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  • Doesn't Care He's Hurting A Child

    Hello,

    I have been lurking for a few days and popping in on the odd post, this is what is happening here.

    The history is that we have an enchanting little girl with autism spectrum disorder, Sensory integration dysfunction and Hyperacusis she is aged five.

    She is unable to process the world in the same way that we can.

    I would not expect your average person to understand the sensory attack my daughter has to endure every day of her life....for instance she finds a petrol tool ‘physically painful’.

    Poor child cannot bear electronic play items so she struggles big time with cutters, lawn mowers and strimmers.



    We understand that this work HAS to be done but every four to seven days and in the meantime deliberately cutting down and snapping branches off the butterfly bush in OUR garden and not hanging over his.

    This is destroying her life and this man is doing this deliberately.



    It all started last year when he was playing darts and my husband asked nicely if there was a chance he could put it on another wall as this was happening every night at 11.30pm and it was getting us down.... “NO” came the reply and nothing else was said.

    Then they thought they could push their way into our garden whenever they felt like it....one evening I went out because my daughter was distraught (a child who can notice a single blade of grass that has been bent) and this was terrifying her, pushing the hawthorns apart and damaging ‘her’ flowers.



    A row erupted and of course we stopped talking...now last year he cut the hedges three times with an electric saw (painful) but not a massive problem.....this year he bought a petrol one and my daughter had a fit, she was petrified beyond belief and cried from 6.00pm until 11.00pm that night.





    The next time he started this machine up my husband went out to ask ................ Didn’t get that far........and he continued and it has been since then he has been doing this even more revving up right out side our front window. I have sent a link of a couple of pictures so you can see how close this hedge is to our lounge window - he caught me changing my daughters nappy one day and I had to quickly close the curtain.

    We had initially put the butterfly bush in front of the window for some privacy (net curtains hurt my daughters eyes.) it's a complex disorder.

    A tiny bird landing on our car terrifies her as she often views this as a large animal trying to eat the car.

    Imagine what she processes when sees a 5’9” man approach our front window with a petrol cutter and proceeds to cut the hedge sneering and laughing.

    There are some pictures here to show how close this hedge is to our window...we believe it is in our garden and are going through the boundary dispute bit.



    http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p...14544&members=1



    My daughter goes ballistic if I so much as dead head plants because she can’t bear change, we have to give her notice and show her what we are doing and back up new growth by showing her pictures.

    My husband takes a lot of pictures of the flowers for this purpose and he sneers calling him a sad bas***d.

    And yet last year I had spoken at length with his wife about our daughter and how we were creating a sensory garden for her and our other three year old daughter.



    I know you will understand this is a living hell, I have seen a solicitor who requested medical backing on our daughters condition which we now have and he is going to write to this man but I feel once he gets that, things are set to get much worse.

    Nothing will stop him, although the solicitor has said once it has been pointed out that he causing physical harm to our daughter it will become criminal.



    Thanks for listening and I am sorry if I haven’t made this too clear....I am totally beside myself.



    Idgy.

  • #2
    Hi Idgy,



    Thanks for your post and the pictures, I can see what you mean about the hedge



    Your neighbour sounds like a complete bully and from what you post is harassing you and your daughter with his 'taunting' and deliberately upsetting behaviour. He sounds callous and deliberately provoking. Abusive behaviour it certainly is.



    That said - from what you've described about your daughter and her autism and hyperacusis, she will undoubtedly be responding to this in a uniquely different way to you, as for her it must be amplified by thousands and thousands of times. As well as distressing for her, the knock on effect (e.g. when you said she cried for such a long time) must be really stressful for you too.



    Does your daughter access any respite services yet and do you get a chance to get a break? I hope that's OK to ask, but what I'm getting at I suppose is I hope you can get some time to re-charge your batteries to help deal with your neighbour issues and of course some 'time out' for her too.



