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Is There Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

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  • Is There Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

    Hi I only discovered this site yesterday having searched for weeks to find something like it. Having suffered another weekend of stuipd behaviour by our nfh I felt total despair yesterday. It seems that whatever we do we are made to feel that we are the ones who are being unreasonable. We have tried everything to settle the dispute with our neighbour but it seems that our nfh is hell bent on pursuing this matter to its bitter end (whatever that may be so far as he is concerned!). What was our dream home has turned into somewhere I no longer wish to be and yet we are unable to sell our property until this dispute has been resolved. I feel that things are beyond our control and our nfh will do everything they can to make our lives unbearable - not to mention how much this is all costing us.

    I was reassured to see from your members that some of them have sold their homes and moved on and this gives me some home although at the moment this whole situation seems to be taking over our lives and isn't life too short.

    I would be grateful for any suggestions or advice anyone can give as to how we can get through this!

    I have not posted my story here at the moment - thought our nfh might also log on to the site and this could makes things worse (if that were possible!). Am I being paranoid?

    Look forward to hearing from anyone out there who has been through or is going through neighbour problems.


  • #2
    Hi INDESPAIR and welcome to the Forum

    We have all felt the same as you, no doubt, at some point, in terms of worrying that your own neighbour from hell (NFH) may be looking on the Forum. But there are so many neighbour disputes - as you'll see by looking around on the Board - that unless your circumstances are really specific (or you post very personal information - not advisable, and not third party information) it will be difficult for someone to identify you.

    It's difficult for us to give you any advice without knowing a little more about your current situation, I can feel your worries about posting your story - but just give us a bit more to go on. Is it noise, harassment, boundary disputes for example? How long has the problem been going on?

    If you are worried about posting something, you could always check with a Moderator first if that made you feel more comfortable. We never ask people to do something they're not happy with, and the level of information you provide is completely up to you. However, the more we know, the more we may be able to help.

    Please be reassured though that you are most definitely not alone in suffering from NFH - sadly. But that you have come to the right place.


    • #3
      Hi Hollygolightly

      Good to hear from you and to know that I am not going completely mad and that other people have probably shared my concerns.

      Our neighbour dispute concerns a boundary (the topic that makes everyone whince when you mention it!). It started just over a year ago when our neighbour decided that the existing boundary between our two properties was in the wrong place and that it should be moved further onto our land. This came as a complete shock to us as we had only lived in our house for a short time and had had no contact with our neighbour prior to this. Having tried for several months to "reason" with our neighbour everything we have tried (including giving in to his unreasonable demands) has failed. Everytime we think that we are getting somewhere he moves the "goalposts" or in this case the boundary.

      We were getting so upset with the ongoing situation and the fact that our nfh was refusing to compromise in any way that we decided (very reluctantly) to instruct Solicitors as our neighbour had done some time ago. It now seems that our neighbour is intent on pursuing this matter through the Courts whatever we want. It has been suggested by third parties that we enter into mediation but having tried for several months without success to reach an agreement we are sceptical as to whether this will work although we are willing to try.

      We are very concerned that if we do end up fighting this out in Court (and at the moment I cannot see any way that our nfh will be happy unless he goes to Court) then we could stand to lose a lot of money over something which we appear to have no control. We have made enquiries of our Insurance Company and they will not cover us under our legal expenses cover.

      If we gave in fully to our neighbours demands then this would substantially reduce our land and thereby the value of our property.

      Our home which was once our dream home has turned into a battleground and I wish to spend as little time there as possible (even preferring to be at work which was previously unheard of!!).

      I would appreciate any support or words of encouragement that anyone can offer.




      • #4


        I know how it feels to be bullied completely out of the blue. :angry:

        It comes as a real shock to the system and I am not surprised that you feel like you do not want to be in your own home anymore as your sense of security, peace and tranquillity has been undermined. :sad:

        Boundaries are notoriously difficult to resolve, but I am sure you can get it sorted eventually. If you show that you are willing to enter into mediation, it will definitely look favourable for you (even if your NFH refuses).

        I am not able to give any decent advice, just able to empathise...However, many members here will be able to point you in the right direction and remember - you are not alone in how you feel!!!




