(Submitted by: Karina)

Dear nfh, I feel it’s my duty to say,
I don’t feel like being a good neighbour today,
I will play my music, as loud as I like,
If you don’t like it, take a hike!

I will be allowing my kids to jump and shout,
And intersperse that with some running about,
I shall be letting my dog run free in the yard,
I can’t guarantee she wont try and eat you, but I’ll try very hard.

I shall be inviting friends over for a general laugh,
With a view to being loud, obnoxious and daft,
I am thinking of parking outside your home,
Because I know you won’t confront me when you think I’m home alone.

I may be having a sex session that may have a bit of screaming,
But if you come knocking on my door, I’ll tell you that you were dreaming!
I might have loud bass on the music that will echo through the walls
But I know you would never dream of complaining at all.

I might be forced to call the EHO and tell him what he is,
‘A stupid, useless son of a *****, a lanky streak of ****!

All we want is to be left alone,
And not to feel like prisoners in a house we own!

So I ask you now to stop, you’re driving me demented,
And if you carry it on, I’ll have your heads cemented!

The closing date for the NFHiB Forum Poem Competition was November 22nd 2004.

The Remit was: 1. Poems to be kept to a maximum of 250 words. 2. The competition was open to members of the NFHiB Forum Community only. 3. Poems to describe a past or current Neighbour From Hell (NFH) or the feelings, circumstances around a ‘NFH’ etc.