CHAPTER 21

Hate your neighbours…

Ensure you hate your neighbours guts. After all they went to university? Well we can’t be doing that can we? Bl**dy above their station they are.

Ensure that all the family are on your side. Slander your neighbours to daughters, sons, uncles, aunties and grandmas. Plus for extra measure ensure that the family tells the neighbours what they think of them. Even if you’ve lied. But hey, genetics means that the family have inherited even less of a brain cell than you have.

Make sure you always leave room for neighbours to park. Well, if they have a car the borrowers would like to ride in.

Ensure that you always stare at them, morning, noon and night – after all why not? It’s not as if you have a life is it? Better still makes sure your partner, who doesn’t live there for council tax reasons, also stares too. After all, no one will tell the authorities will they.

Draw as much attention to yourself as possible. Ensure you park 2 inches off the backside of any car that parks outside of your home. Make sure you stare in the window of this culprit. Make sure they never do it again. If you don’t have the opportunity to do this, park 2 inches away from your long suffering neighbour instead. Then tell anyone who will listen that the neighbour does it to you. After all, I don’t remember doing this to people on the street. It must be my twin.

Always make sure your dodgy ‘other half’ stalks one of your neighbours. Well why not, it’s not like you have a life?

If your neighbour ignores you (how dare they?!), make sure you can complain to your LandLord. After all, why should your neighbours put a fence to stop you staring? B**tards. Ensure the LandLord is stupid enough to enter into a legal battle they can’t win. People who own their own homes!! Bl**dy yuppies!

If all else fails, move. Before you can be evicted for anti-social behaviour. Then try again with new neighbours.

Submitted by: Rainy