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being intimidated by NFH - all getting too much :(

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  • being intimidated by NFH - all getting too much :(

    re my first post with reference to our neighbours errecting a cctv camera that appears to be pointing at our house - we called the police reference this incident, and also at the same time reported that our neighbour was taking baths - their bathroom window faces ours (and onto the entire road) - although they have frosted glass, with the light on and dark evenings it's a bloomin peep show! Police took note of the incidents and told us there was nothing they could do, despite us asking them for help as the neighbour had previously been unapproachable and very rude and we feared we'd get the same response. Police said my husband sounded like a sensible sort of a chap and that he was sure that a polite word would sort this whole business out


    we knew what would happen.. and it did! both neighbours were outside, so hubs took the opportunity to ask exactly what they could see on their camera, to be met by abuse and intimidation soon followed.

    it seems now they have made a formal complaint and we've both been summonsed to go and make a formal statement with a solicitor present. NFH says we were both out there shouting obscenties.. a complete lie - although she says she has a witness??!! i wasn't even outside, i was inside our house getting our children ready to go out for the day, i was near the front door passing stuff to my hubs to put in the car, and even that close i couldn't hear what was going on!

    to be honest, in one way thank god it's got this bad so quick so that it can be sorted in court, but on the other hand it's very depressing and very very stressful

    the wpc that came around did give us more advice than she should have under the circumstances, but even she could see holes in their statement having heard our side of things, said that she was happy to take a recorded statement there and then but that it sounded like we'd be better off speaking to a solicitor first. she also couldn't understand why our *2* complaints about them 1 before to say we had a problem, and the 1 directly after the incident to tell them the outcome weren't taken seriously, and yet the police went straight around after they called them!

    we have a witness to a previous incident where they stood at their front door shouting and swearing at us, and threatening us with their dog (an alsation), so we'll be making a formal complaint ourselves. we're also going to be asking our neighbour that lives directly next door to them to report the 3 main incidents against them too, one of intimidation, bullying and harrassment towards her 15 yr old son, who can no longer open the curtains to his bedroom as the NFH stand in their garden and call him sh*t for brains etc etc then laugh when he gets upset, another where they told some kids to throw stones at their windows and yet another incident where the NFH actually went up to our neighbours front door and screamed at the kids that answered to get their f*ing mother to the door as she was going to break her son's f*ing legs! - the police would not attend to take a statement on any of these occasions!

    *how* do people carry on with their lives with stuff like this hanging over them? i don't want to walk out my front door today (*sniff* and it's my birthday today!) my hubs has had to go away on business today, i'm keeping the kids off school, informing the school as to why, i'm not opening any curtains either! and i'm just going to selfishly enjoy the day to the best that i can so there!

  • #2
    Happy Birthday Troika!! :happyparty: :flowers: :happyparty:

    you will get through this you know, feels like the world is falling around your ears

    you have the best support group you can get.....and I am talking about your husband and son

    dont ever let NFH get in the way of that,

    then of course the second best support group is us!! :lol: many of us have been in your situation, you are going to get loads of support with this

    the police need to ask your NFH what can be seen on camera, and it needs to be moved

    you have to keep fighting

    please though tell your hubby not to blurt things out in the heat of the moment!!! count to ten and walk away



    • #3
      aww cheers

      we've contacted the police twice and asked them to come and see what this camera can see, to no avail. we had a visit from the neighbourhood warden yesterday, and she is going to contact the local community policewoman and ask for her advice, and i've just had a call from the senior planning officer, and he is on his way around here now to see if he can help at all.

      i know hubs shouldn't have said what he did, it's just the sheer frustration of the situation does make us sooo mad that we've called the police several times out of concern that there is a problem.. then they call them once and bingo.. action! *sigh* it's ok for them to call us all the names under the sun but not for us *sigh* for what it's worth, hubs really is sorry that he said that, he isn't the slightest bit racist in any way, and it took a lot for him to lose his cool like that. out of the pair of us he really is far better at dealing with these situations than i am, hence why i stayed out of the way! i'm sure i would have said/done far worse! :cry:

      all i want is for an independant professional body to check out what they are recording.. *sigh*

      thx for the support guys. hope i can give some back when i have the energy!


      • #4

        Hi there Troika, many happy returns.

        As I understand it, you cannot have a cctv pointing at someone elses property, you can only use it to monitor your own property. I think they will have to move it if it is looking at your house. but of course the cops have to go round to your NFH and ask to look at it, and deal with it.

        why have they got cctv up? has there been problems that have made them feel they need this? sorry if i am missing something here.... :blink:

        the other thing that strikes me is that your situation has descended into that horrible mess whereby everyone has lost their rag and said things they shouldnt have. unfortunately if your husband has made some comment about the NFH's ethnic origin he will have immediately given them the upper hand and something they can really hang on you. PLEASE do not give in to the temptation of doing this again, however hard it may be. they might even try to goad you into saying something else, and you never know, they might have a dictaphone on them and then you will be in serious trouble. seeing as it is getting 'legal' you need to IGNORE these people from now on. :unsure:

        I do know how you feel as I had arguments with my NFH and i really wish i hadnt. i should have kept my dignity and walked away, silently, with my head held up. that would have confused them entirely. once they know they can rattle you, they keep on at it in the hope you will trip yourself up again.

        i also now how you feel about the bathroom, our NFH's was also at the front of their house and we used to see least your NFH have frosted glass, ours didnt!!! it was ridiculous, but then it just goes to show what idiots you are dealing with :badmood:

        i am hoping that your other neighbours can be encouraged to speak up as well, to add weight to your side of the argument. at the moment the NFH seem to have more influence over the police and if yoru other neighbours come forward this will help the police get to the truth.

        anyway try to enjoy your birthday a bit of the old retail therapy usually helps me, or a little trip to the cinema

        I decree today that life

        Is simply taking and not giving

        England is mine - it owes me a living

        But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

        Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye ~ Morrisey/Marr

        Politics is Showbusiness for ugly people ~ Jay Leno

        I don't like liars, I don't like cheats. I don't like bullsh***ters. I don't like schmoozers. I don't like ar*e-lickers. ~ Sir Alan Sugar

        "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." ~ Samuel Johnson

        The secret of success is the capacity to overcome failure ~ Noel Coward

        An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today ~ Laurence J. Peter

        Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine ~ Lord Byron

        Better bread with water than cake with trouble ~ Russian Proverb

        There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a cup of tea ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux

        Carpe Diem

        Give Yourself to It ~ Sue Gadenne


        • #5
          retail therapy! i wish >.< i kept my kids off school today (naughty i know) but i really didn't want to be here alone (well with my 2 yr old) today of all days ah well!

          re the reason they have their camera up.. they've apparantly had rice pudding thrown at their car, as well as having the eggs thrown at their house (again on halloween) poor them - they feel victimised!!

          we shall indeed be ignoring them from now on, we had been for the last few months anyway, it was only on advice from the police that we attempted to speak to them anyway!! *rolls eyes*

          my other neighbour will indeed be making several formal complaints herself (especially when she hears this!) and we'll see who has the last 'laugh'

          to think that all we wanted was to know what was being recorded, which if a camera is pointing straight at our house i'd have thought we'd have a right to do!

          and did u know.. i cannot take photos of him in his bathroom, as it's an invasion of privacy!! (not that i'd want to for personal use *bleugh* but i thought it may help our case to the police)


          • #6

            well. senior neighbourhood warden definately on the same wavelength as us! he's writing a letter to them today, asking to see the footage that they are recording, and will arrange to go and see for himself along with an escort. he's left me a sheet to fill in with regards to anti-social behaviour and has arranged a further visit in 28 days time to review.

            man doesn't it feel good when someone believes/listens to ya *and* has the authority to do something about it?!!

            i've shown him this website, so that he can let others in a bad situation know where to come for advice/support etc


            • #7
              thats more postive news Troika!

              see your birthday is turning out ok!! :lol:

              thanks every so much for passing on the site details, if he passes it on to just one person, thats one more person who wont feel as alone

              I hope he manages to see the video footage, I am still puzzled why the police would not take this on board, so many of us have been caught out and we know we can not point a cctv any where but on our own property!

              best of luck, I really hope you get a postive result! :clover:


              • #8
                Hi Troika, and many happy returns of the day

                Sorry to hear your birthday has been blighted by all this

                Considering the behaviour of your NFH it's not surprising that somebody has thrown eggs and stuff over their car :P Unfortunately, or fortunately in some circumstances, the police take a very dim view of anything that could be labelled 'racist'. In many cases it is warranted but in the heat of the moment, when people are hurling insults at you I can see how it could happen It's like calling a fat NFH 'fat g*t' or an elderly NFH 'old g*t'. But we don't have laws against sizeism or ageism.

                Hopefully your warden will be able to find out just what NFH have on their cam and if your neighbours, who have also had problems, make statements as well it will all be taken into consideration.

                I do hope things work out for you.

                "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi


                • #9
                  Hi Troika

                  Happy Birthday!!! :salut:

                  Thanks for the update.

                  Hey, great news about the Neighbourhood Warden. Hope that they manage to clear up the CCTV issue for you. And, yes, it is such a relief when someone in a position of authority does actually believe you.

                  Other have already said about saying things in the heat of the moment, but I would just add that taking deep breaths and walking away is what you have to do.

                  Just as an aside, they may well be suffering harassment from someone - that doesn't mean to say that they should take it out on you though!