        • #5
          Hi again

          Oh, so many of us know that feeling of not wanting to be in our homes, of having NFH that completely drain you emotionally - and by the sounds of it in your case, financially too.

          I would definitely try the Mediation angle, see if you can find your local one via this site:

          Do you know why your nfh has suddenly decided that they should extend their boundary onto your land? Have you checked out your deeds to see what they say?

          If you haven't seen this site yet, you may also want to take a look there:

          You may also find it helpful to look at our Self Help Articles, in particular the one about coping with a nfh:

          I know that other members have had boundary disputes, so hopefully they will be along at some point to offer some helpful advice and support.

          Take care. You're not alone.


          • #6
            Hi again and thanks for your replies - it really does help to know that we are not alone it can so often feel like that. Like one of your other members I also felt quite emotional when reading the replies.

            We believe that the reason our nfh has decided that the boundary position has moved is because we wished to build an extension to our property which he objected to. We have not seen any evidence at any time to support his contention. Unfortunately the deeds do not disclose anything regarding the boundary and the only plan is the Land Registry plan which it appears cannot be relied upon.

            We have spoken to the former occupiers of our property who have told us that they never had any problems with our nfh and there was never any dispute about the position of the boundary so far as they were concerned.

            thanks for your advice about other sites to look at - I will certainly do this with interest.




            • #7

              Hi and welcome . The advice you have been given is spot on and I will try not to repeat any of it. the sites that have been mentioned are very informative and should help clear up some of your concerns.

              You are correct in what you say about boundary disputes. I recently posted a figure of the number that is presently going through the courts. Sorry that figure now eludes me but suffice to say it is in the thousands. From what I can see they are all very expensive and very time consuming. It looks like you are being dragged into this kind of civil action through no choice of your own.

              I always advise against violence and civil action. Violence for obvious reasons. Civil action by virtue of the fact once you have entered into it is very difficult to get out of. you have tried being civil, mediation and various other ways to resolve your differences. As difficult as it maybe to stomach, I really would advise you try to go that extra mile to resolve this out of court.

              Whatever course of action you take, I really do wish you all the best and a speedy outcome. please let us know what happens.

              Take care Kevin


              • #8
                Hi Indespair and welcome

                Sorry to hear about your NFH I don't know much about boundary disputes but I know a few members have had problems so I'm sure they'll have some good advice for you.

                I noticed that you said you gave into NFH's unreasonable demands. I think he probably thought he'd just keep pushing. I think most NFH are control freaks of one sort or another and giving in to them doesn't help, they'll just find something else to hit you with It's the nature of the beast (apologies to all beasts)

                It's grossly unfair that you may end up out of pocket (nothwithstanding all the anguish you're experiencing) because of some chancer NFH!! I think we all relate to the feeling of not wanting to go home to the place where we have a right to feel safe and secure. The stomach churning and head throbbing gets to everybody no matter what the actual NFH problem is

                Good luck with any legal action. As others have said, even if your NFH won't consider mediation, the very fact that you're willing will count in your favour. And just remember, it might be NFH who ends up out of pocket not you.

                "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                • #9
                  Hello Indespair,

                  Like you I too am going through a boundary dispute - like you I have not liked to tell my story in full. So if you are paranoid you are definately not alone :lol:

                  Please dont despair - get yourself a good solicitor, OK it will cost you but if like me you are living in your biggest asset it will probably be worth it. I find that my solicitor has a very calming influence on me. I loved my home and always felt comfortable (as you woud expect) but now my stomach turns when I drive round the corner, I find myself curtain twitching :unsure: I really want it all to just go away. I'm sure you feel the same. Dont give up and dont be bullied.

                  Good luck to you and my very best wishes.


                  • #10
                    Hi Indespair

                    Well it's a real shame that your NFH have made you feel this way...but I think you will find that you are definitely not alone, there is an awful lot of paranoia where NFH are concerned

                    You have already been given some very good advice, and the support from the members here never stops :ban:



                    • #11
                      Hi Everyone and thank you for replying so quickly. It's great to know that you have all felt or are feeling what I am feeling now - at least I am not going completely mad.

