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  • Help, neighbours making me ill


    this site was recommended to me by a friend as i am at my wits end.

    I have lived here with my husband and children for 2 years, from the first day we moved in the retired company director and his wife next door have bullied us. They introduced themselves by laying down the law about how many bin bags we could put out as it is a private close and they do not want the bin wagon coming down and ruining 'their' trees.

    MY hubby is a police officer and they are cobstantly on the phone to hi superiors saying we have no tax on our cars etc and each time we have had to show our documents as proof.

    He has made malicious and 'anonymous' phonecalls to hubbys work telling the mose appalling lies until eventually he was warned to back off by the police.

    He has 2 80ft leylandi tress 12 feet from our front window blocking out all the light so our house is in darkness all day and he refuses to cut any off the height. His response when we explained that we had no light 'if you dont like it move!' he has now nailed 2 inch spikes to the 2 foot party wall in the front garden and i am afraid of my kids injuring themselves.

    He is constantly out with his camera for no reason taking photos of us and any visitors to our house.

    He kept ringing the RSPCA saying we were cruel to our cat, and yet firing on her himself with a high powered water gun. We adored our cat but found her a new homw due to his behaviour.

    He then bgan ringing environmental health saying we did not tie our bin bags properly and we had a visit from them, though they apologised and were embarrassed (the EH not the neighbours)

    I have been diagnosed with depression because of it, and my hubby has been in tears at work, we cant take anymore

    Any advice please.


  • #2
    Hi Badger and thank you for your reply. I had a look at the website re the trees and have hope that it will not be too long before a law comes out preventing this.

    The neighbour claims the spikes are to keep cats off the wall, can you credit it! and that he bought them in B&Q for this purpose so they are legal. We called the police but they said it was a civil matter.

    You are also right about the sending of solicitors letters, he would enjoy nothing more. He never goes out and has no visitors so has nothing else to do.

    I really dont know what to do, is it worth taking him to court, do you think id stand a chance. We have statements from visitors to our house about him harassing them , this includes delivery men.

    his language is foul and his manner very threatening, he is not afraid of my hubby even though he is a big guy, as he knows he can do nothing being a police officer or he would lose his job. He deliberately provokes him as this is what he wants more than anything.

    We just ignore him but this makes him worse. Yesterday we phoned the council and asked them if we ckould erect a trellis on the wall to protect the kids from the spikes and they said yes aslong as it was 2 metres from the pavement and no more than 2 metres high. Well when we did he flew into a rage and phoned hubby's work again, he now says he is sending us a solicitors letter.

    We cannot afford a lengthy legal battle, any advice



    • #3
      hi and welcome

      so sorry to hear you live with such a buffoon next door.

      he sounds horrible.

      dont worry about the solicters letters from him, if you sought advice and the trellis is on your side you can not do anything, and if he knockes it down then contact the police and have him done for crimanal damamge.

      did you get the name of who you spoke to in the council?

      when we say record everything we mean it!

      right down to people you have spoken with and when.

      you say you have not really had joy with the police (apart from hubby of course!)

      Personally I would contact the community officer and ask for a visit, explain the siuation and tell him/her that one day you might have to put in a 999 call if you are scared for your self and family.

      I am so sorry you are poorly with it, it is horrible I know.

      is your GP helpful? dont turn down medication if you are offered it, pride is a good thing but dont let it get in the way of your health. many many peole here will tell you how tablets have helped them deal with the problem.

      it just gives you a little more confidence to fight with, if you are not 100% you feel like you want to give in and start blaming yourself.

      If you are not recording everything this man does then start doing it now!!

      from what and when and how it has effected your life.

      I wis you lots of luck, please come back often and let us know


      • #4
        The words God Almighty come into my mind when reading your posting.

        It does not always follow through that just because your husband is a Police Officer you would get some peace.

        Ask your husband about something called the 1997 Protection From Harassment Act - he will know all about this and I advise that he speaks with his Sargent if possible to get further assistance on this.

        I personally have it against our neighbour - Madhatter - and believe me it has worked a treat against him. This is blatant harassment and I am angry that anyone could want to attempt to injure your cat to the point that you found her a new home purely for the animals welfare and safety. This man is a menace and he needs to be brought to a grinding halt.

        I know this is going to be difficult due to your husbands job, but, I think here if he could go to his reporting officer and speak with them - they might feel that this case justifies the means to put this order on him.

