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  • Candi's NFH

    Hi all



    I too had a NFH. I moved house. Simple as that, though thank goodness i was in a position to do so.



    My NFH made my life a complete misery. He was on drugs i am sure. He lived above us and used to have loads to mates back to party at all hours, especially the 'wee' ones! They used to have their music on full blast and try to sing even louder!



    We spoke to him on several occasions politely about this and he was always very apologetic until the next time when he was drugged, tanked up or both. In the end we had no option but to call out the Noise Abatement people. They monitored the noise and given that it was blasting out into the wee hours of the morning, knocked on his door to tell them to turn it down. They obliged. As soon as the NA people were gone they all took to jumping up and down in the room above our bedroom making 'bear with sore head' noises just out of spite and the music went right back up to the origianl volume.



    We hated this person with a passion. We are normal. sensible people who would be horrified at the thought of causing problems to anyone, let alone those people we have to live with day in and day out.



    Things escalated. Although i am remaining anonymous on here, i am still scared to give specific details in case he should come across them. Suffice to say this person made our lives hell because he had no consideration for any one else other than himself. He acted like an 18 year old, but was in fact in his 50's and should have known much better.



    After a certain incident happened i could take no more. There was no way out other than to move. People who have never been in the same position as me told me that they would never give up thier beautiful home because of a neignbours behaviour, and that we should stand up to him as if we don't, then he will have won. Well frankly, i told my friends that unless they were in my shoes then they could not even begin to understand how i felt. They were not the one who was all consumed about the whole situation. Staying at work as long as possible not wanting to go home for fear of a glimpse at this person, who used to make my stomach physically churn. Lying in bed at night wondering if he was in or out, as if in, then it was a nights sleep, but if out it was no sleep for us. Actually being in real fear for our lives. Whats the point in having a lovely home if you can't live in it?



    At the end of the day he was never going to change. He was on drugs or booze most of the time and you just cannot deal logically with an irrational mind. We had to cut our losses and just get out of there for our own sanity. We now live in a house as opposed to a flat so no one upstairs can cause us any more upset or damage to our property.



    I could not relax for weeks in our new house as i was just waiting for any signs of bad neighbours. I am delighted to say that they never came. Our new neighbours are quite, quite lovely. Normal. Its so great having normal people living next to you when you have lived with quite the opposite. It's so awful to have been made to have the state of mind where we could not automaticaly trust our new neighbours to be normal and unbeknown to them they had to earn our trust.



    I know that i have rambled on big time about my plight on here but there is just one more thing i would like to say to others.



    Its very hard sometimes just to take the easy option and move your satellite dish or keep your car away from somewhere that it is perfectly entitled to be, or do whatever is necessary to diffuse the situation. Even to ultimately move house. To the outside world it does seems as though you are weak. I say, JUST DO IT! Take the easy option every time, because the loss of any quality of life that you once had, added to all the stress of the situation will ultimately lead you to move in the end anyway, just maybe to an early grave.



    To all those who are suffering right now. My thoughts are with you. :nfh1:

  • #2
    Candi, you have voiced most of my thoughts. I too am moving, not totally because of NFH, but certainly I will admit its a big factor. I dont think it is weak to move away from NFH, at least we had the power to do so, which a lot of people dont.



    I have also been thinking recently that we will feel weird in our new house and we have been lurking around the vicinity of it, checking and checking for any signs of NFH. So far none detected. But I dont think I will relax for ages after we move in, and like you, I think I will be hypersensitive to any signs of NFH behaviour. I wonder how long it will be before we can totally put this experience behind us and move on...
    http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



    I decree today that life

    Is simply taking and not giving

    England is mine - it owes me a living

    But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

    Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




    Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



    I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



    "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



    The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



    An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



    Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



    Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



    There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



    Carpe Diem



    Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

    Comment


    • #3
      Welcome to the forum Candi - thanks for sharing that with us and I can see why you moved.



      Thank goodness you could escape your NFH - and you are totally right, to truly understand an NFH situation you need to live it. Friends and family are often well meaning and try to understand, but unless they live with it 24/7 they can't really see the total effects it has on all areas of your life.