    If your neighbour starts to get abusive to you - in any way whatsoever, this is undoubtedly harassing and aggressive behaviour. Unfortunately many NFH do increase their negative behaviours when challenged formally and you will need to prepare yourself for a worsening of the situation after your solicitor intervenes for sure. But, take heart, you have to and need to deal with this bully for yours and your family's sake and you've been undoubtedly courageous so far anyway



    We have some good self help articles on the main NFH pages - forgive me if some may contain obvious info you're aware of, but I'm not sure where you're up to so far but I'll mention these anyway.



    It seems you've moved on to more 'official and formal' ground using a solicitor anyway - but I think you mustn't hesitate to contact your local police in any cirumstance and report this guy if things turn nasty in any way whatsoever - even if they don't come out, insist they make a formal record of it.



    Please come back often to the board when you can, you are amongst people who do understand totally.



    :nfh1:

    Comment


    • #3
      hi Idgy



      you have a beautiful garden, and you have done it for the best reasons, your children



      you seem to be sound and sensible and caring parents.

      your neighbour seems to be an idiot



      autism is such a complex condition, and can cover such a large range of things, I will do a search on the condition you mentioned and have a good read, I have heard of people suffering from enhanced senses but am not really aware of Hyperacusis.



      it is so sad this NFH does not have the time for you and yours, a normal person would of taken the time to listen to you and explain about your daughters condition.



      gggrrrrrrrr it makes me so mad that in this day and age peeps are so ignorant still about disabilities. :badmood:



      I am glad you have a legal person working for you, I hope it goes the way you need it to.



      are you getting any help from SS?



      I guess you are as you seem to know your stuff!



      which is great, that means you are able to empower your daughter and yourselves!



      please let us know how it all goes, and I promise you all the support you need from the members here.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Iggy,



        Welcome to the forum. I have three children and like yourself and your husband value their welfare and safety above all else. I am very fortunate that they are all healthy and can only express my sorrow for yourself and your family at your daughter’s condition. I always take an interest in issues involving gardens but this not the primary issue here, the well being of your family is



        What this man is doing is not only legally wrong, it is morally wrong. The law states that anything on your side of the boundary is your property, he cannot touch it. There is lots of advice I could give you on these issues but to be honest with you the best advice I could give, is that you involve your solicitor as much as you possibly can.



        I would like to congratulate, both you and your husband on the remarkable amount of self restraint you have shown when dealing with this individual. Unfortunately morons like this marvel at their own sense of self importance. The fact that he chooses to single out a child to wage his petty war on, enrages me, but I would advise you to try to keep your temper in check. As amazing as it may seem this idiot actually wants you to loose it, it would justify his stupid actions.



        Please try to put out of your mind any thought of his reactions or feeling when he receives your solicitor’s letter. Any normal person would hang their head in shame at receiving such a letter.



        You have a lovely garden and lovely children; this “man” has not got the right to damage either. You have got the right to protect your family and your property.



        Please take care of yourself and your family.Kevin

        Comment


        • #5
          Oh thank you everybody.

          I feel more at ease knowing that people are out there who have experienced the 'unthinking' and 'uncaring' of this world.



          We do have 8 hours a week day time respite during school holidays and our daughter has a social worker and a statement for special educational needs which includes full time support whilst in school.

          He is on a hiding to nothing.



          Our girl goes to bed every night at 6.00pm and you can't stop her, by that time she needs to shut the world out because she has had enough so you can understand the devastation of him starting at 6.05pm for an hour.



          Now this person who is now nicknamed Eminem, only cuts and trims the hedges on our side and leaves the rest.

          At the back of them is a butterfly bush approx 20 foot hanging over into his property, which he has never touched.



          We have a little bird sanctuary in one corner....it's tiny and my husband built a little waterfall, the birds loved it and so do the children because these little birds used to and come and sit in the garden without a care in the world. We had placed it with holly and hawthorns to protect them from the cats.

          Of course this has also been targeted and so much so the birds don't visit anymore.

          The case for harassment is clear from the photographic evidence; you would really have to question why he finds it necessary to just target 'our things' what a pig.



          At the moment we have put in another butterfly bush in the now two foot gap next to other he has destroyed, to appease our daughter and we know what will happen, only this time he will be under orders to leave it alone.



