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  • Yukka's Noisy Neighbours

    :blush: It all started on a midnight, 12am on a monday morning. We had been feeling tense for months wondering if our expectation for our neighbours to act in a way that didnt upset us so much was selfish. However, part of me felt that they probably didnt realise all the noise was entering our home and upsetting us. But this particular morning it was too much. I had been pulled awake by the noise of a seven year old child and his thundering feet on the stairs and upstairs landing, combined with a high pitched whooping noise and shouting noise. I got dressed, went outside and repeatedly knocked on their door. :angry:



    Behind the front door i heard the kid say "whoops!" then someone else going "sshhhh!" I knocked on the door again and eventually the window above the door opened and the mum said "hello?" I explained that the noise of stamping feet and shouting was really intrusive and that it was past midnight and that we had to get up for work. She explained that it would not happen again. It transpired that a young male friend had been playing with the boy whilst his mum had been in bed. At this point I assumed she realised that thier noise level upset us. Not the case!



    The noise went back to its old routine...slamming doors, kid shouting excessively, thundering up and down the stairs, jumping about on the upstairs landing, encouraging the yapping terrier to yap incessantly. All of which (bar the shouting and dog) rattles the walls, transmits bass into our house and upsets us, makes us tense and makes us wonder if this woman has any concept of how other people are affected by her actions - ie motorists that drive up the back of the car in front!



    A few weeks later, the noise forced me to go next door and raise all the issues I had. :blush:



    After talking to the our neighbour's child's visiting dad, he seemed to understand that the thundering feet up and down the stairs, on the landing, the slamming doors and the excessive levels of shouting from the garden were things that upsetted us and said that he would have a word with his ex-wife. However, he also used the magic excuse that there was only so much he could do as his kid had ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and even if they told the kid to stop certain actions, it was pointless as he would simply forget he had been told and do it all over again!! :sad:



    I feel it's important to add that im sure adhd is real, and that the disability is does affect behaviour - however, just as the kid can learn to tie his laces, use cutlery etc... he can eventually learn not to thunder up stairs - it may take 50 times, but it can be learnt.



    For one week, the thundering feet and slamming doors seemed to reduce to quite an exceptable level, but his has been short lived. :sad:



    However, the noise increased and as our house is terraced the noise transmits very easily - well, heavy footed noises and slamming doors vibrates into our house and sounds like a bass drum is being played behind their wall. :banghead:



    The noise increased from a reduced level to a level that was the same as before.



    Recently we have called the landlord, following my insistance on the dad that we speak to the landlord as I felt that the dad's assurances that he would get his ex-wife speak to the landlord next time the landlord came round, might have reduced in explanatory powers or simply "forgotten to be asked". :cry:



    Suprisingly the landlord agreed to fit underlay to the stairs as before it was carpet straight onto the stairs and therefore transmitted heavy feet very clearly. Whilst I got the impression that he didnt really listen to the actual grievances, he explained that he's known his tenants for quite a while and has had experienced such an issue in the past with them - and said (lightheartedly) that he would "have a go" as he understood what our problem was. :thumbs:



    I guess what's happened is that he's called them and said that there's been a complaint about the kid and if they could keep it down. I get the feeling about the landlord not really listening as he had that technique of talking over me and assuring me that he knew what the problem was even though I hadnt actually mentioned the slamming doors and talked over me when I tried to explain this as he said "no, no, I do understand what the problem is..." hmmmm! :huh:



    But still, the underlay has been fitted and now the sound of the stamping feet now sounds like a smaller drum instead of a base drum. However, it really felt like the kid was stamping extra hard this morning as if testing it out (which he probably was) and then we also had to listen to the slamming outside door which again caused the walls to shake and send a rattling echoey base sound to reverberate around our house.



    I also fear that now the underlay is in place, the mum wont even think about controlling the feet - as was the case this morning - one day after the underlay was fitted we lay in bed and could feel me and my girlfriend holding our breath and feeling disappointment that the mum really doesnt seem to get it.



    I'm also wondering, now that the landlord actually seems friendly, if there's a way to reduce the impact noise of the slamming doors -apart from knee-capping the kid!! (only joking - kind of....I think....) and then getting him to fit this magic material...any ideas?

  • #2
    Hi yukka



    I really feel for you - my NFH noise has just started up again and it really can wear you down.



    It's great that you have got so far (talking to your neighbour, the child's father and the landlord - and really positive that the landlord put some underlay down).



    I think the next step may be to put something in writing to your neighbour about the noise nuisances which are continuing to cause a problem. There is a template letter in the resources section which you can use:



    NFHiB Template Document Index



    You also need to be writing down all instances of noise and their affects on you (again, look in the templates section and you will see some blank sheets to use/print out).



    If your neighbour just carries on and takes no notice after the letter, then you could either try the landlord again, or get in touch with the Environmental Health department to make a complaint.



    N.B. You need to be aware that if you own your home and are considerring selling, then you would have to disclose that you are aware of problems with your neighbour.