      Many, many of us have moved or got rid of an NFH and have been nervous, jumpy, worrying about new neighbours for many months etc - and myself included. After our second lot of NFH went we were very sensitive to all noise and neighbour sounds - it gets better in time and eventually will hopefully wear off totally. But, maybe the experience does always stay with us, on whatever level, even if that's a subconscious one.



      It's only human, after all as after/when you've lived with an NFH you've experienced an unwanted assault on your person. It's just as bad as any other crime, equally as bad, equally as distressing, equally as destroying - the after effects shouldn't be underestimated, again like any other crime to our person.



      I wish you a trouble free, peaceful life with your new neighbours and thankyou for joining as you have invaluable experience and insights to share too, so hope you visit often



      :nfh1:

      Comment


      • #4
        Welcome Candi and thanks for that



        Matthew is right, unless you have lived with nfh, how can you possibly understand and appreciate how much they affect your day to day living.



        Sometimes you must do what's right for you. If that means moving - do it. We are all different and cope with nfh in our own individual ways. I agree with you that some may see it as weak or backing down. But, at the end of the day, so what?



        Glad to hear that your new neighbours are nice, ordinary, normal ones. Once you get settled in properly, hopefully the memory of your nfh will become a very distant one.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Candi and welcome



          Thanks for giving hope to many people.



          Misty
          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Annabel



            Glad to read that you are getting out of your bad situation. Well done, i cannot express enough the relief of the burden that will be lifted from you.



            As for the worry of the new NFH or should i say the paranoia of the thought of what they might be like. I will say this. We went around to both my neighbours and introduced ourselves as soon as we could. We apologised in advance for any banging etc they might hear due to us settling down and asked if they had any problems with cars (we have a shared driveway) to let them know etc, etc. Being very passive if i am honest, but also respectful of the fact that they are people who have been living here for many years and had their own routines. Given as we were the 'new kids on the block' as it were, to get on with them, we had to fit in with them.



            Anyway, from actually talking to them they came across as lovely people, saying such things as if our kids are too noisy to let them know etc, a response that suggest we have normal considerate neighbours. It still took us about a month to believe this and thankfully now we don't even 'bat an eyelid' when we hear someone outside. Our hearts certainly don't start racing and panic rising that's for sure.



            Although i have relaxed, I am still in the mode i suppose of being a bit paranoid

            to a certain extent. Like for example, if they pull up in a car as i am about to go in my house, i will make a point of waiting until they notice me so i can wave, because i know i would worry that they might think i have ignored them. They wouldn't, i know this because they are like us. Normal. Its just the 'scars' that i have been left with. These are just little things, that i guess in time will also leave me.



            I have read many people on here saying that they do not need to have their neighbours as friends. Maybe they don't but as the saying goes, "keep your friends close to you but your enemies even closer" In other words, you have by default to live with your neighbours and you do need to get along. Being friends with them (or at least seeming to be) will make them think twice about being inconsiderate to you. If they are your enemy then I'm afraid the gauntlets are down all the way!



            Take care and good luck in your new home.





            Regards



            Candi

            Comment


            • #7




              thanks candi. since i came to this forum i simply am so relieved to find others who truly understand what having an NFH is like. and even to find someone like you who has had an NFH and moved on, as we are doing, and how it has affected your life....its just amazing.



              i do feel worried about the new neighbours, i worry in case they are NFH, and then what will we do? cant move on again, can we??? yep, i think we will be extra nice to our nieghbours in case we somehow upset them, which goes against my desire at the moment to fade into the background and not to be seen or heard or noticed for a good long while!!!!!



              thanks for your encouraging words and i am very glad to hear of a successful resolution.



              :jump: :fun: :fun:
              http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



              I decree today that life

              Is simply taking and not giving

              England is mine - it owes me a living

              But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

              Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




              Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



              I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



              "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



              The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



              An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



              Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



              Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



              There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



              Carpe Diem



              Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

              Comment


              • #8
                Annabel



                Glad my words have been encouraging. At least some good has come out of my experience, which although is good, I would rather not be so wise after the event as I am sure you will understand!