          This is really strange though .... he removed our privacy from the window simply because, "it's growing against my hedge" and yet he has left alone three sunflowers and another butterfly bush further along which are growing up against the hedge...begs the question WHY?

          We keep the garden tidy and it doesn't encroach on his property....in fact *if he was to sell* (fingers crossed) the house on first impressions would be so attractive because of our garden!



          They don’t care about theirs, they light fires, play loud music, have a dog that yaps all day and yet they claim to “keep themselves to themselves”.



          I promise you are totally up to date now, so my next post won’t be so long.



          I will let you know ‘what gives’ once he has received this letter, initially I expect he will come flying out the door hurling abuse....at least we’ll know he’s in receipt :huh:



          I will fight the good fight with dignity.



          Thank you again so much.



          Idgy

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Idgy



            I have just read your story, and I don't know what to say! :badmood:



            Your garden is really beautiful, you can see that you have worked very hard on it



            As the mother of an autistic child I know to an extent what you are going through. My son hates change in any way, and any deviation from the routine is a major operation. As for loud noise, he just cannot take it.



            Your NFH, like mine, has taken advantage of the fact that we will do our utmost to protect our children, and that they need more care than usual. This is the reason why he has targeted your little girl. How dare he!!!



            You are already doing the right thing by getting a solicitor to deal with this. I wish there was some way that I could help, but I'm sure that you will get lots of good advice from others



            I will be keeping track of your story and wishing you very very best wishes



            Tri

            Comment


            • #7
              I just want to say what an absolute pig this man is. However, I do believe he will hang himself if he carries on like this. If you gather enough evidence I think you would be able to get him for grievous bodily harm.



              I think you should put up a cctv which hopefully will record his overzealous pruning etc, and if he does lean over your garden fence to clip your plants, well that is criminal damage and you can get him on that. and carry a dicatphone so if you do have to talk to him you can record his responses.



              this man is evil, he puts me in mind of 'mazza's' NFH who persecuted her even though he knows full well her husband is terminally ill with cancer. she went to court and the evil swine had to back down. i think you will prevail if you can see this through.





              gosh this one has really annoyed me i cannot believe the cruelty !!! :badmood: :badmood:
              http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



              I decree today that life

              Is simply taking and not giving

              England is mine - it owes me a living

              But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

              Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




              Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



              I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



              "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



              The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



              An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



              Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



              Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



              There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



              Carpe Diem



              Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Idgy and welcome



                Congratulations on your garden, it is really pretty.



                Your neighbour can't come into your property and prune back your plants - they can only cut off what is overhanging into their property (and then they are supposed to return whatever they cut off back to you).



                Hopefully your Solicitor will clarify all of this in their letter to your nfh. I'm sorry to hear that you're living nexct to such an inconsiderate individual. It is a sad fact these days that some people couldn't give a fiddlers about anyone else but themselves.



                Please feel free to rant in Ranters Corner whenever you need to.



                Take care.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Just to add, if you haven't checked out this site yet http://www.gardenlaw.co.uk/ then you may want to. It has lots of information about garden rights, boundaries, pruning etc.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    what a beautful little garden, absolute piece of heaven .....

                    but what a mean bully, a proper no-life....

                    he obviously gets a big kick out of exercising his elbow, pity he didn't put more effort into using his brain

                    you will never be 'mates' with this twonk so u can serve all the letters you want in the knowledge you won't be 'damaging' neighbour relations - they don't exist...

                    he is trespassing and causing criminal damage..

                    if i were u i would check your deeds - 'his' hedge might now be on YOUR property...encrouching the boundary

                    you might be within your rights to insist he removes it altogether... :P



                    seems to me his primary motivation (apart from bullying) is maintaining the clearest possible viewpoint into your home??

                    what about some nice 'faux' stained glass on that window - your little one could pick the design she likes most and make it a feature window...

                    it will also give you added privacy... u can buy a roll of fablon for this purpose from B&Q (i put it on my bathroom window as the Troll downstairs always finds an excuse to lurk day & night in his garden when our bathroom was in use.......UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)



                    she won't wont have to look at the twit waving his cutter about....

                    total banana that he is...........................