    Hopefully you will have already read some of the Self Help Articles, but if you haven't, I'd suggest you have a read of them as there's pleanty of useful information there.



    NFHiB Self Help Articles



    Good look and please keep us posted with how you're getting on.



    Holly :nfh1:

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Yukka and welcome



      I apologise in advance if I sound a bit harsh but your post has really annoyed me. I understand that your neighbour is having problems with her son having ADHD and understand that this can cause serious problems in terms of stress to parents.



      But the stairs and upstairs landing really are not a safe place for a seven year old child to be playing (especially one with a hyperactivity problem).



      As soon as my son could walk I had stair gates fitted in my house (£20 each) and they will not be coming down until he is able to be trusted 100% to use the stairs in a safe and responsible manner. There really is no excuse for this child to be thundering up and down the stairs like this, as he's very likely to have a nasty fall. IMO it is really irresponsible for your neighbour to be allowing this to continue like this.



      It may be something that you can approach your neighbour about (as more of a safety concern than anything else), depending on how your relationship is going with them.



      It seems obvious that she can control his behaviour, as things improved so dramatically after you complained. Did the father mention if he was talking any medication for his condition, as it can really help some kids. As I said, I may sound harsh but it sounds to me as if this child needs some real care, attention and time spent on him If he is an only child, then his mother needs to put some quality time aside and engage him in stimulating play which doesn't involve running riot around the house shouting at the top of his voice.



      With regard to the door closers, you can get fire-door closers that fit to the inside of a door and slow down the closing action, but also ensure that the door shuts fully. Most people who have extensions built have to have them fitted to inside doors as a standard fire precaution nowadays (we had them, but I can't remember exactly what they were called :blush: ). They can't be expensive (or I would have remembered!!) and are really easy to fit and I'm sure that you could fit one to an outside door.



      In the meantime, some members here find that if the noise is bad at any particular time, then playing background music or having the TV on low can help ease your stress levels.



      I hope that you find the support that you are looking for from this site, and please keep us updated as to how things are progressing.



      Take care



      Blue Cow

      Comment


      • #4
        SP - as I said, it may sound a bit hard, but I really do 100% agree with you.



        Some parents can suffer terribly from the effects of hyperactive children, but it's something that should really be taken in hand, as you are doing no-one any favours by kidding yourself that it's all down to circumstances beyond your control.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Yukka



          Just wanted to say hi and welcome to the Forum.



          I hope you will find it helpful here!



          I have no idea what you can do about your problem, apart from keep badgering the Landlord for superior soundproofing and keep logging all the noise to report to Env. Health.



          I don't know if this is a go-er for you, but is it possible for you to add any soundproofing to your property (assuming you own, otherwise your landlord)? Other members here have managed to add sound insulating bricks to their internal party walls and it seems to have really helped.



          Background noise like a radio or TV in your place - it doesn't have to be loud at all - is really great at blocking out noise (as Blue Cow mentioned). It's worth a go for an immediate quick fix.



          You are in a very tricky situation, I don't envy you, but if you need lots of support, you have come to the right place! :thumbs:



          Keep us posted,



          Mazza

          Comment


          • #6
            Hmm. We have a similar problem. The slamming doors and a thunderfooted brattling.



            However, the doors are slammed by mum and dad and the child does not seem to have any problem. Other than having been trained to make as much noise as possible!



            Hard to believe? Yes, I know. And had I not heard daddy say: "Come on, X! Run up and down! Make as much noise as you can!" I'd find it hard to believe, too! :unsure:

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi Yukka,



              I don't think there's much I can add to what other members have already said. Except, I offer you my sympathy



              You say you live in a terrace. Are there neighbours on the other side of you NFH? If so, they must also be suffering. Perhaps you could get together with them and make a joint complaint to the landlord.



              Misty
              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Yukka, and welcome to NFHiB



                Sorry to hear you are suffering this noise assault :badmood: . Other members have made some excellent points here, so I won't reiterate them. Whilst I accept it's the mother's responsibility to try and ensure you have as little disturbance as possible, I know that it can be tough trying to instill a sense of consequence/consideration into a 7 year old with ADHD, and Ritalin does not necessarily solve everything. However, the mum could oversea the door shutting more/ask the landlord for the door closers suggested, and can certainly control the music. And at the end of the day, she will just have to keep reminding the child to walk up and down the stairs/close doors more quietly, and be alert to where he is and what he is doing, if she wants to prevent numerous complaints to the landlord and risk losing her tenancy.



                I would try the template letter, and log everything right now....both for the landlord's information and E.H. I think mediation could be worth a try, in that you get to put all your points to her, allow her to answer them, and see if there is some way to resolving this amicably. Perhaps it might be worth inviting her round to listen to the racket you endure, just so she can be under no illusions about what you have to put up with?



                All the best with this, and do let us know how you go on



                Sapph

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi there, welcome to the forum.