                As for future NFH. There is not a great deal that can be done but here is something to look out for. When buying your new property and you get the 'disclosure' documentation from the people you are buying from (via the solicitor), check the wording out very carefully. (This is the form that gets filled in showing what you are leaving in the property etc) It would seem if anyone falsifies information or gives deliberately misleading information on these disclosures forms then should anything prove to be different in reality you can go back to them and potentially sue the pants of them! I know it is more hassle should you get to that stage, but at least there is SOME comeback. When people are filling the forms in, they should be aware of the recriminations of being dishonest and in theory,(and yes i said theory!) answer truthfully. So, as I said, do check the wording on these things as they can be worded very cleverly to exonerate the vendor of any responsibility simply because you the buyer has interpreted the wording in your own way. Conversely, you also have to be very careful and truthful when filling in your own disclosure form.



                I hated selling my property to anyone with such a NFH. People said to me don't be stupid, just get out of there, but my conscience was fighting with me daily. The need for self-preservation takes over anything else in the end though and we sold. I justified this with one piece of advice that several of my friends kept telling me. Just because you don't get on with him, it does not mean no one else will. This actually does seems to be the case as after about 5 months I received a phone call from my old estate requesting some miscellaneous information on behalf of my buyers. The estate agent also went on to say the buyers adore it there and are very, very happy.



                So, what more can I say, other than don't let the guilt prevent you from getting out and check that disclosure form thoroughly! Try to get that form from your solicitor ASAP as opposed to at exchange of contracts when you are less likely to pull out and more likely to take a chance simply because you have gone so far.



                Regards



                Candi



                :nfh1:

                Comment


                • #9




                  Candi, again another good point, I will definitely ask for the disclosure form sooner rather than later. I was going to ask for something in writing from my vendors saying they have never had arguments with their neighbours but my husband says that's going too far!!!!



                  I was honest with my answers on the form, at the end of the day I havent had any 'disputes' with neighbours, in so far as nothing went in writing and all we have ever done is ask the NFH to keep their kids and infernal footballs etc away from our house. and it isnt our immediate neighbours who are the problem it is people over the other side of the road.



                  I was a bit worried about my buyer, her son has a flashy car with lowered suspension, his pride and joy apparently and I did feel guilty at the thought of the brats round here playing football and golf and the balls bouncing off his car....



                  but at the end of the day it is 'caveat emptor' isnt it???
                  http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



                  I decree today that life

                  Is simply taking and not giving

                  England is mine - it owes me a living

                  But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                  Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




                  Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



                  I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



                  "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



                  The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



                  An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



                  Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



                  Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



                  There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



                  Carpe Diem



                  Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Annabel



                    "Caveat emptor" (Let the buyers beware) indeed it is. Though I have to say I agree with your hubby in that getting something in writing from your sellers other than maybe asking an additional few questions in response to the disclosure form is in my opinion a little too much. I say this only because i also got the urge to do just that, but given as i was selling a place that had its 'problems' I did not want to alert anyone to any irrational behaviour. Maybe asking a buyer for something in writing is a normal thing, i don't know, i have not moved around much, but with a desperate reason for me to move, it felt like it was going OTT and i was worried about 'blowing my cover'!!



                    LOL, its paranoia i know, as you should be able to ask any Q you want especially with regard to the most expensive and important purchase that you are probably ever going to make in your life, but it gets you like that.



                    Anyway, be cool and hope life leads you to a better place.



                    Regards



                    Candi

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi Candi,



                      Glad to hear that you moved away to a quieter life. As you may have read elsewhere we moved two weeks ago from nextdoor to a house that had aquired an NFH habit........ most of the people that lived there were noisy including the landlord when he moved in for a couple of years. The last lot who were into drugs and therefore bizarre behaviour, loud music etc were the final straw. Our old house is being rented now by the new owner and the idiots nextdoor moved out a few weeks before us.

                      We still get a little jumpy at the new house and are very careful with our music and tv volume in case its too loud even though the walls are 18 inches thick. Neighbours seem considerate too. Good luck to you.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi Candi,



                        I am in the process of doing what you did and getting out

                        although it is a very hard thing to do. I hope my ending will be has

                        happy as yours.



                        Melanie

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi All



                          I am so glad to read that people are making the decision to move on. I know it is difficult but it really is in my opinion its the best thing to do .