        On the Leylandi - well there is something called Hedgeline that Badger has posted get onto their website. There are going tobe new powers brought into effect with this height issue so, just bide your time.

        In the meantime, I strongly feel the PFA is the way to go. What about the people who owned your home before you did they have trouble with him too ? What about the other neighbours how do they get on with him ? Is he abusive towards them also or is it just directly to your family only ? I know these are long questions but, it just gives us a better idea of what we are looking at !

        If you need anything further you can either post on or PM me.

        Best Wishes


        • #5
          This is an extract as to what the 1997 Protection From Harassment Act states :-

          The Protection From Harassment Act 1997 made it a criminal offence to make another person fear that violence will be used against them. It also made it an offence to cause harassment to somebody, for example by 'stalking'. Those who commit the more serious offence of making someone fear violence can receive a fine and/or up to five years imprisonment. Those who cause harassment can receive a fine and/or up to six months imprisonment.

          I hope that this might be some help to you. But, I am guessing here that your husband will be already well familiar with it anyway.


          • #6
            PFHA ('97) also has extracts up on NFH in Britain, the legislation section, they are useful key extracts that are here:


            If you live in Scotland there is also additional guidance within this Act, so those North of us, worth checking


            • #7
              Just been making a cup of tea and I have had another idea.

              Do you have a dictaphone that you can get hold of - you can record his tirade of abuse on tape against you then and use this in evidence.

              Also, what about a camcorder - know that this has been suggested on many other postings but, I do feel it is a valuable piece of kit - especially in situations like this.

              We have been advised by our Police to use this against Madhatter so the evidence against him will be conclusive.

              The trouble is - all the time - it costs you money to have to get these things. Is there a fellow officer that would help your husband out by loaning him this stuff ?

              I'm ferreting around in my brain at the moment coming up with all different ideas that you could use !

              The idea really is to try and keep you out of the courts and not push you into them unless you have no other choice. Any court case looming over you head will cause you more worry and anxiety and to be honest I don't think that either you or your family are up to that. You could look at an injunction but, that will cost you too.

              I still think and believe firmly believe that the way to go is the PFA - this will be quick and painless for you and no cost implications either - but keep your loon of a neighbour under control. It will annoy him greatly and the fear of what the long term implications for him would make him think twice.

              I am hoping Thorneyside will post soon as he too has the PFA against his neighbour too ! Come on Thorneyside where are you when I need you !

              Lets try this PFA route and then if that goes askew then we have some other tricks that we can pull out. I just don't want to see you going through the ordeal of the courts - I'm worried that it could make you even more ill than you already are and you REALLY do not need it right now.


              • #8
                Hi chynablu and welcome to the forum

                he is not afraid of my hubby even though he is a big guy, as he knows he can do nothing being a police officer or he would lose his job. He deliberately provokes him as this is what he wants more than anything.[/b]

                Oh, I so empathise with that statement. My husband was a police officer and I am convinced that is the reason we've had so much trouble from local yobs over the years. It would give your NFH such satisfaction to see your husband lose his job. What an absolutely pathetic excuse he (NFH) is for a human being.

                I think Scooby may have the answer to your problems in advising you about the 1997 Protection from Harrassment Act. It's worked for her and Thornyside. The fact that he is taking photos of you and your guests is a little worrying and might be seen as stalking which is what this act was originally brought in to combat.

                Your husband's superiors must be getting quite fed up of his groundless complaints so surely they must see this as harrassment. I think your husband should speak to his superiors about this. I know some men feel as though they should be strong and 'take it like a man', but it is obviously affecting your whole family.

                Good luck and remember you are not alone. Come back often, rant if want (see rants folder) you'll always find a warm welcome here. Take care.

                "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                • #9
                  Hi chynablu and welcome

                  What a control freak your nfh sounds. The mind really does boggle at what some people will get up to. I know where I'd have liked to have told him to stuff the bin bags. Sheesh.

                  I definitely think that following Scooby's advice on the Protection from Harassment Act may be the way to go forward for you.

                  Just out of interest do you and your nfh both own your properties?

                  I hope that by looking into the PFHA you will get some peace from this man, but please come back here often for support from members. We have all been through/ are still going through a variety of NFH problems.

                  Good luck.