                  • #10
                    oh yeah, knowledge is definately power!!

                    we've been advised (by someone that has been through the same) to hold our hands up when we go to make our statements, apologise profusely and state that we are not racist - if we were, our opening comments to her would have been what was used, not a closing comment. without flanneling the truth in any way shape or form, hubs *was* antagonised and goaded until they got a result.. and boy what a result for them huh? :blink:

                    we have been keeping a diary since friday, the thing is, we have had only a few problems with them in the 9-10 months since they moved in, each one ending in a slanging match so slate clean so to speak the real problems on a day to day basis are with my other neighbour (who isn't online unfortunately, but i've been keeping her up to date ) so it is imperative that they start logging their complaints and insist that the major incidents that have happened to date are logged officially. perhaps now the neighbourhood warden is on the case so to speak it'll make reporting incidents easier!

                    hopefully then the two of us, with our very different problems with these NFH can prove that they are just that! being very unreasonable on an otherwise very nice, clean, quiet private road!

                    but grrr i'm still really annoyed with the 'grass' i.e. whoever made a witness statement - can't wait till thursday to find out who that was!! i can't stand saying hello to the others around here not knowing who is about to stab me in the back!

                    and thx again for the good wishes


                    • #11
                      after a complete and total c*ck up, we've been unable to go and make a statement, as the policewoman got her wires crossed, and we had a phone message early this morning stating that we couldn't have a solicitor provided.

                      having not slept or eaten properly - we've both lost 3-4 lb in weight since monday, we re-iterated that we would not be prepared to attend without legal representation. The wpc apologised and she will give us some telephone numbers to ring to get as such as it was unclear that we had to get our own representation, and of course she is now on holiday for a week as from today, so we'll need to speak to someone else now as we're unable to carry on for much longer without having this matter sorted out soon!

                      does this make sense? am too zombied to think straight >.<

                      we can't even get a doctors appointment today either *sigh*


                      • #12
                        *finally* found out that when someone is asked to go in and make a formal statement it is their responsibility to find a solicitor, although the police can give numbers of people that they have dealt with. as soon as u enter the police station, that legal advice is paid for by the legal aid scheme no matter what anyone's earnings are.

                        we finally got the number of one, and have just had it confirmed that they do indeed have a lot of police experience, know the police officers that are dealing with the case and indeed will be able to make it when requested.

                        on advice of the senior neighbourhood warden, we have indeed made an account of as many details as we can remember, who was witness etc. my husband hadn't told me that the NFH had tried to run him over a few weeks ago >.< as he (as we both have) brushed it off as them over the road being complete and utter *insert your word of choice here* - never thought it would get as far as this!! had we known, we would have sought legal advice earlier!

                        the WPC community police officer that i spoke to last night, gave me a lot of advice as to what would happen, told me that i would need written accounts of previous incidents, and to sign and date them and that i would get time alone with a solicitor to explain all these incidents before having to make this statement. she also assured me that the solicitor would make sure that everything that needed to be taken into account would be said before the end of the interview

                        but omg! trying to get sense out of anyone is like wading through toffee!! best advice to anyone nearing the situation where u'd like to go and do damage to ur NFH is to seek help from the local council wardens, mine have been absolute stars, and i honestly don't think that we could have got as far as we have done without their help, support and advice!

                        it's very hard, but hopefully as we end the day, we'll switch all the phones off and try and enjoy an evening of peace - a film and a box of chocolates is in order (after eights for me as i'm a vegan!)

                        emotions taking a worlds-largest-rollercoaster ride atm, one minute we can see light at the end of the tunnel, but there are times when there are nothing but brick walls >.<

                        ty for ur support guys!! just being able to vent to people that have been there/understand/can give relevant expertise is really helping us get through this

                        as my other picked on neighbour said the other day 'he who laughs last, laughs longest' - i know this isn't a laughing matter, but hey if i can't laugh about it i'd cry all the more!!

                        *hugs to all*


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Hazelnut@Dec 5 2003, 1:03 AM

                          If you aren't sure about dates you can check your posts here to see when you wrote things down.

                          Will that help you at all?
                          i've already logged what i'd written here, in fact i used my logs to write these posts, my problem is that i've only been writing detailed logs for the last week, whereas some incidents happened 6+ months ago >.<

                          and yeah, we did finally have a good evening ty


                          • #14
                            LOL!!! completely forgot, the camera has been moved!!!! lolz

                            i've got the neighbourhood warden to confirm that he saw it's original position, as we're going to look complete idiots when we make our statement else!

                            but yay! we don't feel so intimidated now lolz

                            must have been the letter from the council that did it hehe. it's still going to be checked tho!


                            • #15
                              argh things have taken a huge dive. lots of mess-ups by the police mean that we *still* haven't been down to the station to give our side of things *sigh* and it's taking a huge toll on our tempers, sleeping and general lives.

                              all going well we'll be able to sort it out on wednesday evening.

                              bit of an update tho.. we noticed that a makeshift curtain was put up overnight, and miraculously the fence panel fairies visited this morning and there is now a full boundary fence between 'them over the road' and the neighbours that they are tormenting (our friends) next door to them.

                              why why why cause *all* this agro then do these simple little things that would stop people complaining in the first place???

                              Police were up here again last night, taking yet another statement from 'them over the road' re their neighbours (our friends) children calling them racist comments?! *sigh* ooohh believe me, these kids have been *told* in no uncertain circumstances to even look at these people, and i really don't think that they would do what they are being accused of *sigh*