                  I do feel for your situation as it is a very difficult one. if the child really has adhd then his behaviour can be very challenging and difficult for a parent to manage, particularly a single parent. he could have adhd that isnt severe enough for him to be given ritalin. in a way i hope he does have a medical condition rather than his parents just using his rowdiness as an excuse not to discipline him. he might be unsettled from his parenst splitting up...anyway its all guess work isnt it?



                  anyway, the only thing i can suggest is that you keep on at the landlord and log all instances of noise as others have recommended, especially the music. he might decide not to renew their tenancy if he gets enough complaints from you.



                  what about the other neighbours, do you know if they are also affected?



                  :nfh1:
                  http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



                  I decree today that life

                  Is simply taking and not giving

                  England is mine - it owes me a living

                  But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                  Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




                  Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



                  I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



                  "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



                  The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



                  An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



                  Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



                  Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



                  There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



                  Carpe Diem



                  Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Yukka



                    sorry to hear you are having to put up with this, it sounds like the child is being used as a weapon against you!! :double:

                    If only we knew what goes on in these peoples heads!!!!



                    noise is a dreadful thing, it gets into you, under your skin and up your nose! I hate noise



                    and what does the landlord know that you dont??? sounds suspicious to me, he knows more than hes letting on.



                    glad you found us anyway, and please come back often

                    take care :flowers:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi



                      My 9 nine year old son always thunders up the stairs, he has done this since he was about 5, he never remembers not to do it, it gets on my nerves it prevents his younger brother and sister from getting to sleep. If we lived in a semi-detached house it would sound terrible to the neighbours. He falls off the kitchen chair every mealtime, he hurts himself half the time but he never stops balancing on two chair legs, never remembers not to do it. Sometime the more fuss you make about things the worse the problem becomes.



                      Children are hard work, the mother is most probably struggling if he has problems and she is on her own. They are fairly reasonable by the way you heard 'whoops' and 'shush' and you did not get loads of abuse. Have you tried being friendly to the child ever talked to him nicely about his school, his dog or what football team he supports? Or do you just complain? If your neighbour had a noisy dog you'd probably take it for walks for her to get rid of some of its energy - animals are treated better in this country than children!



                      Be patient, try to like the child instead of dislike and in the long run you could help yourself.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        There have been a range of views put across in this thread re living next door to neighbours with a noisy child, including trying to have some understanding of some of the issues that the mother may be struggling with. However, at the end of the day, if noise is disturbing you constantly in your own home, then I feel that a person has a right to explore as many avenues as they can to reduce the noise.



                        I don't really see that there is a comparison between a dog and a child, in that a child of several years has capabilities of listening to explanations and learning about consideration in a way that a dog cannot possibly do! (And a dog owner still has to find a way of controlling any noise their pet makes). At some point this has to happen, otherwise how is the child ever going to function as a member of society. We all have to live by rules/laws and the consequences if these are broken. I accept that this has it's difficulties with a child experiencing ADHD, but it's still a factor.



                        I don't see that disliking the child will serve any useful purpose, but waiting patiently for something to change without trying to tackle the issues isn't going to address the problem either. Which is why I suggested mediation with the mum.....hopefully if she agrees, there should be more understanding of the issues all round, and therefore a way to resolution of the difficulties.



                        Sapph

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi Yukka,



                          Welcome to the board. I'm in Canada and I know exactly what you are going through! (my post is elsewhere in this forum)



                          I too have been dealing with NFH's (more than one bad neighbour in the property next to mine and it is a duplex so we share common walls) for the last several months.



                          Thundering on the floor, slamming doors are things I am very familiar with, unfortunately.



                          Anyways, some things that help me deal with the noise -



                          1. Custom-made ear plugs - reduce the noise level much more than the foam plugs you buy in the store. They don't block out noise completely, but reduce it to a more tolerable level.



                          2. Make your own noise - have a stereo playing, turn your tv on louder so you don't hear your neighbour as much. It's much easier to deal with sounds you are expecting, rather than sounds that are sudden and make you jump.



                          I'm glad that your landlord is trying to help you in your situation. Not only do I have to deal with more than one NFH, but also a lousy landlord who doesn't care who he rents to. :angry: I've tried everything (including talking to the neighbours on several occasions, the landlord, contacting landlord-tenant services, threatening the landlord with legal action), all to no avail and I'm at the point now I'm considering selling the property and moving out.



                          Great people here. When something happens and I am upset and feel helpless, I post here and it helps me.



                          I hope things get better with your situation.







                          Take care,

                          Ed

                          :ban:

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I wonder what is going on here Brit...???????????
                            http://bestsmileys.com/sparkle/1.gif



                            I decree today that life

                            Is simply taking and not giving

                            England is mine - it owes me a living

                            But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

                            Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr




                            Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno



                            I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar



                            "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson



                            The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward



                            An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter



                            Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron



                            Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb



                            There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux



                            Carpe Diem



                            Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hi Yukka



                              hope things are going ok for you at the moment.













                              Please can members stick to Yukkas origanal thread, keeping to topic



                              thanks

                              Comment

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