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi Idgy and welcome



                      I wonder if your NFH brags to his mates about what a brave man he is, tormenting an austistic child? He must feel so proud of himself! Maybe we should put him for an award for his brave actions :angry: :angry:



                      Sorry, but people like that bring out the worse in me :angry: How can he even think of himself as human when he has absolutely no human empathy?



                      I'm not being much help am I? Sorry However I agree with advice given by others. If this excuse-for-a-human being is entering your property and damaging your garden then he is committing a criminal act and you should call the police immediately. If he knows the effect his actions are having on your child (and I've no doubt he does) then he is also a moral degenerate. Hopefully your solicitor and the police will be able to take action against him.



                      We have heard stories from other members with similar problems and I felt just as angry. I cannot understand people who will abuse the weak and the vulnerable and think themselves so clever for doing so. I don't usually use this word, but they are the SC*M of the earth!



                      Good luck, I'll be thinking of you and your family



                      Misty
                      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        :angry: :blink:

                        it gets you like that doesnt it misty? he is the worst kind of human being, the one who knows exactly what he is doing, the consequences of his action and STILL carries on doing it. and to a small child as well...words really fail me.



                        absolutely the sc*m of the earth!!



                        but i really do feel he will come to a sticky end if he carries on in this intimidating manner.
                        http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



                        I decree today that life

                        Is simply taking and not giving

                        England is mine - it owes me a living

                        But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                        Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




                        Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



                        I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



                        "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



                        The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



                        An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



                        Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



                        Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



                        There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



                        Carpe Diem



                        Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Just a thought, but how about contacting the NSPCC?



                          I can't imagine this NFH will particularly want the world to know how he treats your five year old.
                          Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.



                          We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.




                          So what's the plan?



                          Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thanks again,

                            I am overwhelmed by this wonderful support and good advise.

                            We were reading a storybook this evening and our daughter is terrified of Randal (Monsters inc) she hid her face and cried...I saw this as the perfect oppertunity to tell her that he was bully like the NFH by the time we were through we were 'slapping Randal in the book' and saying, "You are a bully and you don't scare me!"

                            She went to bed a lot happier and I think she got over her aversion of randal



                            Idgy

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Idgy

                              I know you will understand this is a living hell, I have seen a solicitor who requested medical backing on our daughters condition which we now have and he is going to write to this man but I feel once he gets that, things are set to get much worse.

                              Nothing will stop him, although the solicitor has said once it has been pointed out that he causing physical harm to our daughter it will become criminal.


                              The criminal actions that will follow will be classified as Grevious Bodily Harm. What he is doing to your daughters state of mind and physical welfare is beyond words and he clearly needs to be told - which is why your solicitor is going to fire off a letter of warning to your NFH that if he continues in this way then GBH charges will be brought against him.



                              As I write this to you I am examing some issues surrounding the GBH laws, and what I have dug up is that he is causing your daughter GBH with intent. Once he has the solicitors letter and should he continue he will be fully aware that what he is doing is woefully wrong. GBH with intent is far more serious than GBH without intent.



                              Causing an injury that is more transient or trifling which interferes with a person's comfort or health and which may cause either physical or emotional trauma (and your daughter fits this category exactly) can expect to be tried in a court of law. A person who wounds or causes GBH to another with intent can be sentenced to life imprisonment.



                              I am so sorry that you have to live next door to someone who in my opinion is clearly unhinged to cause such suffering and distress to a child that clearly does not understand the concept of life and who is trapped in a world of - perhaps could I say - wonderment for the rest of her life. This is distressing for you and your husband because you are fully aware that daughter will not get any better and that her care is dependent upon the both of you.



                              It does sound you are well on the ball with your solicitor and he/she is doing everything by the book - this is excellent news. Once the letter has been issued then the pathway ahead for you will be more clearer. Lets hope that it sends the message home to him that his behaviour will not be tollerated.

                              Comment

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