CHAPTER 15

Training the future NFH. . .

Training the kiddies to be just as annoying as you are is of vital importance so make sure:

You teach the children to pick a nice inoffensive house then bombard it with rubbish, abuse and any substance you can’t identify.

Teach them at a young age to say “It weren’t me mister’, despite having been seen by half the neighbours.

While you are annoying the neighbours with loud music, ensure your child sits next to the speakers thus deafening him so that when his turn comes to be an NFH he will have to have the volume twice as high.

Train him/her to hold down the accelerator pedal on the car while you nip off for a quick beer.

Ensure he does not attend school so he will never challenge you in the intelligence stakes.

Make a tape of the phrases ‘You can’t touch me, that’s assault” and “Don’t bother calling the police, I’m underage” and play them while the child sleeps. He will then learn them subliminally.

Teach him to pick out any physical feature he feels would embarrass the potential victim and point it out at the top of his voice.

Make sure they know as many swear-words as possible, context isn’t important as long as they know the words.

Teach them that they are allowed to go anywhere and kick anyone who challenges them.

In short make them as obnoxious as you are.

Submitted by: Phil & Caz