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Solidarity At Last!

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  • Solidarity At Last!

    It’s such a bonus to have found this site! I’ve been trawling the net on and off for months, getting increasingly desperate, looking for some nfh solidarity, and now I feel I have to look no further!

    My story is tame compared to some of the harrowing tales I’ve read here, my heart goes out to all of you who have suffered so much. But suffice to say that I start at loud noises (which are not uncommon in the large city I live in) and dread coming home.

    The effect of random noise, i.e. that which you can’t predict is, I have noticed, one of the worst problems in this whole nfl nightmare. And I thought I was going slowly mad, becoming totally obsessive, and that no-one else ever had a problem like this.

    My whole existence in this once ‘dream’ house is now dominated by constant awareness of ‘them’ and vengeful thoughts, and that makes me feel even worse, because I want to be a turn-the-other-cheek, live-and-let-live sort of gal. I truly don’t believe revenge solves anything, and yet… and yet here I am plotting fantastical, obsessive, cutting-off-nose-to-spite-face actions. Incidentally, this HOUSE, which we extended ourselves financially to buy for the express reason that we wanted to try and minimise neighbour noise (no-one above, no-one below… perfect!) is worse than any of the numerous flats I’ve lived in, partly due to it’s slightly odd construction, partly due to the nfh’s ‘improvements’ (open plan everything, all hard surfaces, you know the type of ‘design’-driven thing…).

    Thank you for being out there…

    Audrey K

  • #2
    Welcome to the NFH Forum Audrey

    Sorry to read about your noise problems with the neighbour. Noise is a truly destructive force and features as of the main culprits of NFH problems.

    May I ask if you've read our Noise Help Sheet here?:

    It's pretty comprehensive and accounts for quite a few things, worth a read if you've not seen it yet.

    Can you tell us where things are up to at the moment? So we can get a better picture and personalise advice - is your neighbour renting or do they own? Have you taken any official steps yet (e.g. contacted your LA Env Health dept)? How long has this been going on for? Any other details really.

    Have you spoken to your neighbour and explained about the noise issues? It can be an NFH's first defence if they then say to a Local Authority "I didn't know I was making any disturbance". Some LA's won't even act if you haven't approached a neighbour yourself first to tell them.

    Don't worry about feeling revengeful - most of us have been there, I know I have (we had two different sets of extremely noisy NFH amongst their other issues). The difference is having the thoughts and not acting on them. It does make you feel a little obsessive, but NFH such as these are forcing themselves into your lives when you want to be left alone to enjoy your house with the peace and quiet you're entitled to.

    Start logging everything down, however small it is, if you haven't already - here's a Noise Nuisance sheet you are free to print/use:

    Looking forward to reading more of your posts, come back often, there's a lot of great help and support here.



    • #3
      Hi Audrey and welcome to the forum

      I've only had a brief period of noisy neighbours, my problems stem from yobs, but I certainly relate to the feelings of vengeance. I've fantasised some pretty amazing things, sometimes scared myself, but I know I'd never do them. I think it's a sort of release mechanism to help deal with any given situation. So don't worry too much about it, as long as you don't do it It's horrible that you should find yourself obsessing so much. That's what NFH do to us

      Look forward to hearing more from you

      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


      • #4
        Hi Audrey

        The feelings you describe are those of all of us at some time or another. Our "dream" homes have turned into places we cannot stand to be or return to. Like you I just want to get on with my life and live in peace with my neighbours but it seems that this is just too much too ask.

        Whenever you feel like letting off steam just log on - you are amongst friends and we do understand.

        Take care



        • #5
          Hi Audrey and welcome

          I can only really add to what others have said. Don't worry about plotting revenge, I find it can be quite theraputic as long as it stays in your head. Retalliating usually just escalates the situation.

          I have found this site to be a godsend even though I have only been a member a fews days the advice and support is invaluable. It is lovely to be able to have a rant and know someone is listening

          Glad you found us

          Miss M


          • #6
            Hi Audrey and welcome to the Forum

            You don't have to look any further.

            Many of us here have been through and/or indeed still going through exactly the same problems as you with their neighbours from hell (NFH).