                  • #10
                    Oh your poor thing, but bullies are in every class of people, i had a relation who was promoted quite up high and he moved to a very select area, and it was hell for him, his poor wife was even told no washing out on a sunday, they did not allow it, who did not allow it, oh how they regretted moving for their lovely 3 bed semi into a big detached in this very high area. I think that the last owners had a big problem with these neighbours, you could find out, it is your right to know if they have ever complained. i am sure your husbands bosses know the score of this stupid man, this is why the police just find it hard to come out on every call, cos stupid people use them for silly stupid thinks like this man does. Just try and keep going, if you feel down just come on here, we can give you comfort and know we are/have gone through a NFH, i am moving from mine.


                    • #11
                      Hi there,

                      I'm sorry to hear that you live next door to a jerk. Surely the police have procedures for helping officers who are victimised in their private lives due to being in the police force?

                      I would have thought this is one of the main reasons he is doing this to you. Just an idea..........


                      • #12
                        Hi Chynablu

                        So sorry to hear you live next door to a bully, we have had similar numpitness from our witch of a NFH for 3 years, I am of the opinion now that these people enjoy making others lives a misery, they are jealous and sad and cannot bear to see others get on with their lives. But it chews you up inside, I know I had 6 months off work with depression. We have now sold our house and are waiting to move, and I am now filled with relief and hope. It doesn't work for everyone, but you have friends and supporters here on the forum - talk to us anytime you want to, ok? You have my sympathy.

                        Take care



                        • #13
                          Hi chynablu.

                          As other have said, I'm sorry to hear about your problems. Our NFH threatened us with solicitors for a year, though its doubtful he ever had one.

                          You have nothing to fear. When we eventually did get a letter from a solicitor, we then engaged our own who specialised in harassment cases. She spelt out the catalogue of events in a letter finshing with the punchline, if it didn't stop then poroceedings would begin.

                          We did get a reply but it was full of proven fabrications. i.e the NFH, to maintain his credibility, had to lie to his own solicitor. We never bothered responding to the second letter confident that our case, if need be, was cast iron. It'll cost you about £80 for a single letter but it could be money well spent. I suspect your NFH saying he's sending you a solicitors letter is all fluster and bluster. May happen but I think he said it to try and put the frighteners on you. Our NFH was clearly more intimidated by solicitors than we were

                          He got the message though. If it had happened again, we'd have called the police but over the years our NFH has degenerated, in our view, into little more than a joke figure; so it would only be if he affected our son or went too far that we'd need to take action. May happen soon though. See my Stupid Neighbours thread.

                          So try not to worry. And if a letter does come through then come back here and we'll sort it out together.
                          Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.

                          We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.

                          So what's the plan?

                          Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.


                          • #14
                            i everyone

                            I just wanted to say a heartfelt thankyou to you all for the amazing support and advice you have given.

                            Knowing you are all here to listen and understand gives me great comfort.

                            I am still awaiting this letter from him, but nothing as yet.

                            I will keep you all posted.

                            thanks chynablu


                            • #15
                              Hi Chynablu,

                              Sorry to hear you live next to someone like that. I'm new to the site and am looking for advice on NFH, but I saw your posting and know where you're coming from.

                              The fact is your neighbour is mentally ill. I won't go into the deep psychology of it, but he needs help. He will never get it of course because he is stuck in a hate-loop. He either hates himself or the situation he's in, cannot admit it, so directs the hate outwards at other people.

                              My guess is it's his situation. He's an ex-director with no minions to boss around any more, so he bosses you around instead!

                              Ignore trying to rationalise his behaviour - it is irrational, because he *is* mentally sick. You are unlikely to alter his behaviour without help from an authority higher than he thinks he is. In this case it's a senior police officer I guess.

                              Anyway, the very best thing you can do is HEAL YOURSELF - and yes it is possible whilst you are still being bullied.

                              How? Buy the book "Bullying in Sight" by Tim Field. (£16.50 - get it at Amazon).

                              Don't believe me? Read this:

                              then read this:

                              If you don't recognise your own feelings and a large part of his revolting behaviour in the second, then I'm talking rubbish and feel free to ignore me.

                              My guess is they are going to ring so true, you'll have tears of relief in your eyes that yes, someone out there understands the pain I'm in.

                              I know all this of course from personal experience at work. I suspect your NFH was a manager bully, is a serial bully, and is either a "Guru" or a full on sociopath.

                              It may help your husband to read the book too.

                              I wish you luck and a speedy recovery.



                              (PS: I'm not a Dr !)