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  • Please help

    Please help me try and manage and try and get out of a terrifying situation that has developed between my neighbours and myself.

    It first started when I moved here two and a half years ago – the youngish couple next door regularly came home in the early hours, slamming doors, stamping feet, loud music... consistently waking me up. When I think back to when I first viewed this place, the couple selling seemed nervous and I now think they were moving because of the neighbours.

    After almost six months of very disturbed sleep I was woken at 2am by their return home. I heard their back door open and opened my bedroom window to complain and told them that I had put up with their constant late-night noise since moving in and asked them to be more considerate. The response from the husband was "if you don't like it then why don't you P**S off". The noise carried on although at times I tried to convince myself they were making an effort, only to jump out of my skin at the next bang, thud, stamping of feet or loud music. All this was going on while I was studying as a mature student for a degree (which I now have), but I know the noise had an effect on my ability to study. During this time I also met a girl, fell in love and now we are planning to get married.

    Two weeks ago, during the day, the wife nextdoor started, as usual, making lots of noise. I reacted and put my Hi-Fi on loud. Admittedly this was partly to 'get my own back' but also to drown out the noise from nextdoor. The husband came home and about half an hour later I got ready to go out for a walk with my dog. I turned the Hi-Fi off, went outside and got in my car with my dog. I noticed the husband was also on his drive and was constantly staring at me as I did this. As I pulled off the drive he started to walk towards my car. I stopped and half wound down the window - expecting to talk. He punched me in the mouth, breaking a tooth and pushing it through my lower lip, and said "you've had that coming for some time". I called the police but after talking to my fiancé decided not to press charges, as I was just about to put my house up for sale (we are planning to buy a place together) and I didn't want to make anything 'official' that could jeopardise the sale. The police said they could caution him and that this was the lowest key approach they could take because they could see that an injury had occurred (blood and swelling etc).

    I then had a few days of relative piece and quiet but it has been gradually getting worse again. Today has been the worst but I noticed that she turned the music off just before her husband came home.

    What, if anything, can I do? What can I (or should I) do in the event of noise from nextdoor putting people off buying my house? I feel like I’ve come so far in the last few years – getting a degree and meeting the girl of my dreams, and now I just want to move on to the next chapter in my life. I’ve gone through so many scenarios in my mind and if they make it difficult or impossible to sell my house I’ve even contemplated revenge, which upsets me because I really hate violence of any kind. And this would mean I’d loose everything if I got caught and arrested. Please help. I’m on edge all the time and feel like I’m going out of my mind. What is the best way of dealing with this?

  • #2
    Hi Paul

    Welcome to the Forum

    I am very sorry you had to find us, but now you are here, I am certain you will get lots of help, support and advice .

    Congratulations on getting your degree - no mean feat for a mature student - esp in your situation.

    What a brute you must be living next to :angry: .

    I would have wanted him nailed for assault, but having looked at your story again, I can agree that I would also want to forget about it and move on, if I could.

    It does sound like you are about to embark on a new journey - much nicer - in your life and I'd be inclined to grasp it with both hands and run for it!

    You have a great opportunity to bail out before the NFH starts to truly get a stranglehold on you. Go for it!

    I am sure others will be along very shortly with their views too .

    Good luck with it all !




    • #3
      Hi Paul and welcome to the Forum

      Congratulations on your degree and meeting your partner - two happy events marred by nasty neighbours from hell (NFH).

      If you are definitely selling your house, which it seems like you are, then you will have to complete the Sellers property Information Form (SPIF) once you have a buyer.

      There's a topic about the SPIF somewhere and I'll try and post the link for you when I've found it. Here it is:

      I think though, that you may have to disclose your neighbour problem as it is at the moment (even though you've not made an "official" complaint). Have a read through the above topic and see what you think.

      Many members here at NFHiB often post about revenge and retaliation, but we know that by going down that avenue you are only stooping to the NFH's level. And, of course, you would end up being seen as the guilty party or certainly no better than the NFH if you ever came to make a complaint to the Police or local authority.

      I think you're in a really difficult situation sadly - I hope other members can provide some suggestions on how to deal with your NFH when you have viewers to your home.

      Please check out the Self-Help Articles here, as you may find some helpful information there:

      Good luck to you both and please let us know how you get on


      • #4
        Hi Paul,

        I don't blame you for wanting to get as far away from your current neighbours possible.

        Just out of interest, how far have you gotten with your plans for moving as yet?? As soon as you start the moving process, you'll need to appoint a conveyancer anyway who will be able to advise accurately if anything has to be declared on the SPIF. So it may be worth having a chat with your solicitor before you put the house on the market so that you have your story straight for any potential buyers.

        If you are worried that your neighbour may try to jeopardise the sale of your house, the speak to your estate agent about his. When I moved last year, I explained to our estate agent that I didn't want my neighbours to know our business (as we'd had a privacy problem with the man next door), so they arranged that we didn't have a board up and our house never appeared in the local papers etc. etc. I can promise you, it didn't affect the sale at all (we sold the house within four days).

        I called the police but after talking to my fiancé decided not to press charges, as I was just about to put my house up for sale (we are planning to buy a place together) and I didn't want to make anything 'official' that could jeopardise the sale.

        I can understand your point on this, but it does make my blood boil to think that he can just walk away from this scott-free :banghead:

        The most important thing to remember that however angry you may get over this, it is so imperative to always keep within the law. As you say, you are just starting a new life together with your new's not worth risking it for the sake of pathetic bully. Once you've moved, he'll be out of your lives for good.