            Noise nuisance can completely affect your whole life: difficulty sleeping, places stress on your relationships, problems coping with work and that all consuming anger towards the NFH. :angry:

            Matthew has already given you some really useful information and posed some questions which if you can answer, may help us to advise and/or support you a bit more.

            Glad to have you with us. You are amongst friends here.


            • #7

              Hi there, dont worry about wanting to wreak havoc and destruction upon your neighbours, its a natural reaction. I have entertained the most nasty mean evil throughts of revenge you can imagine on my NFH, but I have found coming on here has helped me gets things into perspective more. I suppose its the therapy of being able to talk to others who really understand. I have been able to cope a lot better because of this forum, and although some really irritating things have been happening lately I havent got that upset. If I hadnt found this forum I would seriously be loop de loop by now!!!!

              anyway its best if all the 'orrible thoughts stay in your mind! i always say to people when they have hassle ' be cleverer than they are', but i cant seem to apply this to my own NFH situation!!! the minute you take some revenge on your neighbour is when they get the total upper hand and you never hear the last of it.

              :ban: :nfh1:


              I decree today that life

              Is simply taking and not giving

              England is mine - it owes me a living

              But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

              Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr

              Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno

              I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar

              "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson

              The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward

              An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter

              Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron

              Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb

              There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

              Carpe Diem

              Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


              • #8
                Hi Audrey

                I'm glad that you finally found us

                You will get lots of advice and support here on many issues and I hope that this will help with your noise problems and NFH's



                • #9
                  just wanted to add my welcome!!

                  hope you find what you need with us, the members here are incredibly supportive of each other, its great to know you are not alone.

                  noise is as nasty as any NFH trait, it grinds into your skull and can make you go quite do-lally!!

                  I am talking from experiance! the hardest thing was not to retailate, please dont feel you need to be extra quiet in your own home though, normal living noises are normal!

                  I would like to place the blame for your story on home front this time!! :P


                  • #10
                    Hi Audrey

                    Hopefully you are feeling relieved at least a little bit already by finding this site??

                    I am sure you will be able to find advice and support to help you here. Please let us know a liitle bit more about your situation though for the best advice B) .

                    Don't think you are going mad - everyone has vengeful thoughts at some point I am sure - but just remember, they are not ever worth acting on as you are the better person!

                    Sorry I cannot offer any advice as such, just my support




                    • #11
                      Hi Audrey, and welcome!

                      I haven't a great deal to everyone has done a great job already

                      I hope you will feel welcome to come back often toget support, advice, have a rant...or sometimes a smile and a laugh(it all helps!)

                      Take care



                      • #12

                        Hi and welcome to the site. The feelings you have are normal human feelings to being put under a very stressful situation. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lash out at somebody who backs you into a corner.

                        My nfh drove me to the point of planning revenge in terrible ways. These ways included the use of a baseball bat, hammer and various other horrendous methods I could think up to rid myself of this guy.

                        It is just the way we feel and the way we know we can never act. It was easy to let these feelings dominate my every moment at home.

                        My war is over but looking back I wish I had controlled my feelings better and not allowed this guy to get under my skin the way he did.I equally wish I could advise you how to do it, but I'm sorry I can't.

                        Please be strong and take strengh from your posting here and other peoples stories.

                        Take care Kevin


                        • #13
                          I know what you mean Audrey - I felt exactly the same. Matthew and all his moderators - I hope you know what this site means. the relief when you find it is unbelievable!

                          My NFH has been quiet for a few weeks now, but he was noisy last night (TV, couldn't sleep). And although he had originally agreed to mediation, it seems he's changing his mind! (YAY! This gives me more ammunition for an ASBO! I'm extremely excited!). Just give em enough rope.....

                          Good luck Audrey and if you need a boost, just come on here to all these like-suffering folks, and feel more at home. It was funny, the other day I had this very strange sensation - and then I realised..... I was happy. Which makes me sad thinking it's been such a long time since I felt that. (Wasn't very happy last night, but that's by the by).

                          I wonder if there's anyone we could invite on that could help us redirect our feelings of hopelessness, frustration, anger, desire for revenge, and general stress, to make things easier?