                          If your NFH is the owner of their property then what can you do? I mean, you cannot exactly get them evicted can you? ( which is maybe an avenue that tenants can look at and probably their landlords would be looking at if they had enough complaints) If they let their property fall into disrepair causing damage to yours and the de-valuing of your property, what can you do? Make them fix it? No. Yes, you can take them to court which was the crossroad that we were at. We either stayed and fought it out and got everything down in writing ( thus prejudicing a future sale - as everything would have to be declared) or, we got out of there. In the end we knew he was so unreasonable that we would be wasting our time anyway because of his booze and drug infused attitude. In fact we knew any action taken by us would just cause us more suffering by him and we probably would have to move at the end of the day anyway, just now with a 'tarred' history.



                          People have got to remember that some people are simply out and out bad. They will not be ordered about by anyone let alone the legal system. If you are dealing with as an irrational person as ours was then the NFH sole purpose in life will be to give you grief by any means possible. Anything you do to curtail their behaviour will just come back and slap you in the face only probably 10 times worse. So, if they are not going to change then its going to have to be you that does. This means you will have to put up with their behaviour and shut up, or you get out of there.



                          We figured this. Although we adored our flat and we had spent a lot of money on it and we had lots of happy memories, at the end of the day it was only bricks and mortar. A home can be rebuilt, memories can be remembered at anytime but it takes a long time for your mental scars to repair, that’s if they ever do. One thing for sure, the longer you stay, the more damage will be done in all senses of the word and I doubt that even if you ‘ won your case’ and that you ‘stood up to the bully’, if ‘you did not allow yourself to be pushed out’, your life and your home would never really be the same again.



                          Move on, be happy. Life is too short.



                          :ban: :nfh1:

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Candi,



                            with you 110% on this - i believe its fate's way of nudging you on to other things, stuff you wouldnt even consider cos you're too busy living day to day life in that flat/house/terrace etc.



                            I read on another forum board a philosophical story, I'll post if I may Matthew - sorry to plagiarise but it struck a chord....



                            It was a summer morning in Baltimore during the 1950s. My friend, who was himself a student at the time, was visiting one of his philosophy professors at the professor's home in the suburbs. As student and professor sat chatting on the porch, a neighbor from across the street left his house, walked across to the front of his lawn, picked up the newspaper and returned to his house. "Did you see what I just saw?" inquired the professor. "Yes," replied my friend, a bit puzzled, "your neighbor got his paper." The professor took a drag from his pipe and then spoke, "That he did, but he didn't put on his shirt. He went out just wearing an undershirt. I've never seen this before in my neighborhood, which means...I'm putting my house on the market tomorrow morning."



                            The philosophy professor was able to sell his house within a few weeks -- with impeccable timing -- at just about the height of the market. The prices of houses in that section of Baltimore started declining significantly about two months later.



                            The professor's decision was not based on statistical data. He didn't consult with local real estate brokers, nor did he hire an appraiser to do an analysis of real estate trends in the Baltimore area. His decision was based on sheer perspicacity, on the ability to discern in a single incident -- a neighbor lacking the sense of propriety to put on his shirt before leaving his house -- a cultural decline in the neighborhood and a consequent decline in the housing market.

                            Life is always offering us signs, but we rarely look and listen to what is being revealed. Often these signs are little things -- a man wearing an undershirt, or the story in papers about the three whales that we discussed in the previous issue of Mysteries in Broad Daylight. "



                            You see guys, its the little things that matter, trick is knowing when to spot them. If only I'd known that years ago......



                            Comment


                            • #15
                              :lol:



                              gordy, you are right, you have to look at the microeconomics to get the macroeconomics correct. spot the small things to make up the bigger picture.



                              how i wish i had thought through all the possible implications before i bought my present house. i thought cul de sac = peace and quiet, i had lived on one before, but right on the end of the road so wasnt affected by any carryings on in the 'belly' of the road. now i think cul de sac = NIGHTMARE. I certainly would not pay to live on one ever again!!!! plus i will tell everyone i know who is thinking of moving house to run a mile from living on such a road, even if it seems quiet at first, it only takes for one or two NFH;s to move in and bingo the whole place is shot to pieces.



                              :nfh1: :nfh1:
                              http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



                              I decree today that life

                              Is simply taking and not giving

                              England is mine - it owes me a living

                              But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                              Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




                              Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



                              I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



                              "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



                              The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



                              An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



                              Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



                              Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



                              There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



                              Carpe Diem



                              Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

                              Comment

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