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  • mediator coming tomorrow

    After a fairly horrendous Thursday and Friday last week I am really struggling. But keep hoping that things will move along after meeting with the mediator tomorrow. Their lovely leaflet says that 90% of cases involving mediators get solved, but I get the feeling we're in the 10% By the way Matthew, their link is SACRO, just in case you don't know it.



    Friday night music started very early (could hear it right through house), and by 10.45pm I'd had enough so phoned police. I had the quickest ever response - they were here within 1/2 an hour! Big van too, not your namby pamby panda car. But the older son was there and persuaded them he'd make them keep it down. Then exit several disgruntled ***holes, making comments as they left. Don't care. Then had the older son knocking on my door, but it seems all he was after (we let him in to talk) was reassurance that he didn't want any trouble as he had his little girl to consider. he said he couldn't get his younger brother to listen to him. Slight hitch of the evening? When they first came to the door, my OH had to get up to come to door with me, and he wasn't terribly amused. He shouted at them that he was sick of their behaviour and that youngest was just a waster - oh dear. Well this started off a real paddy from our NFH - he was shouting and screaming in the street. I'm surprised no one else phoned the police. But older brother said he would get him inside. I was stupid and lenient and didn't take it further, as I thought it was just inflame things, and their mum was having a rare night out and I (foolishly) didn't want to spoil it for her. But that's the last time he does that outside our house.



    So we'll, see how things go with the mediator tomorrow!

  • #2
    good luck with tomorrow, please let us know how it goes.



    we all know how you and you other half feel, it is always so tempting to shout and carry on at the NFH, but not always agood idea!



    thanks for the link by the way!

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    • #3
      Yes, I felt it was stupid and quickly packed him off back to bed - but he has been working non-stop for the past 3 weeks and had to get up at 5am on Saturday to go to work, so he was rather ratty. Also I don't think one word - 'waster' - really stacks up against the last year of misery that this lout has put us through. So I'm over it. He'd better be too. He's always very willing to talk when he's drunk, but can't even look us in the face sober. Anyway, waster pretty much sums him up. What I don't understand is that he keeps telling me he's on medication for his drinking - what does that mean? Does it help him get drunk quicker or something? If he's really on medication then he shouldn't be drinking at all! Obviously whatever he's on it's not working - but at this rate I might be on something..

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      • #4
        Originally posted by flossie@Jun 2 2003, 2:55 PM

        By the way Matthew, their link is SACRO, just in case you don't know it.
        Hi Flossie



        I didn't know that, so thanks for letting me know, I've added their link to the NFH Links Directory



        Good luck with the visit, you must let us know how you get on - don't forget to take some notes and write down what's said/suggested - it's always easy to forget afterwards I think.

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        • #5
          Hi flossie



          I don't know if I can give you any help with what to ask when the Mediator comes, but I would certainly make sure that I had all my Dairy sheets of events there.



          I think you need to have a clear picture about what you want to achieve, i.e. are there days/ times when you wouldn't mind music playing? Think about the areas you may be willing to make compromises.



          During the meeting, try to stick to the facts without making judgement statements about your nfh (we all know how difficult this can be! ).



          I suppose it is all about summing up: this is what I don't like about their behaviour; this is what I am willing to compromise on and then let the Mediator go off and negotiate with your nfh - you just sit back and wait to see what happens.



          Hope it goes well. Keep us updated.

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