        Let us know how things go

        Blue Cow



        • #5

          Hi there, sorry to hear of your horrible ignorant NFH, what a moron! I hope you have recovered from the assault. :angry: :rant:

          I recently sold my house and moved and I had to make a decision as well about whether I declared our NFH problem on the SPIF. Our NFH had called us all sorts and we had had several rows, but the from the minute we decided to sell, we had to grit our teeth and just ignore any provocative behaviour. If I had been dead set on staying where I was I would have gone for the NFH big time by reporting things to the police and taking legal advice, but as we were going to move I felt that I simply couldnt take the risk of jeopardising a sale by making any kind of official complaint. it may be that we should have mentioned we didnt get on with our neighbours, but i felt that as the NFH in question lived across the road, and not immediately next door to me, i could duck the issue...oh well...

          You also have to think, that maybe the person who buys your house wont be bothered by the NFH in the same way you are. people have different tolerance levels. I absolutely could not put up with rowdy marauding kids 'playing' outside my house all night long...doesnt mean another person wont think its absolutely delightful! i sold my house to a lady who seems to have a strong personality and i think she will probably cope with any problems better than i could.

          Get your house on the market asap, and dont worry, the estate agent will understand if you do not want a for sale board up. we thought about it long and hard as well, as we lived in a cul de sac and didnt see the point, didnt want peole knowing our business but in the end we did have one and when it was changed to a 'sold' board very quickly we actually felt quite happy!!!! when things got tought with the NFH, i would look at the sold sign and think ' at least we will be getting out of here soon, there will be an end to this'

          I think you have to focus on the life in the future, you have achieved a great deal and now want to get married, it makes a lot of sense to move somewhere else and start afresh. otherwise the NFH will cast a shadow over your marriage and you just dont deserve that!!!

          good luck, and as for finding ways of coping, well, just come on here as much as you want, and you will find it really helps.

          :ban: :nfh1:

          I decree today that life

          Is simply taking and not giving

          England is mine - it owes me a living

          But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

          Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr

          Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno

          I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar

          "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson

          The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward

          An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter

          Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron

          Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb

          There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

          Carpe Diem

          Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


          • #6
            Hi Paul,

            A good method of coping with your (understandable) anxiety would be to

            1 believe that you will move,

            2 expect that you will move and

            3 put all your efforts into moving.

            Doing this will help to distract you from your situation and will, in the end, provide a resolution - there's a buyer for every property.
            'The only kind of courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one minute to the next.' - Mignon McLaughlin


            • #7
              there's a buyer for every property.

              Agreed .. we had our house on the market for AGES until we got a buyer ... keep waiting

              Howard:"You wanna be careful, before you know it you'll wake up in a bush singing songs about brooms"

              Vince:"You don't know anything about me. Do you know anything about me?"

              Howard:"I know...of you"

              Vince:"Yeah, well, if you knew me you'd know that I don't sing songs about brooms...I sing songs about love...

              Lovely lady with the eye

              Lovely lady with the eye

              You've only got one but it's a good one

              Lovely lady with the eye, the eye, the eye, the eye, the eye

              coming forward on a string, thats not normal, urgh

              Yeah! I'm in a band..."


              • #8

                When I think back to when I first viewed this place, the couple selling seemed nervous and I now think they were moving because of the neighbours

                Blimey - this made my blood run cold - exactly the same as we felt and how horribly correct we were.

                Glad to hear your good news. Just hope you sell house quickly and that good things come in threes!

                "You have to be the change you wish to see in the world"


                • #9
                  Sorry to hear about your problems with your NFH.

                  I can understand you not wanting to make the situation worse by pressing charges - moving is probably the best idea - my place is also up for sale now because of my neighbour - its terrible hjow they run us out of our own homes! :rant:

                  We should feel safe in our homes not constantly worried about our neighbours - there are some really nasty people out there.

                  All i can suggest is blank him until it sells - in all honesty i dont know what else to suggest, wishing you the best of luck though and you have evryone here to support you.


                  • #10
                    Hi Paul and sorry to hear these dreadful neighbours are blighting what should be a happy time :badmood:

                    You've had some really helpful comments and leads here already, so I won't reiterate them, but wish you all the best with moving on since that is what you have decided to do

                    Let us know how things are going



                    • #11
                      Thanks everyone for your advice and support :notworthy: The house is now up for sale and we are both keeping everything very, very, crossed. So far I have managed to completely avoid the NFH since the assult but I can't help feeling that the NFH should be keeping a low profile, not me! :sad:

                      As soon as we make any prgress I will let you know.

                      This is a great place and 'I'll be back'

                      PS - Love the smilies :ban:


                      • #12
                        Good luck with the sale, Paul ! :clover:

                        Don't forget to do a little makeover before you get viewings - declutter the shelves and tables and put a trendy vase with flowers out, paint the walls magnolia, you know what I mean!! :flowers:

                        It works, apparently :lol:

                        We'll be waiting to hear how you get on




                        • #13
                          hope you sell quickly Paul!

                          pop a vanila pod in the oven when you have viewers, it makes the house smell sweet like you are baking cakes!


                          • #14
                            Hi Paul

                            Good luck with your house, I hope that you find a buyer soon.

                            There's some really good selling tips on this web-site:

                            Tips for sellers

                            Take care

                            Blue Cow


                            • #15
                              Hi Paul

                              All the best with the sale!! :thumbs: Let us know how it goes

                              Keep ignoring nfh, he is worthy of no attention from you,