              Very strange behaviour, but then that's how a lot of neighbour's are = bizarre.

              Instead of him vanishing if you started to walk towards the hedge, have you thought about/ tried (if you spy him out of the corner of your eye) waving to him and saying "hi! are you alright?" or "Hi! Can I help you?" and see what his reaction is? I would imagine that he'd get the message after a while.

              If someone you know has said that they'lll have a chat to him, then I'd take them up on that offer and see what happens.

              Sorry can't be of any more constructive help, but you know where we all are.


              • #8
                Hi again,

                Try the above maybe he's got troubles at home, and needs some one to open up to. Or he's nothing to do and needs some where to go . Do they have transport for going out to bingo or a drink.


                • #9
                  Fowler, my sympathy.

                  Try this. One of the best ways of scaring off unwanted birds is to use CDs and mirrors. Seeing their own reflections really puts them off.

                  Obtain a lot (50 or even 100 or more if you can) of CDs the AOL disks, etc., are good for this, and stick them up so that he sees his reflection.

                  And several very large (in fact, make that bloomin' great big!) mirrors so that every time he looks into your farm, all he sees is himself staring back at him...

                  Worth a try?


                  • #10
                    Thanks very much for all your suggestions.

                    The mirror idea I like! I'm just thinking what reaction I would get, he must get the message surely from that. I thought putting the fence up and planting more trees would send him the message loud and clear but it hasn't stopped him at all.

                    Like you said Janee, even if he is just nosey, I don't like it....not after three years of it continually. At first it was not nice but now I hate it. We have tried not to make more problems by complaining, really I don't want neighbour trouble where if we upset him he's going to get nasty. Now though I think I have to say something. Trouble is I've got to the stage where I just want to scream 'What is your problem, are you some kind of per***t'

                    He did come round once when we had been here about 6 months and asked if we wanted the hedge trimming down! I politely said 'no it's fine'. He suggested if we didn't like the hedge that high he'd arrange to have it trimmed and 'we' could split the bill between us. He seemed polite but not pleasant. Oh how I wish I'd said something to him then.

                    Thanks again for 'listening', I feel better knowing you all understand.



                    • #11
                      Hi Fowler

                      I know it is difficult, but I would really suggest the talking avenue. See if you can't just deal with it through conversation.

                      If he had opened up dialogue about the hedges, that might be something completely innocent - he may have been trying to help . He may be wondering why you haven't trimmed them since.

                      I don't know obviously, as I'm not living in your situation, but I really would recommend trying to talk about this if there's any way that you can nip this in the bud before it goes any further.