                      Thank you pyramid for your kind comments - you have summed up my feelings exactly. I wish you all the very best in your search for peace and happiness - please keep in touch to let us know how you get on.

                      I am sure that you have all felt the same way as me at some time and whilst I would like to walk away from this situation today (although I cannot which is why I feel so helpless and my nfh is in control!) I am also seriously worried about moving and finding myself living next door to another nfh!

                      I think it is my nfh's intention to drive us out of our home and it may well be that they will succeed if only for our own peace of mind and sanity.

                      We have always enjoyed sitting in our garden in the evening and at weekends and have spent a lot of money making this special but I am very reluctant to leave the house once I get home at night - am I being silly by letting these people take over?

                      Thank you for your advice Kevin and certainly it would not be our intention to go to Court. We have tried everything we can (although for obvious reasons I do not want to go into too much detail here!) to resolve this matter and everytime our nfh just makes more demands on us - we do not have anything else we can give apart from to give in completely (and believe me this has crossed my mind) but as I say if we do so then we will substantially reduce our land and therefore the value of our property and even if we do give in to our nfh will he then find something else to fight over?

                      I am so glad I found this site it makes me appreciate how many nice people there are out there!



                      • #12
                        I can definitely agree with you about feeling out of control of the situation. It is frustrating and you can't help it, you think you have brought this on yourself somehow - but you haven't.

                        My problems started in a similar fashion - all we want to do is build a tiny, tiny utility room and that is when we realised we had evilness living next door. Ever since their first letter, we have felt as if we are on the back foot all the time even though we have done NOTHING WRONG.

                        You have also done NOTHING WRONG, never forget that.

                        I found this site when I felt as if there was no commonsense left in the world and it has certainly helped me (and continues to help) to deal with the barrage of NONSENSE that is constantly being flung in our direction.

                        I am sure that other members will have more practical advice for you, the rest of us are here for you anytime for support - don't forget that, so when you are feeling like screaming, just log on and get absorbed, That's what I do


                        • #13
                          Hi Indespair

                          Yes, lets keep in touch. I log on most days and if I can offer you any advice that has been passed to me via solicitor etc. that may help you I will be pleased pass it on. I am at present waiting for a court summons so every day I wait for the post holding my breath. Bad days and worse days. Hopefully there is a light at the end of my tunnel win or lose it will be over. Keep fighting, keep smiling and try to stay sane!


                          • #14
                            we do not have anything else we can give apart from to give in completely (and believe me this has crossed my mind) but as I say if we do so then we will substantially reduce our land and therefore the value of our property and even if we do give in to our nfh will he then find something else to fight over?


                            I agree with you totally on what you have said and it looks like you are in a no win situation.Whether to pull off or to go the full round. It is very difficult and unfortunatly whatever you decide to do,could make matters worse.

                            I really don't have the answer but I know that civil action, although it may draw a line under this issue, could open up other issues.

                            You are correct he will find something else to fight over .As to whether civil action will encourage this or discourage it, I'm sorry only you can be the judge of that.

                            I really believe that the courts should only be used as a very last resort, when all else as failed.

                            Unfortunatly this is a very difficult call and equally unfortunate,it is your call. Whatever you decide, you will find and get full support from this forum.

                            Take care Kevin


                            • #15
                              Goodmorning - I bet you all think that I do not have any work to do! The truth is now that I have found this site it is reassuring to know that there are people out there who have the same feelings that we do.

                              Thanks Pyramid - I also will be logging on regularly and I will be happy to share any information passed on by our Solicitor to you. I know the feeling of dreading the post arriving - before we instructed Solicitors we actually stopped opening the post at the weekends because we just could not face another ruined weekend. Our Solicitors have agreed to accept service of any Court Summons on our behalf but the waiting game is still the same!

                              I know we can all get through these problems together. There are some very sad and lonely people out there who, for whatever reason, seem to get some kind of sick pleasure out of making other peoples lives a misery. All I can say is that somewhere along the line they will get their rewards! In the meantime it's great to have such nice people for support.